Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Short Attention Span Review: Troll (1986)


Short Attention Span Review: Troll (1986)

Is it merely a bad movie?  Or is it so bad that it's good?  That is the question.  Honestly, as much as I want to pardon this turkey because it was a staple of my childhood, I think the verdict is clear.  Like most any movie featuring the name "Charles Band" in the credits, Troll is lousy.  Now, it has a few things going for it, to be sure.  Sonny Bono is a riot, the basic premise is silly enough to guarantee a few outlandish thrills along the way, and Michael Moriarty is always a joy to watch in pictures like this.  In fact, his madcap dance scene where he grooves/suffers a seizure/goes gleefully insane while listening to "Summertime Blues" by way of Blue Cheer, is not only the highlight of this particular show, but it may be my favorite scene from Moriarty's career.  And if that doesn't do it for you, the big musical number performed by the trolls will definitely convince you that were a lot of drugs floating around on the set of this 1986 oddity.  So, yeah, all that stuff is fun and all, but that's where the fun ends and the ineptitude begins.  Aside from Bono and Moriarty, the cast struggles to bring much to their parts, and in fairness, the script does no one any favors.  The plot is clunky and littered with gaping holes.  While some of the effects are actually kinda gnarly, most of them are so pitiful that they wouldn't cut it if we were talking about a children's puppet show and not a motion picture.  To summarize, Troll is zany enough to make a viewing tolerable and yet amateurish enough to make the overall experience regrettable.

Final Grade: D-

Sonny Bono is one of the few good things about Troll.

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Shot Attention Span Review: Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017)


Short Attention Span Review: Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017) 

I'm with those who believe the best science fiction out there is the most insightful and thought-provoking.  I'm less interested in groundbreaking effects than technological dilemmas or the notion of plumbing metaphysical mysteries through the lens of science.  That's why The Fifth Element didn't do a whole lot for me, and that's also why I wasn't all that keen on scoping Luc Besson's new sci-fi extravaganza out.  However, despite the absence of any big questions or startling discoveries, I found a lot to enjoy during my time with Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets.  The plot has been trounced by most critics, but I didn't see it as hollow or illogical.  It may not have been complex or wildly original (like the zany effects, which did leave me breathless at times), but it was perfectly serviceable.  The visuals were mesmerizing, but much of my captivation stemmed from the creativity with which the effects were employed and not the mere presence of such vivacious eye candy.  Besson didn't just populate this picture with incredible creatures and sets, he found some really stirring ways to capture these elements.  In my opinion, Cara Delevingne gave the picture its center with an authoritative take on a role that could have emerged as more of a standard damsel in distress in the wrong hands.  I also enjoyed Dana DeHaan as Valerian.  He faced a bit of a backlash because many seemed to feel that a galactic hero/ladies man should have been played by someone like Idris Elba or The Rock.  No offense to those guys, but I found his presence here to be quite refreshing; the world is full of heroes and fellas with serious game, and believe it or not, most of them aren't muscle-bound hulks with classic good looks.  Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets raced along, exploring brave new worlds and steadily dishing out dope action scenes.  By no means would I herald this one as a genuine classic, but it is certainly one cool trip.  Blast off with Valerian, and you may not ponder any great mysteries of the mind, but you will most definitely enjoy the ride.

Final Grade: A-

I don't get the hate for DeHaan in the de facto lead role, but I felt that Cara Delevingne's performance laid the foundation for this mind-boggling odyssey.
 

Monday, December 4, 2017

Short Attention Span Review: Best of the Best (1989)


Short Attention Span Review: Best of the Best (1989)

I do this out of love, peeps.  Writing this review feels a lot like baring my soul in some new and thoroughly uncomfortable way.  Why?  Well, because this cliched and entirely too emotional offspring of a kung fu flick cross-pollinated with a soap opera is most certainly a guilty pleasure of mine.  Crafting this blog will require me to profess my undying love for a picture that is remarkably bad.  As far as I'm concerned, Best of the Best is a case study in the rare art of getting everything wrong--and somehow getting it right.  Yes, the plot finds room for every staple of both motion pictures about sports and plucky underdog tales in general.  Yes, it shamelessly mines each of these tropes for every single ounce of melodrama.  It mines many of them twice.  Some of them may be mined a half-dozen times or more before everyone hugs it out at the weepy conclusion.  Yes, Eric Roberts takes over-acting to new heights, playing his role with less restraint than we might expect from Bill Shatner and Wings Hauser--if they were shitfaced and engaged in a fierce competition to see who could get booted off the set first.  Yes, the closing reel morality play is so overdone that it roughly equates to cooking your steak until it becomes jerky.  All of these things are true (and I haven't even touched upon the glam-rock soundtrack or Eric's hair, dear lord) and yet it is both entertaining and touching in spite of its glaring flaws.  Shit, much of the entertainment is reliant upon Eric's dedication to turning every other scene into an opportunity to work through the five stages of grief in one take.  In terms of competence, originality, and believability, Best of the Best must be considered an abject failure.  However, it bypasses the realm of "so bad it's good" filmmaking and somehow lands in "so bad it is marvelous" territory.   Yeah, I'll stand by that.  You'll marvel, all right.  You may even cheer.  You may cry a bit, doing your own Eric Roberts Lite routine, and you'll certainly feel like a dumbass for falling prey to this crap when that happens.  Honestly, I love it.  No shame, peeps.  I'm going to bat for Eric Roberts like Mickey Rourke here.  I would have given him the Oscar, no bullshit.  His performance in Best of the Best leads me to believe that his acceptance speech would have been the greatest thing to happen in the history of time.

Final Grade: C+

Eric Roberts, man.  Eric Fucking Roberts.  Unbelievable.  And I still wind up so invested in his character.  If I was the only one who felt this way, I would chalk it up to mental illness.

