Short Attention Span Review - Hellboy (2019)

Short Attention Span Review - Hellboy (2019)

Could the new Hellboy really be as bad as everyone said it was?  The way I remember it, about thirty seconds after it got released, the entire universe had labeled it a colossal failure.  Many reviews seemed to portray the picture's greatest shortcoming as an inability to measure up to Guillermo del Toro's work with the character.  Honestly, (and I know this is blasphemy to some) I didn't dig those flicks all that much.  And you know what?  With that mind, I have to say . . . this Hellboy was pretty bad.  Uneven and sophomoric, the pieces just didn't fit together all that well, and the ending was a total letdown.  I had heard that the CGI was dodgy, but I didn't find that to be an issue, and I really liked a lot of the character and set designs.  Mostly, the issues that handicapped this reboot were related to plotting and a lack of restraint.  And that turd burglar of a finale.  However, while it surely missed the mark in a lot of ways, I did enjoy this Hellboy at times.  It had some fun bits, and while it may have been too crude in many places, the effort Neil Marshall and his crew put into scraping the bottom of the barrel did yield some obnoxious entertainment along the way.  I enjoyed David Harbour in the title role, and some of his line deliveries really worked for me.  While I wanted more from the lovely Milla Jovovich (who was splendid, but given far too little to do), there were some nasty baddies in the mix.  The gore quotient was high, and I think the hard R approach served the property well when they didn't go overboard with it.  It's just a shame that the script fell so short, and I'm not sure that everyone involved was on the same page so far as the tone of the movie is concerned.  Yes, the new Hellboy is a misfire.  However, it's like Hudson Hawk or Tango & Cash--it's one of those duds that still has some unmistakable appeal.  Is it good?  No.  Far from it.  Is it entertaining?  Yeah, somewhat.  

Final Grade: D+

Okay, the new Hellboy is a dud, but don't blame David Harbour.

Top 20 Horror Movies - #11) The Descent (2005)

One of the things that I'm doing this month as I celebrate Halloween here in the Land of Way is taking the time to rank my Top 20 Horror Movies and my Top 20 Horror Novels.

Note:
I want to be clear that I'm basing these choices on my own humble opinion.  I'm not trying to rank these movies in accordance with their place in pop culture, but I'm offering up my take on the best horror films that I have ever watched and enjoyed.  There are some familiar candidates that I consider to be great pictures that didn't make the cut because there wasn't room, and there are some films that are widely regarded as great pictures that didn't make the cut because I feel that they are overrated.  There are also a few instances where it was difficult to determine whether or not a movie belonged to the horror genre (I said "no" to Aliens but "yes" to Jaws), and it may also be worth noting that this is largely a modern list (as long as you're okay with my classification of modern as anything after 1960) that only features one lonely creature from the so-called "Classic Monsters" films produced by Universal Studios.

Thus far, the list includes:

#20) The Fly (1986) 
#19) The Howling (1981)
#18) Night of the Living Dead (1968)
#17) Alien (1979) 
#16) Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)
#15) Suspiria (1977) 
#14) Phantasm (1979)
#13) Evil Dead 2 (1985)
#12) Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954) 

Last time out, we turned the clock way back to 1954, where we discussed the oldest film to make my list.  Today, I'm breaking down the most recent film to make the cut.

Top 20 Horror Movies - #11) The Descent (2005)

This claustrophobic feature from 2005 delivers the goods so far as both internal and external fright is concerned.  The Descent is a movie that is willing to do anything to destroy your comfort zone and subject you to absolute terror.  The plot follows a group of adventurous women who enjoy extreme sports.  Hoping to offset the grief one of their members is dealing with as she struggles with the loss of her husband and daughter in a tragic accident, they prepare for an expedition into a pedestrian cave.  Unfortunately, this attempt at social therapy goes badly awry when their leader elects to forego the novice grotto and instead leads her peers into an uncharted system.  Early on, a passage becomes blocked, and these unlucky ladies know there is no hope of rescue as the proper authorities believe they are in another cave altogether.  Now, these feisty females must find a way out before their batteries go dead and they are lost in the darkest recesses of the Appalachians.  This is a terrifying premise, but things get worse when writer and director Neil Marshall injects cannibalistic humanoid monstrosities into the mix.  Expertly plotted, well-acted, and bolstered by sensational cinematography and effects, The Descent is a relentless horror film that is packed with tension and fright.  It is one of the most terrifying films to make this list, and I will add that I really dig all the girl power on display throughout this riveting gem.  If I was making a list of the scariest horror movies ever, this incredibly dark motion picture that doesn't pull any punches would rank even higher.

Coming hot on the heels of Dog Soldiers, The Descent seemed to herald the arrival of a new horror maestro.  Even if Neil Marshall has failed to live up to the hype since then, The Descent is still a fantastic movie that is truly terrifying.

Short Attention Span Review - Tales of Halloween (2015)

It probably won't surprise anyone to learn that I love horror anthologies almost as much as I love the spooky season, so such a picture with a Halloween theme is clearly appealing to me.  With that in mind, it's fair to say that while I loved Trick r' Treat, I may have liked Tales of Halloween even more.  This clever and entertaining spookshow is comprised of ten stories from ten different directors, and I don't think that any of these tales are misfires.  A few are legitimately creepy, with Dave Parker's "Sweet Tooth" and Axelle Carolyn's "Grimm Grinning Ghost" each delivering serious jolts.  Some are more than a little silly, with Mike Mendez's "Friday the 31st" and Andrew Kasch's "This Means War" feeling a lot like spoofs.  Some are difficult to classify, like Paul Solet's "The Weak and The Wicked," which allows Grace Phipps to summon her inner Clint Eastwood in a nifty horror/western hybrid.  "The Night Billy Raised Hell" is my favorite entry--director Darren Lynn Bousman and screenwriter Clint Sears wisely gave Barry Bostwick the opportunity to have a devilish good time in this wicked laugh riot with a perfect ending.  Neil Marshall's "Bad Seed" closes out the show in style, but I was honestly expecting a bit more from his segment.  All things considered, Tales of Halloween is a terrific flick that was clearly crafted by talented people with a lot of love for both the horror genre and this ghoulish time of year.  Having Adrienne Barbeau narrate the picture as a DJ was a cool nod to her role as Stevie Wayne in The Fog, and she did a terrific job of weaving all these groovy tales together.  In closing, rest assured that anyone who digs this time of year will not view this kooky collection as a trick, but as an awesome treat.

Final Grade: A

I thought each of these Tales of Halloween had something unique to offer, but seeing
Barry Bostwick have such a blast in "The Night Billy Raised Hell" was the highlight of the show.