Top 5 Chuck Norris Movies

Top 5 Chuck Norris Movies

 I was born in 1978, but my memory wasn't firing on all cylinders as a babe, so that pretty much makes me a child of the 80s.  As such, and given that I may be a bit of a martial arts fanatic, it should come as no surprise that I'm a big fan of the one and only Chuck Norris.  With that in mind, I decided to resurrect my Top 5 theme that has produced so many enjoyable pieces over the years and rank my favorite films starring everyone's favorite asskicker who has yet to take his asskicking talents to another plane of existence.  First off, though, I should note that I am restricting this piece to films that Chuck received top billing in.  The best film he ever appeared in was obviously Return of the Dragon, and his showdown with Bruce Lee during that picture's climax is also his best throwdown--but it won't be featured here.  Sadly, his second best throwdown came in a picture where he did receive top billing, but The Octagon is kind of a mess and it didn't make my list either.  Regardless, that's enough about movies that didn't make the cut; let's start at the bottom and work our way to the top.

 #5) Firewalker (1986)

Okay, so admittedly Firewalker is a little hit and miss, but it makes up for what it lacks in special effects or polish in sheer entertainment.  Norris does a bit of a send-up of his typical super badass persona here, and while his Max Donigan is a solid fighter, he isn't much of a marksman and it is certainly safe to say that he's not the sharpest tool in the shed.  Chuck hams it up throughout this action adventure that frequently veers toward parody when it isn't paying homage to films like Raiders of the Lost Ark.  While it can't be said that Norris has a gift for comedy, it is fair to say that his charisma and a decent script generate several laughs.  Louis Gossett, Jr. was in his prime here, and it is entirely possible that he steals the show in his role as Leo Porter.  Porter is a little savvier, a much better shot, and he's not exactly a pushover when it comes to fisticuffs.  Norris and Gossett have solid chemistry and their bickering-laden friendship is one of Firewalker's biggest strengths.  Sonny Landham is also rather imposing as the heavy, and Melody Anderson does a fine job of offsetting all the macho antics on display with a little beauty and grace--and she might bring more to the proceedings in the way of comedy than any of her co-stars.  In the end, those looking for kung fu treachery may be a bit disappointed, but those who enjoy a goofy adventure yarn that goes for an equal measure of excitement and chuckles will have a lot of fun with this poor man's treasure hunt.  I also think that the finale is worthwhile and I have no qualms about starting this list off with a Norris picture many of his fans may not be nearly as enamored with.

Final Grade: B-

He's no Steve Martin, but Norris and the rest of the cast have a lot of fun with their roles in Firewalker.

#4) The Delta Force (1986)

Early on, in a move that distinguishes it from standard Chuck Norris action films, The Delta Force takes a serious approach to the carnage on display.  This is likely due to the parallels between the terrorist attack depicted in the movie and the actual hijacking of TWA Flight 847 a year prior to the film's release.  The restraint is perhaps most evident in Robert Forster's cold and calculating performance as the villainous Abdul, though it also presents itself when the standard disaster film trappings (to include the presence of one George Kennedy in the cast) are never allowed to become overly sensational or melodramatic.  Having said that, things change once Lee Marvin hits the scene, expertly playing a grizzled leader of men with a certain blonde-haired and battle-hardened human dynamo at his disposal.  That's when the The Delta Force becomes standard action fare with an emphasis on good old American heroism and big ass explosions.  The execution is top-notch; this is a slick production and Menahem Golan's direction is perfectly acceptable for a rousing shoot 'em up.  This would prove to be Lee Marvin's final performance, and it is fitting that he went out playing the sort of tough guy role that he was famous for.  Truthfully, the first half of this ode to beating up terrorists is riveting and tense while the second half is more of an idealized love letter to patriotic vengeance punctuated by a trademark Alan Silvestri score.  Still, The Delta Force showcases an action icon in his prime alongside a cinema great and hits all the notes that it sets out to hit.  The cast is loaded with familiar faces and while the picture would have benefited from a shorter run time, it's still a rip-roaring kick in the pants that showcases Chuck at his very best.  

Final Grade: B-

Yes, there is some restraint shown in portions of The Delta Force, but not in the "Chuck Norris driving a motorcycle outfitted with a rocket launcher" portion.

 #3) Missing in Action 2: The Beginning (1985)

You had me at "Chuck Norris gets captured in Vietnam and has to lead a daring escape from a brutal prison camp."  True story: if that premise holds any appeal for you, you're going to have a great time with the best* film in the Missing in Action series.  Colonel James Braddock is a trademark Norris role, and our man Chuck was clearly as adept at playing this kind of determined tough guy with an unbreakable spirit as he was at dishing out flying side kicks.  This sequel/prequel sets the stage for a gung-ho finale by putting our war-ravaged hero and his fellow survivors through pure hell for much of the picture.  The infamous rat scene (I'm not going to spoil this tasty bit for you if you haven't seen it) is not only one of this film's highlights, but also stands as the very epitome of a classic Chuck Norris moment.  Soon-Tek Oh is sheer perfection as the heartless Colonel Yin, and his vicious tyrant may be the most loathsome villain Chuck ever squared off against.  Several of Chuck's co-stars also shine in this one, with Steven Williams in particular giving the film some serious punch as Nester.  A despicable traitor for 99% of his screen time, Nester makes quite an emotional exit when he ultimately redeems himself by sacrificing his life for the men he turned on.  For a kickass action flick, there's actually a lot of emotion on display during the closing reel, and fans of this type of yarn are guaranteed to get fired up watching Braddock beat the shit out of Yin while dedicating his various kicks and punches to his fallen comrades.  While it owes far more to red-blooded 80s action cinema than anything resembling a realistic take on the P.O.W. experience, Missing in Action 2: The Beginning is a riveting flick with Chuck anchoring a worthy cast and delivering the goods.     

