Short Attention Span Review - A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988)

Short Attention Span Review - A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988)

Oye.  This movie had so much potential, but it just couldn't connect the dots.  While director Renny Harlin did manage to drop some cool imagery on us, and there were some rather solid action bits, a lack of character development and a jokey script undermined his efforts.  Robert Englund was surely invested in the material, and seemed to be having a ball with his part, but it was just a little too much.  I enjoyed some of Freddy's wisecracks, but I didn't really want to see him portrayed as a murderous clown.  And that was apparently the goal in The Dream Master, which also suffered from a number of cringeworthy gags that missed the mark entirely.  There were some zingers that landed, and some of the creativity that made Dream Warriors a winner made it onto the screen.  However, while it was servicable for this type of flick, the effects work wasn't quite as good as what we saw in the prior entry.  The script dispensed with several pivotal characters with minimal fanfare, and failed to develop their succesors enough to inspire me to root for them.  Aside from the roach kill and a rousing finale, I nearly lost interest.  To be fair, the roach kill was totally f'n gnarly, but by the time I got to that part. it was a genuine "too little, too late" scenario.  Then we got the parting shot, an obligatory "Freddy's still out there" gimmick--and it was really, really weak.  In fact, that would be an adequate summary of this late 80s slasher sequel: really, really weak.  If not for that one wild moment when The Dream Master totally bugged out, I would give this one an "F."

Final Grade: D-

Robert Englund has a great time with The Dream Master.  I did not.

Short Attention Span Review - A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987)

Short Attention Span Review - A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987)

Dream Warriors is a fan favorite for many reasons.  Among them are an impressive cast for a late 80s horror flick, a lot of creativity, kooky effects, and director Chuck Russell filling in nicely for genre heavyweight Wes Craven.  It also boasts a lively script, some of Englund's best work straddling the fence between horror and comedy, and a frantic pace.  It is surely the best entry in this series that Craven didn't engineer, and it's a pretty damn good horror movie in general.  I love the inventive kills, and there are some huge beats in the story.  The only shortcomings are a few instances where there was a little too much cheese in the recipe and a couple of effects gags that miss the mark.  Honestly, that's to be expected in a film of this ilk that aims to do so much, and there are way more hits than misses.  The TV kill is one of my favorites, and the puppet sequence is also wicked.  John Saxon's presence in the closing reel is a huge plus, and the subplot with the creepy but helpful nun is a nice touch.  This is a really fun spookshow with a lot of substance, and while the first film from this franchise is much better (I do consider it to be a legitimate classic), Dream Warriors is as good as it got for Freddy beyond that.  And that's good enough for me to show it some love here in the Land of Way.

Final Grade: B

Dream Warriors shines when emphasizing the creativity that always separated this franchise from the pack.

Short Attention Span Review: Annabelle (2014)

Short Attention Span Review: Annabelle (2014)

Annabelle is a basic bitch, truth be told, but that doesn't render her ineffective.  In fact, I found a lot to like in this simplistic throwback.  A bit classical in its approach, Annabelle doesn't arrive with any grand aspirations.  This one didn't aim to reinvent the wheel, and there were no attempts to ratchet up the tension with a hyper-kinetic array of malevolent jolts.  No, we're dealing with a straight-forward and measured endeavor here.  In that regard, Annabelle reminded me a lot of the claustrophobic character-driven spookshows of yesteryear.  Throw in a tough female lead and some quality effects work, and you're in for a good time at the movies.  Intriguing and creepy in equal doses, this unassuming addition to The Conjuring family won't take you anywhere you haven't been before.  Yet, if you're a fan of the genre, you will get to revisit the old neighborhood in an efficient and moderately unnerving trip into terror.  That's good enough for me.

Final Grade: B-

When things got out of hand, Annabelle's owners reached out to this priest, and he had the situation under control for approximately 90 seconds.

