Short Attention Span Review - Split Second (1992)

Short Attention Span Review - Split Second (1992)

I recently sat down and rewatched this cult classic from 1992 for the first time in decades.  While it made only a minimal impact on cable and in the rental industry, I recalled it fondly.  Truth be told, it still holds up pretty well.  Star Rutger Hauer makes the most of a brazen part, throwing himself into the role of Harley Stone, a true loose cannon.  We often hear cops billed as such in films, but seldom see them behave like Hauer's Stone.  This guy constantly disobeys orders, chokes fellow officers who dare contradict him (with his captain looking on, no less), raids the armory, and essentially operates as a revenge-obsessed vigilante with a badge.  Alastair Duncan matches Hauer's intensity in the role of a timid sidekick who has also become a raging lunatic by the end of the movie.  Duncan's "big fucking guns" bit is the highlight of the picture.  What will ultimately make Split Second worthwhile for some and a disappointment to others is the kooky nature of this feature.  Split Second is equal parts brooding science fiction, guns-blazing action, and bloody horror.  The movie revolves around the pursuit of a fearsome killer who is ultimately revealed to be a gruesome hybrid of Venom and a Xenomorph.  Little to no explanation is given for this exciting but rather inexplicable development, and it certainly calls into question several aspects of the plot.  Like, the thing is ten feet tall and decidedly inhuman--how is it preying on people in bars without being seen, and why does it care about astrology and other human interests?  What's the deal with its psychic connection to a particular renegade cop?  Why does it toy with him while slaughtering everyone else?  In the end, it doesn't really matter, at least not to these filmmakers.  The effects are okay, the score is quality, the sets are good enough that one wishes more was made of the unique "futuristic London under water" environment, and the performances are remarkable.  Split Second is a B grade creature feature at heart, no doubt about it, but exceptional talent before the camera makes it stand apart from the pack.

Final Grade: B-

Hauer is totally unhinged in the lead role, and his presence is ultimately what makes Split Second memorable.

Short Attention Span Review - Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

Short Attention Span Review - Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

I don't know how Marvel is doing it at this point.  I'm a lifelong fan of their comics, so it should come as no surprise that I'm a big fan of their box office dominance.  More importantly, I love the way they've brought their characters to life on the big screen in such remarkable fashion.  Yet it's hard to fathom how they keep managing to kick things up a notch.  Perhaps it's because they have recently grown accustomed to taking chances, and those chances are paying dividends.  Much like Guardians of the Galaxy, this venture represents a major gamble in terms of tone, with comedy being a huge part of the proceedings.  Marvel has seen great success with the comic relief they have inserted into their films from the start, but as with GOTG, this one is just as reliant (if not more reliant) on laughs than thrills.  However, while I would say that Thor: Ragnarok is 50% comedy, it is also 50% action-packed, and the God of Thunder has never been so badass.  Bonus points: "Immigrant Song" has long been my favorite Zeppelin track, and it seems about ten times cooler now.  Thor: Ragnarok is a big win across the board.  You will laugh, you will be thrilled, you will marvel (forgive me) at the kaleidoscope of color and sound that takes a familiar property on a trippy new ride that goes big often and delivers the goods at every turn.  The cast is insanely good--Hemsworth has never been so fun to watch or so damn gnarly, and Ruffalo makes stealing the show look easy no matter what he's asked to do these days.  Cate Blancett makes for a nasty villain, Tessa Thompson is ridiculously good as Valkyrie, Idris Elba is Idris Elba (and Idris Elba is cool as shit), Jeff Goldblum has too much fun and slays it, and my man Karl Urban has a surprisingly potent turn as one of the more conflicted characters in the film.  I know, I know, I'm gushing, but Thor: Ragnarok is totally fucking rad, dudes.  This kind of kooky shit excites the hell out of me.

Final Grade: A+

It's too early for me to make a definitive ruling in this matter, but as a diehard Marvel fanboy, I can assure you that is entirely possible that Thor: Ragnarok is the the best movie the MCU has given us.  It is easily Top 5 on that front, it's not too early to make that call.