Final Grade: B+

*To be fair, the first entry in this series is sub-par and the third one is nothing short of terrible. 

Chuck leads a band of weary survivors as they suffer greatly before mounting an escape and kicking some serious ass in Missing in Action 2: The Beginning.

#2) Silent Rage (1982) 

What do you get when you blend a horror movie with a Chuck Norris action saga?  Well, Silent Rage is surely a mixed bag, but it must be said that it is a highly entertaining mixed bag.  As such, it does many things extremely well and it does many things just as poorly.  Thankfully, it starts and finishes with grand flourishes, and this makes the movie's shortcomings easier to digest.  In the interest of full disclosure, I will note that some of these shortcomings do venture into the realm of unintentional comedy; the romantic subplot is a genuine disaster, and the Stephen Furst stuff* is damn near unbearable.  However, the horror bits are both the backbone and the best parts of Silent Rage.  In addition to some quality suspense and a handful of nifty jolts, the slasher aspect of the picture yields several wicked action scenes pitting our man Chuck against a murderous madman who cannot be killed.  Of course, there's also a totally needless subplot pitting Chuck against a biker gang that leads to a big brawl but ultimately seems out of place.  Like I said earlier, it's a mixed bag.  After a rock solid opening sequence that both establishes the villain and the hero of the picture and seemingly removes the villain from the equation, the movie flounders until psycho killer John Kirby (played by Brian Libby) rises from the dead.  His resurrection comes as the result of a forbidden experiment gone awry and turns Kirby into an unstoppable madman whose wounds heal instantly.  This frightening killer with an insatiable bloodlust proceeds to wreak havoc and there's a significant portion of Silent Rage where Kirby stalks Ron Silver (in a rare sympathetic role) and his wife.  This section of the movie is incredibly intense and boasts the film's biggest scare.  There's also a bit of cat-and-mouse shortly thereafter in a hospital that is equally riveting, and the big finale is very satisfying.  The final shot is a standard genre trick, but it is executed to perfection and ends the film on a horrific note--and I'm cool with that.  If the movie were more focused on delivering on its premise and less interested in forcing romance and comedy into the mix, Silent Rage might have emerged as a minor classic.  As it is, it still stands as one of Chuck's very best, and I do rate this one as my favorite movie in his catalog given my horror jones and the strength of the parts of the movie that click.

Final Grade: B+

*As Charlie the dopey deputy, Stephen Furst bombs in a big way.  His efforts at providing comedic relief fall flat and the very presence of his character is easily the movie's biggest shortcoming.  I can't be the only one who shakes my head at the way Chuck Norris constantly assures this poor excuse for a human being that he has what it takes to be a good lawman.  Making matters worse, the end result of this exercise in poor judgment is a gruesome demise for Charlie that subsequently requires Chuck to tenderly cradle the big dumbass in his arms for a tearful goodbye.  If you can imagine that scene being anything less than an affront to acting, you have a fabulous imagination and you should definitely start your own blog. 

Chuck Norris may be the film's big selling point, but the tense and
frightening aspects of Silent Rage are the picture's biggest strengths.

 #1) Lone Wolf McQuade (1982)

Lone Wolf McQuade owes as much to spaghetti westerns as it does to karate movies, and with Chuck in the driver's seat this proves to be a match made in heaven.  The picture takes 80s action movies madness to such extremes that it is positively surreal at times, and nowhere is this more obvious than during the opening sequence.  Seriously, the approach Chuck takes to corralling a band of Mexican desperadoes in the opening reel is 100% style and 0% plausibility, but it works to perfection, setting the stage for an operatic battle between good and evil painted in vivid strokes.  Chuck was perfectly suited for the part of Texas Ranger J.J. McQuade, a determined lawman who approaches his job more like a man on a crusade than a policeman on a payroll.  The villain he must contend with is a bold kingpin with a gift for martial arts, and David Carridine was perfectly suited for this role.  McQuade is a man of grit and determination while Carradine's Rawley Wilkes is a sadistic vessel of pride and contempt.  Here is another match made in heaven, and every interaction between these two titans pops in a big way, leading up to a stellar showdown.  The score by Francesco De Masi is pure magic; while the on-screen action is already larger-than-life and bursting with color, the proceedings take on truly epic proportions when partnered with De Masi's spectacular themes.  Additionally, Lone Wolf McQuade contains the Chuck Norris scene to end all Chuck Norris scenes.  Picture this: McQuade, battered and unconscious, is tossed into his truck and the vehicle is buried beneath the desert sand.  McQuade awakens, pops the tab on a beer, takes a big chug before dousing himself with the rest, and then he lets loose with a defiant roar and drives that mother right out of the ground.  It's so damn silly and so very Chuck Norris that you can't help but love it.  Lone Wolf McQuade is a slick exercise in machismo and style that I would rank as both the best Chuck Norris film out there and one of the best 80s action movies of them all.