Sunday, December 3, 2017

Short Attention Span Review: The Avenging Eagle (1978)


Short Attention Span Review: The Avenging Eagle (1978)

Sheng Fu and Lung Ti headline this Shaw Brothers gem from the year of my birth.  A revenge yarn with a bit more depth than one might expect, The Avenging Eagle doesn't skimp out on the studio's trademark choreagraphy and visual splendor.  Littered with well-staged battles featuring an array of combatants (each armed with a different weapon, none of which could be described as run-of-the-mill) and host to several striking sets and a smorgasboard of colorful costumes, this is kung fu cinema at its very best.  While inferior to hallmark films from the studio like The Five Deadly Venoms or Five Shaolin Masters, it is still a great outing that provides viewers with 90 minutes of top-notch kung fu treachery.  Of particular note is the relationship between the two leads and the way The Avenging Eagle avoids familiar tropes in an effort to strike a balance between revenge and redemption.  Make no mistake, this character development doesn't come at the expense of high-flying kicks and epic battles, for the story allows such meditation while remaining a bloody good time for fans of the genre.

Final Grade: B

Cool weapons and great choreagraphy make this fast-paced and surprisingly emotional quest for vengeance well worth a look.

Monday, November 27, 2017

Short Attention Span Review: It Follows (2014)


Short Attention Span Review: It Follows (2014)

As I write this review, I can't help but wonder: when was the last time I watched a totally original horror film?  I've seen a lot of good horror films over the years, but I may have to go all the way back to my discovery of giallo in the very heart of my adolescence for a similar revelation.  It Follows is quite unlike anything I've ever seen--and it's scary as hell.  Now, I know I'm a little late to the party here, but if you're like me and you've been sleeping on this one in spite of they hype, well, wake up!  The hype is warranted.  Creepy from the start, there's a wicked dreamlike vibe woven throughout that is decidedly unnerving.  Fortunately, the stakes remain high, and this imaginative flair never causes the picture to become too whimsical to be taken seriously.  It Follows is a dead serious live wire that aims to give the audience a major jolt.  The score is damn near iconic, the performances are captivating, and the direction from writer and director David Robert Mitchell is precise and inventive in equal measures.  Few things excite me as much as the discovery of a great horror film, and this is probably the best one I've seen since The DescentCool, terrifying, and fresh as hell--I may be so late that I almost missed the party, but I'm so glad I found time to enjoy this one.  It Follows represents a wealth of imagination and a superb effort courtesy of everyone involved.

Final Grade: A

It Follows is built upon a kooky premise that can transform mundane shit like this old lady walking down the hallway into a terrible nightmare.

Sunday, November 19, 2017

Short Attentin Span Review: Wind River (2017)


Short Attention Span Review: Wind River (2017)

How often does a great movie come along?  I'm a big fan of motion pictures and I'm very picky about what I sit down to watch, so I enjoy much of what I see.   I often use my blog to tell you about really good movies--or movies I enjoyed in spite of some rather obvious flaws. Wind River isn't entertaining in spite of its flaws and it wouldn't be fair to describe it as merely "really good" either.  Wind River is a great movie.  Dark, mystifying, and thoroughly engrossing, it boasts several setpieces of significance, to include both powerful jolts of excitement and poignant flourishes of staggering emotional depth.  Founded upon a splendid script and masterful direction from Taylor Sheridan, the picture also sports a phenomenal cast.  The supporting players never falter, and Elizabeth Olsen is perfectly case as one of the two leads, but the star of this one is clearly Jeremy Renner.  He may not be included in such conversations, but I firmly believe that Renner is one of the finest actors working today.  He is a joy to behold here, offering up a landmark performance with admirable restraint.  He endows Wind River with an abundance of heart and fire, but does so with impeccable nuance and subtlety.  Renner is truly exceptional here, and Wind River is a brooding masterpiece.  I think this is the best movie I've seen in 2017, and it has the substance and authority to stand the test of time.

Final Grade: A+

I firmly believe that Jeremy Renner is one of this generation's finest actors.  His work in Wind River is far less explosive but just as impressive as his more dynamic turns in great films like The Hurt Locker and The Town.
 

Thursday, November 16, 2017

Short Attention Span Review: The Dark Tower (2017)


Short Attention Span Review: The Dark Tower (2017)

Let's be clear about this: I wasn't looking forward to this version of The Dark Tower.  I treasure the books, and if it were up to me, we would get an adaptation akin to what Ron Howard allegedly pitched.  I've read that he envisioned a sprawling saga unfolding over the course of a few movies with a television series serving to fill in the gaps.  That sounds about right.  Then this movie hit, and the buzz surrounding it was not the sort of buzz that a devotee of the material might hope for.  No, it was more like the buzz that occurs when flies discover a fresh pile of poo.  I was already skeptical of the approach and the casting (but not for the reasons that so many were bitching about), and I really wasn't feeling it.  So, of course, once I actually sat down to view director Nikolaj Arcel's much-maligned film, I wound up enjoying the hell out of it even if it is a bit goofy.  First off, it makes no attempt to faithfully adapt King's novels, merely borrowing names and themes to go along with a few plot threads in what is clearly a totally different take on the material.  By and large, this kept me from measuring it against the literature that inspired it, and that benefited the movie in a big way.  Secondly, it put two fantastic performers in a wonky fantasy/sci-fi/horror/western that essentially stands as an oversimplified good vs. evil yarn with a lean run time.  I'm cool with that.  Was it groundbreaking?  Hardly.  Was it terrible?  Nope.  Was it entertaining?  I do believe so.  McConaughey was game as the baddie, channeling Nicholas Cage when Nicholas Cage is invested in a part (which is admittedly rare), but this take on The Dark Tower is undoubtedly Idris Elba's show from start to finish.  As one would expect, Elba was magnificent in his role; dude was good with bullets and even better with CGI.  At one key moment, he fired one bullet, then fired a second bullet that ricocheted before catching up with the first bullet--and redirecting it.  I was in awe.  Seriously, I enjoyed all the Easter eggs and the action bits were ludicrous but fun to watch.  I won't make a case for The Dark Tower as a quality adaptation or a fine film, for it is surely neither of these things.  I will say I went in expecting a total shitshow, and instead I turned my brain off for 95 minutes and had a cheesy good time with Roland of Gilead and the nefarious man in black. 

I can only hope that I haven't forgotten the face of my father . . .


Final Grade: C+

Say what you will about the movie, but don't you dare knock my main man Idris Elba.