Short Attention Span Review - Annabelle: Creation (2017)

Short Attention Span Review - Annabelle: Creation (2017)

How rare is this?  A prequel to a spinoff emerges as a superior film?  No shit?  No shit, peeps.  I liked Annabelle, though it was far from a revelation.  I expected a similar approach this outing for the creepiest doll since Chucky, but Annabelle: Creation aimed higher.  Quite a bit higher, in fact.    It felt a lot more like The Conjuring in terms of scope and impact.  Expertly crafted, thoroughly unnerving, and jam-packed with big scares, I'm ready to classify this as one of the better horror films I have partaken of in recent memory.  From the somber opening, the dread is palpable, and this is one of those fright flicks that only gets harder to endure as it somehow gets everything right.  Good performances, nifty effects, a riveting plot courtesy of a powerful script, an ominous score--it's all there, friends.  There's no time for humor and no need for cheap jolts.  This gruesome conjuring (forgive me) is creepy as hell from start to finish and offers up a few dark surprises along the way.  Bonus points: the inevitable tie-in to Annabelle is executed perfectly.  Highly recommended!

Final Grade: A

Look out!  This one has some serious bite, folks.

 

Top 20 Horror Movies - #9) Halloween (1978)

One of the things that I'm doing this month as I celebrate Halloween here in the Land of Way is taking the time to rank my Top 20 Horror Movies and my Top 20 Horror Novels.

Note:
I want to be clear that I'm basing these choices on my own humble opinion.  I'm not trying to rank these movies in accordance with their place in pop culture, but I'm offering up my take on the best horror films that I have ever watched and enjoyed.  There are some familiar candidates that I consider to be great pictures that didn't make the cut because there wasn't room, and there are some films that are widely regarded as great pictures that didn't make the cut because I feel that they are overrated.  There are also a few instances where it was difficult to determine whether or not a movie belonged to the horror genre (I said "no" to Aliens but "yes" to Jaws), and it may also be worth noting that this is largely a modern list (as long as you're okay with my classification of modern as anything after 1960) that only features one lonely creature from the so-called "Classic Monsters" films produced by Universal Studios.

Thus far, the list includes:

#20) The Fly (1986) 
#19) The Howling (1981)
#18) Night of the Living Dead (1968)
#17) Alien (1979) 
#16) Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)
#15) Suspiria (1977) 
#14) Phantasm (1979)
#13) Evil Dead 2 (1985)
#12) Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954) 
#11) The Descent (2005)
#10) Fright Night (1985) 

My favorite director finally hits the scene with the perfect film for the spooky season, Halloween.   

Top 20 Horror Movies - #9) Halloween (1978)

Simple but highly effective, John Carpenter's Halloween is a fantastic film that remains at the forefront of the slasher sub-genre.  This smash hit produced on a shoestring budget heralded the emergence of one of the genre's most celebrated directors and also signified the arrival of Jamie Lee Curtis, scream queen extraordinaire.  In addition to putting a spotlight on Carpenter's talent as a director and Jamie Lee's acting chops, Halloween gave us the perfect boogeyman in Michael Myers and laid the groundwork for one of the genre's most frightening franchises.  Donald Pleasance is also in the mix, and he shines in one of his signature roles as Dr. Loomis, the determined but panic-stricken shrink who couldn't keep Michael locked away and is thereby determined to shoot him dead.  Good luck with that.  The mood and the atmosphere are incredible; in addition to creating a wealth of suspense and dread with ample foreshadowing that makes the most of Michael's unnerving presence, Halloween also perfectly captures the essence of the spooky season.  The kills are shocking, the tension is almost unbearable at times, and I think this film benefits from one of the best endings the genre has produced.  It may not be all that complex and the deliberate pace and the lack of gore may disappoint some horror fans, but Halloween does everything right.  It's a classic film from a gifted director and it should be mandatory viewing for any respectable horror fan as the end of October draws nigh.

Carpenter scored big with this tense chiller that put Jamie Lee Curtis on the map.

How did it all go so wrong?  Little Mikey seemed like such a nice kid.

