Top 5 Faith No More Songs

Originally published by RVA Magazine
 

 My favorite thing about Faith No More has always been the way they completely reinvented themselves for every album, sometimes (King for a Day, Fool for a Lifetime, anyone?) for every song.  I can’t think of any group whose body of work is more diverse despite limitations in scope.  I completely discount the Chuck Mosley recordings (though I really like them) simply because the four albums featuring Mike Patton represent the band’s true legacy so far as I’m concerned. I think the need to constantly alter the sound of the band has a lot to do with Patton, given that the material took a left turn toward the bizarre as his influence grew and his later efforts clearly display a desire to explore new territory at every juncture.  Jim Martin would eventually be fired via fax once he lost all interest in the strange new shape FNM’s music had taken after finding success with heavy metal.

Another reason I love this band is because I think they provided us with some of the most compelling group efforts ever.  Too many acts rely too much on one or two star players while everyone else does their best to keep the machine running.  FNM has always showcased each of the contributors, and the vast array of musicians who have spent time in the line-up have always risen to the occasion.  Mike Bordin has drummed for Ozzy, Jerry Cantrell, and Korn when he wasn’t keeping perfect time for Faith.  Roddy Bottum is a keyboardist on par with Manzarek, and there’s no higher praise I could offer.  He is also an integral part of Imperial Teen, a delicious pop effort that I highly recommend.  Billy Gould is a terrific bassist who can put on a show or drive the bus depending on what he is called upon to do.  After Martin vacated the band, guitarists like Trey Spruance, Dean Menta, and eventual mainstay Jon Hudson have excelled at taking the music in exciting new directions.  And what can you say about Patton?  How many bands has he started?  This is the mastermind behind Fantomas, Tomahawk, and Peeping Tom, the frontman to end all frontmen, a showman with a set of pipes that must be heard to be believed.  Most importantly, much like his capable peers in this blistering ensemble (Jim Martin aside) Mike is always pushing the envelope, always searching for another twist or turn that his audience won’t expect.

Faith No More produced four albums during the Patton era, their defining era, and each is a unique composition boasting hit songs, though only one of those tracks (Epic) struck gold here in the states.  Some have even lumped FNM in the “one-hit wonder” file, though given their worldwide success and continued exposure here in the U.S. that would be inaccurate.  Their albums include their breakout rock effort, 1989’s The Real Thing, Angel Dust’s abstract metal mayhem, the zany glory of King for a Day, and a masterful farewell in 1997’s terribly unappreciated Album of the Year.  Singles included Epic, Falling to Pieces, Midlife Crisis, A Small Victory, Digging the Grave, Evidence, Last Cup of Sorrow, and Ashes to Ashes, though only Epic and Midlife Crisis scored big stateside.  The band also enjoyed success with covers of songs like Warpigs, Easy, the Midnight Cowboy theme, This Guy’s in Love with You, and I Started a Joke. 

          I enjoyed every album, and there isn’t really a song recorded by this group that I don’t like.  Faith No More has been my favorite band since I stumbled upon them in 1992, and they’ve given me a lot of joy along the way.  As I said earlier, choosing this Top 5 is going to be absurdly hard, but every man worth his salt loves a challenge. Let’s get to it.

1)    Digging the Grave from King for a Day, Fool for a Lifetime

For me, this one isn’t that hard.  Digging the Grave is easily my favorite Faith No More song, and it is also among their most striking and aggressive.  This cut is a brilliant representation of what this stellar outfit has to offer.  It has heart, melody, power, and a score of virtuoso performances.  Patton is insane, Puffy (Bordin) is perfect, Gould is slamming his bass, and Trey Spruance delivered a jagged riff that holds this brief descent into utter despair together when it isn’t soaring like an eagle.  The song deftly transitions from poignant beauty to jarring metal throwdowns racing along to the tune of Patton’s banshee wail.  If this song doesn’t hype you up, neither will a shot of adrenaline.

2)    Epic from The Real Thing

This easy choice for casual fans will probably earn me some grief from hardcore fans, but its place here is well-deserved.  I think long-time fans hold a grudge against this track because it got played so much while the rest of the band’s output never really seemed to fit what was going on at the time on American soil.  Yes, it is annoying that so many people think of FNM as “that band who did Epic,” and certainly there were many other songs worthy of such recognition.  What gets lost in that train of thought is the fact that Epic is truly worthy of all the acclaim, and we can’t really hold it against the one big hit (their only Billboard Top Ten recording, peaking at #9 in the U.S.) that the rest of Faith’s work never really got the chance it deserved here in America.  Epic is a vibrant composition that remains one of the most well-known metal songs ever produced, a song that is continually referenced as an early fusion of rock and rap.  The Real Thing was a nifty album, and for once the hit single was actually the best track.  Jim Martin rips off an epic (forgive me) riff, Patton introduces us to his manic intensity, Billy bangs away, and Roddy closes the piece out in terrific fashion with one of his most haunting melodies, a defining element of the band’s solitary monster hit.

