Short Attention Span Review - Primal (2019)

Short Attention Span Review - Primal (2019)

Primal is based on a script that has been around since the 90s.  Often, with a film of this sort, that seems like a blessing, because there are elements of this picture that would clearly benefit from what the special effects community is capable of these days.  Well, about that . . . maybe this one would have been better off being filmed in the 90s.  Or the 80s.  Hell, maybe even the 70s.  What really limits Primal are the dodgy effects (the CGI is roughly equivalent to Playstation 2 graphics) and the abysmal picture quality.  I would blame the film stock, but I'm pretty sure film wasn't in the budget.  Think we're seeing the work of cheap digital cameras here.  So, we have a picture that really needs quality effects (among the most pertinent elements of the screenplay are a massive albino jaguar, deadly vipers, and a host of jungle critters running amok on a boat) that fails in that regard.  And this movie boasts the same picture quality you might see on local access television.  And we have Nicolas Cage, who looks a bit rough around the edges, and falls well short of the Nicolas Cage who made Mandy one of 2018's biggest surprises.  Yet this isn't exactly "phone it in" Nicolas Cage, as he does show some gusto, and throws himself into the physical elements of the movie.  And Kevin Durand fully embraces his role as the heavy, chewing scenery with glee when he isn't beating the shit out of Cage's dubious hero.  Famke Janssen is also on hand to look awful* and fall for Cage's arrogant and derisive big game hunter as he endangers everyone on the ship with a bevy of treacherous animals he is smuggling across the sea.  So, this all sounds pretty bad, I imagine, and it is.  Oh boy, it is.  And it's also a lot of fun if you like a good B movie.  Scratch that--it's also a lot of fun if you like a bad B movie.  Despite the shitty look of the piece and the lousy effects, the movie seldom slows down, and it is frequently gruesome.  There are some good scraps, some decent lines, and even a few morbid laughs along the way.  There are also cliches to spare, but that's part of the fun in a B movie that feels like Under Siege's long-lost bastard child by way of the Syfy Channel.  You know what?  Here's the short version: it's kinda awful, but I liked it.

*I feel bad pointing this out, but it is impossible to overlook.  Part of me thinks Cage was enough of a  gentleman to go on a bender and put on a few pounds just to make poor Famke feel more comfortable on set.

Final Grade: C+

Sometimes a bad Nicolas Cage movie is just a bad movie, but this is one of those bad Nicolas Cage movies that is most certainly a good bad movie.