Monster Jams: Tool - Fear Innoculum (released 8/30/2019)

Monster Jams:  Tool - Fear Innoculum (released 8/30/2019)

It's not easy to review an album like this, an experience that must be heard, but I will take a stab at it nonetheless.  Tool has always been a visionary act, an astounding collective fueled by imagination, artistry, and serious chops.  Thirteen years after their last release, they are back with Fear Innoculum, a deft masterpiece that proves to be well worth the wait--and undoubtedly houses hidden treasures that will emerge upon repeated listenings.  There is a depth to these songs that seems to dwarf most of what's out there, and there is a brazen thirst for exploration that remains as unified as it is bold.  The band embarks upon songs that feel like the sonic equivalent of epic journeys, and they do so with an ease that belies the innate grandeur of their musical dexterity.  The cuts here are fierce, haunting, playful, driving, ominous, absolutely beautiful, and, most importantly, fully immersive.  Despite running contrary to anything that the current landscape represents, these powerful contributions to the band's robust catalog are nothing if not accessible, this in spite of the scope and complexity on display.  Most tracks exceed ten minutes in length and cover a lot of territory, but there is a cohesion that never falters.  Expectations are repeatedly cast aside so that the music can explode in another direction or recede into a valley, where it may emerge as either a loving harmony or an aggressive attack.  This may sound rather exhausting, though it is truthfully anything but; there is no fatigue when dipping into this provocative pool, only excitement, and perhaps even joy.  I'm not sure exactly what I wanted from Fear Innoculum, but I know it will take some time to properly embrace what I got--and it's more than we deserved.

Final Grade: A+

Well. it took long enough, but Fear Innoculum is a delightful cabinet of curiosities for fans to cherish and explore.

Short Attention Span Review - Passengers (2016)

Short Attention Span Review - Passengers (2016)

Passengers is a movie about many things, but it is primarily concerned with our need for companionship.  On a journey through space that will last something like 120 years, Chris Pratt's character wakes up prematurely with 90 years left to go.  His pod cannot be repaired, so he cannot go back to sleep and join the thousands of passengers who are blissfully unaware of his troubles.  Will he spend the rest of his life alone?  This difficult question becomes even tougher to grapple with when he discovers the writings of Jennifer Lawrence's character and essentially falls for her--this while she sleeps peacefully in her pod and he grapples with the strain of isolation.  Like most great speculative features, the movie hinges on the strength of this question: what would you do?  It's a powerful question, and Passengers presents it with impressive clarity.  It subsequently does a fine job of showing these characters build a life together under such extraordinary circumstances--and then, of course, Lawrence's character finds out what happened, and the movie asks a second profound question: what would you do if someone else pulled you into such a situation?  There is more at stake in Passengers, there is something amiss about the vessel these characters inhabit, which is why one of the pods malfunctioned to begin with.  Before the movie ends, these characters will have to work together to save themselves and all the other passengers.  There will be excitement and suspense, and the drama will be heightened as they struggle with impossible odds.  All of this is handled well; Passengers is a great-looking feature, and the direction, effects, and score are all dynamic.  In the end, however, it all really boils down to those questions and the work of Pratt and Lawrence, who do a fantastic job of exploring the material and bringing this stirring journey to life.

Final Grade: A

Pratt and Lawrence are asked to do an awful lot in what is essentially a two-person show, and each proves more than capable.

Short Attention Span Review: Hereditary (2018)

Short Attention Span Review: Hereditary (2018)

WARNING:  Spoiler Alert (I don't normally do spoilers in my reviews, but I'm trying to spare you)

Man, the hype for this one had me salivating.  I avoided all marketing materials and reviews as I wanted to go into Hereditary with no idea of just what to expect.  Still, I had heard so much praise that I couldn't help but be all kinds of excited when I finally set down in the theater to scope out a new horror movie that was supposed to scare me senseless.  Well, homies, let me cut right to the chase: when it comes to Hereditary, the hype train derailed.  I don't understand.  I wanted something in the vein of It Follows, The Babadook, The Witch, or even The Ritual via Netflix, as I do believe we are currently enjoying a nice period for well-crafted and deeply unsettling horror films.  I got a shitshow instead.  Look, in fairness, this has to be a case of quality ingredients joining together as part of a terrible recipe.  If you were to prepare a list of ten things a horror film needs to be special, I would say that this picture has seven or eight of those things, and yet the end result is garbage.  This motion picture boasts a magnificent score, impeccable performances, great sets, an unmistakable sense of dread, and there is a tale at the heart of the movie that could yield something both unspeakable and exquisite.  However, a feeble script, an uneven pace, some incredibly stupid characters* and some severe logic gaps in the plot turn the whole thing into a vapid mess.  Hey, why the fuck did Gabriel Byrne hang around for this nonsense?  Better yet, why did he burst into flames in the last reel?  Anyone?  I've got nothing.  And then there's the ending.  Boy, oh boy.  Talk about shitting the bed.  There was a moment when I thought the picture might redeem itself somewhat by sticking the landing.  This produced some severe tension in the audience, but then a series of miscues transformed what may have initially been nervous giggles into full-on laughter.  The packed house I saw this with was quite literally roaring with laughter as the clumsy conclusion went big in pursuit of genuine terror and produced a Monty Python-esque study of possession.

