Top 5 Wings Hauser Movies

Top 5 Wings Hauser Movies

Well, this is long overdue.  Those who have followed my blog or perused my offerings for RVA Magazine are familiar with my "Top 5" pieces.  And those who know me best are well aware that I've been a big fan of Wings Hauser since I was a teenager haunting my local video stores and carrying on a torrid relationship with cable television.  No bullshit, there are framed photos of Wings on display in my home, a testament to both my fascination with this bold talent and my wife's love for me.    

A star athlete who took his moniker from the position he played in football ("wingback"), Hauser embraced his Hollywood roots and made the jump to acting at an early age.  Known for his over the top antics and his ability to portray lunatic heavies or tough-guy heroes alike with profound intensity, Wings became a true blue B movie icon.  Not only that, but many may be surprised at the depths of his artistry.  In addition to his work on the screen, Hauser has also directed motion pictures.  Hell, he even cut an album for RCA (Your Love Keeps Me Off the Streets) in 1975.

I consider myself an authority where his filmography is concerned, and working up this Top 5 had me sweating bullets.  If you combine his work in film and television, Wings has well over a hundred acting credits to his name.  There are some fine pictures and a dazzling array of bravura performances within those ranks.  Sometimes this blogging business is a tough gig, good people, but after a lot of deliberation, I have made my picks.

Top 5 Wings Hauser Movies - #5) Deadly Force (1983)

Honestly, this one could aptly be described as equal parts "rogue cop hunting a serial killer" flick and "rogue cop hunting a serial killer" parody a la Airplane!.  Yes, Deadly Force is pretty fucking ridiculous.  It's also highly entertaining, mostly due to Hauser's off the rails work as the lead.  Wings stars as Stoney Cooper (no explanation is given, so we're left to assume that his birth name is actually Stoney), an ex-cop who plays by his own rules and embodies pretty much every cliche imaginable where such heroes are concerned.  The character is outrageous, a hackneyed creation who plays the piano when he isn't using bravado and tenderness to negotiate with would-be bombers or traveling across the country to hunt down a serial killer as a favor to an old friend.  No, really.  This caricature comes courtesy of a contrived plot that piles on the excess at every turn and hits so many familiar beats that it emerges as a cinematic exercise in recycling.  However, Wings throws himself into the role with such passion, physicality, and abandon that the viewer can't help but be pulled in--even while groaning at the shameless exploitation on display.  Case in point: there's a big sequence where Stoney is nearly gunned down while taking a bath, requiring Hauser to flail around in the nude.  In slow motion.  For entirely too long.  And he's all in, peeps, devoting himself to the scene as though it were the sleazy action movie equivalent of Marc Antony's funeral speech.  It has to be seen to be fully appreciated.  It's Deadly Force, guys.  It's trashy, it's absurd, it's relentless, and it is so painfully bad that it arrives at oh so very good.  It's also a perfect example of the flamboyant machismo that made Wings a pillar of the cult cinema circuit.

Stoney Cooper, ladies and gentlemen.  You can try to take him out while he's taking a bath, but he'll roll around showing the world his soapy ass and dodging bullets, and then he'll hunt you down. 

Top 5 Wings Hauser Movies - #4) Reason to Die (1990)

Wings specialized in violent motion pictures; he usually played either a hero operating outside the law or a deranged baddie.  Reason to Die is a film he carries as the good guy while Arnold Vosloo oozes menace as a psycho who preys on prostitutes in South Africa.  Reason to Die stands out for two reasons.  First, while many of Hauser's films were hampered by meager budgets or shoddy craftsmanship, this is one slick production free of such shortcomings.  In particular, I think it makes great use of the setting, with the seedy underbelly of South Africa giving the filmmakers an unusual palette.  This makes some of the familiar machinations of the plot feel less derivative, and it gives the piece as a whole a different feel.  Secondly, it may just be the most violent of Hauser's movies.  Vosloo is largely responsible for this, with his twisted killer notching a body count that would make Jason Vorhees proud.  These killings come in the most gratuitous fashion, with the picture placing a shameless emphasis on titillation and terror.  Wings bashes plenty of heads together on the hunt for this prolific madman, enduring intense scrutiny from the local authorities every step of the way.  This is a fast-paced affair, and it is strictly designed to deliver the goods where fistfights, gunfights, and murder are concerned.  Even for this sort of cult cinema thriller, Reason to Die is a bit savage, and forgive me, but I do see that as a selling point.  Having said that, there is also a commendable effort made to inject some emotional heft into the proceedings, and Wings surely makes the most of this opportunity.  It's almost enough to give this Elliot Canner character legitimate depth.  Almost.  He shows some heart, but remains too damn badass to feel like anything other than a gritty B movie hero.  Shit, toward the end of the picture, he uses his lover as bait in a desperate bid to bring Vosloo down.  At the end of the day, Reason to Die is no masterpiece, but it could be seen as a master class in sadistic exploitation and sleazy thrills.  Wings is at his brazen best throughout, and Reason to Die is a perfect example of his no holds barred brand of entertainment.

