Marvel's Secret Wars (2015) - Issue #1

So, I just sat down to read the first issue of this epic throwdown that Marvel has been building toward for some time now, the 2015 version of the Secret Wars.  We've been told that the Marvel Universe as we know it ends here, and we're supposed to leave this event with some sort of combination of the standard Marvel universe and their Ultimates universe.  Yes, those universes will no longer exist separate from one another.  Allegedly, some of the characters we know and love won't exist at all (and could potentially--though it's unlikely--actually stay dead), and most of them will be forever changed, and so on and so forth.  If you dig comics, you've heard a similar pitch before.  Yet this crossover bears the name Secret Wars, so maybe the shit really is about to hit the fan.

Having finished the first issue, I think it's safe to say that big things are happening.  I also think it's safe to say that the big things that are happening are incredibly convoluted.  Honestly, after I read issue #1, I found myself thinking that if you took the contents of that comic book and spread it out over three or four issues, it might actually wind up being something you could read and enjoy.  Unfortunately, aside from a few key players who hung around for more than a single panel, we wound up with little more than a series of cameos.   Additionally, aside from a few crisp pages that nearly made sense, so much clunky exposition was offered up that I felt like I was reading an Alan Moore comic where he had been ordered to double up on the text.  "We need twice as much, Al, and make sure it's complicated."

Now, it's only the first issue, and I've found that many of Marvel's latest attempts at blowing our minds get off to uneven starts.  So maybe things will sort themselves out.  Unfortunately, I've also found that many of Marvel's most recent super crossovers fell well short of my expectations.  The superb Avengers vs. X-Men arc from 2012 is the only such event that I've really enjoyed since they damn near topped the original Secret Wars (which many credit with creating the crossover on an epic scale way back in 1984) with their Civil War in 2006.  So, I'm going to hope for the best, but man oh man, we are off to a rocky start. 

Final Grade: D-

What do you think?  Am I being too hard on the new Secret Wars?  Am I failing to understand this stuff because I'm reading the wrong comics?  This is possible, as Marvel and DC both quickly cancel titles after realizing that I've added them to my reading list.  Maybe you think it was even worse than I did--though, for that to be the case, you probably would have thrown that shit in the trashcan before you finished and you probably wouldn't be reading this particular blog.  Whatever your take on the 2015 Secret Wars is, feel free to clue me in.  I'm searching for answers here.

There's no topping the original Secret Wars.

Bonus Points: the original Secret Wars featured
what is probably my favorite cover of all time.

Notes from Indiana

I spent a few days in Indiana helping a good friend with what will soon be his new home.  He recently bought the place and we were just taking a few steps toward making it nice and cozy.  Here are a few of the highlights from my grand journey with the great Rudolfo.

-Spending somewhere in the neighborhood of 20 hours in a box truck with Rudy was like combining one of the best history classes ever (topics we covered included early presidents, the Revolution, the Civil War, the Alamo, Custer, and so much more) with the Cannonball Run.

-West Virginia State Trooper interrogation:
Trooper: What are you hauling?
Rudy: Furniture.
Trooper: (suspicious) Furniture?  What kind of furniture?
Rudy: Furniture to put in a house.  Dressers, nightstands, stuff like that.
Trooper: (eyes narrow) Did you make it?
Rudy: Um, . . . no.
We got off with a warning.

-Those who know me well know that I don't dig heights or working with electricity.  So there I was, perched on a ladder, attaching a live wire to Rudy's house.

-A boy from the country operated a chainsaw for the first time.  On a roof.  While sweating bullets because I was standing on a slope.  True story.  Man, I dig heights.

-Touring Summitville with Rudy and Tabby in the convertible.  Top down? Check.  Sunglasses on? Check.  Summitville is so very Haddonfield, Illinois, and it's always growing.  It doubled in size during our little tour.

-Eating various meals with Rudy's in-laws, Tom and Lois Kilgore.  I'm a fan of corn, but fresh corn from Indiana--wow!  Also, sugar cream pie.  Boom!  My response when Lois asked if I would like another slice: "Only a fool would say no to that."  Tom and Lois really made me feel at home, both the company and the food were nothing short of fantastic.  I can't thank them enough for their hospitality.

-Mowing the grass with "Frankenstein", the riding mower Rudy cobbled together from various sources.  I think you could mow bamboo stalks with that beast.

-Bella, the pirate pug.  Awesome pet, and one hell of a road dog.