Top 20 Horror Novels - #19) Manstopper by Douglas Borton (from 1988)

Not only am I ranking my Top 20 Horror Movies for you this October, but I'm doing likewise with the scary books that I hold near and dear.  As with the movies that I'm discussing in that Top 20, I'm not attempting to rank these novels based on their place in pop culture, but rather their place in my heart.  Isn't that sweet?  Seriously, there are some fine books that didn't make the cut here because there just wasn't room, and there are definitely some well-regarded books that didn't make the cut because I don't really like them.  That also means there are some personal favorites of mine on this list that you may not have heard of.  If that's the case, I promise that I'll reward your trust with a gnarly tale if you give one of them a spin.  Finally, I may have shortchanged some of the titans in the genre (hey there, Stephen King) as I didn't want to overload this list with titles by the same author, though Uncle Stevie did manage to score three direct hits on my list.

The list thus far:

#20) Amok by George Fox (from 1980)

Top 20 Horror Novels - #19) Manstopper by Douglas Borton (from 1988)

Manstopper is one of a handful of novels that I read from cover to cover in a single sitting the first time that I picked it up.  I have revisited it several times over the years and it never fails to entertain me.  This isn't all that surprising, as I'm a big fan of "nature runs amok" fare, with Jaws standing as the obvious high-water mark for that particular sub-genre.  Manstopper takes a different approach and is vastly inferior to Peter Benchley's beloved masterpiece, but it is a fine book nonetheless.  The story centers on a pack of deadly dobermans preying on the unfortunate inhabitants of a quaint little town.  These fearsome animals have been trained to kill, and when they're set loose upon an unsuspecting populace, gruesome terror ensues.  Manstopper features likable characters and an appropriate setting, and Borton does a fine job with all the suspense and outright terror that his killer dogs conjure up.  Each of these fascinating creatures has a name and a personality, and the author's efforts to capture portions of the tale from their perspective are admirable.  There's also a human villain in the mix, and the plot is just complex enough to allow the reader to really sink their hooks in while remaining simple enough to rocket along at a breakneck pace.  The author shows little restraint, but I don't think that the novel ever devolves into trashy pulp--though it certainly toes the line at times.  Manstopper is a thrilling book with a gripping climax that is totally satisfying.  Douglas Borton (who now writes thrillers as Michael Prescott) engineered a nifty exercise in excitement that delivers the goods when he wrote this book with enough bite to match a considerable bark, earning a spot on my list. 

Short Attention Span Review: Silent Rage (1982)

An attempt to blend a slasher film with a Chuck Norris action flick, Silent Rage is surely a mixed bag, but it is a highly entertaining mixed bag.  It does many things extremely well and it does many things just as poorly.  Thankfully, it starts and finishes with grand flourishes and this makes the movie's shortcomings easier to digest.  In the interest of full disclosure, I will note that some of these shortcomings do venture into the realm of unintentional comedy; the romantic subplot is a genuine disaster, and the Stephen Furst stuff* is damn near unbearable.  However, the horror bits are both the backbone and the best parts of Silent Rage.  In addition to some quality suspense and a handful of nifty jolts, the slasher aspect of the picture yields several wicked action scenes pitting our man Chuck against a murderous madman who cannot be killed.  Of course, there's also a totally needless subplot pitting Chuck against a biker gang in the early going that leads to one quality brawl but ultimately seems out of place.  Like I said at the start, it's a mixed bag.  After that rock solid opening sequence, the movie flounders until psycho killer John Kirby (played by Brian Libby) rises from the dead as the result of a forbidden experiment gone awry.  This unstoppable madman proceeds to wreak havoc and there's a significant portion of Silent Rage where Kirby stalks Ron Silver (in a rare sympathetic role) and his wife.  These sequences are incredibly intense and boast the film's biggest scare.  There's a bit of cat-and-mouse shortly thereafter in a hospital that is also riveting, and the big finale is very satisfying.  The final shot is a standard genre trick, but it is executed to perfection and ends the film on a horrific note.  If the movie were more focused on delivering on its premise and less interested in forcing romance and comedy into the mix, Silent Rage might have been a minor classic.  As it is, it still stands as one of Chuck's very best, and I would honestly rate this one as my favorite movie in his catalog given my horror jones and the strength of the parts of the movie that work.