*Example: I shit you not, the main character is given a candle and a parchment containing a spell written in a strange language that she cannot comprehend, and she is instructed to go home, light the candle, and read said parchment.  Despite the fact that this batshit crazy advice is coming from a character who is clearly batshit crazy, our protagonist is all in without a second thought.


Final Grade: Shit Sandwich

Here, Toni Collette, who is a brilliant actess, offers up a startling rendition of my feelings on spending ten bucks and two hours of my life with Hereditary.

Short Attention Span Review - Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

Short Attention Span Review - Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

I don't know how Marvel is doing it at this point.  I'm a lifelong fan of their comics, so it should come as no surprise that I'm a big fan of their box office dominance.  More importantly, I love the way they've brought their characters to life on the big screen in such remarkable fashion.  Yet it's hard to fathom how they keep managing to kick things up a notch.  Perhaps it's because they have recently grown accustomed to taking chances, and those chances are paying dividends.  Much like Guardians of the Galaxy, this venture represents a major gamble in terms of tone, with comedy being a huge part of the proceedings.  Marvel has seen great success with the comic relief they have inserted into their films from the start, but as with GOTG, this one is just as reliant (if not more reliant) on laughs than thrills.  However, while I would say that Thor: Ragnarok is 50% comedy, it is also 50% action-packed, and the God of Thunder has never been so badass.  Bonus points: "Immigrant Song" has long been my favorite Zeppelin track, and it seems about ten times cooler now.  Thor: Ragnarok is a big win across the board.  You will laugh, you will be thrilled, you will marvel (forgive me) at the kaleidoscope of color and sound that takes a familiar property on a trippy new ride that goes big often and delivers the goods at every turn.  The cast is insanely good--Hemsworth has never been so fun to watch or so damn gnarly, and Ruffalo makes stealing the show look easy no matter what he's asked to do these days.  Cate Blancett makes for a nasty villain, Tessa Thompson is ridiculously good as Valkyrie, Idris Elba is Idris Elba (and Idris Elba is cool as shit), Jeff Goldblum has too much fun and slays it, and my man Karl Urban has a surprisingly potent turn as one of the more conflicted characters in the film.  I know, I know, I'm gushing, but Thor: Ragnarok is totally fucking rad, dudes.  This kind of kooky shit excites the hell out of me.

Final Grade: A+

It's too early for me to make a definitive ruling in this matter, but as a diehard Marvel fanboy, I can assure you that is entirely possible that Thor: Ragnarok is the the best movie the MCU has given us.  It is easily Top 5 on that front, it's not too early to make that call.

Short Attention Span Review: Cold in July (2014)

Short Attention Span Review: Cold in July (2014)

Sam Shepard was a true legend, a gifted actor who was probably a better writer, and his passing has been marked with a wealth of tributes that honor his legacy.  As I read about his filmography, I realized that I had never watched Cold in July despite the fact that it had piqued my curiousity when it was released back in 2014.  Thus, I decided to go ahead and check out this slow boil of thriller set in 1989, and I'm certainly glad that I did.  The de facto star is Michael C. Hall from Dexter, and while he rocked a hideous mullet and embedded himself in his role, Shepard made for a bigger presence.  Not surprisingly, both of these quality performances were overshadowed by Don Johnson once he showed up about halfway through Cold in July, stealing the show in a part that falls just short of iconic.  The direction courtesy of Jim Mickle was sound and the real star attraction had to be the riveting score by Jeff Grace, who was clearly paying tribute to 80s cinema by way of John Carpenter.  The pace was a bit uneven here and there, and while I can appreciate a nice slow boil, things did drag a bit at times.  Given that the movie is based on the work of Joe R. Lansdale, it isn't surprising that it concludes with a gory showdown, though I was surprised that there were so many plot threads left dangling.  I don't think I can grade this one any higher than a B-, but it was one bloodthirsty B- and that may not even be a bad thing considering that Cold in July is a B movie by design.

Final Grade: B-

Next to the killer score, Cold in July's biggest assett is the trio of actors who bond on a subversive quest to make things right that requires them to bathe in blood.

