Powerful Pages - Carrion Comfort by Dan Simmons (1989)

Carrion Comfort by Dan Simmons (1989)

Sprawling yet intimate, Carrion Comfort is the sort of novel that earns epic status with a deeply rewarding journey of astounding depth.  Unfolding over the course of several decades and spanning the globe, the tale is dense but personal, complex yet infinitely relatable.  Inventive and starkly realistic in equal measures, it offers readers a new breed of vampire so distinct that they aren't really vampires at all.  Profoundly disturbing and equally brutal, Carrion Comfort dishes out a smorgasbord of woeful surprises and fiendish chills.  Simmons can be a bit overwrought, but his attention to detail and his vivid characterizations combine to flesh out a massive narrative with precision and impeccable clarity.  His zeal for history manifests itself here in a heartbreaking examination of the Holocaust that is the very foundation upon which this groundbreaking horror opus is constructed.  Fittingly, the emotional whirlwind that ensues catapults readers to dizzying heights.  This book is shocking and moving, boasting crushing defeats amid occasional triumphs as it veers from fascinating character study to white-knuckle thriller without warning, with frequent descents into outright terror upping the ante even further.  No one is safe, and the stakes couldn't be higher in this massive undertaking.  Carrion Comfort isn't just a great read, it's the type of novel that elevates the genre, and it should not be ignored by those who enjoy horror--or compelling literature in general, for that matter.

Final Grade: A+

 

Short Attention Span Review - Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

Short Attention Span Review - Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

I don't know how Marvel is doing it at this point.  I'm a lifelong fan of their comics, so it should come as no surprise that I'm a big fan of their box office dominance.  More importantly, I love the way they've brought their characters to life on the big screen in such remarkable fashion.  Yet it's hard to fathom how they keep managing to kick things up a notch.  Perhaps it's because they have recently grown accustomed to taking chances, and those chances are paying dividends.  Much like Guardians of the Galaxy, this venture represents a major gamble in terms of tone, with comedy being a huge part of the proceedings.  Marvel has seen great success with the comic relief they have inserted into their films from the start, but as with GOTG, this one is just as reliant (if not more reliant) on laughs than thrills.  However, while I would say that Thor: Ragnarok is 50% comedy, it is also 50% action-packed, and the God of Thunder has never been so badass.  Bonus points: "Immigrant Song" has long been my favorite Zeppelin track, and it seems about ten times cooler now.  Thor: Ragnarok is a big win across the board.  You will laugh, you will be thrilled, you will marvel (forgive me) at the kaleidoscope of color and sound that takes a familiar property on a trippy new ride that goes big often and delivers the goods at every turn.  The cast is insanely good--Hemsworth has never been so fun to watch or so damn gnarly, and Ruffalo makes stealing the show look easy no matter what he's asked to do these days.  Cate Blancett makes for a nasty villain, Tessa Thompson is ridiculously good as Valkyrie, Idris Elba is Idris Elba (and Idris Elba is cool as shit), Jeff Goldblum has too much fun and slays it, and my man Karl Urban has a surprisingly potent turn as one of the more conflicted characters in the film.  I know, I know, I'm gushing, but Thor: Ragnarok is totally fucking rad, dudes.  This kind of kooky shit excites the hell out of me.

Final Grade: A+

It's too early for me to make a definitive ruling in this matter, but as a diehard Marvel fanboy, I can assure you that is entirely possible that Thor: Ragnarok is the the best movie the MCU has given us.  It is easily Top 5 on that front, it's not too early to make that call.

Short Attention Span Review - Annabelle: Creation (2017)

Short Attention Span Review - Annabelle: Creation (2017)

How rare is this?  A prequel to a spinoff emerges as a superior film?  No shit?  No shit, peeps.  I liked Annabelle, though it was far from a revelation.  I expected a similar approach this outing for the creepiest doll since Chucky, but Annabelle: Creation aimed higher.  Quite a bit higher, in fact.    It felt a lot more like The Conjuring in terms of scope and impact.  Expertly crafted, thoroughly unnerving, and jam-packed with big scares, I'm ready to classify this as one of the better horror films I have partaken of in recent memory.  From the somber opening, the dread is palpable, and this is one of those fright flicks that only gets harder to endure as it somehow gets everything right.  Good performances, nifty effects, a riveting plot courtesy of a powerful script, an ominous score--it's all there, friends.  There's no time for humor and no need for cheap jolts.  This gruesome conjuring (forgive me) is creepy as hell from start to finish and offers up a few dark surprises along the way.  Bonus points: the inevitable tie-in to Annabelle is executed perfectly.  Highly recommended!

Final Grade: A

Look out!  This one has some serious bite, folks.

 

Short Attention Span Review: Annabelle (2014)

Short Attention Span Review: Annabelle (2014)

Annabelle is a basic bitch, truth be told, but that doesn't render her ineffective.  In fact, I found a lot to like in this simplistic throwback.  A bit classical in its approach, Annabelle doesn't arrive with any grand aspirations.  This one didn't aim to reinvent the wheel, and there were no attempts to ratchet up the tension with a hyper-kinetic array of malevolent jolts.  No, we're dealing with a straight-forward and measured endeavor here.  In that regard, Annabelle reminded me a lot of the claustrophobic character-driven spookshows of yesteryear.  Throw in a tough female lead and some quality effects work, and you're in for a good time at the movies.  Intriguing and creepy in equal doses, this unassuming addition to The Conjuring family won't take you anywhere you haven't been before.  Yet, if you're a fan of the genre, you will get to revisit the old neighborhood in an efficient and moderately unnerving trip into terror.  That's good enough for me.