Final Grade: B+

*As Charlie the dopey deputy, Stephen Furst bombs in a big way.  His efforts at providing comedic relief fall flat and the very presence of his character is easily the movie's biggest shortcoming.  I can't be the only one who shakes my head at the way Chuck Norris constantly assures this poor excuse for a human being that he has what it takes to be a good lawman.  Making matters worse, the end result of this exercise in poor judgment is a gruesome demise for Charlie that subsequently requires Chuck to tenderly cradle the big dumbass in his arms for a tearful goodbye.  If you can imagine that scene being anything less than an affront to acting, you have a fabulous imagination and you should definitely start your own blog.

Chuck Norris may be the film's big selling point, but the tense and
frightening aspects of Silent Rage are the picture's biggest strengths.

Short Attention Span Review: The Big Hit (1998)

A comedy masquerading as an action film, The Big Hit is a goofy flick that surely isn't as good as I think it is.  The story concerns a band of dimwitted assassins and centers on Mark Wahlberg as Melvin Smiley.  That's right, the main character is a fearless killer who survives a series of increasingly ludicrous action scenes, and his name is Melvin Smiley.  That should tell you almost everything you need to know about The Big Hit.  Silly, totally irrelevant, and bolstered by a great cast, this is one of those oddball movies that you come to treasure while wondering how the hell they ever got produced in the first place.  That being said, if you have a taste for the absurd, you'll laugh your ass off while watching The Big Hit.  Lou Diamond Phillips steals the show as the villain, delivering what is probably his best performance.  Look, I like Lou, so I don't mean that as an insult.  I'm dead serious.  He is positively hilarious here, and it's a part that would have tripped most actors up.  He totally gets it, and he owns the movie.  Plug someone else in his role and I might not even like this one--he's that good.  In addition to the laughs, which come fast and furious, there's also an abundance of violence in the movie, though it's so flamboyant and ridiculous that it would be fair to say that The Big Hit comes across as a live-action cartoon.  Buildings blow up, bullets litter the floor, and people are killed, but it all seems fairly lighthearted.  That sounds weird, doesn't it?  I guess it is.  It's definitely unique, it's definitely not for everyone, and I'm probably crazy for liking it as much as I do.  These reviews are all about keeping it real, though, and here's the inside scoop on my relationship with The Big Hit: I'm pretty sure that I love it.

Final Grade: B+

True Story: Lou Diamond Phillips should have won
an Oscar for his work as Cisco in The Big Hit.

Short Attention Span Review: No One Lives (2012)

No One Lives is far from perfect.  There are plot holes, some of the acting is rather questionable, the editing is uneven in places, and there's a bit of confusion here and there as to the overall tone of the picture.  Is it a cheesy thrill ride with no soul or a legitimate horror film exploring some dark themes?  There are times when gifted director Ryûhei Kitamura (Versus, Godzilla: Final Wars, The Midnight Meat Train) doesn't seem to know for sure, but viewers will quickly realize that this one is a campy frightfest that shouldn't be taken too seriously.  As such, it mostly succeeds in spite of its flaws.  How does it manage to do that?  Well, the movie's biggest strength is surely Luke Evans as the dude who should not have been fucked with, a cool and calculated killer who gets all of the flick's best lines.  I'm really starting to like this cat and even if No One Lives is a B-rate horror movie, this could be the best part that he has been given.  Of course, he has also played Zeus and Dracula (Dracula Untold), so it's not like Hollywood is giving him the shaft. Anyway, in this movie a gang of redneck crooks make the mistake of messing with the smooth and inventive villain played by Evans, thereby turning a demented murderer into the hero of a wild and exciting feature.  Sick and mean-spirited, No One Lives isn't for everyone, but gorehounds and those with a dark sense of humor won't be disappointed.  Evans dispatches his foes with style and this bizarro slasher movie cranks out some wildly creative kills.  The picture is dripping with blood and the effects are surprisingly solid.  No One Lives rockets along, seldom pausing for anything other than a ghoulish joke, a jolt of action, or a wicked death scene.  It isn't a great movie, but the right type of person will have a great time with this gruesome oddity.

