Short Attention Span Review: The Dark Tower (2017)

Short Attention Span Review: The Dark Tower (2017)

Let's be clear about this: I wasn't looking forward to this version of The Dark Tower.  I treasure the books, and if it were up to me, we would get an adaptation akin to what Ron Howard allegedly pitched.  I've read that he envisioned a sprawling saga unfolding over the course of a few movies with a television series serving to fill in the gaps.  That sounds about right.  Then this movie hit, and the buzz surrounding it was not the sort of buzz that a devotee of the material might hope for.  No, it was more like the buzz that occurs when flies discover a fresh pile of poo.  I was already skeptical of the approach and the casting (but not for the reasons that so many were bitching about), and I really wasn't feeling it.  So, of course, once I actually sat down to view director Nikolaj Arcel's much-maligned film, I wound up enjoying the hell out of it even if it is a bit goofy.  First off, it makes no attempt to faithfully adapt King's novels, merely borrowing names and themes to go along with a few plot threads in what is clearly a totally different take on the material.  By and large, this kept me from measuring it against the literature that inspired it, and that benefited the movie in a big way.  Secondly, it put two fantastic performers in a wonky fantasy/sci-fi/horror/western that essentially stands as an oversimplified good vs. evil yarn with a lean run time.  I'm cool with that.  Was it groundbreaking?  Hardly.  Was it terrible?  Nope.  Was it entertaining?  I do believe so.  McConaughey was game as the baddie, channeling Nicholas Cage when Nicholas Cage is invested in a part (which is admittedly rare), but this take on The Dark Tower is undoubtedly Idris Elba's show from start to finish.  As one would expect, Elba was magnificent in his role; dude was good with bullets and even better with CGI.  At one key moment, he fired one bullet, then fired a second bullet that ricocheted before catching up with the first bullet--and redirecting it.  I was in awe.  Seriously, I enjoyed all the Easter eggs and the action bits were ludicrous but fun to watch.  I won't make a case for The Dark Tower as a quality adaptation or a fine film, for it is surely neither of these things.  I will say I went in expecting a total shitshow, and instead I turned my brain off for 95 minutes and had a cheesy good time with Roland of Gilead and the nefarious man in black. 

I can only hope that I haven't forgotten the face of my father . . .

Final Grade: C+

Say what you will about the movie, but don't you dare knock my main man Idris Elba.

Don't Blame Vince for True Detective's Woes

Full Disclosure: I'm a big Vince Vaughn fan.  I believe he has serious chops in addition to his obvious gift for comedy.  I thought he was really good in both The Cell and Return to Paradise and I definitely have a lot of love for Clay Pigeons.  When it comes to the comedy, I probably dig this dude more than anyone else in the laugh business these days, but that's another story.  All of this brings me to the second season of True Detective on HBO, which has been a moderately entertaining disappointment thus far--and we're skating downhill at this point.  Now, I saw this coming, so I'm not as distraught as some of the show's biggest critics.  Did anyone really think there was anything they could do to top last year's kooky Bayou blitz?  I sure as hell didn't.  That plot was golden and we got Woody Harrelson at his steady best getting absolutely blown away by Matthew McConaughey as he hit new levels of creepy cool.  There was no way that Colin Farrell, Rachel McAdams, and Taylor Kitsch were going to match that shit.  Now, Farrell has been awesome as a slimy cop on the take, McAdams has excelled with her sex-obsessed hothead detective, and Kitsch isn't necessarily mucking things up as a gay homophobe with a death wish (if you don't like my description of the character, please give me a better one).  Yet at their very best, none of these cats stood a chance of going toe to toe with Mad McConaughey. 

Anyway, the show hasn't lived up to expectations and I've read a lot of bad press regarding Vince Vaughn as the heavy.  Some seem to think that he is largely to blame for the fact that this season is a far cry from the glory of that marvelous first season, one of the best seasons of television ever produced.  Look, whatever shortcomings the show has, it isn't on Vince.  Some of his dialogue has been a bit overwrought (his basement monologue was certainly uneven in spots), but I think he's killing it.  There's definitely a The Long Good Friday vibe to his mobster who wanted to go legit only to get forced back into the game in a big way, but the role remains fresh and I think his arc is the best thing about this season of True Detective.  I like the cops, but I would watch this show if it was strictly centered on Vaughn's character.  Frank Semyon is a manipulative bastard who is fully capable of getting his hands dirty, but he's mostly successful at masking his destructive prowess, and at his best he is actually a warm and charismatic human being.  As his best laid plans continue to unravel, I find myself rooting for the guy even though he deserves exactly what's coming to him. 

In closing, the second season of True Detective isn't as good as the first one.  It isn't really all that close, but shame on those who thought that wouldn't be the case.  Regardless, it's a solid show and the talent is delivering the goods, particularly Vince Vaughn, who is stealing the show in a rare non-comedic role.  Dude is money.  That's my take, anyway.  Let me know if you disagree.