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Short Attention Span Review: Stranger Things 2 (2017)


Short Attention Span Review: Stranger Things 2 (2017)

Sure, it's a bit too familiar.  Okay, maybe in addition to recycling beats from the first season, the show is even more derivative this time out.  Who cares?  The first season was epic, and a powerful nostalgia vibe is one of the biggest keys to this show's success.  Recycling is cool, and Stranger Things 2 is a wicked good time.  In terms of style and enjoyment, this breakout series easily skirts a sophomore slump and instead keeps the good times rolling for Netflix.    Everyone's back for another kooky voyage loaded with fright and intrigue, and there are some new faces in the mix to keep things fresh.  One of these, Dacre Montgomery, is a revelation as Billy, bringing a lot of beefcake and even more in the way of charisma to his part.  Billy is equal parts picture perfect 80s heart throb and despicable sociopath, and Montgomery makes the most of his screentime, damn near stealing every scene that he's in.  However, the biggest surprise for me was Joe Keery as Steve Harrington, who has somehow evolved from the most repulsive tool in Hawkins, Indiana to perhaps the show's most courageous and likable character.  Of course, Millie Bobby Brown continues to kill it as Eleven, and there's really no point in going down the list as all of the players are wisely given lots to do, and everyone puts forth a worthy performance.  Matt and Ross Duffer continue to impress with Stranger Things 2, another mindbending spookshow with a wealth of charm that fires on all cylinders and rewards viewers with a fantastic story populated by rich characters.  The score is pretty damn nifty too.  Hell, everything about this franchise is pretty damn nifty--if you're not watching it, you're missing out in a big way.

Final Grade: A

 

Monday, November 13, 2017

Short Attention Span Review: Brawl in Cell Block 99


Short Attention Span Review: Brawl in Cell Block 99

Fucking wow.  I'm totally blown away.  Brawl in Cell Block 99 is a delirious nightmare masquerading as an action film.  A slow boil that ultimately explodes with some truly bone-crunching* action, this is a real find.  Hot on the heels of Bone Tomahawk, this picture clearly marks director Craig Zahler as a force to be reckoned with.  Well-plotted and deftly captured, this grim descent into carnage propelled by bad decisions born of good intentions is nothing if not relentless.  Star Vince Vaughn utterly disappears in the lead role, bringing a subdued version of his trademark wit to bear in a few well-placed moments that wind up being as bleak as they are comical.  The brutality and the sheer physicality that he brings to the part surely paint this as a transformational showcase, and Vince is money throughout.  True story: he's an ultimate badass in this one.  By the end, you may just find yourself thinking that he could kick the shit out of Conan the Barbarian if he had to--and that's not a statement this Robert E. Howard devotee would make lightly.  Brawl in Cell Block 99 is not for the squeamish, but if you don't count yourself among the squeamish and you're looking for a badass thrill ride, you need to watch this shit now.

*No, seriously: bone-crunching.  The phrase "bone-crunching" gets thrown around a lot in regards to action movies, but this is different.  Bones are crunched.  A lot.  In ways you've never seen before.  Totally gnarly, peeps.


Final Grade: A

Vince Vaughn slays it in the uber-violent and thoroughly malevolent version of Get Hard.

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

The Monarchs by Stephen Mark Rainey


The Monarchs by Stephen Mark Rainey

An intoxicating and perverse blend of Lovecraftian horror and brooding gothic, The Monarchs is a fiendish delight guaranteed to send shivers racing down your spine.   Captivating from the start and populated by intriguing characters who are all too vulnerable, the pace never relents as the terror steadily mounts.  The main character, Courtney Edmiston, comes equipped with a tragic backstory and enough gusto and pent-up rage to have us squarely in her corner as things veer from bad to worse at every sinister turn.  This is a grim opus, and Rainey doesn't hold back; thankfully, his compelling prose keeps the reader hooked in spite of a powerful sense of impending doom and a nerve-jangling assortment of gruesome shocks.  Long before supernatural horrors rise from the swamp where the tale is set, it is clear that our plucky heroine has been ensnared in a malevolent web of fright.  Truthfully, the same could be said for those who dare to spend a little time with The Monarchs.  At the center of this web, there lurks a particularly nasty spider itching to prey on Courtney 's darkest fears.  Her struggle to escape this woeful fate grows more desperate (and darkly compelling) with every page that is turned.
Highly recommended!

Monday, October 2, 2017

Short Attention Span Review: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)


Short Attention Span Review: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)

So much fun!  A fresh take on a character who has enjoyed a lot of screentime in the last 15 years, Spider-Man: Homecoming is equal parts superhero film and high school coming-of-age dramady a la John Hughes.  That's precisely what Director John Watts billed it as, and the end result really sticks the landing.  In hindsight, this was clearly the path to take in bringing one of Marvel's enduring characters into the fold (previously, the relationship with Sony and Marvel--or lack thereof--didn't allow for him to exist in the same space as Iron Man or the rest of the gang), and this film packs as much fun and excitement into 2 hours and 13 minutes as one could hope for.  Tom Holland is Spider-Man, thoroughly owning the part and bringing both Peter Parker and Spidey to life in stunning fashion.  However, for yours truly, it was Michael Keaton who really put the picture over the top, turning one of the more mediocre villains from the comics into a real jewel who exudes menace and charisma in equal measures.  The supporting cast is also quite an assett, with Jacob Batalan ratcheting up the humor throughout and Marisa Tomei giving us the hottest and most intriguing take on Aunt May we've seen to date.  The whole thing feels new and brimming with life, and though it is missing some of the staples of the franchise (there are no Osborns in the mix, and J. Jonah Jameson is also missing in action), it does such an amazing job of ripping Spidey from the pages of the comics and plastering him on screen that viewers will hardly notice their absence.  Is it the best Spider-Man movie we've seen yet?  Honestly, I don't know--I think Sam Raimi's Spider-man 2 still sits atop the throne, but Spider-Man: Homecoming is in the discussion, and it has certainly laid the groundwork for bigger and better things to come.

Final Grade: A

A winner from start to finish, Spider-Man: Homecoming is a terrific way to cement our friendly neighborhood Spider-Man's place in the MCU (Marvel Cinematic Universe).

