Short Attention Span Review - Galaxy of Terror (1981)

Short Attention Span Review - Galaxy of Terror (1981)

Last week, I reviewed Forbidden World, a low-budget horror/sci-fi/action hybrid from cult cinema icon Roger Corman.  This week, I went back to the archives for another exercise in schlock from this producer with a passion for exploitation, Galaxy of Terror.  To call this zany outing a superior effort to Forbidden World would be a tremendous understatement, but that still doesn't make it a good movie.  The big difference is entertainment value, with this kooky affair delivering a lot fun for a couple of distinct reasons.  First, there is a lot of creativity involved, both in terms of plot and craftsmanship.  Secondly, Galaxy of Terror is batshit crazy.  A minute in, the picture goes off the rails.  In truth, it wasn't until the very end that the movie made any sense, and it's still a bit of a mess.  Fast-paced, gory as hell, and operating with a minimum of character development, this oddity's real saving grace is the cast.  Genre faves like Robert Englund, Sid Haig, and Grace Zabriskie are on board, with solid performers like Eddie Albert and Ray Walston leading the way.  They are menaced by an assortment of ghoulies, with the effects work that brings these oddities to life varying from shabby to . . . well, not too shabby, I guess.  The production design is far more impressive, but that should come as no surprise: that's where the one and only James Cameron cut his teeth.  I most certainly could have done without seeing Taaffe O'Connell getting raped by a giant maggot (you read that correctly), a scene good old Roger views as a shining accomplishment.  And there were definitely about five cartwheels too many in the big finale.  What can I say?  Galaxy of Terror is trash, good people, but it's also a good time at the movies for the right kind of crowd--namely, my kind of crowd.

Final Grade: C-

Wonky, silly, and cheap, Galaxy of Terror is nonetheless an entertaining B movie with a nifty cast and an abundance of gore.

Short Attention Span Review: Mandy (2018)

Short Attention Span Review: Mandy (2018)

Mandy is a showstopper, no doubt about it.  It's also a tough watch on a few levels.  I would say that 75% of the movie-going public will hate it for one reason or another.  Many will not survive the deliberate and ominous first act.  Many will be unable to handle the hardcore violence that becomes more and more prominent as the film progresses.  Others won't like the trippy aspects of the show, and then there are those who won't be able to handle batshit crazy Nicolas Cage.  In all honesty, I found all of these elements to be strengths, with only the deliberate pacing of the first reel threatening to spoil my enjoyment.  I like a slow burn, but that opening pushes the concept to its very limits.  Thankfully, once things ramped up, I found myself in cult classic heaven--or I guess cult classic hell would be more like it in this case.  I'm also not opposed to trippy flicks when they work, and I think that Mandy remains coherent while also emerging as perhaps the trippiest picture I've ever enjoyed.  The violence is a welcome payoff after that subdued opening, and I was pleasantly surprised by the quality of the choreography on display.  All too often, filmmakers who take a deliberate approach to their craft have a hard time dishing out thrills when it's time to start cooking.  That was not the case here, and Panos Cosmatos surely honored his father's legacy with a handful of visceral confrontations and some badass imagery.  Finally, while the script and direction are both solid but flawed, the hype surrounding Nicolas Cage's performance in Mandy is absolutely warranted.  He never falters, offering up an authoritative and nuanced portrayal of a quest for vengeance like no other.  Cage has often been praised as an actor of talent, yet he has also garnered a reputation for going gleefully over-the-top and perhaps even sabotaging his work with a lack of restraint.  I have seen (and enjoyed) both flavors of Cage, but this may the first time that I've seen the two occupy the same space.  It is impossible to imagine anyone else playing this part, and even when the picture is moving a bit too slow or exploding into surreal territory that mercilessly stretches the very bounds of credibility--even as it relates to a gonzo horror film set in alternate universe--it is Cage's passion and skill that holds the viewer's attention.  No bullshit, I would nominate him for an Oscar if I could.  But I can't, and the Oscars are bullshit anyway.  Mandy, on the other hand, is totally legitimate.

