Short Attention Span Review - Jackie Chan's First Strike (1996)

Short Attention Span Review - Jackie Chan's First Strike (1996)

I've been on a bit of a Jackie Chan kick lately.  Last week, I reviewed Police Story, which I have always regarded as one of this acrobatic and lovable martial arts phenom's better efforts.  I think most fans would agree with me on that.  I'm also a big fan of First Strike, which I revisited last night, and I think a lot of those same fans would rate this one as mediocre.  Now, I enjoy Police Story a little more, and I can see why this globe-trotting romp with Jackie riffing on James Bond may not get as much love.  It's definitely sillier than most of the star's pictures, with a convoluted plot and a series of playful action scenes that are utterly devoid of the bloody grit that made the mall setpiece in Police Story so f'n gnarly.  However, as I noted in my review of Police Story, the odd blend of slapstick and bone-crunching mayhem is more than a little offputting.  First Strike doesn't have the same problem; the tone is consistent whether the picture is focused on espionage or a dazzling showdown where Jackie uses ladders as weapons.  It's all in good fun, and though the stakes are high (there's a nuclear warhead involved), First Strike aims for the funny bone from start to finish.  Now, that is a curious juxtaposition in and of itself, but it works surprisingly well.  It's not really a parody of the sub-genre, but simply replacing a typical super spy with a bumbling but sincere Jackie Chan softens the impact and defangs the more sinister undercurrents in play.  What we're left with is a fast-paced and engaging picture that features some of my favorite stunts from this legendary daredevil.  In particular, I treasure that ladder bit and a stellar grand finale that spotlights some sensational underwater fight choreography--and includes sharks.  I find this 1996 vehicle for a global superstar in his prime to be an entertaining affair with a nice mix of laughs and amazing stunts.  While it may not receive as much fanfare as his most celebrated productions, I think it's almost at the same level, and I'm glad I gave it another look.

Final Grade: B

The ladder sequence is most definitely a highlight of this silly showcase.

Short Attention Span Review - Police Story (1985)

Short Attention Span Review - Police Story (1985)

Jackie Chan movies are certainly unique.  Police Story, one of his best features, is a fine example of the curious juxtaposition that Jackie enjoyed.  Police Story is equal parts slapstick, farce, and extreme violence.  It is incredibly physical, with Jackie throwing himself into both the comedic bits and the stupendous stunts with reckless aplomb.  In a way, the formula is deeply flawed, in that those who appreciate Jackie's silly antics the most probably cringe at those bone-crunching displays of martial arts mayhem--and vice-versa.  And the pictures these trademark areas of expertise yield are often uneven, as striking a balance with these disparate elements presents considerable difficulties.  Yet the reason for Jackie's enduring success is no mystery: he has incredible skills where both foolish shenanigans and dazzling action setpieces are concerned, and his passion for filmmaking is damn near unrivalled.  Police Story showcased the star at his peak, and thus produced a fair amount of chuckles and several amazing stunts.  In particular, the big finale is a true showstopper.  Set within a mall, this has to rate among Jackie's most spectacular exercises in choreagraphy, combining chases, clashes, and daring feats in an explosive demonstration of filmmaking bravado.  It's a bloodbath at times, with so much broken glass coming into play that the cast and crew allegedly dubbed the picture "Glass Story" during production.  While this is only one of the film's highlights, Police Story is worth watching for the rousing climax alone.  As a sum of its parts, it is a prototypical Jackie Chan vehicle, and that makes it an odd trip, but a trip well worth taking.

Final Grade: B+

The climax is all about gonzo stunts, stunning choreagraphy, and shattered glass.

Top 5 Chuck Norris Movies

Top 5 Chuck Norris Movies

 I was born in 1978, but my memory wasn't firing on all cylinders as a babe, so that pretty much makes me a child of the 80s.  As such, and given that I may be a bit of a martial arts fanatic, it should come as no surprise that I'm a big fan of the one and only Chuck Norris.  With that in mind, I decided to resurrect my Top 5 theme that has produced so many enjoyable pieces over the years and rank my favorite films starring everyone's favorite asskicker who has yet to take his asskicking talents to another plane of existence.  First off, though, I should note that I am restricting this piece to films that Chuck received top billing in.  The best film he ever appeared in was obviously Return of the Dragon, and his showdown with Bruce Lee during that picture's climax is also his best throwdown--but it won't be featured here.  Sadly, his second best throwdown came in a picture where he did receive top billing, but The Octagon is kind of a mess and it didn't make my list either.  Regardless, that's enough about movies that didn't make the cut; let's start at the bottom and work our way to the top.

 #5) Firewalker (1986)

Okay, so admittedly Firewalker is a little hit and miss, but it makes up for what it lacks in special effects or polish in sheer entertainment.  Norris does a bit of a send-up of his typical super badass persona here, and while his Max Donigan is a solid fighter, he isn't much of a marksman and it is certainly safe to say that he's not the sharpest tool in the shed.  Chuck hams it up throughout this action adventure that frequently veers toward parody when it isn't paying homage to films like Raiders of the Lost Ark.  While it can't be said that Norris has a gift for comedy, it is fair to say that his charisma and a decent script generate several laughs.  Louis Gossett, Jr. was in his prime here, and it is entirely possible that he steals the show in his role as Leo Porter.  Porter is a little savvier, a much better shot, and he's not exactly a pushover when it comes to fisticuffs.  Norris and Gossett have solid chemistry and their bickering-laden friendship is one of Firewalker's biggest strengths.  Sonny Landham is also rather imposing as the heavy, and Melody Anderson does a fine job of offsetting all the macho antics on display with a little beauty and grace--and she might bring more to the proceedings in the way of comedy than any of her co-stars.  In the end, those looking for kung fu treachery may be a bit disappointed, but those who enjoy a goofy adventure yarn that goes for an equal measure of excitement and chuckles will have a lot of fun with this poor man's treasure hunt.  I also think that the finale is worthwhile and I have no qualms about starting this list off with a Norris picture many of his fans may not be nearly as enamored with.