There's a whole lot of violence going down in this bloody 1990 thriller.
Also: this is the face your lover makes when you use them as a bait to land a serial killer.

Top 5 Wings Hauser Movies - #3) Siege of Firebase Gloria (1989)

The third picture to make my list is probably the best Vietnam movie you never saw.  Now, this picture is light-years from landmark offerings like Apocalypse Now or Platoon, but ranks among the very best of the Vietnam features produced in the absence of a visionary director and a big budget.  There's a lot of trash in this vein, but there are also movies like Go Tell the Spartans or The Boys in Company C.  Siege of Fireplace Gloria belongs among those outings, and one of its biggest assets is a strong performance from Wings as DiNardo, a steely Marine who unravels during the Tet Offensive.  Playing a sidekick of sorts to the great R. Lee Ermey, Wings shows a bit of subtlety here and there (not exactly his trademark), and also gets to display a bit more range than usual.  It's a rare supporting part for Hauser and an even rarer starring role for Ermey.  This pairing is a big win in my book--they play well off of one another, and if either of these parts had been miscast, the movie itself would have misfired and descended into the ranks of those lesser war movies.  Gritty and well-rounded, Siege of Firebase Gloria doesn't sanctify its heroes or demonize its villains.  Many have come forward to hail it as one of the more realistic depictions of the horror and confusion that defined this particular military conflict.  It focuses on tough men making tough choices in the toughest of conditions, and in doing so, it paints a picture that is both grim and inspiring.  Siege of Firebase Gloria is not a typical Wings flick at all, but it is one of the better movies that he appeared in, and it shows a different side of this cult cinema stalwart. 

This would be one of those forgettable war flicks if not for these two guys, who play extremely well off of one another.

Top 5 Wings Hauser Movies - #2) Mutant a.k.a Night Shadows (1984)

Note: What follows is my Short Attention Span Review of Mutant from March 15, 2015.  I thought about writing a new capsule for this Top 5, but there's a segment in this review spotlighting Bo Hopkins that ranks among my favorite bits that I have ever included in one of my reviews.  I couldn't pass up the chance to share it once more.

I'm pretty sure that Mutant (a.k.a. Night Shadows) is a bad movie.  It may even be a terrible movie.  I'm also going to give it a decent grade here because I believe that it is very entertaining.  Honestly, it may actually be a good movie--fairly good anyway.  Forgive me, sometimes it's hard to tell with these schlocky horror flicks.  I am sure of this: if it is good, it's not very good, and if it is bad, it's of the "so bad that it's good" variety.  The leads are Wings Hauser and Bo Hopkins, so that definitely earns the picture some credit in my book.  I'm a big fan of Wings, and I feel that his B-movie legacy is the stuff of legend.  He has also appeared in some major films, to include his amazing performance in Vice Squad, a personal favorite of mine.  Bo Hopkins was a charismatic and likable performer who always did a great job of playing Bo Hopkins.  Not surprisingly, he plays Bo Hopkins well in Mutant.  Wings and Bo hold this creative shocker together despite some flaws, most of which pertain to the lackluster creature effects and make-up.  Yet there are some decent scares, and the plot sprinkles a few surprises in the mix to keep us on our toes throughout.  There are a host of maniacal hillbillies that our heroes must deal with when they aren't on the run from a new breed of zombie/vampire/mutant/I'm-not-really-sure-exactly-what-the-hell-these-things-are.  These shambling mystery monsters are the result of the reckless disposal of volatile waste, making Mutant another of those "Man fucks with the ecosystem, man gets eaten" stories they taught us about in high school.  Only man doesn't get eaten this time out--it's a twist!  These things that resemble sick people wearing Alice Cooper make-up have slits on their palms that ooze acidic slime.  If they touch you and get this perilous slime on you, you get to join the club.  Hey, it's different, and it ramps up the tension considerably during the rollicking finale.  With zombies, you can fight them off so long as they don't sink their teeth into you, but with these things, you're toast if they manage to touch you.  The direction from John "Bud" Cardos (the man responsible for Kingdom of the Spiders) is solid, and the film zips along.  For whatever reason, I'm actually really fond of Mutant, and while some will surely view it as a failure, I'm definitely going to give it a passing grade.

Note: I gave it a "C."  Still, it's a very entertaining C.  I chose it for the second spot on this list because it is one of Hauser's most enjoyable features.  This is one of those movies I can watch over and over again.  It's far from perfect in so many regards, but it is perfectly entertaining.  Wings is at his very best, and of all the films where he got to wear the white hat, I would pick this part as his most likable hero.  It's also one of a handful of such films where he's more of a normal guy than some absolute badass, but he does handle himself pretty well once the shit hits the fan.  If you dig horror films of this era and want to see Wings kill it as a good guy taking on asshole hillbillies and kooky mutant/zombie hybrids, Mutant is where it's at.

These guys really want to get their hands on my list of the Top 5 Wings Hauser Movies.