Final Grade: B+

Cosmatos does some amazing things with his direction, but occassionally falters.  His star, however, is at the top of his game throughout.  Could this be Cage's finest hour?  That's certainly a possibility.

Short Attention Span Review: Tourist Trap (1979)

Short Attention Span Review: Tourist Trap (1979)

This is one of those older horror films with a woefully misleading PG rating.  Seriously, I have no idea what the MPAA was thinking.  It isn't all that gory, true, but it is bloody, and the movie is very dark and very intense, with at least one deeply traumatizing death scene.  It is also sadistic and incredibly creepy, and anyone who is bothered by mannequins should steer clear of this ghoulish sleeper from 1979.  The premise is kooky and there are a few flaws in the execution, but it is easy to forgive any shortcomings in light of the dreadful atmosphere and the eerie tone of Tourist Trap.  Chuck Connors did a fine job anchoring the piece, and he got a big assist from a young cast of unknowns that included the gorgeous Tanya Roberts and established Jocelyn Jones as a legitimate talent.  The direction from David Schmoeller and the effects work serve as the backbone of the ghastly affair, and the picture gets a boost from the malicious tone that keeps the viewer riveted for the duration of the show.  This is more in the vein of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre than a slasher flick, but the supernatural element really sets it apart.  All things considered, Tourist Trap is wildly unique and decidedly grim, and it is a shame that it doesn't enjoy the fanfare it rightfully deserves.  While it has a modest cult following, it is quite the low-budget powerhouse, generating big scares and growing stranger and more frightful with every minute that passes.  An unnerving script, fine direction, some quality performances, and a nerve-jangling descent into terror?  You know this one is a hit in my book.

Final Grade: B

Tourist Trap is a real oddity, and it is creepy as hell.  People who are unnerved by mannequins will be scarred for life after a single viewing.

Short Attention Span Review: The Car (1977)

Short Attention Span Review: The Car (1977)

The Car is a surreal horror film with a simple pitch that seemed destined to fail.  Honestly, I'm not sure how they got the picture financed.  It's basically Jaws in the desert with a mysterious black car filling in for a great white shark.  Where did it come from?  No one knows.  Is anyone behind the wheel?  No one knows.  Why is it preying on the unfortunate residents of the dull and dusty town of Santa Ynez?  You guessed it: no one knows.  Can this malevolent menace on four wheels be stopped?  James Brolin intends to find out.  Brolin was always a serviceable leading man, and I think The Car is one of his better efforts.  His grounded take on the determined sheriff in the eye of the storm is pivotal given the ridiculous nature of the picture.  He's not alone in this regard, as the cast as whole performs admirably, with Kathleen Lloyd deserving special praise while Ronny Cox also shines in a rare sympathetic role.  The effects are also worthwhile, and as it becomes clear the titular automobile is a supernatural vessel of death and destruction, The Car produces several stirring setpieces.  It's impressive how exciting and even how frightening portions of this picture are.  While I simply cannot fathom a vehicle constructed from these parts arriving on the scene as anything resembling a masterpiece, I must applaud director Elliot Silverstein and everyone involved for getting this weird horror flock to run as well as it does.  Masterpiece?  Surely not.  Cult classic?  Yes, it is certainly worthy of that status, and whether you enjoy it as much as I did or not, you'll likely be impressed with how well this unconventional premise is brought to life.

Final Grade: B+

Seldom has a single image done such a fine job of summarizing a motion picture.  This is The Car in a nutshell.

Short Attention Span Review - Crank: High Voltage (2009)

Short Attention Span Review - Crank: High Voltage (2009)