Final Grade: A-

Chuck Norris and David Carradine square off in a grand finale that is only one of the many epic moments in Lone Wolf McQuade.

Short Attention Span Review: Forced Vengeance (1982)

Short Attention Span Review: Forced Vengeance (1982)

Forced Vengeance is a typical American kung-fu flick for its era, and as such, it is both amateurish in many ways and entertaining enough to warrant a viewing.  The chief asset here is Chuck Norris, of course, and he plays a surprisingly hard-edged character.  Also atypical for his work is the sex and extreme violence depicted herein, to include some gore to go along with all of the star's blazing kicks.  I think this works in the film's favor, as the role of a casino enforcer wouldn't have worked with one of the actor's trademark "really nice guy who can kick a lot of ass" performances.  Unfortunately, it is a bit mean-spirited and (even worse) decidedly misogynistic.  That certainly takes a lot of the pleasure out of an action flick that never aspires to be anything more than a guilty pleasure.  Bummer, dude.  Oh, and lest I forget, the narration (courtesy of Chuck) is both totally unnecessary and 100% lifeless.  It's like he's reading this shit for the first time, and the content consists of needless exposition (this is not a difficult film to follow) and woeful attempts at some poor writer's idea of kung fu noir.  Take this nugget that serves to wrap things up:  "Hong Kong.  A borrowed place that lives on borrowed time.  The British run it now.  But in seventeen years, the lease runs out.  And the People's Republic is the landlord.  But this is a city of survivors.  And whatever happens, Hong King will always be the place."  Cue credits.  Seriously.  On the plus side, the choreography is above average (maybe second only to The Octagon* where Chuck's filmography is concerned), and Norris squares off against some decent opposition along the way.  Michael Cavanaugh's Stan Raimondi is a surprisingly difficult foe to dispatch, and he's one of many villains who put up a decent fight.  There are also some nifty touches from director James Fargo, with one battle displayed as a vibrant war of silhouettes that shows more artistry than one would expect from such a picture.  All in all, this is a bit of mindless fun that would rank much higher and serve up a better viewing experience with a little more respect for the ladies and an absence of clumsy narration.  Even with those considerable blemishes to take into account, Forced Vengeance is one of Chuck's better movies.  It's not Top 5 material, but do keep in mind that while I love Chuck and I enjoy his work, he didn't make a lot of good movies.

*I've said this before, and I'll say it again: the closing reel wherein Chuck Norris tackles the ninja compound at the center of The Octagon is his best work as a leading man*, and that setpiece is kung fu flick royalty.  Unfortunately, the rest of the movie is a real drag, and despite those awesome fireworks by way of fisticuffs, the picture as a whole is a stinker.

**His work as Bruce Lee's nemesis in Return of the Dragon is his greatest accomplishment in the movies, and his climactic showdown with Bruce therein is one of the best duels ever in the history of martial arts cinema.

Final Grade: C+

See that guy with the rifle?
1) He is obviously one hell of a sentry.
2) He is about to get the shit beat out of him.

Short Attention Span Review: Best of the Best (1989)

Short Attention Span Review: Best of the Best (1989)

I do this out of love, peeps.  Writing this review feels a lot like baring my soul in some new and thoroughly uncomfortable way.  Why?  Well, because this cliched and entirely too emotional offspring of a kung fu flick cross-pollinated with a soap opera is most certainly a guilty pleasure of mine.  Crafting this blog will require me to profess my undying love for a picture that is remarkably bad.  As far as I'm concerned, Best of the Best is a case study in the rare art of getting everything wrong--and somehow getting it right.  Yes, the plot finds room for every staple of both motion pictures about sports and plucky underdog tales in general.  Yes, it shamelessly mines each of these tropes for every single ounce of melodrama.  It mines many of them twice.  Some of them may be mined a half-dozen times or more before everyone hugs it out at the weepy conclusion.  Yes, Eric Roberts takes over-acting to new heights, playing his role with less restraint than we might expect from Bill Shatner and Wings Hauser--if they were shitfaced and engaged in a fierce competition to see who could get booted off the set first.  Yes, the closing reel morality play is so overdone that it roughly equates to cooking your steak until it becomes jerky.  All of these things are true (and I haven't even touched upon the glam-rock soundtrack or Eric's hair, dear lord) and yet it is both entertaining and touching in spite of its glaring flaws.  Shit, much of the entertainment is reliant upon Eric's dedication to turning every other scene into an opportunity to work through the five stages of grief in one take.  In terms of competence, originality, and believability, Best of the Best must be considered an abject failure.  However, it bypasses the realm of "so bad it's good" filmmaking and somehow lands in "so bad it is marvelous" territory.   Yeah, I'll stand by that.  You'll marvel, all right.  You may even cheer.  You may cry a bit, doing your own Eric Roberts Lite routine, and you'll certainly feel like a dumbass for falling prey to this crap when that happens.  Honestly, I love it.  No shame, peeps.  I'm going to bat for Eric Roberts like Mickey Rourke here.  I would have given him the Oscar, no bullshit.  His performance in Best of the Best leads me to believe that his acceptance speech would have been the greatest thing to happen in the history of time.