Final Grade: B-

He's no Steve Martin, but Norris and the rest of the cast have a lot of fun with their roles in Firewalker.

#4) The Delta Force (1986)

Early on, in a move that distinguishes it from standard Chuck Norris action films, The Delta Force takes a serious approach to the carnage on display.  This is likely due to the parallels between the terrorist attack depicted in the movie and the actual hijacking of TWA Flight 847 a year prior to the film's release.  The restraint is perhaps most evident in Robert Forster's cold and calculating performance as the villainous Abdul, though it also presents itself when the standard disaster film trappings (to include the presence of one George Kennedy in the cast) are never allowed to become overly sensational or melodramatic.  Having said that, things change once Lee Marvin hits the scene, expertly playing a grizzled leader of men with a certain blonde-haired and battle-hardened human dynamo at his disposal.  That's when the The Delta Force becomes standard action fare with an emphasis on good old American heroism and big ass explosions.  The execution is top-notch; this is a slick production and Menahem Golan's direction is perfectly acceptable for a rousing shoot 'em up.  This would prove to be Lee Marvin's final performance, and it is fitting that he went out playing the sort of tough guy role that he was famous for.  Truthfully, the first half of this ode to beating up terrorists is riveting and tense while the second half is more of an idealized love letter to patriotic vengeance punctuated by a trademark Alan Silvestri score.  Still, The Delta Force showcases an action icon in his prime alongside a cinema great and hits all the notes that it sets out to hit.  The cast is loaded with familiar faces and while the picture would have benefited from a shorter run time, it's still a rip-roaring kick in the pants that showcases Chuck at his very best.  

Final Grade: B-

Yes, there is some restraint shown in portions of The Delta Force, but not in the "Chuck Norris driving a motorcycle outfitted with a rocket launcher" portion.

 #3) Missing in Action 2: The Beginning (1985)

You had me at "Chuck Norris gets captured in Vietnam and has to lead a daring escape from a brutal prison camp."  True story: if that premise holds any appeal for you, you're going to have a great time with the best* film in the Missing in Action series.  Colonel James Braddock is a trademark Norris role, and our man Chuck was clearly as adept at playing this kind of determined tough guy with an unbreakable spirit as he was at dishing out flying side kicks.  This sequel/prequel sets the stage for a gung-ho finale by putting our war-ravaged hero and his fellow survivors through pure hell for much of the picture.  The infamous rat scene (I'm not going to spoil this tasty bit for you if you haven't seen it) is not only one of this film's highlights, but also stands as the very epitome of a classic Chuck Norris moment.  Soon-Tek Oh is sheer perfection as the heartless Colonel Yin, and his vicious tyrant may be the most loathsome villain Chuck ever squared off against.  Several of Chuck's co-stars also shine in this one, with Steven Williams in particular giving the film some serious punch as Nester.  A despicable traitor for 99% of his screen time, Nester makes quite an emotional exit when he ultimately redeems himself by sacrificing his life for the men he turned on.  For a kickass action flick, there's actually a lot of emotion on display during the closing reel, and fans of this type of yarn are guaranteed to get fired up watching Braddock beat the shit out of Yin while dedicating his various kicks and punches to his fallen comrades.  While it owes far more to red-blooded 80s action cinema than anything resembling a realistic take on the P.O.W. experience, Missing in Action 2: The Beginning is a riveting flick with Chuck anchoring a worthy cast and delivering the goods.     

Final Grade: B+

*To be fair, the first entry in this series is sub-par and the third one is nothing short of terrible. 

Chuck leads a band of weary survivors as they suffer greatly before mounting an escape and kicking some serious ass in Missing in Action 2: The Beginning.

#2) Silent Rage (1982) 

What do you get when you blend a horror movie with a Chuck Norris action saga?  Well, Silent Rage is surely a mixed bag, but it must be said that it is a highly entertaining mixed bag.  As such, it does many things extremely well and it does many things just as poorly.  Thankfully, it starts and finishes with grand flourishes, and this makes the movie's shortcomings easier to digest.  In the interest of full disclosure, I will note that some of these shortcomings do venture into the realm of unintentional comedy; the romantic subplot is a genuine disaster, and the Stephen Furst stuff* is damn near unbearable.  However, the horror bits are both the backbone and the best parts of Silent Rage.  In addition to some quality suspense and a handful of nifty jolts, the slasher aspect of the picture yields several wicked action scenes pitting our man Chuck against a murderous madman who cannot be killed.  Of course, there's also a totally needless subplot pitting Chuck against a biker gang that leads to a big brawl but ultimately seems out of place.  Like I said earlier, it's a mixed bag.  After a rock solid opening sequence that both establishes the villain and the hero of the picture and seemingly removes the villain from the equation, the movie flounders until psycho killer John Kirby (played by Brian Libby) rises from the dead.  His resurrection comes as the result of a forbidden experiment gone awry and turns Kirby into an unstoppable madman whose wounds heal instantly.  This frightening killer with an insatiable bloodlust proceeds to wreak havoc and there's a significant portion of Silent Rage where Kirby stalks Ron Silver (in a rare sympathetic role) and his wife.  This section of the movie is incredibly intense and boasts the film's biggest scare.  There's also a bit of cat-and-mouse shortly thereafter in a hospital that is equally riveting, and the big finale is very satisfying.  The final shot is a standard genre trick, but it is executed to perfection and ends the film on a horrific note--and I'm cool with that.  If the movie were more focused on delivering on its premise and less interested in forcing romance and comedy into the mix, Silent Rage might have emerged as a minor classic.  As it is, it still stands as one of Chuck's very best, and I do rate this one as my favorite movie in his catalog given my horror jones and the strength of the parts of the movie that click.