Short Attention Span Review: Dead Cross

Short Attention Span Review: Dead Cross 

In fairness,  I should make my readers aware of the following tidbits:

1) Faith No More is my favorite band, and as such, there is little doubt that I would classify Mike Patton and the versatility and creativity that he brings to his vocals as the best things ever to happen to any microphone, anywhere.

2) I'm a diehard Slayer fan, and while I take nothing away from the band as a whole, I have stated on more than one occasison that if the band were to offer any album featuring Dave Lombardo as a drums-only release featuring his work on the skins alone, well, I would snatch that shit up in a hot minute.

So, this whole Dead Cross thing is a bit of a dream project as far as I'm concerned, and I want to make this clear as I obviously have a considerable bias at work as I sit down to write this review.  By the same token, these tidbits should denote a potent set of expectations regarding this latest release from the throbbing treasure chest of unruly sounds that is Ipecac Recordings.  As with anything one approaches with high hopes and a decided thirst, it was entirely possible that even a solid recording would have been a bit of a disappointment.  Yes, I listened to this album mere hours after it was released fully expecting to hear something noteworthy, and I'm very happy to report that I wasn't disappointeed.  In point of fact, Dead Cross has surpassed my expectations, and if there's a better way to spend 28 minutes listening to music, I'm not aware of it.  Most surprisingly, while Patton and Lombardo both rise to new heights and bejewel this stash of hardcore gold with the very best that they have to offer, it's the guitar work courtesy of Mike Crain (Retox) that really puts this sonic blitz over the top.   Justin Pearson (Retox, the Locust) also nails the bass parts for this brief but incredible descent into unbridled fury, but I was constantly amazed by the twists and turns that Crain threw down, thrashing and grinding his way through a guns-blazing assault on the eardrums that never fails to surprise or entertain.  Quirky, energetic, and brimming with tongue-in-cheek hostility, this is hardcore at its most enticing and inventive.  Dead Cross is a serious kick in the pants that should thrill any fan of exciting music in general, and those who are enamored with any of the participants will find everything they're hoping for and more.  Make no mistake, this is a fiery bundle of lunatic rage where 9 out of 10 songs come up short of 3 minutes in length, yet no stone is left unturned.  Standout tracks include every fucking one of them, no bullshit whatsoever, my friends.

Final Grade: A+ 

Buy this shit now!!!!!!!

Short Attention Span Review: Rogue One (2016)

Short Attention Span Review: Rogue One (2016)

Rogue One is a different sort of Star Wars movie, and while the somber tone and the valiant sacrifices that punctuate the closing reel may not sit well with some, it cannot be denied this is one hell of a movie.  While the typical Star Wars picture is whimsical and far more gentle, Rogue One opts for an emphasis on grit and the perils of war.  Personally, I found this to be a sound decision, and by the time the film drew to a close, I was more invested in the material than I had been with any Star Wars movie since Luke lost his hand and Han became decor.  I'm not afraid to declare that this is easily the second-best Star Wars movie ever produced, and time may see it come to rival even The Empire Strikes Back.  The entire cast is worthy of praise, and this is due to the script as much as the talent involved.  Not since the original trilogy hit the scene have we witnessed so many rich characters with such captivating stories come together in this universe, and that desperate climax only serves to magnify the strength of the performances and the plot.  The effects are at an all-time high, the scope is clearly epic, and the significance of this standalone tale to the events depicted in the original that started it all cannot be overstated.  I greatly enjoyed Rogue One, and I was also greatly moved by it.  It exists both as a thrilling blockbuster and a thorough meditation on what it means to live and die for a cause.  Bonus points: in a series that has always found a way to give us a lovable droid to cherish, Rogue One gives us a cantankerous droid with a gift for sarcasm, and in doing so they may have topped R2-D2 and BB-8.  Seriously.  Also, there are a handful of cameos, to include Peter Cushing reprising the role of Grand Moff Tarkin thanks to some technical wizardry, and while it's nice to glimpse some familiar faces, it is Darth Vader's more substantial appearance that will have fans jumping out of their seats.  Vader has never been so badass, and Star Wars has seldom (if ever) found such an even blend of thrills and introspection.  Rogue One isn't just the best Star Wars movie to come along in a while, it's a damn good movie in general. 

Final Grade: A+

He may not be on the screen for long in Rogue One, but Vader's rage gives us one of the most impressive Star Wars moments of all time.