Monday, September 25, 2017

Short Attention Span Review: Knightriders (1981)


Short Attention Span Review: Knightriders (1981)

As a teen, I didn't know quite what to make of George Romero's Knightriders, a fascinating character study that stands as perhaps his most quixotic production.  That's saying something, for while he will always be best known for his gory shockers and his role as the man who put zombies on the map in a big way, he produced a few headscratchers (to include pictures like Martin and Season of the Witch) along the way.  I wanted more of the jousting atop roaring motorcycles and the daredevil flair that Tom Savini brought to the picture as Morgan.  I didn't quite get Billy as portrayed by Ed Harris, the king of the medieval troupe that has traded horses for motorcycles that Knightriders focuses on.  Billy isn't interested in stardom or money, and his devotion to a peculiar but noble set of ethics may even trump his concern for those who look to him for leadership.  In my youth, he seemed to be a bit of a lunatic whose zeal clearly surpassed his logic or compassion, and I may have yearned to see him dethroned--I note this despite the fact that the valiant yet suitably heartbreaking conclusion to the piece didn't sit well with me at the time.  Upon further review, I still enjoy Savini's quality performance and Morgan's perfectly reasonable yearning for gratification and publicity.  Yet Billy's inspired devotion and refusal to compromise in a world that grinds such valiance into dust now strikes me as a far more worthy centerpiece for the tale, and Ed Harris certainly nailed his first true leading role with the sort of magnificence that is worthy of a king.  I also found that ending to be absolutely perfect, and eerily reminiscent of the equally fitting climax that brought Vanishing Point to an end a decade before this film's release.  Lest I slight everyone else involved, there is little to complain about so far as the technical aspects and supporting cast are concerned.  Knightriders is far from a lavish production, but the cast is game, the stunts are lively, and the one and only George Romero does an exceptional job of bringing this unconventional saga to life in riveting fashion.


Final Grade: B

Savini is surprisingly good in one of his biggest parts, but Ed Harris shines, putting his formidable talent on full display long before he would become a legitimate star.

Monday, August 14, 2017

Short Attention Span Review: Cold in July (2014)


Short Attention Span Review: Cold in July (2014)

Sam Shepard was a true legend, a gifted actor who was probably a better writer, and his passing has been marked with a wealth of tributes that honor his legacy.  As I read about his filmography, I realized that I had never watched Cold in July despite the fact that it had piqued my curiousity when it was released back in 2014.  Thus, I decided to go ahead and check out this slow boil of thriller set in 1989, and I'm certainly glad that I did.  The de facto star is Michael C. Hall from Dexter, and while he rocked a hideous mullet and embedded himself in his role, Shepard made for a bigger presence.  Not surprisingly, both of these quality performances were overshadowed by Don Johnson once he showed up about halfway through Cold in July, stealing the show in a part that falls just short of iconic.  The direction courtesy of Jim Mickle was sound and the real star attraction had to be the riveting score by Jeff Grace, who was clearly paying tribute to 80s cinema by way of John Carpenter.  The pace was a bit uneven here and there, and while I can appreciate a nice slow boil, things did drag a bit at times.  Given that the movie is based on the work of Joe R. Lansdale, it isn't surprising that it concludes with a gory showdown, though I was surprised that there were so many plot threads left dangling.  I don't think I can grade this one any higher than a B-, but it was one bloodthirsty B- and that may not even be a bad thing considering that Cold in July is a B movie by design.

Final Grade: B-

Next to the killer score, Cold in July's biggest assett is the trio of actors who bond on a subversive quest to make things right that requires them to bathe in blood.

Sunday, August 13, 2017

Short Attention Span Review: Ex Machina (2014)


Short Attention Span Review: Ex Machina (2014)

Though it doesn't feature a lot of action, Ex Machina is a thoroughly captivating science fiction thriller that had me glued to the screen from start to finish.  Existing as a modern take on Frankenstein by way of artificial intelligence, it posed a lot of interesting questions and played hardball with the answers.  Essentially a three man (well, two men and one woman) show, the picture kept me guessing until the final reel.  Domhnall Gleeson made for a perfect lead, and I never knew whether he should place his trust in the likable but imposing mad genuis played by Oscar Isaacs or his charismatic creation as portrayed by Alicia Vikander.  And every time I thought I had pegged one of those characters as being worthy of his allegience, the plot would serve and I would find myself puzzling over the eventual outcome once more.  Stylishly directed by Alex Garland (who also wrote the script) and boasting rad effects, I found Ex Machina to be one groovy mindfuck.

Final Grade: A

Kooky and captivating, Ex Machina is a quality sci-fi film shot with vigor.

Friday, August 4, 2017

Short Attention Span Review: Dead Cross


Short Attention Span Review: Dead Cross 

In fairness,  I should make my readers aware of the following tidbits:

1) Faith No More is my favorite band, and as such, there is little doubt that I would classify Mike Patton and the versatility and creativity that he brings to his vocals as the best things ever to happen to any microphone, anywhere.

2) I'm a diehard Slayer fan, and while I take nothing away from the band as a whole, I have stated on more than one occasison that if the band were to offer any album featuring Dave Lombardo as a drums-only release featuring his work on the skins alone, well, I would snatch that shit up in a hot minute.

So, this whole Dead Cross thing is a bit of a dream project as far as I'm concerned, and I want to make this clear as I obviously have a considerable bias at work as I sit down to write this review.  By the same token, these tidbits should denote a potent set of expectations regarding this latest release from the throbbing treasure chest of unruly sounds that is Ipecac Recordings.  As with anything one approaches with high hopes and a decided thirst, it was entirely possible that even a solid recording would have been a bit of a disappointment.  Yes, I listened to this album mere hours after it was released fully expecting to hear something noteworthy, and I'm very happy to report that I wasn't disappointeed.  In point of fact, Dead Cross has surpassed my expectations, and if there's a better way to spend 28 minutes listening to music, I'm not aware of it.  Most surprisingly, while Patton and Lombardo both rise to new heights and bejewel this stash of hardcore gold with the very best that they have to offer, it's the guitar work courtesy of Mike Crain (Retox) that really puts this sonic blitz over the top.   Justin Pearson (Retox, the Locust) also nails the bass parts for this brief but incredible descent into unbridled fury, but I was constantly amazed by the twists and turns that Crain threw down, thrashing and grinding his way through a guns-blazing assault on the eardrums that never fails to surprise or entertain.  Quirky, energetic, and brimming with tongue-in-cheek hostility, this is hardcore at its most enticing and inventive.  Dead Cross is a serious kick in the pants that should thrill any fan of exciting music in general, and those who are enamored with any of the participants will find everything they're hoping for and more.  Make no mistake, this is a fiery bundle of lunatic rage where 9 out of 10 songs come up short of 3 minutes in length, yet no stone is left unturned.  Standout tracks include every fucking one of them, no bullshit whatsoever, my friends.