Final Grade: B+

*As Charlie the dopey deputy, Stephen Furst bombs in a big way.  His efforts at providing comedic relief fall flat and the very presence of his character is easily the movie's biggest shortcoming.  I can't be the only one who shakes my head at the way Chuck Norris constantly assures this poor excuse for a human being that he has what it takes to be a good lawman.  Making matters worse, the end result of this exercise in poor judgment is a gruesome demise for Charlie that subsequently requires Chuck to tenderly cradle the big dumbass in his arms for a tearful goodbye.  If you can imagine that scene being anything less than an affront to acting, you have a fabulous imagination and you should definitely start your own blog. 

Chuck Norris may be the film's big selling point, but the tense and
frightening aspects of Silent Rage are the picture's biggest strengths.

 #1) Lone Wolf McQuade (1982)

Lone Wolf McQuade owes as much to spaghetti westerns as it does to karate movies, and with Chuck in the driver's seat this proves to be a match made in heaven.  The picture takes 80s action movies madness to such extremes that it is positively surreal at times, and nowhere is this more obvious than during the opening sequence.  Seriously, the approach Chuck takes to corralling a band of Mexican desperadoes in the opening reel is 100% style and 0% plausibility, but it works to perfection, setting the stage for an operatic battle between good and evil painted in vivid strokes.  Chuck was perfectly suited for the part of Texas Ranger J.J. McQuade, a determined lawman who approaches his job more like a man on a crusade than a policeman on a payroll.  The villain he must contend with is a bold kingpin with a gift for martial arts, and David Carridine was perfectly suited for this role.  McQuade is a man of grit and determination while Carradine's Rawley Wilkes is a sadistic vessel of pride and contempt.  Here is another match made in heaven, and every interaction between these two titans pops in a big way, leading up to a stellar showdown.  The score by Francesco De Masi is pure magic; while the on-screen action is already larger-than-life and bursting with color, the proceedings take on truly epic proportions when partnered with De Masi's spectacular themes.  Additionally, Lone Wolf McQuade contains the Chuck Norris scene to end all Chuck Norris scenes.  Picture this: McQuade, battered and unconscious, is tossed into his truck and the vehicle is buried beneath the desert sand.  McQuade awakens, pops the tab on a beer, takes a big chug before dousing himself with the rest, and then he lets loose with a defiant roar and drives that mother right out of the ground.  It's so damn silly and so very Chuck Norris that you can't help but love it.  Lone Wolf McQuade is a slick exercise in machismo and style that I would rank as both the best Chuck Norris film out there and one of the best 80s action movies of them all.

Final Grade: A-

Chuck Norris and David Carradine square off in a grand finale that is only one of the many epic moments in Lone Wolf McQuade.

Short Attention Span Review: Forced Vengeance (1982)

Short Attention Span Review: Forced Vengeance (1982)

Forced Vengeance is a typical American kung-fu flick for its era, and as such, it is both amateurish in many ways and entertaining enough to warrant a viewing.  The chief asset here is Chuck Norris, of course, and he plays a surprisingly hard-edged character.  Also atypical for his work is the sex and extreme violence depicted herein, to include some gore to go along with all of the star's blazing kicks.  I think this works in the film's favor, as the role of a casino enforcer wouldn't have worked with one of the actor's trademark "really nice guy who can kick a lot of ass" performances.  Unfortunately, it is a bit mean-spirited and (even worse) decidedly misogynistic.  That certainly takes a lot of the pleasure out of an action flick that never aspires to be anything more than a guilty pleasure.  Bummer, dude.  Oh, and lest I forget, the narration (courtesy of Chuck) is both totally unnecessary and 100% lifeless.  It's like he's reading this shit for the first time, and the content consists of needless exposition (this is not a difficult film to follow) and woeful attempts at some poor writer's idea of kung fu noir.  Take this nugget that serves to wrap things up:  "Hong Kong.  A borrowed place that lives on borrowed time.  The British run it now.  But in seventeen years, the lease runs out.  And the People's Republic is the landlord.  But this is a city of survivors.  And whatever happens, Hong King will always be the place."  Cue credits.  Seriously.  On the plus side, the choreography is above average (maybe second only to The Octagon* where Chuck's filmography is concerned), and Norris squares off against some decent opposition along the way.  Michael Cavanaugh's Stan Raimondi is a surprisingly difficult foe to dispatch, and he's one of many villains who put up a decent fight.  There are also some nifty touches from director James Fargo, with one battle displayed as a vibrant war of silhouettes that shows more artistry than one would expect from such a picture.  All in all, this is a bit of mindless fun that would rank much higher and serve up a better viewing experience with a little more respect for the ladies and an absence of clumsy narration.  Even with those considerable blemishes to take into account, Forced Vengeance is one of Chuck's better movies.  It's not Top 5 material, but do keep in mind that while I love Chuck and I enjoy his work, he didn't make a lot of good movies.

