Short Attention Span Review: Speed Racer (2008)

Short Attention Span Review:  Speed Racer (2008)

Call me crazy, but I think Speed Racer is a masterpiece.  While critics decried it as a noisy and over-saturated mess, I still find it to be a smorgasboard of sonic and visual delights.  Many found the story overly simplistic and derivative, and hard to follow, but I find it to be a clever and stirring representation of the zany cartoon that inspired it.  And while it takes every curve at maximum speed, I think it does a great job of telling a cool story amidst all the wild thrills leaping off the screen.  If you watch Speed Racer the movie expecting to see Speed Racer the movie, I just don't know how you could find this to be anything but a splendid ride that stretchest the boundaries of the medium at every turn.  If you're hoping for Ben-Hur, shit man, go rent Ben-Hur.  This is no classic by critical standards, but as a true blue live action cartoon, it is a marveluos display of imagination and craftmanship.  It also features a host of sound performances, with John Goodman grounding the proceedings, while Emile Hirsch is a solid lead and Matthew Fox oozes cool as Racer X.  There are some incredible cuts and montages, and as crazy as this may sound, you may have to go back to something like Beyond the Valley of the Dolls to see such innovation in the editing of a film.  The action is sensationally choreagraphed and marvelous to behold, and the sound is epic and falls just shy of overwhelming--and there are several key moments when that unmistakable theme makes its way to the forefront to tremendous effect.  I know that most critics and many of my peers think of this as some sort of flop, but I hail Speed Racer as a true classic, and I applaud the Wachowski siblings for their vision and technique.  While The Matrix will probably always be viewed as their finest offering, I'm not so sure that this isn't a superior motion picture.  Call me crazy, but that's where I stand.

Final Grade: A

A kaleidoscope of color and sound, Speed Racer is a vibrant spectacle like no other.  It is a live-action cartoon, and it is incredile.

Short Attention Span Review: Man's Best Friend (1993)

Short Attention Span Review: Man's Best Friend (1993)

As guilty pleasures go, this is a big winner.  While it never aspires to be anything more than a B-rate horror flick that cross-pollinates the killer canine sub-genre with the Frankenstein mythos, Man's Best Friend never fails to entertain either.  There's a cool medley in play; the sci-fi and the horror elements complement one another well, and there's a surprising amount of humor and some genuine creativity in the mix to round things out.  The effects and the action are both top shelf stuff, the direction is crisp, and the score nicely accentuates the suspense and bloodshed unfolding on-screen.  Most importantly, it features Lance Henriksen at his apex, chewing up scenery like a mad dog himself, and upping the ante at every turn.  He probably spent a week or so on set at most, but he elevates the picture with his tenacity, turning what could have been a garden variety mad scientist into the sparkplug that keeps this baby firing on all cylinders from start to finish.  Ally Sheedy is also worth mentioning here, as she does a fine job in the lead role.  The script is both clever and bloodthirsty when it needs to be.  It's no classic, but Man's Best Friend still manages to stand out from the pack.

Final Grade: B

Go ahead.  Hit him with a rolled-up newspaper.  Call him a bad dog.  Remind him who's boss.  I double-dog-dare you.

Powerful Pages: Baal by Robert R. McCammon (1978)

Powerful Pages: Baal by Robert R. McCammon (1978)

McCammon notes in the afterword that Baal was both his first novel and an "Angry Young Man" book, and it reads as such.  With that in mind, while it is energetic and compelling from start to finish, it is crude and simplistic enough at times to border on being amateurish.  Those who have never experienced McCammon's wild imagination should surely start elsewhere, and those who are accustomed to his more profound works will find this one far too elementary to share a shelf with titles like Carrion Comfort or Gone South.  Yet anyone marching in without any expectations may find this provocative battle between good and evil to be bold and shocking enough to rate it far higher than I can.  There are some creative flourishes, and the violent passages (of which there are a great many) are forceful and dynamic enough to have a powerful impact on the reader.  I did enjoy the three protagonists immensely, particularly Virga, and the settings were well drawn, so I don't mean to disparage this one without due cause.  In fairness, I should note that my first novel was also an "Angry Young Man" opus with apocalyptic leanings, and I keep that thing in a box where I pray no one ever finds it.  I'm positive that Baal towers above my first stab at bringing life to a book in every way, shape, and form, and this grim page-turner is not without its strengths.  As a whole, however, it is a bit underwhelming, and while I couldn't put it down, I did breath a sigh of relief when it finally reached its inevitable conclusion.  

Final Grade: C

Short Attention Span Review: The Assignment (2016)

Short Attention Span Review: The Assignment (2016)

Walter Hill is one of my favorite directors.  Sometimes I think he may be my favorite, and at a bare minimum, he is safely in my top three alongside QT and John Carpenter.  So, while a goofy premise and lackluster reviews kept me from watching The Assignment until recently, I couldn't fathom Hill churning out a picture as lousy as this one was made out to be.  Upon review, I can say that this is no out and out travesty, but it isn't all that good either.  While the cast is on their game, with Sigourney Weaver leading the way while Michelle Rodriguez and Tony Shalhoub are both rock solid, and Hill's direction is slick as usual, The Assignment is a bit of a bore.  If it had been engineered to produce grindhouse thrills, I think it may have been a wicked good time at the movies, but the film suffers from an identity crisis that undermines it at every turn.  The Assignment surely has the necessary ingredients for an action yarn or a grimy thriller, but despite the relevant plot points and characters being in play, it fails to yield a single worthwhile action scene or any real thrills.  The key components seem ill-suited for a psychological thriller or (gasp!) a drama, but all too often that seemed to be what Hill was aiming for here.  It's a head-scratcher, and while it may not be a total mess, it is a flat and dull affair that wastes an awful lot of potential. 