Top 5 Wings Hauser Movies - #1) Vice Squad (1982)

Hauser's breakthrough role remains his best performance all these years and parts later, and Vice Squad is also the best movie he ever appeared in.  It is exploitation at its very best, operating with a laser focus as a single night of savage debauchery unfolds.  Wings plays Ramrod, a psychotic pimp, and he doesn't just steal every scene he's in, he steals the entire movie.  This despite career-best performances from both Season Hubley and Gary Swanson as the de facto leads.  And Hubley and Swanson are both fully immersed and absolutely terrific in this sleazy thriller on speed, and their work also deserves high praise.  Wings is simply on another level, snarling and raging as one of the most despicable heavies the cinema has ever spawned.  The part is a perfect match for Hauser's boundless energy and formidable swagger--I would say it's a match made in heaven, but if you ask any of the hookers he ravages or rival pimps that he castrates, they'll likely dub it a match made in hell.  The script is a treasure chest brimming with kooky scenes, dope lines, potent suspense, and ferocious action.  And at least one huge laugh that comes from out of nowhere.  It's hard to believe that director Gary Sherman didn't become a household name in the industry, though horror fans may fondly recall his Raw Meat.  It's no surprise that Hauser went on to become such a presence in the motion picture industry, though it is certainly fair to wonder why he didn't secure more showcase roles in equally transcendent features.  In truth, when I started this Top 5, I knew beyond any shadow of a doubt that it would culminate with Vice Squad.  I hold the film itself in high esteem, and Ramrod is one of the most darkly charismatic characters I have ever encountered.  He's a monster, but he is so dogged and Hauser is so guns-blazing intense that you almost wind up rooting for the guy.  One thing is for sure: movies are seldom so exciting as when this rampaging lunatic is running wild on the screen, and few performers have been so impressive in any role.  If you want to see Wings Hauser at his very best, dial up Vice Squad and enjoy the show.  

Note: For a more in-depth look at what may be the best exploitation movie of them all, please check out the Cult Classics from Dimension X piece I did for Vice Squad way back in 2013.

Wings Hauser rages across the screen in Vice Squad, which may be the best exploitation movie ever made.

Top 5 Chuck Norris Movies

Top 5 Chuck Norris Movies

 I was born in 1978, but my memory wasn't firing on all cylinders as a babe, so that pretty much makes me a child of the 80s.  As such, and given that I may be a bit of a martial arts fanatic, it should come as no surprise that I'm a big fan of the one and only Chuck Norris.  With that in mind, I decided to resurrect my Top 5 theme that has produced so many enjoyable pieces over the years and rank my favorite films starring everyone's favorite asskicker who has yet to take his asskicking talents to another plane of existence.  First off, though, I should note that I am restricting this piece to films that Chuck received top billing in.  The best film he ever appeared in was obviously Return of the Dragon, and his showdown with Bruce Lee during that picture's climax is also his best throwdown--but it won't be featured here.  Sadly, his second best throwdown came in a picture where he did receive top billing, but The Octagon is kind of a mess and it didn't make my list either.  Regardless, that's enough about movies that didn't make the cut; let's start at the bottom and work our way to the top.

 #5) Firewalker (1986)

Okay, so admittedly Firewalker is a little hit and miss, but it makes up for what it lacks in special effects or polish in sheer entertainment.  Norris does a bit of a send-up of his typical super badass persona here, and while his Max Donigan is a solid fighter, he isn't much of a marksman and it is certainly safe to say that he's not the sharpest tool in the shed.  Chuck hams it up throughout this action adventure that frequently veers toward parody when it isn't paying homage to films like Raiders of the Lost Ark.  While it can't be said that Norris has a gift for comedy, it is fair to say that his charisma and a decent script generate several laughs.  Louis Gossett, Jr. was in his prime here, and it is entirely possible that he steals the show in his role as Leo Porter.  Porter is a little savvier, a much better shot, and he's not exactly a pushover when it comes to fisticuffs.  Norris and Gossett have solid chemistry and their bickering-laden friendship is one of Firewalker's biggest strengths.  Sonny Landham is also rather imposing as the heavy, and Melody Anderson does a fine job of offsetting all the macho antics on display with a little beauty and grace--and she might bring more to the proceedings in the way of comedy than any of her co-stars.  In the end, those looking for kung fu treachery may be a bit disappointed, but those who enjoy a goofy adventure yarn that goes for an equal measure of excitement and chuckles will have a lot of fun with this poor man's treasure hunt.  I also think that the finale is worthwhile and I have no qualms about starting this list off with a Norris picture many of his fans may not be nearly as enamored with.

Final Grade: B-

He's no Steve Martin, but Norris and the rest of the cast have a lot of fun with their roles in Firewalker.