*I've said this before, and I'll say it again: the closing reel wherein Chuck Norris tackles the ninja compound at the center of The Octagon is his best work as a leading man*, and that setpiece is kung fu flick royalty.  Unfortunately, the rest of the movie is a real drag, and despite those awesome fireworks by way of fisticuffs, the picture as a whole is a stinker.

**His work as Bruce Lee's nemesis in Return of the Dragon is his greatest accomplishment in the movies, and his climactic showdown with Bruce therein is one of the best duels ever in the history of martial arts cinema.

Final Grade: C+

See that guy with the rifle?
1) He is obviously one hell of a sentry.
2) He is about to get the shit beat out of him.

Short Attention Span Review: Best of the Best (1989)

Short Attention Span Review: Best of the Best (1989)

I do this out of love, peeps.  Writing this review feels a lot like baring my soul in some new and thoroughly uncomfortable way.  Why?  Well, because this cliched and entirely too emotional offspring of a kung fu flick cross-pollinated with a soap opera is most certainly a guilty pleasure of mine.  Crafting this blog will require me to profess my undying love for a picture that is remarkably bad.  As far as I'm concerned, Best of the Best is a case study in the rare art of getting everything wrong--and somehow getting it right.  Yes, the plot finds room for every staple of both motion pictures about sports and plucky underdog tales in general.  Yes, it shamelessly mines each of these tropes for every single ounce of melodrama.  It mines many of them twice.  Some of them may be mined a half-dozen times or more before everyone hugs it out at the weepy conclusion.  Yes, Eric Roberts takes over-acting to new heights, playing his role with less restraint than we might expect from Bill Shatner and Wings Hauser--if they were shitfaced and engaged in a fierce competition to see who could get booted off the set first.  Yes, the closing reel morality play is so overdone that it roughly equates to cooking your steak until it becomes jerky.  All of these things are true (and I haven't even touched upon the glam-rock soundtrack or Eric's hair, dear lord) and yet it is both entertaining and touching in spite of its glaring flaws.  Shit, much of the entertainment is reliant upon Eric's dedication to turning every other scene into an opportunity to work through the five stages of grief in one take.  In terms of competence, originality, and believability, Best of the Best must be considered an abject failure.  However, it bypasses the realm of "so bad it's good" filmmaking and somehow lands in "so bad it is marvelous" territory.   Yeah, I'll stand by that.  You'll marvel, all right.  You may even cheer.  You may cry a bit, doing your own Eric Roberts Lite routine, and you'll certainly feel like a dumbass for falling prey to this crap when that happens.  Honestly, I love it.  No shame, peeps.  I'm going to bat for Eric Roberts like Mickey Rourke here.  I would have given him the Oscar, no bullshit.  His performance in Best of the Best leads me to believe that his acceptance speech would have been the greatest thing to happen in the history of time.

Final Grade: C+

Eric Roberts, man.  Eric Fucking Roberts.  Unbelievable.  And I still wind up so invested in his character.  If I was the only one who felt this way, I would chalk it up to mental illness.

Short Attention Span Review: The Avenging Eagle (1978)

Short Attention Span Review: The Avenging Eagle (1978)

Sheng Fu and Lung Ti headline this Shaw Brothers gem from the year of my birth.  A revenge yarn with a bit more depth than one might expect, The Avenging Eagle doesn't skimp out on the studio's trademark choreagraphy and visual splendor.  Littered with well-staged battles featuring an array of combatants (each armed with a different weapon, none of which could be described as run-of-the-mill) and host to several striking sets and a smorgasboard of colorful costumes, this is kung fu cinema at its very best.  While inferior to hallmark films from the studio like The Five Deadly Venoms or Five Shaolin Masters, it is still a great outing that provides viewers with 90 minutes of top-notch kung fu treachery.  Of particular note is the relationship between the two leads and the way The Avenging Eagle avoids familiar tropes in an effort to strike a balance between revenge and redemption.  Make no mistake, this character development doesn't come at the expense of high-flying kicks and epic battles, for the story allows such meditation while remaining a bloody good time for fans of the genre.

Final Grade: B

Cool weapons and great choreagraphy make this fast-paced and surprisingly emotional quest for vengeance well worth a look.

Marvel's Iron Fist (Netflix Series - 2017)

Marvel's Iron Fist (Netflix Series - 2017)

Despite some mindless controversy and a wealth of brutal reviews courtesy of critics (many of whom were unable to move beyond the "whitewashing" bullshit), viewers seem to have watched a different series altogether.  Whether you prefer Rotten Tomatoes or IMDB, if you compare and contrast the critic's ratings and the average joe's ratings, you'll see a gap that might be better referred to as a canyon.  Now, no one out there is hailing Iron Fist as a home run--and it isn't--but it is entertaining and it's a far cry from the utter failure so many critics have made it out to be.  Having recently enjoyed the series, I certainly agree with the viewing public, and while it wasn't nearly as invigorating as the first season of Daredevil or Luke Cage, I think it fits nicely with the rest of their Netflix offerings.

The critics were pretty much universal in their disdain for the presence of Finn Jones in the lead role.  Honestly, this is the first thing I've ever seen him in and I thought he did a fine job.  I'm a big fan of the comic book, and Jones nailed the innocence and warmth that separate Iron Fist from characters like Daredevil, Luke Cage, and the Punisher.  He also did a good job with the action bits, and while I recognize that he didn't do all of his stunts, this didn't really hurt the show at all.  And speaking of action bits, despite all the criticism aimed at the lack of such sequences, I thought this series had a lot more going for it in the way of throwdowns than either Jessica Jones or Luke Cage.  In the interest of full disclosure, I would have preferred to see a legitimate martial artist cast in the role, but I feel like Jones did a solid job with the part.