-Indiana is different, and I'm not just saying that because it's flat.  I'm not going to throw rocks at my hometown, but I was amazed that there was no litter anywhere along the road.  The yards were freshly mowed, and there was no debris anywhere.  It was so quaint and it reeked of pride, which are good things, yet it almost felt like an episode of The Twilight Zone at times.  The reason why is simple enough: the grass police are on it.  Seriously, you might be unloading a box truck and trying to get some furniture in your new house when you get your first warning. 

All things considered, it was a neat trip.  Good people of Indiana, you're doing a fine job, but stay on top of the grass situation or you'll be next.

The Superior Spider-Man

Many of you are already aware that in Marvel's latest zany attempt to drive profits up, they have embarked upon a new era in Spider-Man's legacy.  Namely, The Superior Spider-Man, wherein Dr. Octopus has pulled off a mind-swap with Peter Parker shortly before his body (with Peter's mind trapped inside) passed on to the great beyond.  Thankfully, this is not nearly as final an outcome for a comic book character as it is for the rest of us, though, at present, the mind of Dr. Octopus is in control of Spider-Man's body.  Truthfully, this whole thing sounded like a lackluster publicity stunt that could potentially rival the wretched clone saga as one of Marvel's biggest blunders, many of which have involved the webhead.  I picked up the last issue of Amazing Spider-Man (#700, the final issue before the title became The Superior Spider-Man) and decided to nab the first few issues of the new book because I felt they would be collectible and I was curious.  I was highly skeptical, but yes, I was curious.

Wow.  12 issues later, I'm shocked to admit that this has become my favorite comic, somehow leapfrogging DC's stellar new take on Swamp Thing.  Of course, if Marvel hadn't rebooted the New Avengers title I so cherished, and if I knew where to find Iron Fist, this may not necessarily be the case, but I digress.  The Superior Spider-Man is awesome!  I'm fairly certain that when the next movie hits the scene the book will be called Amazing Spider-Man again and Peter will have somehow resurrected his mind and wrestled control of his body away from Dr. Octopus, but I'm in no hurry to get there.  This title is badass.  This new Spider-Man has killed, he has maimed, and he seems to be a doing a better job than the Spider-Man I knew and loved for the most part, though he does occasionally make the type of mistake that you would only expect from a villain.  Like talking too much when he should be throwing punches, and not the witty banter kind of talking we're used to, but rather the "Let me explain my plan to you" type of stuff Bond villains perish because of.

Regardless, I haven't enjoyed Spidey this much since Marvel's Civil War, though I hope that isn't a jinx.  It was shortly after that incredible run that One More Day, the only storyline that could make fans of the webhead miss the clone saga, hit the scene like a giant turd falling from the sky.  I was so happy with that turn of events that I cancelled my subscription and turned my back on the wall-crawler, but now I'm hooked again.  If you're looking for a darker and stranger take on one of the most beloved characters of all time, scope out The Superior Spider-Man.  You won't regret it.

The Brand-Spanking-New New Avengers

I love comics.  You probably know that by now, but if not, there it is.  There's no shame in that, either, as I'm one of a great many who will tell you that comics may just be the most underrated form of art on the planet.  There are some master storytellers at work in that realm, and there are guys that can do shit with pencils and ink that will blow your mind.  There are some cats out there doing wild stuff with paint and computers and it's all designed to boggle the mind and tell a fun story.  Comics are fun, and that's something we could all use a little more of, right?

Now, for several years, my favorite title was Marvel's New Avengers.  I was heartbroken a few months back when the deck was reshuffled, and the team I knew and loved was sent packing in favor of a relaunch with a new team.  Now, that team I fell in love with was the best team Marvel ever put together in terms of entertainment.  Seriously, we had Cap, Spider-Man, Wolverine, Iron Man, Power-Man and Iron Fist, Dr. Strange, and Hawkeye, among others.  It doesn't get any better than that, and Marvel was wise enough to put that team at the center of all of their biggest events, ranging from the Civil War to World War Hulk and even the Secret Invasion.  So, yeah, I was pretty distraught when I found out that Marvel was ready to do something new and different. 

Now, the new squad has been featured in three issues, and this team is made up of Marvel's power elite.  It's essentially the Illuminati with a few wrinkles thrown in for good measure.  I'm not going to go into great detail here, but once again I think Marvel has given us a winner.  The fate of the world is at stake and seeing big guns like Cap, Iron Man, Namor, Dr. Strange, Reed Richards, and Black Panther work together with everything on the line has been pretty massive thus far.  I'm still feeling a little cold, because with The Defenders and New Avengers both being retooled, I don't know where to go for an Iron Fist fix anymore, but my Marvel fandom is still providing me with killer comic books. 

If you haven't done so yet, please scope out the new New Avengers.  You won't regret it.