Short Attention Span Review: Headshot (2016)

Short Attention Span Review: Headshot (2016)

Given the talent involved and the picture's Indonesian roots, it is only fair to compare Headshot to The Raid: Redemption and The Raid 2, and that is a bit unfortunate.  While it never reaches the heights that star Iko Uwais and director Gareth Evans soared to with those martial arts epics, the so-called "Mo Brothers" (Kimo Stamboel and Timo Tjahjanto) have put together one hell of an action picture.  Given their horror background, it should come as no surprise that this is a gory affair, but Headshot delivers on that promise in excess.  Seriously, the level of gore contained in this movie is more in line with Peter Jackson's early work than either The Raid: Redemption or The Raid 2--and those were some pretty damn bloody flicks in their own right.  Headshot is almost a bit cartoonish in its gleeful depiction of limbs being shattered and bodies being dismantled, but the gritty tone and the escalating tension are somehow able to keep the movie from becoming a parody of sorts.  As a horror junkie and a martial arts devotee, I thought it was awesome, and I have to give the Mo Brothers some serious props.  This film could have become redundant, but somehow they kept upping the ante.  The latter third of the movie sees Uwais graduate from manhandling various thugs to squaring off with better opponents in a series of insane duels that kept raising the bar.  Most importantly, this gruesome carnage was brought to life by a dynamic combination of spectacular choreography and wicked cinematography.  The plot is basic, yes, and there are no surprises in the mix, but that's typically the best course for a martial arts picture.  In this case, there was just enough of a story in play to give all the balls-to-the-wall beatdowns unfolding on the screen some resonance.  Ultimately, Headshot isn't a great film, but it is totally gnarly, and if his work with Gareth Evans hadn't already made this clear, it is now apparent that Iko Uwais is the best thing going in martial arts cinema today.  If you like punches and kicks or copious amounts of gore, you owe it to yourself to check out Headshot.

Final Grade: B-

While it is inferior to both The Raid and its sequel despite the presence of Iko Uwais in the lead role, Headshot does provide viewers with a wealth of bone-crunching action to enjoy--and it cements Uwais as the baddest martial artist working in movies today.

Short Attention Span Review: The Five Deadly Venoms (1978)

Short Attention Span Review: The Five Deadly Venoms (1978)

Two utterly magnificent things happened in 1978: I was born and Chang Cheh gave us The Five Deadly Venoms, which may just be the coolest martial arts film of all time.  Bruce Lee's catalog aside, this is undoubtedly the definitive karate flick, and it will also appeal to fans of the horror genre--and perhaps even fans of superhero movies.  The Shaw Brothers gave us an abundance of kung fu gems marked by great sets and even better choreography, and I think most fans will agree that The Five Deadly Venoms was their best offering.  Additionally, no one was better suited to helm these bodacious flicks than Chang Cheh, and this is surely his finest hour.  This is also the film that gave us the Venom Mob (Shen Chiang, Chien Sun, Phillip Chung-Fung Kwok, Meng Lo, Pai Wei, and Feng Lu), and while each of these considerable talents would shine in other pictures, the whole gang would never join forces again in a single picture--and I think this one may represent each performer's best work with the exception of Shen Chiang.  He is the lead here and he's absolutely terrific, but I rank his work in Crippled Avengers a little higher.  The groovy plot revolves around a master who has trained the fearsome Venoms of the title in five distinct styles, each of which comes equipped with something akin to a super power.  These warriors are the Toad, the Lizard, the Centipede, the Scorpion, and the Snake.  They train under this master (Dick Wei) in masks, and thus their identities are kept a secret.  Later, the master trains a new student, Yang Tieh (Shen Chiang), and while he is not a master of any of the five styles, he understands a little of each.  As the master nears his end, he begins to fear that his five original pupils may be too dangerous for this world, so he sends young Yang Tieh to try and figure out who the Venoms are, determine if they are good men or bad men, and eliminate any who are using their skills for nefarious purposes.  This sets the stage for a supremely badass film brimming with secret identities, desperate alliances, epic brawls, and a nifty twist or two to keep everyone on their toes.  Of course, the highlights of the movie are the bloody showdowns, but there's also an abundance of gore on display and I love the sinister mood that permeates the piece.  Finally, The Five Deadly Venoms concludes with a five star showdown where all bets are off, and this amazing setpiece showcasing all of the characters who have yet to perish is easily the most stupendous final reel in the history of martial arts cinema outside of Enter the Dragon.

Final Grade: A+

Bruce Lee's catalog aside, The Five Deadly Venoms is the ultimate karate flick.  As such, it is the best offering from the Shaw Brothers, who gave us a wealth of kung fu treachery to enjoy.

