Short Attention Span Review - The Lighthouse (2019)

Short Attention Span Review - The Lighthouse (2019)

After hitting the scene with The Witch, which scared me witless, Robert Eggers has taken his peculiar talents to another level with The Lighthouse.  While it is far murkier and lacks the same impetus, there can be no doubt that this is another masterful exercise in terror.  The decision to shoot in black and white delivers stunning results, while the 1.19:1 aspect ratio tightens the director's grip on the audience, ramping up the paranoia.  This is a bleak tale of madness and loathing, and it is also a surreal odyssey into darkness and murder.  It is an actor's showcase, and Willem Dafoe and Robert Pattinson prove seaworthy as they spar with one another all the way to a diabolical conclusion.  This is a movie that will prove too deliberate for many and too strange for others, but those who are looking for something different and exhilarating may find themselves thoroughly entranced.  I was hooked from the start, and while I don't view this as a masterpiece, it surely stimulated me every step of the way.  Portions of The Lighthouse are downright awkward by design, and it poses many questions that the viewer is left to ponder after the closing reel.  I enjoy such fare, and this is a fine example of a surreal nightmare that paints a subjective portrait.  The craftsmanship is impeccable, and I warrant that The Lighthouse will trigger a powerful response from even those who deride it as a failure.  It is perhaps the very antithesis of a buddy picture, devoted entirely to two poorly matched characters whose perilous union is clearly doomed, though there are surprising moments of jocularity that do little to ease the tension.  Many elements of The Lighthouse may be real or imagined, but the director's vision and ability are impossible to ignore.  The Witch was a marvel, The Lighthouse is a potent oddity, and I can't wait to see Robert Eggers does next. 

Final Grade: A-

Striking visuals and incredible acting make The Lighthouse an invigorating trip worth taking.

Short Attention Span Review: Hereditary (2018)

Short Attention Span Review: Hereditary (2018)

WARNING:  Spoiler Alert (I don't normally do spoilers in my reviews, but I'm trying to spare you)

Man, the hype for this one had me salivating.  I avoided all marketing materials and reviews as I wanted to go into Hereditary with no idea of just what to expect.  Still, I had heard so much praise that I couldn't help but be all kinds of excited when I finally set down in the theater to scope out a new horror movie that was supposed to scare me senseless.  Well, homies, let me cut right to the chase: when it comes to Hereditary, the hype train derailed.  I don't understand.  I wanted something in the vein of It Follows, The Babadook, The Witch, or even The Ritual via Netflix, as I do believe we are currently enjoying a nice period for well-crafted and deeply unsettling horror films.  I got a shitshow instead.  Look, in fairness, this has to be a case of quality ingredients joining together as part of a terrible recipe.  If you were to prepare a list of ten things a horror film needs to be special, I would say that this picture has seven or eight of those things, and yet the end result is garbage.  This motion picture boasts a magnificent score, impeccable performances, great sets, an unmistakable sense of dread, and there is a tale at the heart of the movie that could yield something both unspeakable and exquisite.  However, a feeble script, an uneven pace, some incredibly stupid characters* and some severe logic gaps in the plot turn the whole thing into a vapid mess.  Hey, why the fuck did Gabriel Byrne hang around for this nonsense?  Better yet, why did he burst into flames in the last reel?  Anyone?  I've got nothing.  And then there's the ending.  Boy, oh boy.  Talk about shitting the bed.  There was a moment when I thought the picture might redeem itself somewhat by sticking the landing.  This produced some severe tension in the audience, but then a series of miscues transformed what may have initially been nervous giggles into full-on laughter.  The packed house I saw this with was quite literally roaring with laughter as the clumsy conclusion went big in pursuit of genuine terror and produced a Monty Python-esque study of possession.

*Example: I shit you not, the main character is given a candle and a parchment containing a spell written in a strange language that she cannot comprehend, and she is instructed to go home, light the candle, and read said parchment.  Despite the fact that this batshit crazy advice is coming from a character who is clearly batshit crazy, our protagonist is all in without a second thought.


Final Grade: Shit Sandwich

Here, Toni Collette, who is a brilliant actess, offers up a startling rendition of my feelings on spending ten bucks and two hours of my life with Hereditary.

Short Attention Span Review: The Witch (2015)

Short Attention Span Review: The Witch (2015)

Disclaimer: Witches give me the willies.  Keep that in mind as you read this review, for The Witch is most certainly the type of film that will captivate many while others will not be entranced in the slightest.  The period setting is perfectly captured and will enrich the experience for some, while others will find such detail to be tedious and the authentic puritan dialogue will be equally hit and miss.  The ominous score and the mounting dread should be impossible to ignore for any reasonable viewer, though the shape of the tale and the eventual outcome will leave many totally unsatisfied.  As for me, I'm not ashamed to admit that The Witch scared the shit out of me, and I found the conclusion to be nothing short of horrific.  The primal depiction of witchcraft and the subtlety with which evil poisons the proceedings slowly ensnared me, and by the time the credits rolled I couldn't help but feel that I had become trapped in a nightmare of the highest order.  In many ways, The Witch is a tough watch, and there is little reward for the audience in the absence of comic relief, thrills, or hope.  Writer and director Robert Eggers is clearly a force to be reckoned with, and Anya Taylor-Joy stands out in a tight ensemble piece where everyone delivers the goods.  Chilling, provocative yet reserved, and utterly unique, The Witch pulls off a rare feat in that it is both incredibly understated and incredibly frightening. 

Final Grade: A+

An intense and captivating picture that surely falls within the "love it or leave it" spectrum, The Witch scared the piss out of me.