#4) The Delta Force (1986)

Early on, in a move that distinguishes it from standard Chuck Norris action films, The Delta Force takes a serious approach to the carnage on display.  This is likely due to the parallels between the terrorist attack depicted in the movie and the actual hijacking of TWA Flight 847 a year prior to the film's release.  The restraint is perhaps most evident in Robert Forster's cold and calculating performance as the villainous Abdul, though it also presents itself when the standard disaster film trappings (to include the presence of one George Kennedy in the cast) are never allowed to become overly sensational or melodramatic.  Having said that, things change once Lee Marvin hits the scene, expertly playing a grizzled leader of men with a certain blonde-haired and battle-hardened human dynamo at his disposal.  That's when the The Delta Force becomes standard action fare with an emphasis on good old American heroism and big ass explosions.  The execution is top-notch; this is a slick production and Menahem Golan's direction is perfectly acceptable for a rousing shoot 'em up.  This would prove to be Lee Marvin's final performance, and it is fitting that he went out playing the sort of tough guy role that he was famous for.  Truthfully, the first half of this ode to beating up terrorists is riveting and tense while the second half is more of an idealized love letter to patriotic vengeance punctuated by a trademark Alan Silvestri score.  Still, The Delta Force showcases an action icon in his prime alongside a cinema great and hits all the notes that it sets out to hit.  The cast is loaded with familiar faces and while the picture would have benefited from a shorter run time, it's still a rip-roaring kick in the pants that showcases Chuck at his very best.  

Final Grade: B-

Yes, there is some restraint shown in portions of The Delta Force, but not in the "Chuck Norris driving a motorcycle outfitted with a rocket launcher" portion.

 #3) Missing in Action 2: The Beginning (1985)

You had me at "Chuck Norris gets captured in Vietnam and has to lead a daring escape from a brutal prison camp."  True story: if that premise holds any appeal for you, you're going to have a great time with the best* film in the Missing in Action series.  Colonel James Braddock is a trademark Norris role, and our man Chuck was clearly as adept at playing this kind of determined tough guy with an unbreakable spirit as he was at dishing out flying side kicks.  This sequel/prequel sets the stage for a gung-ho finale by putting our war-ravaged hero and his fellow survivors through pure hell for much of the picture.  The infamous rat scene (I'm not going to spoil this tasty bit for you if you haven't seen it) is not only one of this film's highlights, but also stands as the very epitome of a classic Chuck Norris moment.  Soon-Tek Oh is sheer perfection as the heartless Colonel Yin, and his vicious tyrant may be the most loathsome villain Chuck ever squared off against.  Several of Chuck's co-stars also shine in this one, with Steven Williams in particular giving the film some serious punch as Nester.  A despicable traitor for 99% of his screen time, Nester makes quite an emotional exit when he ultimately redeems himself by sacrificing his life for the men he turned on.  For a kickass action flick, there's actually a lot of emotion on display during the closing reel, and fans of this type of yarn are guaranteed to get fired up watching Braddock beat the shit out of Yin while dedicating his various kicks and punches to his fallen comrades.  While it owes far more to red-blooded 80s action cinema than anything resembling a realistic take on the P.O.W. experience, Missing in Action 2: The Beginning is a riveting flick with Chuck anchoring a worthy cast and delivering the goods.     

Final Grade: B+

*To be fair, the first entry in this series is sub-par and the third one is nothing short of terrible. 

Chuck leads a band of weary survivors as they suffer greatly before mounting an escape and kicking some serious ass in Missing in Action 2: The Beginning.

#2) Silent Rage (1982) 

What do you get when you blend a horror movie with a Chuck Norris action saga?  Well, Silent Rage is surely a mixed bag, but it must be said that it is a highly entertaining mixed bag.  As such, it does many things extremely well and it does many things just as poorly.  Thankfully, it starts and finishes with grand flourishes, and this makes the movie's shortcomings easier to digest.  In the interest of full disclosure, I will note that some of these shortcomings do venture into the realm of unintentional comedy; the romantic subplot is a genuine disaster, and the Stephen Furst stuff* is damn near unbearable.  However, the horror bits are both the backbone and the best parts of Silent Rage.  In addition to some quality suspense and a handful of nifty jolts, the slasher aspect of the picture yields several wicked action scenes pitting our man Chuck against a murderous madman who cannot be killed.  Of course, there's also a totally needless subplot pitting Chuck against a biker gang that leads to a big brawl but ultimately seems out of place.  Like I said earlier, it's a mixed bag.  After a rock solid opening sequence that both establishes the villain and the hero of the picture and seemingly removes the villain from the equation, the movie flounders until psycho killer John Kirby (played by Brian Libby) rises from the dead.  His resurrection comes as the result of a forbidden experiment gone awry and turns Kirby into an unstoppable madman whose wounds heal instantly.  This frightening killer with an insatiable bloodlust proceeds to wreak havoc and there's a significant portion of Silent Rage where Kirby stalks Ron Silver (in a rare sympathetic role) and his wife.  This section of the movie is incredibly intense and boasts the film's biggest scare.  There's also a bit of cat-and-mouse shortly thereafter in a hospital that is equally riveting, and the big finale is very satisfying.  The final shot is a standard genre trick, but it is executed to perfection and ends the film on a horrific note--and I'm cool with that.  If the movie were more focused on delivering on its premise and less interested in forcing romance and comedy into the mix, Silent Rage might have emerged as a minor classic.  As it is, it still stands as one of Chuck's very best, and I do rate this one as my favorite movie in his catalog given my horror jones and the strength of the parts of the movie that click.