Short Attention Span Review: Masked Avengers (1981)

Short Attention Span Review: Masked Avengers (1981)

This one has all the necessary ingredients for a classic Shaw Brothers exercise in Kung Fu Treachery: Chang Cheh in the director's chair, key members of the Venom Mob in the cast, a sinister mood, and an abundance of gore.  Of course, it should go without saying that Masked Avengers is also enhanced by the colorful costumes and sets and the breathtaking choreography that make the Shaw Brothers library so worthwhile for connoisseurs like yours truly.  I would rank this among their more frightening offerings, and I think that the fact that the masked killers terrorizing the countryside in Masked Avengers are armed with tridents gives this one an advantage.  While Shaw Brothers movies are revered for their fight scenes, to include big brawls with multiple cast members and stellar weapons choreography, the use of tridents makes Masked Avengers rather unique.  The picture hits several familiar beats for fans of Chang Cheh's work, to include secret identities, deadly alliances, and characters whose motives remain murky until they finally pick a side in the grand finale.  Speaking of which, the big showdown that marks the conclusion of Masked Avengers has to rank among the studio's very best.  It's a real showstopper, and those who enjoy such fare will definitely be thrilled by this sadistic climax pitting terrifying villains against valiant heroes in a bloody battle that is thrilling and creative in equal measures. 

Final Grade: B+

Venom Mob + Chang Cheh + Gore + Superb Choreagraphy = Grade A Kung Fu Treachery

If you enjoy these pictures as much as I do, check out my reviews of other top shelf martial arts flicks from the Shaw Brothers:

Short Attention Span Review: Blood Brothers (1973)

Short Attention Span Review: Five Shaolin Masters (1974)

Short Attention Span Review: Crippled Avengers (1978)

Note: I didn't realize until I was digging up these links that I've apparently never reviewed the one Shaw Brothers classic that rules them all: The Five Deadly Venoms.  I promise my faithful readers that I will remedy this situation shortly.

Short Attention Span Review: The Fighter (2010)

Short Attention Span Review: The Fighter (2010)

First off, the thing with rating boxing movies is the depth of the field.  If you set out to make a great volleyball film, the world is yours.  If you set out to go toe to toe with Rocky or Raging Bull, . . . well, things could get ugly.  Thankfully, while The Fighter is vastly inferior to the great boxing flicks of yesteryear, it mostly stands as a drama with a landmark performance anchoring it.  Unfortunately, those great boxing flicks of yesteryear may have been more reliant on boxing, but they were also heavy on the drama, and with The Fighter that landmark performance doesn't belong to the leading man.  The end result is a bit off as a result, though the movie is surely entertaining and crafty.  The soundtrack is great and the dysfunctional family that the story revolves around offer up a steady stream of memorable moments.  The entire cast is game, and de facto star Mark Wahlberg is solid as "Irish" Mickey Ward.  This humble underdog's rise to fame is the backbone for David O'Russell's fast-paced chronicle of the pugilist brothers who put Lowell, Massachusetts on the map.  The other brother in this equation is Dicky Eklund, played to sheer perfection here by Christian Bale.  Yes, Ward is the up-and-comer whose quest for glory is on center stage, but it is Eklund the drug-addicted has-been who makes The Fighter worth watching.  Bale disappears into his role (as he frequently does) and his startlingly authentic portrayal of Eklund is tragic, wildly entertaining, and ultimately incredibly uplifting.  Wahlberg never falters in a less interesting role, but while watching The Fighter I couldn't help but think that it would have soared far higher if it was centered on Bale's Dicky Eklund instead.  As for the boxing bits--well, they're not bad, but we've seen far better.  In the end, we're supposed to be thoroughly impressed when Mickey's hand is finally raised, but Dicky's antics and his gut-wrenching battle with addiction are far more gripping.

Final Grade: B-

Mark Wahlberg may get top billing, but this is Christian Bale's show from start to finish.

Short Attention Span Review: Stranger Things (2016)

Short Attention Span Review: Stranger Things (2015)

Netflix's latest killer series borrows heavily from the cinematic landscape of the 80s (and the 80s themselves, as the series is set in 1983 and a powerful nostalgia vibe is one of its biggest selling points), but it remains fresh and viable nonetheless.  This is surely somewhat due to the wide variety of genres and titles that it pays homage to and partly due to a plethora of original flourishes, but either way the recycling on display in this riveting series is rather charming and never feels derivative.  There are great performances to spare and while some viewers have lamented the effects, I found them to be just as impressive.  The score is invigorating and the pacing is on point--this is an ideal program for binge-watching as the story progresses quickly and each episode ends with a cliffhanger that will have you itching to cue up the next chapter.  The less you know about the plot going in the better, but suffice it to say that a little midwest town becomes the setting for a wild yarn that includes a terrifying creature, shady government officials and their top secret lab, gateways to other dimensions, and even super powers.  The events unfold in the wake of a young boy's disappearance, and his tough but bewildered mother will join forces with a determined lawman with a tragic past to try and get to the bottom of the sinister goings-on.  Their biggest allies will be a band of teenage misfits who love Dungeons & Dragons and science, and their search for answers is packed with chills, thrills, and loving nods to the 80s.  The characters have so much depth and such tremendous arcs that I frequently felt like I was reading a book while watching this one, and there was just so much talent on display throughout.  It's hard to imagine any fan of things that go bump in the night failing to fall head over heels for the wholly engaging and highly entertaining Stranger Things. 