His supporting cast fared even better, with Marvel's Netflix mainstay Rosario Dawson continuing to excel as Claire Temple (Marvel's Night Nurse) while Jessica Henswick proved to be the show's biggest find as Colleen Wing.  Wing is a legitimate badass whose combat scenes frequently overshadowed those featuring the titular character.  I also found Tom Pelphrey to be a joy to watch, and his Ward Meachum may have been the character that the script provided with the biggest arc.  Whether the episode at hand required Ward to be an elitist dickhead, a coldblooded killer, a desperate junkie, or a semi-likable cat in search of redemption, Pelphrey was up to the task.  Jessica Stroup did a good job as Ward's sister Joy, a character tasked with hitting almost as many levels, but I don't think the script gave her quite enough material to work with.  Some of the key moments concerning her character were so abrupt and ill-defined that I can't say that she nailed it, though I don't hold her directly responsible.

Any show or movie is ultimately only as good as its villain, and David Wenham's Harold Meachum may have been the most impressive thing about Iron Fist.  Given my affection for the source material, I was pleased to hear that Wenham had been cast in this part, and given his talent I knew that Harold would likely be the big bad for the first season.  I was totally cool with this, and I have to say that the Harold Meachum of this Netflix series emerged as a more intriguing and credible threat than his comic book counterpart.  Wenham chewed scenery and brought a lot of physicality to the role, consistently stealing the spotlight and elevating the program whenever he was on screen. 

Like I noted earlier, many of the show's biggest critics have blasted it as a dull affair and lamented the lack and/or quality of fight scenes, and I think this is a bit puzzling.  It does fall well short of the high water mark set by the first season of Daredevil in this regard, but I think it has just as much action as the second season of that show and it surpasses both Jessica Jones and Luke Cage so far as both the quantity and the quality of showdowns are concerned.  Many have objected to the style of these battles, but I enjoyed seeing Danny presented as a more graceful and less vindictive combatant.  Daredevil is a street fighter and he brutalizes his enemies while Danny's mastery of martial arts is more akin to a dance, allowing him to smoothly evade attacks and swiftly incapacitate most enemies with ease.  His foes are more likely to wake up wondering what happened than to come to in traction with a long road to recovery ahead of them.  Again, I would have preferred a genuine martial artist in the part, but Finn did some cool stuff, and I greatly enjoyed the all-too-brief splitscreen bits that gave the proceedings a unique touch.  Finally, I would single out the sixth episode ("Immortal Emerges from Cave") directed by kung fu aficionado RZA as the strongest hour of the series, and any Iron Fist fan or martial arts devotee should have a blast with that episode.

The other defining moment of the show arrived in episode 8, when Lewis Tan absolutely killed it as a master of drunken boxing.  As a whole, this episode didn't have the same power as "Immortal Emerges from Cave," but the fight scene pitting Iron Fist against Tan as Zhou Cheng (one of the coolest adversaries from the comics to pop up on the show) is easily the best action sequence of the first season. 

In summary, while the show did suffer from several lapses in logic and some uneven plotting, that sixth episode and the big fight scene in the eighth episode may stand as the best evidence that Iron Fist was far from a failure and has the potential to rival Marvel's other Netflix shows.  David Wenham's killer effort as the heavy and Jessica Henswick's Colleen Wing were also big winners, and given time Finn Jones may just bring the haters over to his side.  I look forward to seeing Danny alongside his peers as one of The Defenders, and I'm hoping that a second season will shed more light on our hero's training in the mystical city of K'un Lun.  Was Iron Fist everything I had hoped for?  No, it did fall well short of that mark.  Was it a turd?  Shit no.  It was a good show with a wealth of untapped potential, and if Marvel and Netflix allow it to continue, there are definitely signs that it could deliver on all that promise.

Final Grade: B-

Short Attention Span Review: The Five Deadly Venoms (1978)

Short Attention Span Review: The Five Deadly Venoms (1978)

Two utterly magnificent things happened in 1978: I was born and Chang Cheh gave us The Five Deadly Venoms, which may just be the coolest martial arts film of all time.  Bruce Lee's catalog aside, this is undoubtedly the definitive karate flick, and it will also appeal to fans of the horror genre--and perhaps even fans of superhero movies.  The Shaw Brothers gave us an abundance of kung fu gems marked by great sets and even better choreography, and I think most fans will agree that The Five Deadly Venoms was their best offering.  Additionally, no one was better suited to helm these bodacious flicks than Chang Cheh, and this is surely his finest hour.  This is also the film that gave us the Venom Mob (Shen Chiang, Chien Sun, Phillip Chung-Fung Kwok, Meng Lo, Pai Wei, and Feng Lu), and while each of these considerable talents would shine in other pictures, the whole gang would never join forces again in a single picture--and I think this one may represent each performer's best work with the exception of Shen Chiang.  He is the lead here and he's absolutely terrific, but I rank his work in Crippled Avengers a little higher.  The groovy plot revolves around a master who has trained the fearsome Venoms of the title in five distinct styles, each of which comes equipped with something akin to a super power.  These warriors are the Toad, the Lizard, the Centipede, the Scorpion, and the Snake.  They train under this master (Dick Wei) in masks, and thus their identities are kept a secret.  Later, the master trains a new student, Yang Tieh (Shen Chiang), and while he is not a master of any of the five styles, he understands a little of each.  As the master nears his end, he begins to fear that his five original pupils may be too dangerous for this world, so he sends young Yang Tieh to try and figure out who the Venoms are, determine if they are good men or bad men, and eliminate any who are using their skills for nefarious purposes.  This sets the stage for a supremely badass film brimming with secret identities, desperate alliances, epic brawls, and a nifty twist or two to keep everyone on their toes.  Of course, the highlights of the movie are the bloody showdowns, but there's also an abundance of gore on display and I love the sinister mood that permeates the piece.  Finally, The Five Deadly Venoms concludes with a five star showdown where all bets are off, and this amazing setpiece showcasing all of the characters who have yet to perish is easily the most stupendous final reel in the history of martial arts cinema outside of Enter the Dragon.