Final Grade: B+

*As Charlie the dopey deputy, Stephen Furst bombs in a big way.  His efforts at providing comedic relief fall flat and the very presence of his character is easily the movie's biggest shortcoming.  I can't be the only one who shakes my head at the way Chuck Norris constantly assures this poor excuse for a human being that he has what it takes to be a good lawman.  Making matters worse, the end result of this exercise in poor judgment is a gruesome demise for Charlie that subsequently requires Chuck to tenderly cradle the big dumbass in his arms for a tearful goodbye.  If you can imagine that scene being anything less than an affront to acting, you have a fabulous imagination and you should definitely start your own blog. 

Chuck Norris may be the film's big selling point, but the tense and
frightening aspects of Silent Rage are the picture's biggest strengths.

 #1) Lone Wolf McQuade (1982)

Lone Wolf McQuade owes as much to spaghetti westerns as it does to karate movies, and with Chuck in the driver's seat this proves to be a match made in heaven.  The picture takes 80s action movies madness to such extremes that it is positively surreal at times, and nowhere is this more obvious than during the opening sequence.  Seriously, the approach Chuck takes to corralling a band of Mexican desperadoes in the opening reel is 100% style and 0% plausibility, but it works to perfection, setting the stage for an operatic battle between good and evil painted in vivid strokes.  Chuck was perfectly suited for the part of Texas Ranger J.J. McQuade, a determined lawman who approaches his job more like a man on a crusade than a policeman on a payroll.  The villain he must contend with is a bold kingpin with a gift for martial arts, and David Carridine was perfectly suited for this role.  McQuade is a man of grit and determination while Carradine's Rawley Wilkes is a sadistic vessel of pride and contempt.  Here is another match made in heaven, and every interaction between these two titans pops in a big way, leading up to a stellar showdown.  The score by Francesco De Masi is pure magic; while the on-screen action is already larger-than-life and bursting with color, the proceedings take on truly epic proportions when partnered with De Masi's spectacular themes.  Additionally, Lone Wolf McQuade contains the Chuck Norris scene to end all Chuck Norris scenes.  Picture this: McQuade, battered and unconscious, is tossed into his truck and the vehicle is buried beneath the desert sand.  McQuade awakens, pops the tab on a beer, takes a big chug before dousing himself with the rest, and then he lets loose with a defiant roar and drives that mother right out of the ground.  It's so damn silly and so very Chuck Norris that you can't help but love it.  Lone Wolf McQuade is a slick exercise in machismo and style that I would rank as both the best Chuck Norris film out there and one of the best 80s action movies of them all.

Final Grade: A-

Chuck Norris and David Carradine square off in a grand finale that is only one of the many epic moments in Lone Wolf McQuade.

Top 5 JCVD Movies

As an avid martial artist and a movie nut, it probably isn't all that surprising that I have such an affection for kung-fu flicks.  While it's fairly easy for me to establish the upper reaches of a hierarchy in this glorious sub-genre (Bruce Lee is king, and the Shaw Brothers catalog occupies the second rung from the top), it gets a bit murky after that.  As a child of the 80s, it's no shocker that I have mad love for Chuck, and the 90s were also very generous to my generation so far as flying kicks and karate chops are concerned.  While Steven Segal and Jean-Claude Van Damme were vying for box office supremacy on the big screen, guys like Don Wilson, Gary Daniels, and Richard Norton were kicking the shit out of the cable scene--and Jackie Chan and Jet Li were doing big business in the East.

While I enjoyed Segal's badass persona, it always bothered me that he had no real competition in his movies.  Most of his work generally consisted of him wading through hordes of low-level goons, and he rarely squared off against any real physical threats.  For the longest time, his biggest test came in the form of a coked-up William Forsythe in Out for Justice.  Meanwhile, though JCVD features piled on the cheese and chutzpah and frequently veered toward the ridiculous, he had his fair share of quality showdowns along the way.  That's primarily why I came to favor his work, and for whatever reason, I have been revisiting his catalog recently.  As I look back, I can't help but use this platform to shape and share my thoughts.

That's right, folks, it's time for another Top 5, and this one is devoted to the action move megastar known as "The Muscles from Brussels" and his acrobatic martial arts classics/cheesefests.