Final Grade: A+

Stranger Things is positively brimming with wonderful performances, but the strongest comes courtesy of Winona Ryder.  The long lost starlet is sheer perfection here as a crazed mother who will do anything to save her child from a diabolical supernatural menace.

Top 20 Horror Movies - #6) Deep Red (1975)

One of the things that I'm doing this month as I celebrate Halloween here in the Land of Way is taking the time to rank my Top 20 Horror Movies and my Top 20 Horror Novels.

Note:
I want to be clear that I'm basing these choices on my own humble opinion.  I'm not trying to rank these movies in accordance with their place in pop culture, but I'm offering up my take on the best horror films that I have ever watched and enjoyed.  There are some familiar candidates that I consider to be great pictures that didn't make the cut because there wasn't room, and there are some films that are widely regarded as great pictures that didn't make the cut because I feel that they are overrated.  There are also a few instances where it was difficult to determine whether or not a movie belonged to the horror genre (I said "no" to Aliens but "yes" to Jaws), and it may also be worth noting that this is largely a modern list (as long as you're okay with my classification of modern as anything after 1960) that only features one lonely creature from the so-called "Classic Monsters" films produced by Universal Studios.

Thus far, the list includes:

#20) The Fly (1986) 
#19) The Howling (1981)
#18) Night of the Living Dead (1968)
#17) Alien (1979) 
#16) Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)
#15) Suspiria (1977) 
#14) Phantasm (1979)
#13) Evil Dead 2 (1985)
#12) Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954) 
#11) The Descent (2005)
#10) Fright Night (1985)
#9) Halloween (1978)
#8) Return of the Living Dead (1985)
#7) An American Werewolf in London (1981)

Dario Argento strikes again!  Seriously, these days the dude can't make a decent movie to save his life, but there was a time when he was a force to be reckoned with.  This is his finest achievement, a robust offering that is well-loved by many and yet vastly underrated.

Top 20 Horror Movies - #6) Deep Red (1975)

Dario Argento used to make top-notch horror films; he was known for his deft use of a moving camera and his lively color palettes which served to inject a surreal element into his work.  Dario was no stranger to gore either, and he had a serious jones for twisted plots.  Though he has completely lost his ability to make a quality film in this day and age, Argento was lighting up the screen with sensational chillers and gruesome thrillers in the 70s and 80s.  In my personal opinion, while Suspiria will always be more popular, this is his finest film.  Suspiria was #15 on my list and it is surely a top-shelf horror film, but for my money, Deep Red is more exciting and far more fulfilling.  While Suspiria is a fairy tale of sorts, Deep Red is a blood-curdling mystery that is equal parts slasher flick and ghost story, though to label it as either would be inaccurate.  David Hemmings stars as a pianist who witnesses a horrific murder without being able to identify the killer.  Soon, he and an intrepid reporter (the wonderful Daria Nicolodi as Gianna Brezzi) are trying to solve a vicious mystery that reaches into the past.  As they work to uncover the truth, the death toll rises and it becomes quite clear that they are in great danger.  Stellar cinematography, an amazing score by Goblin, and one of Argento's most inventive plots come together in Deep Red, an elaborate whodunit that is full of scares and twists.  Finally, while there can be no doubt that the death scenes in Suspiria are sick and demented, the murders that occur in Deep Red may be even more disturbing. 

The moral of the story?  If you witness a brutal murder, do yourself a favor and leave the subsequent investigation to the police.

A spectacular score, gruesome kills, and creepy imagery are among Deep Red's many highlights.

Short Attention Span Review: Dreamscape (1984)

Dreamscape is the kind of whacko thrill ride that I can really get behind.  The 80s were a good decade for silly films like this, and there are few sci-fi/horror/fantasy/action/political intrigue medleys that I enjoy as much as this one.  Dennis Quaid is a great lead and David Patrick Kelly is a wonderful villain.  Max Von Sydow and Christopher Plummer are also on hand, and Kate Capshaw and Eddie Albert are among the other performers who do a splendid job of bringing a wild script to life.  The movie concerns scientific efforts to manipulate dreams that essentially result in the development of dream warriors who wield extraordinary power in their nocturnal adventures.  This is troubling, as these dream warriors can invade the dreams of others.  One is good, a likable psychic crook (Quaid) who finds purpose helping people dealing with traumatic nightmares.  One is bad, a cold-blooded psycho (Kelly) who is soon working with a shady government official (Plummer) who wants him to kill the president.  The dream sequences are unique and satisfying, and the movie mostly succeeds at the various things it attempts to accomplish.  The horror and sci-fi elements work best, while the action bits frequently fall flat.  Most importantly, Dreamscape requires Quaid to help a young boy who is menaced by Snake-Man (a groovy menace who appears thanks to a crafty combination of stop-motion animation and practical effects) in his nightmares.  Snake-Man is equal parts cheese and classic goodness, and he's the coolest thing about Dreamscape, a goofy thriller that I really dig.