Final Grade: C+

Eric Roberts, man.  Eric Fucking Roberts.  Unbelievable.  And I still wind up so invested in his character.  If I was the only one who felt this way, I would chalk it up to mental illness.

Short Attention Span Review: The Avenging Eagle (1978)

Short Attention Span Review: The Avenging Eagle (1978)

Sheng Fu and Lung Ti headline this Shaw Brothers gem from the year of my birth.  A revenge yarn with a bit more depth than one might expect, The Avenging Eagle doesn't skimp out on the studio's trademark choreagraphy and visual splendor.  Littered with well-staged battles featuring an array of combatants (each armed with a different weapon, none of which could be described as run-of-the-mill) and host to several striking sets and a smorgasboard of colorful costumes, this is kung fu cinema at its very best.  While inferior to hallmark films from the studio like The Five Deadly Venoms or Five Shaolin Masters, it is still a great outing that provides viewers with 90 minutes of top-notch kung fu treachery.  Of particular note is the relationship between the two leads and the way The Avenging Eagle avoids familiar tropes in an effort to strike a balance between revenge and redemption.  Make no mistake, this character development doesn't come at the expense of high-flying kicks and epic battles, for the story allows such meditation while remaining a bloody good time for fans of the genre.

Final Grade: B

Cool weapons and great choreagraphy make this fast-paced and surprisingly emotional quest for vengeance well worth a look.

Short Attention Span Review: The Five Deadly Venoms (1978)

Short Attention Span Review: The Five Deadly Venoms (1978)

Two utterly magnificent things happened in 1978: I was born and Chang Cheh gave us The Five Deadly Venoms, which may just be the coolest martial arts film of all time.  Bruce Lee's catalog aside, this is undoubtedly the definitive karate flick, and it will also appeal to fans of the horror genre--and perhaps even fans of superhero movies.  The Shaw Brothers gave us an abundance of kung fu gems marked by great sets and even better choreography, and I think most fans will agree that The Five Deadly Venoms was their best offering.  Additionally, no one was better suited to helm these bodacious flicks than Chang Cheh, and this is surely his finest hour.  This is also the film that gave us the Venom Mob (Shen Chiang, Chien Sun, Phillip Chung-Fung Kwok, Meng Lo, Pai Wei, and Feng Lu), and while each of these considerable talents would shine in other pictures, the whole gang would never join forces again in a single picture--and I think this one may represent each performer's best work with the exception of Shen Chiang.  He is the lead here and he's absolutely terrific, but I rank his work in Crippled Avengers a little higher.  The groovy plot revolves around a master who has trained the fearsome Venoms of the title in five distinct styles, each of which comes equipped with something akin to a super power.  These warriors are the Toad, the Lizard, the Centipede, the Scorpion, and the Snake.  They train under this master (Dick Wei) in masks, and thus their identities are kept a secret.  Later, the master trains a new student, Yang Tieh (Shen Chiang), and while he is not a master of any of the five styles, he understands a little of each.  As the master nears his end, he begins to fear that his five original pupils may be too dangerous for this world, so he sends young Yang Tieh to try and figure out who the Venoms are, determine if they are good men or bad men, and eliminate any who are using their skills for nefarious purposes.  This sets the stage for a supremely badass film brimming with secret identities, desperate alliances, epic brawls, and a nifty twist or two to keep everyone on their toes.  Of course, the highlights of the movie are the bloody showdowns, but there's also an abundance of gore on display and I love the sinister mood that permeates the piece.  Finally, The Five Deadly Venoms concludes with a five star showdown where all bets are off, and this amazing setpiece showcasing all of the characters who have yet to perish is easily the most stupendous final reel in the history of martial arts cinema outside of Enter the Dragon.

Final Grade: A+

Bruce Lee's catalog aside, The Five Deadly Venoms is the ultimate karate flick.  As such, it is the best offering from the Shaw Brothers, who gave us a wealth of kung fu treachery to enjoy.

Short Attention Span Review: Masked Avengers (1981)

Short Attention Span Review: Masked Avengers (1981)

This one has all the necessary ingredients for a classic Shaw Brothers exercise in Kung Fu Treachery: Chang Cheh in the director's chair, key members of the Venom Mob in the cast, a sinister mood, and an abundance of gore.  Of course, it should go without saying that Masked Avengers is also enhanced by the colorful costumes and sets and the breathtaking choreography that make the Shaw Brothers library so worthwhile for connoisseurs like yours truly.  I would rank this among their more frightening offerings, and I think that the fact that the masked killers terrorizing the countryside in Masked Avengers are armed with tridents gives this one an advantage.  While Shaw Brothers movies are revered for their fight scenes, to include big brawls with multiple cast members and stellar weapons choreography, the use of tridents makes Masked Avengers rather unique.  The picture hits several familiar beats for fans of Chang Cheh's work, to include secret identities, deadly alliances, and characters whose motives remain murky until they finally pick a side in the grand finale.  Speaking of which, the big showdown that marks the conclusion of Masked Avengers has to rank among the studio's very best.  It's a real showstopper, and those who enjoy such fare will definitely be thrilled by this sadistic climax pitting terrifying villains against valiant heroes in a bloody battle that is thrilling and creative in equal measures. 