Final Grade: A+ 

Buy this shit now!!!!!!!

Saturday, July 29, 2017

New Project, New Playlist/Soundtrack

I've mentioned this to some of my peers before so it may be a rehash, but if not, consider yourself privy to an inside look at the workings of a deranged writer's mind.  When I'm working on a project, I like to compile what I think of as a soundtrack for that tale.  Whenever I'm working on that material, I put on my headphones and rock out to the playlist I have prepared.  I feel like this helps me get in the groove and arrive at the same mindset whenever I work on that piece, so the vibe and the voice that I'm looking for are easier to summon.  That may seem perfectly rational to some of you, and it may seem like utter nonsense to others.  That's just how I work, and it does seem to help me get to where I need to be to sling some ink. 

Anyhow, I rarely share much about any project I'm dealing with while it is in progress, but I occasionally dish out the working title and the playlist.  I do this because I love my peeps and I like to share.  Such a reveal may pique your curiosity so far as the current story is concerned, and it may also inspire you to check out some groovy tunes.  With all this in mind, let's get right to it.  I'm currently throwing down a novel about the most nightmarish camping trip ever, and I'm thinking of calling it "Southern Fried Hell."

This is the soundtrack I've put together to keep me on track while I put five lovely souls through the ringer:


Cattle Car – Clutch
Don't Step On The Grass Sam - Steppenwolf
Green Valley -Puscifer
One Horse Town - Hank Williams III         
Some Days – Sturgill Simpson        
Maggie M'Gill - The Doors   
Head Down – Soundgarden
Beercan - Beck
Shake Your Foundations - AC/DC  
Maybe I Am Amused - Melvins
Blue Monkey Disco - Syrup
Down To This – Soul Coughing
Spill the Blood - Slayer
I'm Shakin' – The Blasters
I Ain't Living Long Like This – Waylon Jennings
Vulture – Iggy Pop
Small Bones, Small Bodies – Future of the Left
Killing Floor – Body Count
Throw It On Me – The Hives featuring Timbaland
This Is Violence – Soulfly
Collapse - Motograter
D7 - Nirvana

Monday, June 5, 2017

Short Attention Span Review: Beyond the Valley of the Dolls (1970)


Short Attention Span Review: Beyond the Valley of the Dolls (1970)

Some might label this film trash.  Some might describe it as a true masterpiece.  I tend to think that both views are accurate, and the potent blend of sleaze and artistry make it one of my favorite pictures.  The story is also a medley, with Beyond the Valley of the Dolls emerging as a parody, a melodrama, a skin flick, a musical, a comedy, and even a horror movie, all rolled into one.  Written by Roger Ebert (his sole credit as a screenwriter) and directed by softcore maestro Russ Meyer, this sordid affair is populated by zany characters and buoyed by solid performances.  It's a credit to Meyer's ability as a director that even the most absurd sequences are played straight by the talent involved.  In fact, the humor born of the rampant satire embedded in the piece works because no one involved treats it as camp.  Most impressive is the editing, with Meyer cutting, and cutting, and cutting, yielding several impressive montages and numerous scenes where dozens of shots are utilized to propel the action.  There are points where Meyer may cycle through as many as forty or fifty shots in a minute, and the results aren't choppy or jolting but rather sublime.  I also have to give the music some serious props and John LaZar's work as Ronnie "Z-Man" Barzell is a joy to behold.  Finally, the movie goes off the rails in a bonkers finale that firmly solidifies this one as cinematic gold.  Beyond the Valley of the Dolls is definitely one of the sleaziest movies ever made--and I also think that it's definitely one of the best movies ever made.

Final Grade: A+

Equal parts sleazy, quixotic, and masterful, Beyond the Valley of the Dolls is wholly unique and totally entertaining.

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Short Attention Span Review: Rogue One (2016)


Short Attention Span Review: Rogue One (2016)

Rogue One is a different sort of Star Wars movie, and while the somber tone and the valiant sacrifices that punctuate the closing reel may not sit well with some, it cannot be denied this is one hell of a movie.  While the typical Star Wars picture is whimsical and far more gentle, Rogue One opts for an emphasis on grit and the perils of war.  Personally, I found this to be a sound decision, and by the time the film drew to a close, I was more invested in the material than I had been with any Star Wars movie since Luke lost his hand and Han became decor.  I'm not afraid to declare that this is easily the second-best Star Wars movie ever produced, and time may see it come to rival even The Empire Strikes Back.  The entire cast is worthy of praise, and this is due to the script as much as the talent involved.  Not since the original trilogy hit the scene have we witnessed so many rich characters with such captivating stories come together in this universe, and that desperate climax only serves to magnify the strength of the performances and the plot.  The effects are at an all-time high, the scope is clearly epic, and the significance of this standalone tale to the events depicted in the original that started it all cannot be overstated.  I greatly enjoyed Rogue One, and I was also greatly moved by it.  It exists both as a thrilling blockbuster and a thorough meditation on what it means to live and die for a cause.  Bonus points: in a series that has always found a way to give us a lovable droid to cherish, Rogue One gives us a cantankerous droid with a gift for sarcasm, and in doing so they may have topped R2-D2 and BB-8.  Seriously.  Also, there are a handful of cameos, to include Peter Cushing reprising the role of Grand Moff Tarkin thanks to some technical wizardry, and while it's nice to glimpse some familiar faces, it is Darth Vader's more substantial appearance that will have fans jumping out of their seats.  Vader has never been so badass, and Star Wars has seldom (if ever) found such an even blend of thrills and introspection.  Rogue One isn't just the best Star Wars movie to come along in a while, it's a damn good movie in general. 

Final Grade: A+

He may not be on the screen for long in Rogue One, but Vader's rage gives us one of the most impressive Star Wars moments of all time.