Final Grade: B+

Is Snake-Man the best thing about Dreamscape?  Yes, I do believe that he is.

Short Attention Span Review: Deep Red (1975)

Yesterday, I reviewed one of Fulci's better movies (City of the Living Dead), so today I'm turning my attention to another notable Italian director who made his name in the horror genre.  While Fulci was celebrated for his excessive use of gore, Dario Argento was better known for his deft use of a moving camera and the way his creative cinematography and lively color palettes served to inject a surreal element into his work.  Dario was no stranger to gore either, and he also shared Fulci's enthusiasm for twisted plots.  Though he has completely lost his ability to make a decent film in this day and age, Argento was lighting up the screen with sensational chillers and gruesome thrillers in the 70s and 80s.  In my personal opinion, Deep Red may just be his best feature, though Suspiria will always be more popular.  Hey, that's okay--Suspiria is a top-shelf horror film, but for my money, Deep Red is more riveting and far more fulfilling.  While Suspiria is a fairy tale of sorts, Deep Red is a blood-curdling mystery that is equal parts slasher flick and ghost story, though to label it as either would be inaccurate.  David Hemmings stars as a pianist who witnesses a horrific murder without being able to identify the killer.  Soon, he and an intrepid reporter (the wonderful Daria Nicolodi as Gianna Brezzi) are trying to solve a vicious mystery that reaches into the past.  As they work to uncover the truth, the death toll rises and it becomes quite clear that they are in great danger.  Stellar cinematography, an amazing score by Goblin, and one of Argento's most inventive plots come together in Deep Red, an elaborate whodunit that is full of scares and twists. 

Final Grade: A

In Deep Red, David Hemmings is drawn into a savage mystery.  As he tries to unravel
a brutal murder, bodies continue to pile up until this shocker reaches a grim conclusion.

Short Attention Span Review: Silverado (1985)

 For my money, it's hard to beat a great western, and Silverado is one of the best westerns that you're apt to see.  Everything about this one is grand, to include the magnificent cast, the epic locations, the fabulous script, and the stellar direction.  A big picture that deftly intertwines several gripping stories on the road to a corrupt town where all these stories come to a rousing conclusion, Silverado is a love letter to all the wonderful westerns that came before it.  It's also a reminder that genres may rise and fall, but so long as a top-notch script and the right talent join forces, no genre is ever truly forgotten.  The western may never be as important to the film industry as it once was, but it will always present the right people with an opportunity to tell a powerful story.  That's precisely what director Lawrence Kasdan did with this vibrant gem that he penned alongside his brother, Mark.  A good western can make adults feel all warm and fuzzy inside while encouraging their children to run around pretending that they're cowboys making a stand for all that is right.  Silverado is precisely that kind of film, and as such it is just as adept at presenting us with sound characters facing difficult decisions as it is at offering up thrilling shootouts.  There's also a lot of warmth and humor riding shotgun with the heroic antics that are the backbone of the western genre.  Kevin Kline, Scott Glenn, Kevin Costner, and Danny Glover shine as the heroes, while Brian Dennehy makes for an excellent villain.  Linda Hunt, Rosanna Arquette, Jeff Goldblum, and John Cleese are among the supporting cast, and Jeff Fahey makes an impression as a grimy henchman in one of his earliest roles.  The movie is certainly not lacking for star power, but then I don't see where Silverado is lacking anything.  A stunning example of what could be my favorite genre of film, this is a fantastic movie that I would heartily recommend to anyone.

Final Grade: A+ 

There are numerous established stars playing robust parts in Silverado, and then
there's my man Jeff Fahey hitting the scene and striking a chord as a sleazy deputy.