Final Grade: B+

Venom Mob + Chang Cheh + Gore + Superb Choreagraphy = Grade A Kung Fu Treachery

If you enjoy these pictures as much as I do, check out my reviews of other top shelf martial arts flicks from the Shaw Brothers:

Short Attention Span Review: Blood Brothers (1973)

Short Attention Span Review: Five Shaolin Masters (1974)

Short Attention Span Review: Crippled Avengers (1978)

Note: I didn't realize until I was digging up these links that I've apparently never reviewed the one Shaw Brothers classic that rules them all: The Five Deadly Venoms.  I promise my faithful readers that I will remedy this situation shortly.

Short Attention Span Review - Five Shaolin Masters (1974)

A simplified version of the story for Five Shaolin Masters would read something like this: Five righteous dudes get their asses whipped by five heinous dudes.  The five righteous dudes go train together, developing their skills and formulating plans for the upcoming rematches.  At the end, all that hard work and training really pays off as the five righteous dudes kick the shit out of the five heinous dudes.  That's about the sum of it, yet with a film like this, it doesn't really matter.  It's the delivery that counts, and kung fu flick maestro Chang Cheh is calling the shots.  No director was better suited to helm one of these pictures, and no one was better suited to produce the movie than the Shaw Brothers.  This is another colorful epic that surely ranks among their best offerings.  It's not quite on the same level as the studio's crown jewel, The Five Deadly Venoms (also directed by Chang Cheh), but one could certainly make a great argument for putting Five Shaolin Masters next on the list.  This is one of the few Cheh Chang films that isn't highlighted by stars from the fabled Venom Mob, but the cast is legit.  My main man David Chiang is on point, and his Blood Brothers co-star Lung Ti also does a tremendous job.  There are several extremely effective fight scenes and there is some top-notch weapons choreography on display.  The action is great, the characters are bold, and the end result is an entertaining kung fu romp that concludes with a monumental showdown.

Final Grade: A

These five righteous dudes bond over a series of good beatings and come
together to train as they prepare to turn the tables on five heinous dudes.

Short Attention Span Review: Silent Rage (1982)

An attempt to blend a slasher film with a Chuck Norris action flick, Silent Rage is surely a mixed bag, but it is a highly entertaining mixed bag.  It does many things extremely well and it does many things just as poorly.  Thankfully, it starts and finishes with grand flourishes and this makes the movie's shortcomings easier to digest.  In the interest of full disclosure, I will note that some of these shortcomings do venture into the realm of unintentional comedy; the romantic subplot is a genuine disaster, and the Stephen Furst stuff* is damn near unbearable.  However, the horror bits are both the backbone and the best parts of Silent Rage.  In addition to some quality suspense and a handful of nifty jolts, the slasher aspect of the picture yields several wicked action scenes pitting our man Chuck against a murderous madman who cannot be killed.  Of course, there's also a totally needless subplot pitting Chuck against a biker gang in the early going that leads to one quality brawl but ultimately seems out of place.  Like I said at the start, it's a mixed bag.  After that rock solid opening sequence, the movie flounders until psycho killer John Kirby (played by Brian Libby) rises from the dead as the result of a forbidden experiment gone awry.  This unstoppable madman proceeds to wreak havoc and there's a significant portion of Silent Rage where Kirby stalks Ron Silver (in a rare sympathetic role) and his wife.  These sequences are incredibly intense and boast the film's biggest scare.  There's a bit of cat-and-mouse shortly thereafter in a hospital that is also riveting, and the big finale is very satisfying.  The final shot is a standard genre trick, but it is executed to perfection and ends the film on a horrific note.  If the movie were more focused on delivering on its premise and less interested in forcing romance and comedy into the mix, Silent Rage might have been a minor classic.  As it is, it still stands as one of Chuck's very best, and I would honestly rate this one as my favorite movie in his catalog given my horror jones and the strength of the parts of the movie that work.

Final Grade: B+

*As Charlie the dopey deputy, Stephen Furst bombs in a big way.  His efforts at providing comedic relief fall flat and the very presence of his character is easily the movie's biggest shortcoming.  I can't be the only one who shakes my head at the way Chuck Norris constantly assures this poor excuse for a human being that he has what it takes to be a good lawman.  Making matters worse, the end result of this exercise in poor judgment is a gruesome demise for Charlie that subsequently requires Chuck to tenderly cradle the big dumbass in his arms for a tearful goodbye.  If you can imagine that scene being anything less than an affront to acting, you have a fabulous imagination and you should definitely start your own blog.

Chuck Norris may be the film's big selling point, but the tense and
frightening aspects of Silent Rage are the picture's biggest strengths.