Final Grade: A+

Bruce Lee's catalog aside, The Five Deadly Venoms is the ultimate karate flick.  As such, it is the best offering from the Shaw Brothers, who gave us a wealth of kung fu treachery to enjoy.

Short Attention Span Review: Masked Avengers (1981)

Short Attention Span Review: Masked Avengers (1981)

This one has all the necessary ingredients for a classic Shaw Brothers exercise in Kung Fu Treachery: Chang Cheh in the director's chair, key members of the Venom Mob in the cast, a sinister mood, and an abundance of gore.  Of course, it should go without saying that Masked Avengers is also enhanced by the colorful costumes and sets and the breathtaking choreography that make the Shaw Brothers library so worthwhile for connoisseurs like yours truly.  I would rank this among their more frightening offerings, and I think that the fact that the masked killers terrorizing the countryside in Masked Avengers are armed with tridents gives this one an advantage.  While Shaw Brothers movies are revered for their fight scenes, to include big brawls with multiple cast members and stellar weapons choreography, the use of tridents makes Masked Avengers rather unique.  The picture hits several familiar beats for fans of Chang Cheh's work, to include secret identities, deadly alliances, and characters whose motives remain murky until they finally pick a side in the grand finale.  Speaking of which, the big showdown that marks the conclusion of Masked Avengers has to rank among the studio's very best.  It's a real showstopper, and those who enjoy such fare will definitely be thrilled by this sadistic climax pitting terrifying villains against valiant heroes in a bloody battle that is thrilling and creative in equal measures. 

Final Grade: B+

Venom Mob + Chang Cheh + Gore + Superb Choreagraphy = Grade A Kung Fu Treachery

If you enjoy these pictures as much as I do, check out my reviews of other top shelf martial arts flicks from the Shaw Brothers:

Short Attention Span Review: Blood Brothers (1973)

Short Attention Span Review: Five Shaolin Masters (1974)

Short Attention Span Review: Crippled Avengers (1978)

Note: I didn't realize until I was digging up these links that I've apparently never reviewed the one Shaw Brothers classic that rules them all: The Five Deadly Venoms.  I promise my faithful readers that I will remedy this situation shortly.

Short Attention Span Review - Five Shaolin Masters (1974)

A simplified version of the story for Five Shaolin Masters would read something like this: Five righteous dudes get their asses whipped by five heinous dudes.  The five righteous dudes go train together, developing their skills and formulating plans for the upcoming rematches.  At the end, all that hard work and training really pays off as the five righteous dudes kick the shit out of the five heinous dudes.  That's about the sum of it, yet with a film like this, it doesn't really matter.  It's the delivery that counts, and kung fu flick maestro Chang Cheh is calling the shots.  No director was better suited to helm one of these pictures, and no one was better suited to produce the movie than the Shaw Brothers.  This is another colorful epic that surely ranks among their best offerings.  It's not quite on the same level as the studio's crown jewel, The Five Deadly Venoms (also directed by Chang Cheh), but one could certainly make a great argument for putting Five Shaolin Masters next on the list.  This is one of the few Cheh Chang films that isn't highlighted by stars from the fabled Venom Mob, but the cast is legit.  My main man David Chiang is on point, and his Blood Brothers co-star Lung Ti also does a tremendous job.  There are several extremely effective fight scenes and there is some top-notch weapons choreography on display.  The action is great, the characters are bold, and the end result is an entertaining kung fu romp that concludes with a monumental showdown.

Final Grade: A

These five righteous dudes bond over a series of good beatings and come
together to train as they prepare to turn the tables on five heinous dudes.

Short Attention Span Review: Silent Rage (1982)

An attempt to blend a slasher film with a Chuck Norris action flick, Silent Rage is surely a mixed bag, but it is a highly entertaining mixed bag.  It does many things extremely well and it does many things just as poorly.  Thankfully, it starts and finishes with grand flourishes and this makes the movie's shortcomings easier to digest.  In the interest of full disclosure, I will note that some of these shortcomings do venture into the realm of unintentional comedy; the romantic subplot is a genuine disaster, and the Stephen Furst stuff* is damn near unbearable.  However, the horror bits are both the backbone and the best parts of Silent Rage.  In addition to some quality suspense and a handful of nifty jolts, the slasher aspect of the picture yields several wicked action scenes pitting our man Chuck against a murderous madman who cannot be killed.  Of course, there's also a totally needless subplot pitting Chuck against a biker gang in the early going that leads to one quality brawl but ultimately seems out of place.  Like I said at the start, it's a mixed bag.  After that rock solid opening sequence, the movie flounders until psycho killer John Kirby (played by Brian Libby) rises from the dead as the result of a forbidden experiment gone awry.  This unstoppable madman proceeds to wreak havoc and there's a significant portion of Silent Rage where Kirby stalks Ron Silver (in a rare sympathetic role) and his wife.  These sequences are incredibly intense and boast the film's biggest scare.  There's a bit of cat-and-mouse shortly thereafter in a hospital that is also riveting, and the big finale is very satisfying.  The final shot is a standard genre trick, but it is executed to perfection and ends the film on a horrific note.  If the movie were more focused on delivering on its premise and less interested in forcing romance and comedy into the mix, Silent Rage might have been a minor classic.  As it is, it still stands as one of Chuck's very best, and I would honestly rate this one as my favorite movie in his catalog given my horror jones and the strength of the parts of the movie that work.