 

Short Attention Span Review: The Witch (2015)

Short Attention Span Review: The Witch (2015)

Disclaimer: Witches give me the willies.  Keep that in mind as you read this review, for The Witch is most certainly the type of film that will captivate many while others will not be entranced in the slightest.  The period setting is perfectly captured and will enrich the experience for some, while others will find such detail to be tedious and the authentic puritan dialogue will be equally hit and miss.  The ominous score and the mounting dread should be impossible to ignore for any reasonable viewer, though the shape of the tale and the eventual outcome will leave many totally unsatisfied.  As for me, I'm not ashamed to admit that The Witch scared the shit out of me, and I found the conclusion to be nothing short of horrific.  The primal depiction of witchcraft and the subtlety with which evil poisons the proceedings slowly ensnared me, and by the time the credits rolled I couldn't help but feel that I had become trapped in a nightmare of the highest order.  In many ways, The Witch is a tough watch, and there is little reward for the audience in the absence of comic relief, thrills, or hope.  Writer and director Robert Eggers is clearly a force to be reckoned with, and Anya Taylor-Joy stands out in a tight ensemble piece where everyone delivers the goods.  Chilling, provocative yet reserved, and utterly unique, The Witch pulls off a rare feat in that it is both incredibly understated and incredibly frightening. 

Final Grade: A+

An intense and captivating picture that surely falls within the "love it or leave it" spectrum, The Witch scared the piss out of me.

Short Attention Span Review: Dreamscape (1984)

Dreamscape is the kind of whacko thrill ride that I can really get behind.  The 80s were a good decade for silly films like this, and there are few sci-fi/horror/fantasy/action/political intrigue medleys that I enjoy as much as this one.  Dennis Quaid is a great lead and David Patrick Kelly is a wonderful villain.  Max Von Sydow and Christopher Plummer are also on hand, and Kate Capshaw and Eddie Albert are among the other performers who do a splendid job of bringing a wild script to life.  The movie concerns scientific efforts to manipulate dreams that essentially result in the development of dream warriors who wield extraordinary power in their nocturnal adventures.  This is troubling, as these dream warriors can invade the dreams of others.  One is good, a likable psychic crook (Quaid) who finds purpose helping people dealing with traumatic nightmares.  One is bad, a cold-blooded psycho (Kelly) who is soon working with a shady government official (Plummer) who wants him to kill the president.  The dream sequences are unique and satisfying, and the movie mostly succeeds at the various things it attempts to accomplish.  The horror and sci-fi elements work best, while the action bits frequently fall flat.  Most importantly, Dreamscape requires Quaid to help a young boy who is menaced by Snake-Man (a groovy menace who appears thanks to a crafty combination of stop-motion animation and practical effects) in his nightmares.  Snake-Man is equal parts cheese and classic goodness, and he's the coolest thing about Dreamscape, a goofy thriller that I really dig.

Final Grade: B+

Is Snake-Man the best thing about Dreamscape?  Yes, I do believe that he is.

Weird Dreams - 8/24/2012 Edition

I'm a deranged horror author, so it should come as no surprise that I have lots of nightmares and weird dreams.  There's some strange stuff happening inside my cranium, and sometimes my nocturnal escapades are so bizarre that I feel the need to share them.

So, last night I dreamed that my good friend Dave Scearce (a swell guy and one of the best bassists around) took me to see a comedian perform at a stone amphitheater.  The comedian was a figment of my imagination and not an actual comedian, and I can't remember if he was any good or not.  Besides, it wasn't important to the dream.  Anyway, we were watching this guy perform and I got up to go to the bathroom.  Suddenly, I became weightless, and I began to float upward.  I reached a height of maybe forty or fifty feet, and then this zero gravity phase of my dream came to an abrupt halt.  I plummeted downward, terrified, and slammed into the cruel rock surface that the amphitheater was composed of.

This left me with a mangled arm that was bleeding freely and a deep gash in my head that was bleeding even worse than the mangled arm.  Making matters worse, I began vomiting up blood.  Lots of blood.  Dave was quick to lend a hand, and he rushed me to the hospital.  I told him not to call Kristen (my wife) until we saw a doctor because I was hoping that it wasn't that bad and I didn't want to scare her.  This while I continued to gush blood from my wounds and puke up lots and lots of blood repeatedly.

Once we got to the hospital, we had to wait a while, but finally the doctor hit the scene.  He looked like a normal enough guy, but I knew things had taken a turn for the worse when he introduced himself as Dr. Frankenstein.  My misgivings were confirmed when he pulled a gun on me and said, "My prescription: one round to the base of your skull to put you out of your misery."

At that point, I looked to Dave and acknowledged that it was time to call my wife. 

. . . . .

Anyone who wants to offer me some meaningful insight into that absurdity is welcome to do so.