Short Attention Span Review: Bloodsport (1988)

I was young once.  In fact, I was very young and very foolish once, and it was around that time that Bloodsport was released.  Now, my father practically raised me on kung fu flicks, so this wasn't my introduction to Jean-Claude Van Damme.  No, I had already met him in 1986's No Retreat, No Surrender, a terrible movie that I greatly enjoyed.  However, my affection for JCVD would grow exponentially with Bloodsport, which was probably far worse than No Retreat, No Surrender even though I enjoyed it far more.  Okay, okay, Bloodsport is probably better than No Retreat, No Surrender, but that's the only movie that it is superior to.  Seriously, Bloodsport isn't really that bad.  Well, actually it is, but movies can be a lot worse, and most bad movies aren't all that fun to watch.  Bloodsport is the epitome of an atrocious motion picture that is extremely entertaining.  Now, I have the benefit of age and maturity at my disposal as I write this review, but I should note that when I first encountered Bloodsport I felt that it was the very definition of a masterpiece.  No, it hasn't aged well, but then it is a product of the 80s, and few things that were deemed exceptional in that loud and zany decade have managed to age well.  Also, as I noted previously, it wasn't any good to begin with--I was just young and foolish when I first saw it.  Anyway, in Bloodsport Van Damme plays Frank Dux, a man who has spent much of his life training to compete in the ultimate martial arts tournament, a gruesome spectacle known as the Kumite.  We know this because we are treated to glimpses of JCVD's training courtesy of flashback sequences highlighted by the sort of filmmaking prowess that wouldn't be deemed worthy of inclusion in a Hallmark movie of the week.  Anyway, Kumite participants have been killed in this vicious test of skill, likely due to the fact that anyone (see Donald Gibb as Ray Jackson) is welcome to compete.  The tournament allows various martial artists (mostly portrayed by actors who don't seem to have a solid grasp of martial arts) to strut their stuff, and many of them display impressive fighting abilities until it's their turn to square off against our limber star.  Then they simply look on in disbelief as Van Damme unleashes his trademark acrobatics, decimating one opponent after another with a series of leaping and spinning kicks.  These haplesss foes cannot block these assaults because blocking Van Damme's trademark spinning kicks isn't in the script.  The movie isn't entirely rooted in thrilling hand-to-hand combat, however, as audiences are also treated to an epic foot-chase where our fit star must somehow outrun Forest Whitaker.  There's also romance, intrigue, and lots of stretching--and the stretching sequences are actually believable.  If it sounds like I'm shitting all over a childhood favorite, well, I guess that I am.  However, I want to make it very clear that I strongly believe that Bloodsport is an entertaining piece of shit. 

Final Grade: C

Bloodsport is an entertaining piece of shit.

Daredevil (2015) - Series Review

Marvel's Daredevil, currently available on Netflix, is sensational.  Those who have enjoyed this unique character in comic book form over the years know just how rich this property is, but those who only knew of the Devil of Hell's Kitchen by virtue of the misguided 2003 theatrical release may be surprised to hear this.  Rest assured, Marvel didn't send Matt Murdock and company to Netflix because they had concerns about Daredevil's viability.  No, apparently they did it to give him a bigger presence in their imprint.  Thirteen episodes (roughly sixty minutes each--and all of which are available now) allow Charlie Cox and the rest of the cast to dig deep and deliver a stirring series that establishes Daredevil as one of the most exciting and dramatic creations the house of ideas has to offer.

I'm a big fan of comics, and Frank Miller's work with Daredevil surely ranks among the best stuff that I've ever had the pleasure of reading.  Anyone who feels the same way will be thrilled to learn that his stellar run with the character is well-represented here, both in terms of presentation and plotting.  The story is appropriately grim, yet it is also engaging and dramatic.  Most importantly, it's action-packed and the fight scenes are tremendous.  There are a number of battles contained in this series that are among the best throwdowns we've seen in a Marvel production, to include movies like The Avengers and Captain America: The Winter Soldier.  Yes, it's true--this Daredevil kicks ass.  And, just like in the comics, he also gets his ass kicked a lot.  There's as much (if not more) screen-time devoted to Matt getting doctored up and trying to explain his various bruises and lacerations as there is time devoted to the brutality that yields all this damage. 

Obviously, the casting is critical for a venture of this nature, and Charlie Cox is a perfect fit for the part of Matt Murdock/Daredevil.  Like many of Stan Lee's greatest creations, it's entirely possible that this hero's civilian endeavors are more important to the tale than the stuff that happens when he dons a costume and squares off against his enemies.  Cox never falters and he benefits from a rich part that presents him with a lot of tough decisions to ponder and a wealth of emotions to portray.  In the end, Matt Murdock emerges as one of the best-defined characters presented in any of Marvel's film and television ventures, and Charlie Cox seems like a legitimate star.  There are a great many reasons that this series works, but none are more integral than Cox and his winning performance.

He's backed by a number of worthy players who all benefit from compelling parts and detailed storytelling.  Honestly, after watching this show audiences will be far more familiar with the supporting cast of Daredevil than major characters who have graced the big screen in Marvel's cinematic universe--characters like Hawkeye and Falcon, among others.  Perhaps the biggest winner in this regard is Vincent D'Onofrio.  Not only does this amazing talent literally transform into the Kingpin (like, not only does he look like he was plucked from the pages of the comics down to the lines on his face, but how did he know what Wilson Fisk always sounded like in my head?), but Loki is the only other villain who has played such a major part in Marvel's live-action escapades.  The way this villain is fleshed out was superb and the rage he displayed whenever he lost his cool was truly frightening.  Elden Henson also did a fine job as Matt's sidekick, Foggy Nelson, and Toby Leonard Moore was also a big find as Fisk's right hand of doom. 