Final Grade: C+

Luke Evans gets bloody in No One Lives.

Short Attention Span Review: Killer Joe (2011)

I greatly enjoy many of William Friedkin's films.  The Exorcist is an iconic horror film, and I'm equally fond of his most underrated picture, Sorcerer.  In truth, I typically have a hard time recommending Sorcerer because it's so grim that I know that many probably won't enjoy it despite the fact that I believe that it's a genuine masterpiece.  With that in mind, let me start this review by saying that Sorcerer is about as merry and heart-warming as Annie when compared with Killer Joe.  Seriously, this is one nasty movie, and it gleefully takes vulgarity to new heights.  Or should it be lows?  It doesn't matter--the point is simply this: there are times when this movie is surely as grotesque and revolting as anything you're apt to see that is worth watching.  Yet it is also a superb effort bolstered by fabulous performances, flawless direction, and remarkable cinematography.  The script (adapted by Tracy Letts from his play) is also a major achievement in that it keeps you riveted even though the cast of characters is mostly unlikable and the story that unfolds is a wicked descent into utter depravity.  It's really Mathew McConaughey's show, and he sizzles throughout, totally owning a part that would have brought many gifted performers to their knees.  He is vicious, charismatic, insane, and extremely entertaining.  The rest of the cast (including Emile Hirsch, Juno Temple, Gina Gershon and her beaver pelt, and Thomas Haden Church, who join forces to portray what may be the stupidest family in the history of the cinema) are also down for this darkly comedic ride.  The ending is truly marvelous--I'm tempted to say that it may be the finest abrupt ending that I've ever beheld.  It's a perfect spot to close the show out even though it comes during the most striking moment in the film and leaves you with a couple of potent questions to ponder during the credits.  In closing, if you can stomach it, you're going to be rather amazed by Killer Joe.

Final Grade: A

You will never look at a drumstick quite the same way after watching this one.

O.K. by Paul West

I just finished O.K. by Paul West, labelled an account of "the corral, the Earps, and Doc Holliday," and in truth it is all of those things, though the emphasis here clearly rests upon the latter.  This is Doc's story, told from Doc's point of view, and it centers on a complex and vastly misunderstood man's efforts to define himself.  Is he a dentist, a gentleman, a gambler, a gunslinger, or an agent of the law?  Is he all of the above?  In West's unique take on the man, no one knows, least of all Doc--at least the Doc whose mind West attempts to crawl inside.  Of course, whether or not his take on the notorious figure is accurate or not is debatable, but there is a sense that the author may have latched onto something authentic.  I found his efforts to flesh out this iconic gunmen to be both moving and inspiring, and I applaud his work here.

The prose is poetic and roams throughout the book, carrying us through the details of Doc's life, savoring some of his most memorable moments while treating others like minor details (or essentially ignoring them) in lieu of further detailing Doc's raging eternal debate.  It's rich stuff; Doc questions religion, loyalty, integrity, sex, and death, all in great detail, and West is happy to take us into the furthest reaches of a quizzical killer's mind as these themes are explored. 

West has done his homework, yet there are inaccuracies here, and honestly I don't think that a wholly accurate representation of the man was nearly as intriguing to the author as a chance to unravel the mysteries of Holliday's mind.  At best, this endeavor largely consists of guesswork, and as such, those looking for a scholarly take on the material will not be pleased.  Additionally, the very approach will put many off.  I must confess that I loathed West's work initially, though his writing soon wormed its way into my heart.  In the end, I enjoyed the book and would recommend it to those who can approach the tale with an open mind.  In the final two pages alone, I was inspired to laugh out loud before West nearly brought me to tears.

Bonus points: two of my favorite lines, both of which I decided to tweet, were contained within the same paragraph.

"I am climbing socially, I guess, downward.  From dentist to assassin.  Not bad."

"Ike Clanton was always looking for everybody until he found them, and then he lost interest."

It's Going Down This Weekend, Peeps!