Top 5 JCVD Movies

#5) Cyborg (1989)

The third Van Damme movie that I ever saw (with No Retreat, No Surrender being the first and Bloodsport being the second) remains one of my favorites for many reasons.  First off, it's incredibly lean and mean.  Running a mere 86 minutes, this grim futuristic revenge saga surely ranks among the star's darkest outings.  Secondly, it features what may be his best action sequence.  The big showdown in the middle of the flick where he takes on all comers and kicks ass for a solid ten minutes or so before the numbers game and fatigue finally do him in is positively massive.  Third, I always enjoyed director Albert Pyun's hyper-charged bottom feeders, and Cyborg is probably his finest hour.  Cyborg most certainly has its flaws, to include some dodgy effects work, a narrative so simplistic that even at only 86 minutes the movie sports some padding that makes it all too redundant at times, and a climax that can't help but be overshadowed by that epic throwdown in the middle of the picture.   However, it remains a riveting showcase for JCVD.  His career was just getting started when he made this one, but his talent and charisma were evident.  The picture itself is a gripping thrill ride with one hell of a mean streak.  Including this picture on my list at #5 seems like a fair assessment, but if I'm being completely honest, it probably ranks a bit higher in my heart.

You know what?  That action sequence in the middle of Cyborg isn't just one of Van Damme's baddest setpieces, it is one of the most bone-jarring setpieces in the realm of martial arts cinema as a whole.

#4) Universal Soldier (1992)

In my opinion, this is an easy call for this particular Top 5, but it doesn't rank any higher because I feel there are a few things that should be noted.  Most importantly, I believe it is a bit overrated simply because it pits Van Damme against Dolph Lundgren.  For whatever reason, while it has never been uncommon for major stars to work together in most genres, it always seems like a big deal when a couple of action heroes share the screen.  Long before The Expendables took things to a whole new level, we had to settle for Universal Soldier and Tango & Cash, and, well, Tango & Cash is Tango & Cash.  I don't mean that in a bad way, I mean that in a Tango & Cash way--which is pretty much the same thing, but I digress.  Anyway, it seemed like a big deal when these two titans shared the screen, and they do have chemistry, and each guy brings impressive physical tools to the table.  Take the star power out of the equation, however, and you're left with a non-sensical sci-fi slugfest that defies logic at every turn.  But that's okay, because as it turns out, so long as you have JCVD and Dolph on board, you don't need logic.  The second major point I should make is that while this may be Van Damme's list, Universal Soldier is Dolph Lundgren's show.  Don't get me wrong, this is actually one of Jean-Claudes better performances, but Dolph steals every scene that he's in, steamrolling everyone around him.  Dude was clearly born to play a heavy, and the writers made this bad guy a bit of a riot, which gave Lundgren all the ammo he needed to run away with the picture.  Now, all that aside, Universal Soldier is a solid outing for Van Damme, and it is highly entertaining.  It offers up several huge action setpieces, and the filmmakers clearly spared no expense so far as big weapons and even bigger explosions are concerned.  It has a bit of heart to go along with all the mayhem, even if that bit of heart is smothered in cheese, and it is never dull.  Some may rank it a lot higher than I have, but I think the #4 spot on this list is just where this particular soldier should be deployed.

It's Van Damme's Top 5, but Universal Soldier is Dolph's movie.  Believe that.

#3) Maximum Risk 

So, this is a bit unique for one of my Top 5 lists, but I can’t see it any other way.  I am putting Maximum Risk at #3 here, and I sincerely believe that it is easily JCVD’s best movie, all things considered.  In truth, the films I will be unveiling at #2 and #1 are not that good in many ways, and each boasts numerous elements that fall under the “so bad it’s good” umbrella.  Maximum Risk, on the other hand, is a pretty damn solid venture that doesn’t veer toward the absurd or the abysmal.  However, it doesn’t have the same impact as either of those films, as they are both glorious and terrible in equal measures.  Maximum Risk suffers by comparison because it doesn’t go too heavy on the cheese and doesn’t attain nearly as much cinematic significance because it doesn’t defy logic and quality filmmaking to tremendous effect.  It merely offers up a plethora of thrills and some genuine suspense, all while telling a tale that is silly enough yet not all that far off the grid for action flicks, and it is downright mundane when viewed within the zany confines of the Van Damme catalog.  It definitely features his best adversary in Stefanos Miltsakakis, and these dudes produce three dope scraps over the course of the movie.  Their big finale is a superb close-quarters battle, and all of their throwdowns are a bit more subdued (and thereby far more realistic and exciting) than typical Jean-Claude fare, with an emphasis on grappling and sterling choreography.  Director Ringo Lam does a bang-up job with the action, providing some nifty car chases to go along with all the gunshots and fisticuffs.  The plot is convoluted and has its contrivances, to be sure, but it might as well be Heat in comparison to notable JCVD pictures like Sudden Death, Nowhere to Run, or (one of my personal favorites that did not make this list) Death Warrant.  It also features our high-kicking hero’s finest leading lady in Natasha Henstridge, who is uber talented and smoking hot—and never received her due in Hollywood.  That’s a damn shame.  All things told, I have no doubt that Maximum Risk is Van Damme’s best movie—it’s just #3 on my list if I categorize his career in terms of sheer entertainment, and, after all, that’s what we watch movies for.

These two enjoy three superb fight sequences that make Maximum Risk one of Van Damme's most thrilling movies.