Honestly, everyone did a great job, to include Vondie Curtis-Hall as Ben Urich and Deborah Ann Woll as Karen Page.  Rosario Dawson was as beautiful as ever in the role of Claire Temple (though I wish she had been given the opportunity to do more badass Roasario Dawson stuff) and Bob Gunton was nice and slimy as Leland Owlsley--a mundane but entertaining take on Marvel's B-rate villain The Owl.  I wish there had been more of Scott Glenn as Stick, but he was a great choice for the part, and John Patrick Hayden brought a lot of heart to the part of Matt's father, Battlin' Jack Murdock.  All things considered, the casting was top-notch, and the writing made the best use of all these incredible talents. 

A great cast, lots of action, and a fast-paced show with a lot of heart--what's not to love?  I can't think of anything this show didn't do well.  Maybe the only complaint I could muster is something that most won't agree with and it could be a bit of a spoiler.  So, yes, SPOILER ALERT and all that, skip the rest of this paragraph if you're worried about such things, but I liked Daredevil's "black pajamas" look so much that when he finally put on his actual costume I was a bit disappointed.  Honestly, they did a nice job with the outfit, but it just didn't work as well for me on-screen as his simple black get-up did.  This may sound downright blasphemous, but when I saw Daredevil in his official costume, well, that's the only time this show reminded me of that 2003 disaster starring Ben Affleck.  Let me soften the blow a bit by stating once more that I liked the red suit and they did a good job with it, but it just didn't thrill me as much as the black look did.  Maybe that's just me.

In closing, this show was totally awesome.  This was the adaptation that fans of the character deserved, and it looks like the Marvel shows coming to Netflix have a very bright future.  I loved the nods to Iron Fist in this series, and given that he's one of my personal favorites, I'm salivating at the prospect of seeing him get this sort of treatment.  If you dig comics, or movies based on comics, or badass shows in general, do yourself a big favor and watch Daredevil on Netflix.

Final Grade: A

Short Attention Span Review: Crippled Avengers (1978)

Often referred to as a sequel to the baddest kung fu flick of them all, Five Deadly Venoms, Crippled Avengers is actually a totally different feature from the Shaw Brothers.  It does reunite most of the cast from that martial arts masterpiece with gifted director Chang Cheh, and though I can't say that Crippled Avengers is as good as Five Deadly Venoms, it's definitely close.  The plot is an epic exercise in kung fu treachery: a sadistic master of tiger style kung fu and his equally vicious son (who have a tragic backstory that almost justifies their dastardly behavior) take great pleasure in crippling anyone who offends them.  Four of these victims (one who is rendered deaf and mute, one who is blinded, one who loses his legs from the knees down, and one who winds up with brain damage) join together and learn how to defend themselves in spite of their disabilities.  Once their training is complete, they return to seek vengeance against the evil master and his son in one of Chang Cheh's signature battles boasting numerous opponents and various styles.  No one could stage such a duel like Cheh, who excelled at presenting grueling showdowns that were ripe with talented performers (he made numerous films with the same stars) and showcased some of the best fight choreography ever captured on film.  In addition to the stellar fight scenes, this movie also benefits from the glorious sets and the bold color schemes that are typical of the motion pictures produced by the Shaw Brothers.  It also succeeds because it tells a good story (even if it is a bit far-fetched) and it is well-acted.  If you are looking for kung fu treachery and you have yet to experience the Shaw Brothers and Chang Cheh's work in particular, you're doing it all wrong.  Crippled Avengers is definitely in my top ten so far as martial arts movies are concerned, and it may even be in my top five. I also have to give some major props to Sheng Chiang, for while I love all the Venom Mob guys in the cast, his performance here as the brain-damaged warrior is a splendid treat.

Final Grade: A

Let the training begin!

Short Attention Span Review: Blood Brothers (1973)

 

No one has time for kung fu treachery in this life, unless it's part of your kung fu cinema regimen.  If you're like me, you know that the greatest kung fu flicks of all time fall under one of two categories: 1) films starring Bruce Lee, and 2) films from the Shaw Brothers.  Yeah, I'm thinking that Gareth Evans and Iko Uwais are working on creating a third category for me, but we're not there just yet.  Regardless, I watched Blood Brothers in Shaw Scope this weekend and had a great time with it.  It was rather grim and the ending was a major bummer, but it was pretty obvious we were heading in that direction from the opening frame.  The usual grand sets, colorful costumes, and incredible choreography were all on display, but if you know the Shaw Brothers, you knew that already.  The story was compelling and the three leads (David Chiang, Lung Ti, and Kuan Ti Chen) all did a remarkable job with both the acting and the chops and kicks that Blood Brothers required of them.  There was a strange emphasis on dudes rolling down hills in slow-motion (this didn't happen once or twice--it was more like five to ten times) that I didn't completely understand, but it was still a quality kung fu flick.  I loved David Chiang's work with the triple staff and Lung Ti really stole the show as the "brother" whose lust for power (and Kuan Ti Chen's lovely wife) eventually turned the three men against one another.  It wasn't in the upper echelon of movies c/o of the Shaw Brothers (Five Deadly Venoms, Crippled Avengers, Five Shaolin Masters), but it was definitely worthwhile.

Bonus points: whoever did the subtitles on the version I watched certainly played it fast and loose.  There were numerous scenes where the subtitles didn't make a damn bit of sense.  Also, (and this shouldn't have been funny but it was) the female lead was frequently referred to as "bitch" or "the bitch" and I'm pretty sure these references weren't actual translations of what was being said. 