Short Attention Span Review - Tron (1982)

Fun, colorful, and thoroughly unique, Tron remains an exciting motion picture experience that is equal parts cool and curious.  Jeff Bridges, Bruce Boxleitner, and David Warner are among the gifted performers appearing in this Disney classic, but the real star of the picture has to be the stellar effects.  The computer world that is the setting for most of the movie is realized due to an inventive process that yields an amazing product that will never be duplicated.  Despite arriving at the very infancy of modern computer effects (the Academy supposedly refused to consider nominating Tron for its special effects work because the use of computers was considered "cheating"), the jazzy blend of kooky sets, computer graphics, and black and white photography that was subsequently animated is still a joy to behold.  The plot is a cool medley of corporate intrigue and video game glory, the score is bold, and the action sequences are riveting.  Tron is a great example of imagination and technical wizardry joining forces to tell a dynamic story.  There's little to complain about when it comes to this beloved film that was widely viewed as a flop upon its release.  Maybe the characterizations are fairly routine and suspense is often generated at the expense of drama.  Honestly, it doesn't really matter.  The characters are likable enough and this is a picture that is more interested in blowing minds than enriching them.  In somewhat of a surprise, time has been rather kind to Tron and those who enjoy science fiction and family time may have a hard time finding a better movie to share with their loved ones.  

Final Grade: A

Jeff Bridges may have been the budding star in 1982
and Bruce Boxleitner may have played the titular character,
but David Warner nearly stole the show as the icy villain in Tron.

Short Attention Span Review: Machete (2010)

I know, I know, I'm doing this backward.  Yesterday I reviewed Machete Kills and today I'm reviewing the first Machete.  I'm a writer, so funny things happen in my brain.  Forgive me.  Anyway, while the sequel brought some seriously silly sci-fi antics into play, Machete is an ode to those hardcore action movies of the 70s and 80s that made guys like Charlie Bronson and Sylvester Stallone superstars.  While it takes the notion of a parody to such bizarre heights that it borders on being too ridiculous to engage the audience, it ultimately succeeds in providing viewers with a cheeky and exciting experience that is equal parts bonkers and badass.  If you're looking for a genuine action film, look elsewhere--satire is as important to Machete as gratuitous violence and outrageous amounts of gore.  Robert Rodriguez pushes the envelope at every turn, and he gets quality performances from everyone involved.  Robert DeNiro appears to be having the time of his life, Don Johnson is great, and Jeff Fahey is fucking phenomenal.  Michelle Rodriguez rocks, Lindsay Lohan is actually tolerable, and perhaps only Jessica Alba seems a bit out of place, though she is smoking hot and it's not like she's terrible or anything.  Steven Segal is hilarious as the villain, giving us perhaps the funniest death scene of all time, and it truly feels like everyone in the cast had fun making this blood-soaked romp.  The score is on point, the effects are appropriately cheesy, the gore is obnoxious, and Machete scores a direct hit for fans of this sort of material.

Final Grade: B

Danny Trejo is at his badass best in Machete.

Marvel's Secret Wars (2015) - Issue #2

It wasn't all that long ago that I posted my review of the first issue of the 2015 Secret Wars.  I wasn't very kind, so it was with some trepidation that I finally sat down to read the second issue.  Now, I was hoping for more this time out, particularly after my man at Fanboy Comics (the best place to score your superhuman reading material in Wilmington, North Carolina) insisted that issue #2 was the best book that Marvel has produced in several years.  While I don't necessarily share his enthusiasm, it was a vast improvement from the convoluted mess that was the first issue.  While that issue crammed enough material for several issues into a single comic, the pacing was much better in the second issue, allowing the players involved to do more than provide readers with a quick series of cameos.  Additionally, while the destruction in issue #1 should have made that comic absolutely monumental, the clumsy storytelling and the rushed nature of the book greatly lessened its impact.  The second issue offers up some really groundbreaking stuff and takes the necessary time to knock us on our ass.  I love the original Secret Wars and my favorite thing about that mega-event was the way that it transformed Dr. Doom into a glorious baddie who was daring enough to go toe to toe with gods and tough enough to win.  Suffice it to say that anyone who shares my love for Doom will be greatly pleased with his presence in this issue.  I still think there's a bit too exposition being dumped on us and I miss the fantastic clashes that the original Secret Wars was overflowing with.  The violence is a bit more realistic (and thereby a bit more mundane) in the 2015 version.  Marvel may feel that this will lend more urgency and drama to the proceedings, but thus far it has merely succeeded in replacing the epic throwdowns of the original with minute bursts of action that aren't nearly as satisfying.  Still, it was a terrific leap forward after an abysmal start, and if the tale continues on this trajectory, maybe we'll wind up with a series that deserves to be called Secret Wars.

Final Grade: B

Mr. Mercedes by Stephen King

It's not often that King writes a straight up thriller, but like everything else, it's something that he excels at.  Mr. Mercedes is a nifty ride with a nice mix of intriguing characters, startling violence, and mystery, and it all comes together in a satisfying climax.  Often, when King offers up such a book, it's a little darker than most similar offerings.  While there are some gruesome bits and some explicit material in Mr. Mercedes, I thought it was gentler than much of King's work.  Having said that, it still has bite, and anyone who picks it up will be turning pages in a frenzy as they get closer and closer to the finale.