#2) Hard Target (1993)

In Hard Target, JCVD stars as a buff hobo/martial arts dynamo/Marine Corps Reconnaissance veteran who sports a combination of a mullet and a perm.  That pretty much sets the stage for this one, with Lance Henriksen and Arnold Vosloo doing their best to kill our feisty hero in John Woo’s totally ridiculous take on The Most Dangerous Game.  There are scenes in this movie that reek of comedic brilliance, and yet it is an action movie--and it does benefit from Woo's stylized mayhem and Van Damme's amazing acrobatics.  Hard Target sports some of the star’s most audacious stunts, and it somehow gains points instead of losing points when these unbelievable feats come across like bits that would have been right at home in another gem from 1993, Hot Shots! Part Duex.  Yet no matter how daft the picture becomes (and it is daft, my friends, very, very daft), it remains both entertaining and compelling.  Van Damme’s Chance Boudreaux is a silly character in an extremely silly movie, no doubt about it, but you can’t help but like the guy.  He does have some funny lines, and Van Damme's overblown persona is a perfect fit for this explosive assault on common sense.  And Henriksen and Vosloo are so vile and sleazy that you can’t help but savor it when they go from stalking homeless vets with minimal athleticism and charisma to trying to hunt a ripped bum with a mullet perm who can do splits and helicopter kicks and wield any weapon in the world better than any of the bad guys.  In this movie, Van Damme: A) punches a rattlesnake and renders it unconscious so he can use it as a weapon, B) rides a motorcycle like a skateboard before leaping onto a moving van and gracefully rolling across the roof, and C) races approximately fifty yards before devastating his chief adversary with a flying sidekick while doves take flight behind him.  It's important to note that during this last spectacle, his nemesis need only raise his weapon before Van Damme completes his mad dash, but as he is stuck in ultra slow motion, he is doomed to fail.  Hard Target is more of a farce than Commando, but it has the same absurd charm—and a much better villain.  Two of them, in fact.  However, unlike Universal Soldier, JCVD manages to hold his own this time, thanks largely to Woo's artistry and a gonzo role that is right at home in this gonzo blockbuster.  It is so ludicrous that it has to be seen to be believed, but that’s okay, because you’ll have a good time seeing and believing it.  Is it a good movie or a bad movie?  I think it's both, and I also think that if you drink enough while you're watching it, you may just find Hard Target to be the best movie of all time.

Is it a perm?  Is it a mullet?  Did it make Billy Ray Cyrus jealous?

#1) Bloodsport (1988)

Bloodsport is far from perfect, but it is a damn near perfect example of the kung-fu flick.  It follows one of the surest paths to greatness in this sub-genre by focusing on a tournament (the Kumite) wherein a variety of cultures and styles will clash.  While it has some of the clunkiest exposition of all time and the intrigue away from the tournament fails to generate interest, the main dish here is the Kumite.  On that front, Bloodsport delivers in a big way, and Jean-Claude would make the most of this showcase by utilizing his acrobatic skillset to the very best of his ability.  The direction isn't bad when you consider that the areas in which the movie fails aren't the areas in which it needed to succeed most, and the score is pretty f'n rad.  The craftsmanship as a whole is robust at best and serviceable at worst.  The plot is equal parts inane 80s action flick and vintage martial arts masterpiece, and it is due to the success of the latter that it remains so entertaining.  It also spawned a few memorable lines (I'm a sucker for "I ain't your pal, dickface") and managed to spotlight JCVD's charisma as well as his incredible kicks.  If Cyborg made it clear that Van Damme had potential, Bloodsport took it one step further and established him as a star in this genre.  He has a few good battles in this one, but it's the pulse-pounding finale pitting him against the vicious Chong Li (played to sheer perfection by seasoned vet Bolo Yeung) that seals the deal.  Bloodsport arrived as the sort of film that action movie fanatics and martial arts fans alike would savor for decades, and it remains Jean-Claude Van Damme's strongest effort.  It is a perfect example of the sort of picture that made The Cannon Group so famous and infamous in equal measures.  It has a bare-bones plot, a clumsy set-up, and it suffers from a love angle that fizzles along with some needless subplots.  It succeeds, however, by placing its emphasis on a likable hero and a series of high-octane action sequences that test his mettle.  The fun concludes when our worthy hero overcomes all odds and emerges victorious, and if you're looking for a good time at the movies, there's nothing wrong with that.  When I set about ranking Jean-Claude's body of work, I found an awful lot to enjoy, but there was no doubt that Bloodsport would be the last movie standing in this Top 5.

Note: ignore the claims that the film is based on fact.  So far as anyone knows, the real Frank Dux is a bullshit artist, not a champion.

From reel to reel, Van Damme's breakthrough movie probably utilizes more of his awe-inspiring athleticism than any of his future vehicles.  

