Short Attention Span Review - The Tough Ones (1976)

Short Attention Span Review - The Tough Ones (1976)

Umberto Lenzi isn't big on subtlety.  No, he made loud pictures, obnoxious pictures even, and he's the kind of director who wouldn't settle for having a good time if having a sleazy good time was an option.  With The Tough Ones, he takes the whole "rogue cop" theme and runs wild with it.  Maurizio Merli stars as Inspector Leonardo Tanzi, a dapper dude who beats the shit out of so many crooks that I lost count halfway through the picture.  And he has a killer slap that he likes to deploy--he will slap the taste out of a punk's mouth at the drop of a hat.  And this movie needs him.  Seriously, dude's beat is so popping that he waltzes right into a mugging, purse-snatching, rape, bank robbery, or perhaps even a good old-fashioned murder spree courtesy of a crazed hunchback every time he rounds a corner.  And he beats the fuck out of the bad guys.  And his captain yells at him afterward, but displays a wry smile that lets us know he digs Tanzi's "take no prisoners" style whenever this suave hothead is dispatched to slap around another crook.  Merli plays this about as well as it could be played, and Tomas Milian is a deft combination of fiery and petulant in his role as Vincenzo Moretto, the previously mentioned "crazed hunchback."  Milian is fully invested in a depraved role as a madman who gets off on gunning down innocent bystanders and cracking bad jokes about his dirty deeds.  Lenzi applies his typical flair to the picture, which is fast-paced, colorful, and equal parts repugnant and exciting.  He gives us setups that are totally shameless examples of exploitation at its grimiest, then quickly veers to smashing payoffs wherein Tanzi leaps into action and smacks the bad guys around.  The cinematography, editing, and the effects are better than what we often see in such fare, and the soundtrack is typical for these flicks--meaning that it is exceptional.  Kudos to Grindhouse Releasing for including the score from Franco Micalizzi on CD in their double-disc Blu-Ray edition of The Tough Ones.  Beautiful packaging as well.  Bottom line: anyone looking to dig up some so-called Eurotrash could do a hell of a lot worse.  In fact, I'm going to highly recommend this flick, because The Tough Ones is an absolute riot for those of us who dig sordid cinema.

Final Grade: B+

Maurizio Merli may look dapper, but he's tough as nails.  If he doesn't beat up two dozen people or more in this movie, I'm not the illest mofo on the block.

Short Attention Span Review: Nightmare City (1980)

Short Attention Span Review: Nightmare City (1980)

Nightmare City is a rather glorious piece of shit.  There's a part of me (and it's not a small part) that wants to leave it at that.  That single statement would serve as a perfect review for this movie, yet I can't stifle the need to elaborate.  Nightmare City isn't just bad, it's very, very bad.  Okay, it's fucking horrible.  It is a perfect example of a cheap Italian horror movie, complete with an absurd script, weak acting, Z grade special effects, copious amounts of shoddy gore and pointless T&A, and characters who are largely defined by their need to make terrible decisions in moments of crisis.  The only thing missing is a laugh track.  But the whole thing is engineered (poorly) with such indisputable passion and vigor that it somehow rises above these shortcomings.  There are even a few areas where Nightmare City actually shines.  Umberto Lenzi directs this trash as well as trash can be directed, for one, and I do mean that as a compliment.  The score is both bonkers and sheer perfection; there could be no better score for this particular serving of cinematic garbage.  Finally, there's Hugo Stiglitz in the lead role.  Yes, dude is wooden as hell.  Yes, the script does him no favors.  Yes, he is legendary.  He seems like a mild-mannered reporter at first, but then the shit hits the fan, and our boy becomes a tough-talking, ass-kicking, and hard-drinking warrior of the apocalypse.  He kicks the shit out of zombies* (literally, his kick may not be all that impressive, but it sends several zombies flying), he throws axes, and he is comfortable mowing down undead ghouls with machine guns or hurling grenades at them.  He drinks whiskey and encourages his woman to stay strong and keep walking after he has firebombed their station wagon with a Molotov Cocktail*.  That's the kind of shit that happens in Nightmare City, peeps, and that's why we love movies like this.

*Okay, they're not actually zombies.  They're irradiated bloodsuckers who can run and wield weapons.

**This happens after the pair stop at a gas station and become surrounded while engaging in a philosophical debate about the pitfalls of modern society and the potential benefits of survival in a radioactive wasteland.  Yes, they should have fueled up and peeled out, but one of the writers went into message mode, so our boy Hugo just had to blow that fucking station wagon to bits and start stepping toward certain death.

Final Grade: B

It's not a special effects extravaganza, it's a straight up bullshit extravaganza.  And I loved it.