Final Grade: D

Weaver does a fine job throughout and makes for a most curious villain, but the movie is too unfocused to match her performance.

Short Attention Span Review: Electra Glide in Blue (1973)

Short Attention Span Review: Electra Glide in Blue (1973)

I watched a rather unique film this weekend, and I'm pretty sure that it was an American classic.  I had never heard of it before happening upon it by chance, and I'm not sure what drew me to it in the first place.  Maybe it was that groovy title, Electra Glide in Blue.  From the onset, two things were readily apparent: the craftmanship was sublime, and the subject matter was deep and open to interpretation.  A captivating character study and a meditation on so many different things, to include ideals as opposed to reality, isolation, civic duty, machismo, and even the merits of peace in a violent world, ten different viewers would likely draw ten different conclusions from the picture.  The cinematography was nothing short of superb, and while I greatly enjoyed the cast (in particular, star Robert Blake fully committed to the lead role and offered up a bravura performance as a result), the way the shots were framed and the powerful combination of riveting close-ups and compelling wide shots may have been the picture's greatest strengths.  It was impossible to look away no matter how bleak the movie became, though there were flourishes of humor and excitement sprinkled throughout.  The ending served as the perfect punctuation for a quizzical and startling film that worked for me on a great many levels.  As with any movie of this ilk, I do think it would prove divisive for most.  While I found it incredibly satisfying and worthy of repeated viewings, many would likely view it as too broad and ambiguous--or take offense at some of the conclusions they draw from it.  Of course, I tend to think that a film that can provoke such reactions is often a rich find, and I am certainly glad that I took a little ride with Electra Glide in Blue.

Final Grade: A

Electra Glide in Blue deserves another look, and the juxtaposition of civility and brutality is as relevant now as ever.

 

Short Attention Span Review: Hereditary (2018)

Short Attention Span Review: Hereditary (2018)

WARNING:  Spoiler Alert (I don't normally do spoilers in my reviews, but I'm trying to spare you)

Man, the hype for this one had me salivating.  I avoided all marketing materials and reviews as I wanted to go into Hereditary with no idea of just what to expect.  Still, I had heard so much praise that I couldn't help but be all kinds of excited when I finally set down in the theater to scope out a new horror movie that was supposed to scare me senseless.  Well, homies, let me cut right to the chase: when it comes to Hereditary, the hype train derailed.  I don't understand.  I wanted something in the vein of It Follows, The Babadook, The Witch, or even The Ritual via Netflix, as I do believe we are currently enjoying a nice period for well-crafted and deeply unsettling horror films.  I got a shitshow instead.  Look, in fairness, this has to be a case of quality ingredients joining together as part of a terrible recipe.  If you were to prepare a list of ten things a horror film needs to be special, I would say that this picture has seven or eight of those things, and yet the end result is garbage.  This motion picture boasts a magnificent score, impeccable performances, great sets, an unmistakable sense of dread, and there is a tale at the heart of the movie that could yield something both unspeakable and exquisite.  However, a feeble script, an uneven pace, some incredibly stupid characters* and some severe logic gaps in the plot turn the whole thing into a vapid mess.  Hey, why the fuck did Gabriel Byrne hang around for this nonsense?  Better yet, why did he burst into flames in the last reel?  Anyone?  I've got nothing.  And then there's the ending.  Boy, oh boy.  Talk about shitting the bed.  There was a moment when I thought the picture might redeem itself somewhat by sticking the landing.  This produced some severe tension in the audience, but then a series of miscues transformed what may have initially been nervous giggles into full-on laughter.  The packed house I saw this with was quite literally roaring with laughter as the clumsy conclusion went big in pursuit of genuine terror and produced a Monty Python-esque study of possession.

*Example: I shit you not, the main character is given a candle and a parchment containing a spell written in a strange language that she cannot comprehend, and she is instructed to go home, light the candle, and read said parchment.  Despite the fact that this batshit crazy advice is coming from a character who is clearly batshit crazy, our protagonist is all in without a second thought.


Final Grade: Shit Sandwich

Here, Toni Collette, who is a brilliant actess, offers up a startling rendition of my feelings on spending ten bucks and two hours of my life with Hereditary.

Powerful Pages: The Outsider by Stephen King (2018)

Powerful Pages: The Outsider by Stephen King (2018)

Stephen King's latest is at once vivid and refreshing while also paying tribute to the maestro's biggest strengths.  Rich characters and a well-drawn setting are the key ingredients, but a thoroughly engrossing first act and an approach that blurs the lines between a legal thriller and a supernatural opus also present themselves as major assets.  The big bad is new and unique, and equally creepy, and the book moves at a quick pace--which isn't always a staple of King's fiction.  I felt like this book deftly combined the hard-boiled aspects of Mr. Mercedes and Finders Keepers (both of which were totally devoid of supernatural shenanigans) with the passion for things that go bump in the night that has always elevated King's fiction.  While End of Watch, the bookend to the Bill Hodges trilogy, also intertwined the thriller and horror genres to potent effect, it leaned closer to the thriller side of the coin in tone and attitude.  The last two acts of The Outsider, on the other hand, surely represent balls-to-the-wall horror--and may even summon memories of King's leaner and meaner terrors born of the 70s and 80s, long before a bit more whimsy softened those harder edges a bit.  In the end, I found this one to be a real page-turner that made the most of all of King's tools, and I think that The Outsider stands as a nice bridge between his most bloodcurdling work and his most exciting offerings.

Final Grade: A