Monday, April 3, 2017

Short Attention Span Review: Kong: Skull Island (2017)


Short Attention Span Review: Kong: Skull Island (2017)

When I was a chap, Pop took me to see Godzilla 1985 and I had an absolute blast.  Last week, I got to take a couple of my wee ones to see Kong: Skull Island, and we had a blast with what is certainly a vastly superior film.  In fact, as a lifelong fan of both Godzilla and King Kong (and pretty much any other giant monster I've seen on-screen), I think it's safe to say that I don't know if there's any such venture that packs as much excitement into its run time as this 2017 thrill ride.  Now, it does suffer a little from a lack of originality (it does represent a fresh take on the material, but in many ways this is the still the Kong we all know and love) and it may not have the heart and soul that some of the more moving takes on this property have benefited from, but it is jam-packed with exhilaration and creativity.  The effects are stupendous, and a fine cast led by Tom Hiddleston, Brie Larson, and Samuel L. Jackson work very hard at not being upstaged by John C. Reilly at every turn.  Hiddleston proves to be a quality leading man, Larson's presence gives all the mayhem unfolding on screen some depth, and Jackson flirts with the Jon Voight in Anaconda approach.  It is Reilly who really steals the show, however, and while his humor is evident throughout, he also brings a lot of energy and emotion to Kong: Skull Island.  This slick motion picture is very much in the summer blockbuster mold, and those who get their kicks from creature features and 70s rock may not have a better time at the theater in 2017.  It's not a great movie, but it's a great time at the movies, and as someone who treasures this sort of material, I can't recommend Kong: Skull Island enough.

Final Grade: B+

Kong: Skull Island is an action-packed thrill ride that should delight monster movie fans across the globe.

Sunday, April 2, 2017

Marvel's Iron Fist (Netflix Series - 2017)


Marvel's Iron Fist (Netflix Series - 2017)

Despite some mindless controversy and a wealth of brutal reviews courtesy of critics (many of whom were unable to move beyond the "whitewashing" bullshit), viewers seem to have watched a different series altogether.  Whether you prefer Rotten Tomatoes or IMDB, if you compare and contrast the critic's ratings and the average joe's ratings, you'll see a gap that might be better referred to as a canyon.  Now, no one out there is hailing Iron Fist as a home run--and it isn't--but it is entertaining and it's a far cry from the utter failure so many critics have made it out to be.  Having recently enjoyed the series, I certainly agree with the viewing public, and while it wasn't nearly as invigorating as the first season of Daredevil or Luke Cage, I think it fits nicely with the rest of their Netflix offerings.


The critics were pretty much universal in their disdain for the presence of Finn Jones in the lead role.  Honestly, this is the first thing I've ever seen him in and I thought he did a fine job.  I'm a big fan of the comic book, and Jones nailed the innocence and warmth that separate Iron Fist from characters like Daredevil, Luke Cage, and the Punisher.  He also did a good job with the action bits, and while I recognize that he didn't do all of his stunts, this didn't really hurt the show at all.  And speaking of action bits, despite all the criticism aimed at the lack of such sequences, I thought this series had a lot more going for it in the way of throwdowns than either Jessica Jones or Luke Cage.  In the interest of full disclosure, I would have preferred to see a legitimate martial artist cast in the role, but I feel like Jones did a solid job with the part.


His supporting cast fared even better, with Marvel's Netflix mainstay Rosario Dawson continuing to excel as Claire Temple (Marvel's Night Nurse) while Jessica Henswick proved to be the show's biggest find as Colleen Wing.  Wing is a legitimate badass whose combat scenes frequently overshadowed those featuring the titular character.  I also found Tom Pelphrey to be a joy to watch, and his Ward Meachum may have been the character that the script provided with the biggest arc.  Whether the episode at hand required Ward to be an elitist dickhead, a coldblooded killer, a desperate junkie, or a semi-likable cat in search of redemption, Pelphrey was up to the task.  Jessica Stroup did a good job as Ward's sister Joy, a character tasked with hitting almost as many levels, but I don't think the script gave her quite enough material to work with.  Some of the key moments concerning her character were so abrupt and ill-defined that I can't say that she nailed it, though I don't hold her directly responsible.


Any show or movie is ultimately only as good as its villain, and David Wenham's Harold Meachum may have been the most impressive thing about Iron Fist.  Given my affection for the source material, I was pleased to hear that Wenham had been cast in this part, and given his talent I knew that Harold would likely be the big bad for the first season.  I was totally cool with this, and I have to say that the Harold Meachum of this Netflix series emerged as a more intriguing and credible threat than his comic book counterpart.  Wenham chewed scenery and brought a lot of physicality to the role, consistently stealing the spotlight and elevating the program whenever he was on screen. 


Like I noted earlier, many of the show's biggest critics have blasted it as a dull affair and lamented the lack and/or quality of fight scenes, and I think this is a bit puzzling.  It does fall well short of the high water mark set by the first season of Daredevil in this regard, but I think it has just as much action as the second season of that show and it surpasses both Jessica Jones and Luke Cage so far as both the quantity and the quality of showdowns are concerned.  Many have objected to the style of these battles, but I enjoyed seeing Danny presented as a more graceful and less vindictive combatant.  Daredevil is a street fighter and he brutalizes his enemies while Danny's mastery of martial arts is more akin to a dance, allowing him to smoothly evade attacks and swiftly incapacitate most enemies with ease.  His foes are more likely to wake up wondering what happened than to come to in traction with a long road to recovery ahead of them.  Again, I would have preferred a genuine martial artist in the part, but Finn did some cool stuff, and I greatly enjoyed the all-too-brief splitscreen bits that gave the proceedings a unique touch.  Finally, I would single out the sixth episode ("Immortal Emerges from Cave") directed by kung fu aficionado RZA as the strongest hour of the series, and any Iron Fist fan or martial arts devotee should have a blast with that episode.


The other defining moment of the show arrived in episode 8, when Lewis Tan absolutely killed it as a master of drunken boxing.  As a whole, this episode didn't have the same power as "Immortal Emerges from Cave," but the fight scene pitting Iron Fist against Tan as Zhou Cheng (one of the coolest adversaries from the comics to pop up on the show) is easily the best action sequence of the first season. 

