Thursday, February 26, 2015

Damn you, Marvel! Damn you, DC! + Serioius Questions About Silly Shit

 It's not easy being a comic book fan, particularly if you're me.  Look, I don't know why, but I tell you this: if I really love a title, it is officially on the chopping block.  Don't believe me?  Just ask the green She-Hulk, the Thunderbolts, the red She-Hulk, or Hawkeye, among others.  Now, Marvel is apparently ready to pull the plug on my favorite title and their most underrated hero, Iron Fist (again), and DC is poised to do likewise with what may very well be my second favorite title (and the only book of theirs that I follow), Swamp Thing.  Bonus points: Spider-Man (my favorite superhero) is finally going to get involved in the film side of the Marvel universe and there are reports that his skin color is about to change.  Let me repeat: it's not easy being a comic book fan, particularly if you're me. 

No Iron Fist title?  Why?  This run has been marked by a gripping story paired with the most sensational art gracing the shelves of your favorite comic shop in 2014 and 2015, both courtesy of Kaare Andrews.  If this title truly ends with issue #12, we riot--or something.  Bitch and moan, most likely.

No Swamp Thing?  Jesus, DC, does everything have to be a Batman book?  Seriously, we can produce 718 Batman stories a month, but I can't chill with Swampy?  If Swamp Thing ends at issue #40, we riot--or something.  Yes, probably just more bitching and moaning.

And now for the powder keg: a black Spider-Man?  First off, this could mean that we're getting Miles Morales.  I don't want to see Miles Morales hanging out with the Avengers.  I don't like Miles Morales.  I like Peter Parker.  Peter Parker is Spider-Man.

No, you're not.  Shut the fuck up, Miles Morales.  Grown people are talking.  I like you about as much as I like the Ultimate universe version of Galactus.  Seriously, I'm a Marvel fanboy, and guess how many Ultimate books I follow?  None.  Zero.  Zilch.  I don't like that shit.  I like the originals just fine, and I'd rather read something new than read something that fucks with the original shit.  Which brings us to the the next paragraph, the one that may piss people off.  Maybe it should and maybe it shouldn't.  I honestly don't know.

So, here goes.  What if it isn't Miles Morales?  What if it's just a black Peter Parker?  Am I a racist because I don't really like that idea?  Okay, first off,  I think I'd rather have a black Peter Parker than Miles Morales, but I'm not 100% sure.  It's hard to choose from two things you aren't really keen on with any confidence.  Truthfully, I like the idea of fucking with Peter Parker about as much I like that Ultimate line bullshit.  Do I think that's racist?  No, I don't.  Not even a little bit.  Guess who would be bitching like crazy if they dropped a white Blade on us?  This guy.  White Luke Cage?  Me again.  I don't like the idea of tweaking stuff in that manner--and that would go for race or sex.  Seriously, a male Storm?  I'm not hearing it.  Deadpool as a chick?  Nope.  Black Widow as a dude?  Can that noise.  I wouldn't like any of that shit.

At the end of the day, I don't know if it really makes a difference or not, but I don't like it.  I know that.  I wouldn't like it if they moved Peter from New York to California.  I wouldn't really like it if they made him blonde.  I wouldn't be cool with it if he became an actor instead of a lowly photographer.  I didn't like the Andrew Garfield "cool outsider" approach as much as the Tobey Maguire "straight-up geek" approach because one didn't feel genuine to me and the other was what I grew up reading.  How much does any of this shit really matter?  Could you stay true to all the things that make Spider-Man so entertaining if Peter Parker was a black actor who lived in California?  Shit, I don't know.  If I'm keeping it real, though, I don't want to find out.  Maybe I am being silly.  Maybe it doesn't matter at all, but if you're going to adapt something to the screen, why not be as faithful to the source material as possible.  Is that racist?  Is it pointless?  Again, I don't know.  Who has the definitive answers when it comes to this kind of stuff?

I will also note this as today's blog winds down: you may have noticed that I pointed out that Iron Fist and Swamp Thing are my favorite titles while Spider-Man is my favorite character.  That may seem odd, but it's true.  Why is that?  Well, as much as I love the character of Spider-Man, his popularity has essentially turned his comics into a never-ending series of publicity stunts over the years.  I'm sure that this approach has been very profitable for Marvel, but as much as I love Spidey, it has made it hard for his books to keep up with the freshest material hitting the shelves every month.  I only point that out because it may figure into this whole "black Spider-Man" debate.  It feels distinctly publicity stunt-esque.  Once again, I bet it would make money, but as a fan I'm far more interested in seeing a good movie or reading a good comic than knowing that Marvel made mad loot.  I'm pretty sure Marvel's making mad loot any way it goes.  Seriously, those motherfuckers probably came out okay with the Elektra movie.

As always, maybe I'm wrong, and if I have offended anyone, well, tough shit.  Some of you people offend me with the way you get offended all the time.  We need open conversation in this society a lot more than we need delicate motherfuckers who are always getting offended.  I'm just asking questions.  Are they serious questions?  Perhaps, perhaps not, and if they are serious questions, they're serious questions about silly shit.  If you have the answers (or think that you do), please share them with me.  Would Spider-Man still be Spider-Man if he was a Canadian Mountie (as opposed to a Jamaican Mountie) who lived in Winnipeg?  Does anyone out there really like Miles Morales more than Peter Parker?  Why can't I have my Iron Fist and my Swamp Thing comics? 

Why does Justified have to end?

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