Final Grade: B-

When things got out of hand, Annabelle's owners reached out to this priest, and he had the situation under control for approximately 90 seconds.

 

Short Attention Span Review: Den of Thieves (2018)

Short Attention Span Review: Den of Thieves (2018)

Honestly, I went into this one expecting a small caliber thrill ride, a generic cops and robbers flick with an emphasis on action.  To my surprise, I got a lot more.  It's not exactly Heat, but it might pass for Heat on steroids.  Den of Thieves boasts a nifty plot with at least one quality twist, and it is bookended by two spectacular action setpieces.  Gerard Butler headlines the show, giving anyone who has ever wondered what a corrupt and perhaps even deplorable version of Leonidas would be like the answer they seek.  This dude hunts bad guys at the expense of everything else, sacrificing both his humanity and his family ties in a single-minded quest to nail his prey.  Furthermore, there is no doubt that he does this because that's how he gets his rocks off, not because he has strong ideas about morality or some innate purpose born of aggresive nobility.  The bank robbers are led by a ripped Pablo Schrieber, a game 50 Cent, and a positively dazzling O'Shea Jackson, Jr., who damn near steals the show in spite of all the firepower on display.  This crew kills several cops in the opening reel--and yet they emerge as more humane than their counterparts with badges over the course of the film.  It's an interesting dynamic, and the complex medley of sleazy good guys and endearing bad guys allow writer and director Christian Gudegast to paint a vivid picture.  However, though the end result is a riveting showcase, it's a riveting showcase without a genuine rooting interest.  That is the movie's biggest flaw, but it never derails the excitement or lessens the drama.  It just won't leave you feeling warm and fuzzy at the end of the day, regardless of who comes out on top.  In summary, Den of Thieves falls short of being a rip-roaring crime epic, but rises well above the mediocre trappings of the action genre as we know it in 2018.

Final Grade: B

The scariest charater in this cops and robbers movie is Gerard Butler as the head honcho of a police task force.  He was pretty damn wretched in a lot ways, but Butler's charisma and commitment made this crude tough guy a joy to watch.

Short Attention Span Review: Troll (1986)

Short Attention Span Review: Troll (1986)

Is it merely a bad movie?  Or is it so bad that it's good?  That is the question.  Honestly, as much as I want to pardon this turkey because it was a staple of my childhood, I think the verdict is clear.  Like most any movie featuring the name "Charles Band" in the credits, Troll is lousy.  Now, it has a few things going for it, to be sure.  Sonny Bono is a riot, the basic premise is silly enough to guarantee a few outlandish thrills along the way, and Michael Moriarty is always a joy to watch in pictures like this.  In fact, his madcap dance scene where he grooves/suffers a seizure/goes gleefully insane while listening to "Summertime Blues" by way of Blue Cheer, is not only the highlight of this particular show, but it may be my favorite scene from Moriarty's career.  And if that doesn't do it for you, the big musical number performed by the trolls will definitely convince you that were a lot of drugs floating around on the set of this 1986 oddity.  So, yeah, all that stuff is fun and all, but that's where the fun ends and the ineptitude begins.  Aside from Bono and Moriarty, the cast struggles to bring much to their parts, and in fairness, the script does no one any favors.  The plot is clunky and littered with gaping holes.  While some of the effects are actually kinda gnarly, most of them are so pitiful that they wouldn't cut it if we were talking about a children's puppet show and not a motion picture.  To summarize, Troll is zany enough to make a viewing tolerable and yet amateurish enough to make the overall experience regrettable.

Final Grade: D-

Sonny Bono is one of the few good things about Troll.

Shot Attention Span Review: Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017)

Short Attention Span Review: Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017) 

I'm with those who believe the best science fiction out there is the most insightful and thought-provoking.  I'm less interested in groundbreaking effects than technological dilemmas or the notion of plumbing metaphysical mysteries through the lens of science.  That's why The Fifth Element didn't do a whole lot for me, and that's also why I wasn't all that keen on scoping Luc Besson's new sci-fi extravaganza out.  However, despite the absence of any big questions or startling discoveries, I found a lot to enjoy during my time with Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets.  The plot has been trounced by most critics, but I didn't see it as hollow or illogical.  It may not have been complex or wildly original (like the zany effects, which did leave me breathless at times), but it was perfectly serviceable.  The visuals were mesmerizing, but much of my captivation stemmed from the creativity with which the effects were employed and not the mere presence of such vivacious eye candy.  Besson didn't just populate this picture with incredible creatures and sets, he found some really stirring ways to capture these elements.  In my opinion, Cara Delevingne gave the picture its center with an authoritative take on a role that could have emerged as more of a standard damsel in distress in the wrong hands.  I also enjoyed Dana DeHaan as Valerian.  He faced a bit of a backlash because many seemed to feel that a galactic hero/ladies man should have been played by someone like Idris Elba or The Rock.  No offense to those guys, but I found his presence here to be quite refreshing; the world is full of heroes and fellas with serious game, and believe it or not, most of them aren't muscle-bound hulks with classic good looks.  Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets raced along, exploring brave new worlds and steadily dishing out dope action scenes.  By no means would I herald this one as a genuine classic, but it is certainly one cool trip.  Blast off with Valerian, and you may not ponder any great mysteries of the mind, but you will most definitely enjoy the ride.

Final Grade: A-

I don't get the hate for DeHaan in the de facto lead role, but I felt that Cara Delevingne's performance laid the foundation for this mind-boggling odyssey.