Crank was a bizarro action flick, to be sure, but it seems downright pedestrian when compared to its 2009 sequel, Crank: High Voltage.  A great many probably can't tolerate a movie this unhinged, but I find it to be exhilarating and hilarious in equal measures, and that sounds like a good time at the movies to me.  Seriously, cinematic brilliance is inserting a brief and pointless cut in the middle of a foot chase so you can use the title card "9 Seconds Later."  Add a Mike Patton score (I'm a huge Patton fan, and this soundtrack is one of my favorite things he has done) and I'm positively swooning over here.  The kaiju scene?  Forget about it.  Take my money, now.  And I'm a big Statham fan, and this picture definitely makes fine use of both his athletic prowess and his incredible sense of humor.  It's insane from start to finish, and much like Speed Racer, this feature could best be described as a live-action cartoon--only this one is for adults only.  It features the most comical sex scene of all time, Dwight Yoakam generating four laughs for every three seconds that he spends on screen ("Is Doc Miles going to have to choke a bitch?"), some serious gore, about a zillion shots fired, and Clifton Collins, Jr. taking it to the limit and beyond as a villain who exists as a caricature of a caricature.  And there's tons of other stuff I could single out, as the Neveldine/Taylor directing duo have engineered an action flick so out of control that virtually every frame is jam-packed with delusional mayhem or tasteless humor--or some combination of the two.  This is most certainly a love it or hate it sort of film, and I absolutely love it. 

Final Grade: A
 

No sacred cows, no holds barred, and zero fucks given.  That's the formula, and the end result is as entertaining as it is absurd.

Short Attention Span Review: Electra Glide in Blue (1973)

Short Attention Span Review: Electra Glide in Blue (1973)

I watched a rather unique film this weekend, and I'm pretty sure that it was an American classic.  I had never heard of it before happening upon it by chance, and I'm not sure what drew me to it in the first place.  Maybe it was that groovy title, Electra Glide in Blue.  From the onset, two things were readily apparent: the craftmanship was sublime, and the subject matter was deep and open to interpretation.  A captivating character study and a meditation on so many different things, to include ideals as opposed to reality, isolation, civic duty, machismo, and even the merits of peace in a violent world, ten different viewers would likely draw ten different conclusions from the picture.  The cinematography was nothing short of superb, and while I greatly enjoyed the cast (in particular, star Robert Blake fully committed to the lead role and offered up a bravura performance as a result), the way the shots were framed and the powerful combination of riveting close-ups and compelling wide shots may have been the picture's greatest strengths.  It was impossible to look away no matter how bleak the movie became, though there were flourishes of humor and excitement sprinkled throughout.  The ending served as the perfect punctuation for a quizzical and startling film that worked for me on a great many levels.  As with any movie of this ilk, I do think it would prove divisive for most.  While I found it incredibly satisfying and worthy of repeated viewings, many would likely view it as too broad and ambiguous--or take offense at some of the conclusions they draw from it.  Of course, I tend to think that a film that can provoke such reactions is often a rich find, and I am certainly glad that I took a little ride with Electra Glide in Blue.

Final Grade: A

Electra Glide in Blue deserves another look, and the juxtaposition of civility and brutality is as relevant now as ever.

 

Short Attention Span Review: Troll (1986)

Short Attention Span Review: Troll (1986)

Is it merely a bad movie?  Or is it so bad that it's good?  That is the question.  Honestly, as much as I want to pardon this turkey because it was a staple of my childhood, I think the verdict is clear.  Like most any movie featuring the name "Charles Band" in the credits, Troll is lousy.  Now, it has a few things going for it, to be sure.  Sonny Bono is a riot, the basic premise is silly enough to guarantee a few outlandish thrills along the way, and Michael Moriarty is always a joy to watch in pictures like this.  In fact, his madcap dance scene where he grooves/suffers a seizure/goes gleefully insane while listening to "Summertime Blues" by way of Blue Cheer, is not only the highlight of this particular show, but it may be my favorite scene from Moriarty's career.  And if that doesn't do it for you, the big musical number performed by the trolls will definitely convince you that were a lot of drugs floating around on the set of this 1986 oddity.  So, yeah, all that stuff is fun and all, but that's where the fun ends and the ineptitude begins.  Aside from Bono and Moriarty, the cast struggles to bring much to their parts, and in fairness, the script does no one any favors.  The plot is clunky and littered with gaping holes.  While some of the effects are actually kinda gnarly, most of them are so pitiful that they wouldn't cut it if we were talking about a children's puppet show and not a motion picture.  To summarize, Troll is zany enough to make a viewing tolerable and yet amateurish enough to make the overall experience regrettable.

Final Grade: D-

Sonny Bono is one of the few good things about Troll.