In summary, while the show did suffer from several lapses in logic and some uneven plotting, that sixth episode and the big fight scene in the eighth episode may stand as the best evidence that Iron Fist was far from a failure and has the potential to rival Marvel's other Netflix shows.  David Wenham's killer effort as the heavy and Jessica Henswick's Colleen Wing were also big winners, and given time Finn Jones may just bring the haters over to his side.  I look forward to seeing Danny alongside his peers as one of The Defenders, and I'm hoping that a second season will shed more light on our hero's training in the mystical city of K'un Lun.  Was Iron Fist everything I had hoped for?  No, it did fall well short of that mark.  Was it a turd?  Shit no.  It was a good show with a wealth of untapped potential, and if Marvel and Netflix allow it to continue, there are definitely signs that it could deliver on all that promise.

Final Grade: B-

Thursday, March 16, 2017

White Men Can't Karate (the Idiotic Controversy Surrounding Marvel's Iron Fist)


As a longtime fan of the character who never truly expected to see him appear on film or television, I am eagerly awaiting the debut of Marvel's Iron Fist on Netflix.  I will definitely be binge-watching the series this weekend, and I'll share my take once I have seen it.  Personally, I'm cautiously optimistic.  I'm excited because I think this property could be totally gnarly on the screen, and yet I'm a bit worried because it also has the potential to fall flat.  Still, I'm looking to forward to seeing whether or not it can wow me the same way that Daredevil, Jessica Jones, and Luke Cage have.

Having said all that, I must admit that I'm rather bummed by the nonsensical controversy that has led to a lot of bad press for the show prior to it being released.  Namely, a very vocal element of the PC police has apparently decided that white people shouldn't be allowed to practice martial arts or portray martial artists in the cinema.  A great many are deriding Iron Fist's ethnicity as some sort of appropriation, and these critics allege that Marvel should have abandoned the source material and the entire "stranger in a strange land" aspect of the character's origin.  Ever since Finn Jones was cast as Danny Rand in the lead role, there has been a lot of BS about "white saviors" and Asian culture being monetized out there in regards to the show, and there is a lot of genuine anger and outrage being directed at both Marvel and Netflix.


This irks me on a couple of levels.  Please, allow me to elaborate.

1) I'm a lifelong martial arts devotee, and I'm rather white, so of course I find it a bit ridiculous that there are those who believe that white people practicing martial arts is somehow offensive.  This argument is just as insightful as that "baseball is a white man's game" crap I used to hear from time to time in the foothills of rural Virginia.  Furthermore, I would argue that martial arts is a wonderful venture for anyone of any race who wants to experience all the many gifts that it has to offer, with those gifts including discipline, joy, confidence, respect, humility, and wisdom--and so much more.  Fortunately, in all the interactions I've had with other martial artists of various races (in various dojos, practicing various styles), I've never heard anyone express such a thoughtless perspective.

2) As a film buff and a martial arts devotee, I greatly enjoy a wealth of martial arts films (if you follow my blog, you know this already), and I feel that one really has to work at injecting vindictive political agendas and personal grudges into the viewing of such pictures to see them as monetizing any culture.  Additionally, while we Americans do love our karate flicks, it's probably fair to note that if one truly views such movies as some diabolical form of exchanging a precious culture for loot, they might want to go ahead and acknowledge that most of these pictures are . . . (gasp!) Asian.  So maybe we shouldn't burn Netflix or Marvel to the ground after all.  Of course, one so petty as to see the world in such a fashion could make similar arguments about westerns or any number of sub-genres, but it serves no real purpose.  I mean, it's not like we haven't seen people of virtually every race portray a martial artist in the cinema or on television at some point, so I just don't understand why anyone would expect Marvel to abandon the very concept of this character in their efforts to bring him to the screen.

3) The "white savior" bit is a real laugher.  Danny is pretty handy with his fists and his feet, but he's also a goofball who is frequently played for laughs.  Honestly, Negan from The Walking Dead is more apt to be described as a savior than Iron Fist.  Additionally, the mystical city where he got his powers has been around for a long time, and while Danny may have helped to save the day there on occasion, I don't think he's ever done it alone.  K'un Lun existed long before he got there and it should be around long after he's gone.  Besides, if you take Danny's origin out of the equation, it should be noted that he generally hangs out in the inner city.  Bonus points: he would have perished about a million times by now if he wasn't best buds with a certain black dude with unbreakable skin who serves as both the brains and the brawn of their unlikely partnership.  Apparently white saviors aren't all they're crackered up to be.


4) Shang-Chi!  Look, at the rate the Marvel universe is expanding in terms of its presence on the big screen and television, we're probably going to see Shang-Chi at some point--and Shang-Chi is an ultimate badass.  He could probably take Iron Fist down if he had to, and unlike Iron Fist, Shang-Chi doesn't have any mystical powers.  With that in mind, wouldn't Shang-Chi be a bit redundant (if not totally underwhelming) if Marvel did throw out Iron Fist's origin and have him be Asian in an effort to gain capital with a bunch of politically correct zealots?

5) Shang-Chi aside, there are a wealth of quality Asian characters featured prominently in the Iron Fist mythos.  I love Danny and all, but he's maybe half as cool as Lei-Kung the Thunderer.  Hell, Colleen Wing is going to be on the show, and she's a sensational character.  As someone who is extremely familiar with the material, let me assure you that it exists more as a tribute to kung fu cinema than any legitimate culture (the setting is a mystical city that doesn't exist, the characters have special powers, and there are dragons and stuff).  As such, anyone well-versed in the comics will surely note that the idea that Iron Fist exists to demean, diminish, or monetize Asian culture is no more a rational suggestion than aiming the same criticism at a film starring Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan, or today's reigning champion of martial arts cinema, Iko Uwais.  Perhaps most importantly, the comic book has always featured a stellar cast of male and female characters representing various races, and it probably features more Asian characters than any other Marvel or DC title that comes to mind, so it seems rather bizarre to aim such small-minded criticism at this particular property.


Honestly, that's about all I have for now.  Again, I'm white, and I practice martial arts (true story: I'm no Chuck Norris, but I've actually thrown a few punches and kicks on screen once upon a when), and I guess that makes me some awful devil who gets his jollies from raping other cultures for personal gain, so take my opinion for what it's worth.  Seriously, though, I'm looking forward to the show and I'll provide an honest review of Iron Fist here once I have watched it from start to finish.