Final Grade: B+

*As Charlie the dopey deputy, Stephen Furst bombs in a big way.  His efforts at providing comedic relief fall flat and the very presence of his character is easily the movie's biggest shortcoming.  I can't be the only one who shakes my head at the way Chuck Norris constantly assures this poor excuse for a human being that he has what it takes to be a good lawman.  Making matters worse, the end result of this exercise in poor judgment is a gruesome demise for Charlie that subsequently requires Chuck to tenderly cradle the big dumbass in his arms for a tearful goodbye.  If you can imagine that scene being anything less than an affront to acting, you have a fabulous imagination and you should definitely start your own blog.

Chuck Norris may be the film's big selling point, but the tense and
frightening aspects of Silent Rage are the picture's biggest strengths.

Short Attention Span Review: Bloodsport (1988)

I was young once.  In fact, I was very young and very foolish once, and it was around that time that Bloodsport was released.  Now, my father practically raised me on kung fu flicks, so this wasn't my introduction to Jean-Claude Van Damme.  No, I had already met him in 1986's No Retreat, No Surrender, a terrible movie that I greatly enjoyed.  However, my affection for JCVD would grow exponentially with Bloodsport, which was probably far worse than No Retreat, No Surrender even though I enjoyed it far more.  Okay, okay, Bloodsport is probably better than No Retreat, No Surrender, but that's the only movie that it is superior to.  Seriously, Bloodsport isn't really that bad.  Well, actually it is, but movies can be a lot worse, and most bad movies aren't all that fun to watch.  Bloodsport is the epitome of an atrocious motion picture that is extremely entertaining.  Now, I have the benefit of age and maturity at my disposal as I write this review, but I should note that when I first encountered Bloodsport I felt that it was the very definition of a masterpiece.  No, it hasn't aged well, but then it is a product of the 80s, and few things that were deemed exceptional in that loud and zany decade have managed to age well.  Also, as I noted previously, it wasn't any good to begin with--I was just young and foolish when I first saw it.  Anyway, in Bloodsport Van Damme plays Frank Dux, a man who has spent much of his life training to compete in the ultimate martial arts tournament, a gruesome spectacle known as the Kumite.  We know this because we are treated to glimpses of JCVD's training courtesy of flashback sequences highlighted by the sort of filmmaking prowess that wouldn't be deemed worthy of inclusion in a Hallmark movie of the week.  Anyway, Kumite participants have been killed in this vicious test of skill, likely due to the fact that anyone (see Donald Gibb as Ray Jackson) is welcome to compete.  The tournament allows various martial artists (mostly portrayed by actors who don't seem to have a solid grasp of martial arts) to strut their stuff, and many of them display impressive fighting abilities until it's their turn to square off against our limber star.  Then they simply look on in disbelief as Van Damme unleashes his trademark acrobatics, decimating one opponent after another with a series of leaping and spinning kicks.  These haplesss foes cannot block these assaults because blocking Van Damme's trademark spinning kicks isn't in the script.  The movie isn't entirely rooted in thrilling hand-to-hand combat, however, as audiences are also treated to an epic foot-chase where our fit star must somehow outrun Forest Whitaker.  There's also romance, intrigue, and lots of stretching--and the stretching sequences are actually believable.  If it sounds like I'm shitting all over a childhood favorite, well, I guess that I am.  However, I want to make it very clear that I strongly believe that Bloodsport is an entertaining piece of shit. 

Final Grade: C

Bloodsport is an entertaining piece of shit.

Short Attention Span Review: Dragon Squad (2005)

Dragon Squad (a.k.a. Dragon Heat) is film that was released with lofty expectations in 2005 and failed to generate a lot of buzz.  I'm not sure why, as I think this even blend of martial arts mayhem and gunfire is a thrilling feature.  The pacing is a bit off-kilter, but the plot is pretty straightforward and the movie is easy to follow.  Sure, some of the stylish tricks Daniel Lee pulls out of his bag are duds, but I can't fault the guy for swinging for the fences, and in doing so he also produces some really cool moments and a hell of a lot of excitement.  Most of the hand-to-hand combat comes courtesy of Sammo Hung and Huh Joon Ho, who square off in a pair of excellent battles, the second of which is probably the highlight of Dragon Squad.  The gunfights are riveting, and there are car chases, foot chases, and even a sniper duel to keep things popping.  Michael Biehn is on hand to play the lead villain, and he's one cold but charismatic dude.  I thought he brought a lot to the picture and I genuinely enjoyed this action-packed movie that underperformed when it was originally released in Hong Kong.  Maybe many were hoping for standard kung fu fare or a straight up shoot 'em up, or perhaps the director's creativity and flair were a bit too much for most audiences.  I'm not sure, but I have no qualms about recommending Dragon Squad.

Final Grade: B

Stylish and energetic, Dragon Squad is a solid action film.