Final Grade: C+

Dude in the middle (Lung Ti) looks like an asshole, doesn't he? 
This isn't one of those examples of how looks can be deceiving.

Short Attention Span Review: Falcon Rising (2014)

There was a time when people used to go rent movies at places like Blockbuster and various other rental chains, places where the walls were lined with titles and you could buy candy at absurd prices.  The heyday for this particular era may have been the 90s, and during that time there were entire sections devoted to martial arts movies.  Here, roughly a dozen gifted warriors of the cinema were vying for kung fu supremacy.  You could chose from legit stars like Jean-Claude or Segal, or you could go for the talent hanging out on the lower shelves, people like Don "The Dragon" Wilson, Cynthia Rothrock, or my personal favorite, Gary Daniels.  It was like Billy Bob's Kung-Fu Theatre for my generation.  Now, VHS tapes are fossils, the rental industry is all but dead (Redbox is an entirely different animal), and the martial arts sub-genre isn't exactly flourishing--but we have Michael Jai White!  Yes, good people, Black Dynamite is here to save the day.  You'll have to understand if I can't help but give Black Dynamite lots of props here--it's one of my favorite movies and if you haven't seen it, please stop reading this blog and go watch it RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE.  I typed that in all caps because I mean it.  Those of you who have seen Black Dynamite and are therefore still enjoying this review can go ahead and lower your expectations, but you already knew that Falcon Rising would be no Black Dynamite.  Honestly, it's a far cry from Blood and Bone, but it's still worth watching--particularly if you miss that old school kung-fu glory as much as I do.  Of course Michael Jai White delivers the goods, he's an absolute beast.  I think he's a good actor and his martial arts prowess is second to none in this day and age.  The plot for Falcon Rising is a simple exercise in the time-honored "noble hero encounters kung fu treachery and kicks a lot of ass" vein, but I thought Ernie Barbarash's direction was exciting and the score from Charlie Lin was pretty nifty too.  There were decent opponents for Michael Jai White to combat and underrated vet Neil McDonough showed up just long enough to earn a paycheck.  Bonus points: I had never seen Thiago Santo in a movie before and he caught my attention as crooked cop with a bit of a conscience.  All things concerned, this was an entertaining little romp that probably deserves a C, but I'm going to give it a C+.  Why?  Black Dynamite, that's why!

Final Grade: C+

Michael Jai White doing what he does: kicking ass.

Haven't seen Black Dynamite?  Go watch it.  I'm serious.  Scram, you jive turkeys!

Short Attention Span Review: Merantau (2009)

As a huge of fan of both The Raid (awesome movie) and The Raid 2 (just fucking incredible), I'm surprised it took me so long to get to Merantau.  For those who aren't familiar with Gareth Evans and Iko Uwais, the director and the star of a pair of the finest action films ever (that would be The Raid and The Raid 2 for anyone who's having a hard time keeping up), this potent team first hit the scene with Merantau back in 2009.  Knowing that this was the film that launched this ultra-talented tandem, I was expecting something vastly inferior, but that wasn't the case.  I think that with The Raid and its powerhouse sequel, Evans and Uwais greatly advanced their game in terms of plot and effects/gore, but Merantau is no amateur debut.  It's a highly-polished martial arts film with a decent story and an abundance of riveting fight choreography.  It's a bit more traditional than those later efforts, with The Raid taking a John Carpenter-esque approach to the genre and The Raid 2 deftly combining kung fu treachery (I never miss a chance to give Black Dynamite his due) and a plot that was on par with The Departed.  Yet Merantau is still highly-effective, and if I had happened upon this before viewing either Raid picture, I would have been almost as keen on Evans and Uwais.

Final Grade: B

The Man with the Iron Fists

I'm a kung-fu guy.  Like, I love the movies, and I studied it.  Well, kind of.  There wasn't a kung-fu class anywhere around, so I spent a good portion of my life studying everything that I had access to.  I love the old movies, particularly The 5 Deadly Venoms and any other Chang Cheh features.  If it comes c/o The Shaw Brothers, I'm probably down, and then there's that Bruce Lee guy.  We can file all of that under stuff that I love.

So, I was thrilled with the throwback approach RZA took with The Man with the Iron Fists, and for the most part, I enjoyed the picture.  It's ludicrous, and anyone who doesn't like a vintage kung-fu outing shouldn't expect to enjoy this one any more, but I'm cool with that.  I loved the score, the choreography was on point, and all of the characters were badass.  Well, all of them except for RZA in the title role.

Now, I'm not really busting his chops for giving himself the lead role, though it should be noted that while he managed to pull his fight scenes off, he was definitely the least impressive presence in the film when it came time to throw down.  Yet that wasn't really the problem.  The problem was in a picture bursting with interesting characters, the main character was dull.  Seriously dull.  I'm not even sure that it was because it was a tired approach that we've seen a hundred times over, for that could be said of many of the roles, and most of them managed to impress.  There were like ten primary characters, and everyone but the main character was a delight to watch in this festive romp.

Russell Crowe owned the movie, but he had some serious competition.  The gore was fantastic.  All things considered, I had a good time with it, so I'm going to recommend it, but it's a shame that the main protagonist wasn't more charismatic.