Monday, March 13, 2017

Short Attention Span Review: Highlander (1986)


Short Attention Span Review: Highlander (1986)

A mild success upon its initial release, Russell Mulcahy's Highlander emerged as a cult classic and inspired a handful of inferior sequels and a goofy television series--and a couple of animated ventures too.  Christopher Lambert was a unique choice for the lead role, and while he would go on to play several action heroes in other movies after this franchise grew wings, none of those flicks would prove nearly as memorable.  In fact, aside from The Hunted, I'm not sure that any of them are any good, though a handful (Fortress, Knight Moves, and Gunmen) are at least watchable.  He does a fine job here, though he is overshadowed by the gifted Clancy Brown in what is likely his finest role.  Brown is simply impeccable as the Kurgan, a cold-blooded madman who is every bit as entertaining and quotable as he is imposing and loathsome.  Lambert is also upstaged at every turn by Sean Connery as his bold mentor, the spirited Ramirez.  I don't intend to downplay Lambert's contributions; as I stated before, this picture spawned quite the franchise, and several other actors would try (and fail) to fill his shoes in the lead role.  The direction by Russell Mulcahy, who had recently turned heads with his cheap but vivid shocker Razorback, gives the picture some serious punch.  The opening tracking shot in an arena and the dolly work on display during the grand finale are both truly spectacular, and Mulcahy invests a lot of energy into every frame.  Another big assist to Highlander comes courtesy of legendary rock act Queen, who put together one hell of an album in support of the film.  Finally, Gregory Widen's screenplay is inventive and brimming with drama, making Highlander stand out by virtue of the way it blends action, science fiction, fantasy, and romance together.  I fell in love with this picture the first time I saw it, and it's one of those rare gems that I seem to appreciate a little more every time I sit down to watch it.

Final Grade: A+

Lambert is solid in the lead role, but Clancy Brown steals the show as the fiendish villain--and Sean Connery also frequently upstages Lambert's MacLeod as his flamboyant mentor, Ramirez.

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Short Attention Span Review: Headshot (2016)


Short Attention Span Review: Headshot (2016)

Given the talent involved and the picture's Indonesian roots, it is only fair to compare Headshot to The Raid: Redemption and The Raid 2, and that is a bit unfortunate.  While it never reaches the heights that star Iko Uwais and director Gareth Evans soared to with those martial arts epics, the so-called "Mo Brothers" (Kimo Stamboel and Timo Tjahjanto) have put together one hell of an action picture.  Given their horror background, it should come as no surprise that this is a gory affair, but Headshot delivers on that promise in excess.  Seriously, the level of gore contained in this movie is more in line with Peter Jackson's early work than either The Raid: Redemption or The Raid 2--and those were some pretty damn bloody flicks in their own right.  Headshot is almost a bit cartoonish in its gleeful depiction of limbs being shattered and bodies being dismantled, but the gritty tone and the escalating tension are somehow able to keep the movie from becoming a parody of sorts.  As a horror junkie and a martial arts devotee, I thought it was awesome, and I have to give the Mo Brothers some serious props.  This film could have become redundant, but somehow they kept upping the ante.  The latter third of the movie sees Uwais graduate from manhandling various thugs to squaring off with better opponents in a series of insane duels that kept raising the bar.  Most importantly, this gruesome carnage was brought to life by a dynamic combination of spectacular choreography and wicked cinematography.  The plot is basic, yes, and there are no surprises in the mix, but that's typically the best course for a martial arts picture.  In this case, there was just enough of a story in play to give all the balls-to-the-wall beatdowns unfolding on the screen some resonance.  Ultimately, Headshot isn't a great film, but it is totally gnarly, and if his work with Gareth Evans hadn't already made this clear, it is now apparent that Iko Uwais is the best thing going in martial arts cinema today.  If you like punches and kicks or copious amounts of gore, you owe it to yourself to check out Headshot.

Final Grade: B-

While it is inferior to both The Raid and its sequel despite the presence of Iko Uwais in the lead role, Headshot does provide viewers with a wealth of bone-crunching action to enjoy--and it cements Uwais as the baddest martial artist working in movies today.

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

Short Attention Span Review: Logan (2017)


Short Attention Span Review: Logan (2017)

While Hugh Jackman has thoroughly owned the part of Wolverine and his presence has been essential to the success of the X-Men franchise as a whole, his solo ventures have been . . . well, less than stellar.  A terrific ad campaign, an "R" rating, and the knowledge that Logan would serve as Jackman's final outing as Marvel's favorite mutant have set the stage for this swan song to emerge as the Wolverine movie we've all been waiting for.  So, did Jackman and director James Mangold finally get the job done?  Yes.  Yes, they did, my friends.  This is a brutal affair with a lot of heart, and Hugh has never been so effective in this role--or any other role, for that matter.  Littered with f-bombs, berserker rampages, gushing blood, and severed limbs, Logan is a love letter to all the fanboys who have clamored for a look at Wolverine's dark side, but it's also so much more.  A western at heart, there is ample time for a lot of somber meditation on heroism and family values included in the show, not to mention some serious pondering so far as purpose and mortality are concerned.  With that in mind, the constant nods to Shane were definitely a nice touch.  Surprisingly, the powerful themes and the gruesome carnage never seemed at odds, but somehow joined forces in a spectacular and introspective farewell for a fabulous actor who has embodied a beloved character since the year 2000.  In many ways, it's a shame that we finally got the Wolverine movie we wanted just as Hugh decided to move on from the role, yet at the same time it must be noted that he is going out on top--and it's hard to fathom any follow-up being a worthy successor to this impressive departure from the standard comic book movie formula.  While the X-Men movies have been quality cinematic experiences with one notable exception (hello, X-Men: The Last Stand), Wolverine's standalone efforts have been mediocre at best . . . until now.  I truly believe that from this point on, when we sit down to talk about the best comic book movies out there, Logan will be in the mix.

Bonus Points: Patrick Stewart was sensational, and one can only hope that newcomer Dafne Keen is able to continue in the role of X-23, as she also knocked it out of the park.

Final Grade: A+

It's true: this is the Wolverine movie we've been waiting for.  As much as I don't want to see Jackman retire his claws, it's highly unlikely that he would ever find a better point to do so.