El Rey Network, I Think I Love You

It's official: I have fallen for the El Rey Network.  Seriously, I'm starting to think that Robert Rodriguez dreamed this station up just for me.  Giallo flicks, spaghetti westerns, and kung fu treachery--hot damn!  Seriously, check out Thursday's theme:

What's not to love?  Now, some of you may not dig kung fu flicks as much as I do.  I don't know what the hell's wrong with you, but it's true--some people don't really care if honkies from the CIA interrupt their kung fu.  The rest of us dig Thursdays on El Rey.  In truth, if you like cool movies, this channel has you covered whether you dig kung fu or not.  Cult classics are the norm and there are gory horror flicks like City of the Living Dead running when Mad Max isn't ripping down the asphalt in The Road Warrior.  Hey look, it's Taxi Driver!  Like I wondered at the start of the paragraph, what's not to love?

So what's happening on El Rey aside from all the groovy movies?  Well, there's Lucha Underground, for starters.  I dig the wrasslin' and let me assure you, you've never seen wrasslin' like this.  The environment, the atmosphere, the moves--Lucha Underground is a wicked ride.  If you don't like wrasslin' you may actually dig this, and lifelong fans of suplexes and DDTs may just lose their minds watching this shit.  It's insane.

Of course, there's more.  I really dig watching Rodriguez sit down with other directors and talk shop on The Director's Chair.  You know that I had a blast watching John Carpenter dish on his biggest hits and share his thoughts on the film industry in general, and the two episodes devoted to QT were equally compelling.  There are other programs and even the ads and promos are nifty given that they have a distinct grindhouse feel. 

I just discovered El Rey a few weeks ago, so I know that I'm late to the party, but I'm quickly becoming this channel's biggest fan.  Do yourself a favor and tune in!

Short Attention Span Review: Crippled Avengers (1978)

Often referred to as a sequel to the baddest kung fu flick of them all, Five Deadly Venoms, Crippled Avengers is actually a totally different feature from the Shaw Brothers.  It does reunite most of the cast from that martial arts masterpiece with gifted director Chang Cheh, and though I can't say that Crippled Avengers is as good as Five Deadly Venoms, it's definitely close.  The plot is an epic exercise in kung fu treachery: a sadistic master of tiger style kung fu and his equally vicious son (who have a tragic backstory that almost justifies their dastardly behavior) take great pleasure in crippling anyone who offends them.  Four of these victims (one who is rendered deaf and mute, one who is blinded, one who loses his legs from the knees down, and one who winds up with brain damage) join together and learn how to defend themselves in spite of their disabilities.  Once their training is complete, they return to seek vengeance against the evil master and his son in one of Chang Cheh's signature battles boasting numerous opponents and various styles.  No one could stage such a duel like Cheh, who excelled at presenting grueling showdowns that were ripe with talented performers (he made numerous films with the same stars) and showcased some of the best fight choreography ever captured on film.  In addition to the stellar fight scenes, this movie also benefits from the glorious sets and the bold color schemes that are typical of the motion pictures produced by the Shaw Brothers.  It also succeeds because it tells a good story (even if it is a bit far-fetched) and it is well-acted.  If you are looking for kung fu treachery and you have yet to experience the Shaw Brothers and Chang Cheh's work in particular, you're doing it all wrong.  Crippled Avengers is definitely in my top ten so far as martial arts movies are concerned, and it may even be in my top five. I also have to give some major props to Sheng Chiang, for while I love all the Venom Mob guys in the cast, his performance here as the brain-damaged warrior is a splendid treat.

Final Grade: A

Let the training begin!

Short Attention Span Review: Blood Brothers (1973)

 

No one has time for kung fu treachery in this life, unless it's part of your kung fu cinema regimen.  If you're like me, you know that the greatest kung fu flicks of all time fall under one of two categories: 1) films starring Bruce Lee, and 2) films from the Shaw Brothers.  Yeah, I'm thinking that Gareth Evans and Iko Uwais are working on creating a third category for me, but we're not there just yet.  Regardless, I watched Blood Brothers in Shaw Scope this weekend and had a great time with it.  It was rather grim and the ending was a major bummer, but it was pretty obvious we were heading in that direction from the opening frame.  The usual grand sets, colorful costumes, and incredible choreography were all on display, but if you know the Shaw Brothers, you knew that already.  The story was compelling and the three leads (David Chiang, Lung Ti, and Kuan Ti Chen) all did a remarkable job with both the acting and the chops and kicks that Blood Brothers required of them.  There was a strange emphasis on dudes rolling down hills in slow-motion (this didn't happen once or twice--it was more like five to ten times) that I didn't completely understand, but it was still a quality kung fu flick.  I loved David Chiang's work with the triple staff and Lung Ti really stole the show as the "brother" whose lust for power (and Kuan Ti Chen's lovely wife) eventually turned the three men against one another.  It wasn't in the upper echelon of movies c/o of the Shaw Brothers (Five Deadly Venoms, Crippled Avengers, Five Shaolin Masters), but it was definitely worthwhile.

Bonus points: whoever did the subtitles on the version I watched certainly played it fast and loose.  There were numerous scenes where the subtitles didn't make a damn bit of sense.  Also, (and this shouldn't have been funny but it was) the female lead was frequently referred to as "bitch" or "the bitch" and I'm pretty sure these references weren't actual translations of what was being said. 

Final Grade: C+

Dude in the middle (Lung Ti) looks like an asshole, doesn't he? 
This isn't one of those examples of how looks can be deceiving.