So there you have it, folks.  I must admit, this Top 5 has been a lot of fun.  I loved JCVD movies in my youth, and I had a lot of fun revisiting them.  The martial arts mayhem that made them pop is still exciting, though I didn't realize just how silly a lot of these pictures were back then.  That only made them more entertaining now, and I have to say that Van Damme churned out a lot of winners in his heyday.  Nailing down this Top 5 proved difficult, and there are several honorable mentions.  Once I moved beyond the top three, I found that a lot of the films in consideration were on pretty even footing.  Films that warranted serious consideration but failed to make the cut here include Lionheart, Death Warrant, Sudden Death, Nowhere to Run, Kickboxer, Replicant, and Until Death.  I also enjoyed Jean-Claude a lot as the villain in The Expendables 2 even if his showdown with Sly left a lot to be desired, and I wouldn't be surprised if he manages to make another big hit before all is said and done.  He can still kick, and he still has mad charisma.  He just needs the right project, and I would love to see him land it.

Top 5 Movie Shootouts: #1) The Way of the Gun (finale)

In this Top 5, I've been ranking my favorite movie shootouts for you.  This comes with a disclaimer: I'm excluding war films because they don't really seem to fit with what I'm going for.  Maybe I'll do a Top 5 Combat Scenes one day to break them down.  As always, I welcome your thoughts on my selections, and I'm equally interested in hearing about your choices, so feel free to comment and share your take.

This list started with John Wick (the Red Circle) at #5, and since then I've listed The Wild Bunch (finale) at #4, The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly (finale) at #3, and Heat (downtown L.A.) at #2.  Now, it's time to discuss my choice for the top spot on this list, a cult classic that is near and dear to my heart.  

Top 5 Movie Shootouts: #1) The Way of the Gun (finale)

To say that I greatly enjoy The Way of the Gun would be a bit of an understatement.  If I were to list my favorite movies, it may just crack that Top 5, and it would surely be in my Top 10.  While there are many things I enjoy about the picture, the exciting and yet incredibly grim shootout that brings it to a close has to be considered its strongest asset.  As soon as I decided to put this list together, I knew that I couldn't put anything else at the very top.  To do otherwise would be disingenuous, and those who know me well will tell you that I do my best to keep it real.

While the director of The Way of the Gun, Christopher McQuarrie, isn't as much of a household name as he probably should be, critics and audiences have been much kinder to his recent work with Tom Cruise than they were to his offbeat directorial debut.  This outing came about after his script for The Usual Suspects earned him broad acclaim, and I'm not sure that a quirky yet downbeat shoot 'em up served with a healthy dose of basic criminal philosophy is what anyone expected for his first feature film.  In truth, when I watched it during its theatrical run in 2000, the final product varied greatly from my expectations.  However, since I had a blast with the picture, I never held that against it. 

Like most of the films to make this Top 5, this one combines quality direction with some terrific acting.  McQuarrie got the best performance of Ryan Phillippe's life out of him in the role of Parker, a tough guy with a penchant for mouthing off, while the one and only Benecio Del Toro is sublime as his icy counterpart, Longbaugh.  These are not likable characters, and the big gunfight that they are steadily marching toward throughout the film doesn't provide them with a likable outcome.  Oh yeah, and the weary but unwavering "bag men" who our leads square off against in this blood-soaked finale are led by none other than James Caan.

Whether the conclusion is likable or not, it is most definitely a fitting way to close out this particular film, with the riveting shootout standing as a damn-near perfect metaphor for the film as a whole.  Parker and Longbaugh are both savvy and good, and we may not like the code they live by, but we have to admire them a bit for their efforts.  Unfortunately, when they make their big play, it becomes obvious that they're just not good enough.  Fortunately, their code allows them to perish under these circumstances with their honor intact.  Hell, they went for it all and gave it their very best--and they almost pulled it off.  Like the saying goes, there's no shame in trying . . .

The cinematography is a wonderful throwback to the somber hues and the brilliant splashes of blood that made the work of directors like Leone and Peckinpah so impressive to behold.  In a way, my preference for these legends (and the inclusion of some of their best work on this list) may help to explain my fondness for this gritty sleeper.  The choreography is also excellent, with McQuarrie's brother (a former Navy Seal) giving the proceedings a serious boost in the way of technical prowess.  The gun protocol and combat tactics on display here are just as important to the overall effectiveness of the showdown as the direction and the acting.  Seriously, the final shootout in The Way of the Gun probably features more reloads than you're apt to see if you go all in for a marathon of The Cannon Group's greatest hits, and Parker and Longbaugh could have put together one hell of a clinic for properly clearing a room.

It's all a bit somber and a bit gory, and it is also quite nihilistic, but for my money, there is no finer shootout in the history of the cinema than the gloomy but painstakingly authentic* conclusion to The Way of the Gun.

*There is one gag during the big gunfight at the end where the film abandons all of the realism it has worked so hard to present and clearly lampoons a typical action film's disregard for such considerations, and this knowing wink is yet another reason I love this movie so much.

. . .

Well, there you have it.  One recent hit, three indisputable masterpieces, and one cult classic to rule them all.  If you're a fellow cinephile and you too enjoy the occasional movie shootout, do share your thoughts.