3)    Just a Man from King for a Day, Fool for a Lifetime

This is one of the band’s most mellow and offbeat songs, a somber yet somehow uplifting opus.  It has a bit of spoken word thrown in for good measure and it concludes with a grand orchestra finale.  This song reminds me of an opera in scope and feeling, seeking to stir our emotions as a sonic odyssey unfolds before us.  This is one of those songs that can lift my spirits if I’m down, and it is one of my favorite songs to sing along to.  Listen to it a few times and see if you can avoid joining in on the gripping chorus.  Patton’s voice has never seemed so large or magnificent, and the entire piece has a sort of majesty that has always endeared it to me.  It is a great example of how far off the beaten path FNM was willing to follow their inspirations, whatever they may have been, and it stands as another fine example of what Faith No More could accomplish when everyone involved was firing on all cylinders.

4)    Stripsearch from Album of the Year

Here again is another offbeat track, an electronic slow grind with a rousing finish that is heavy on emotion and light on aggression, though there is real power at work during the heavy beats.  The video that accompanied this piece was one of the group’s finest though it received little stateside play, joining Epic, Midlife Crisis, and Digging the Grave among others on the surprisingly lengthy list of compelling videos produced by the band.  This is a great example of the confidence and the knowledge these superlative artists brought to the table the last time they sat down to record a studio album.  Album of the Year was destined to be 1997’s finest recording, just as it was destined to go unnoticed.  Much like King for a Day, Fool for a Lifetime, the track listing is eclectic and the tone and mood veer wildly from song to song.  That’s seldom a recipe for success in the music industry as it exists here, though I’m sure such concerns mattered little to FNM at that point.  Whether such exploration dampens reception or not, it is precisely that brand of scattershot art that yields curious treasures like Stripsearch.  This is easily one of my favorite songs from my favorite band.

5)    Easy (cover) from Angel Dust (foreign) and Songs to Make Love To EP (U.S.)

I honestly like this cover more than the original, and while that remark may chafe some purists, the band is so sincere in their efforts and their chemistry here is so obvious that I imagine there are those who would agree with me.  The original is a fine song, don’t get me wrong, and despite being very faithful in structure, this is definitely a rock version of that R&B smash hit.  That it works so well is a testament to the band’s vision and ability.  These guys were never afraid of doing something different, and that allowed them to tackle songs from other genres without sacrificing their own daring approach in the process.  The video for this song is also highly entertaining, and once again everyone involved is allowed to strut their stuff.  Jim Martin blazes away on the awesome solo, rivaling Patton’s total devotion as the song builds and builds, carrying the band higher and higher in the pursuit of artistic bliss.  I would call this cover a genuine masterpiece, and it is one of the band’s most enjoyable hits.  Faith No More’s cover of Easy peaked at #3 in the UK and was the last song the band recorded to crack the top 100 here in the states, reaching #58 in 1993.

True story: me and some of the good old boys from humble Patrick County took a trip to the beach once, and we were taking turns picking songs along the way.  As we got closer to the beach, I started picking this track every time it was my turn, and instead of annoying the other guys, this led to some of them picking it as well.  It became our theme song that weekend, and I still think of partying for three days straight with some of my best friends every time I hear it.  I don’t doubt that we listened to Faith No More’s fantastic cover of Easy somewhere in the neighborhood of 50 times that weekend, and the true total may have been twice that.  I'm not sure, I was rather inebriated.  

Special added bonus: 6-10 wthout commentary

6)    Midlife Crisis from Angel Dust

7)    Ashes to Ashes from Album of the Year

8)    Evidence from King for a Day, Fool for a Lifetime

9)    Falling to Pieces from The Real Thing

10) Helpless from Album of the Year

Greatest Metal Drummer - Tommy Lee vs. Mike Bordin 

In other news, clink on the link above and make the right call: vote Bordin!

Cult Classics from Dimension X: Vice Squad (1982)

 Cult Classics from Dimension X:

Vice Squad (1982)

Let’s talk about Vice Squad, the masterful thriller that gave Wings Hauser the best role in his lengthy career, a role he played to absolute perfection.  Hauser is billed third, yet he clearly steals the show as Ramrod, a vicious pimp who is the villain of Vice Squad.  Ramrod is a true scumbag, but Hauser is so unbelievably powerful in the role that by the time we reach the closing reel there can be no doubt that this is Ramrod’s story.  In fact, Hauser’s lunatic pimp is so dogged and so focused in his efforts that he has become a figure that some fans of the film openly root for despite his deplorable actions and his psychotic behavior.  

The picture unfolds during a single night in Hollywood, where the Vice Squad of the title is on the prowl. This gritty unit is led by Gary Swanson as Detective Tom Walsh, a 13-year vet of the force who is as close to burning out as any cop could possibly be right before his career goes up in flames.  When Walsh comes upon yet another of Ramrod’s victims, he goes to gruesome extremes to convince an unwilling working girl by the name of Princess to set a trap for the demented pimp.  Princess is played by Season Hubley in what may have been her best performance, allegedly drawing on the difficulties she incurred in the bitter custody battle with her estranged husband (Kurt Russel) that was wreaking havoc on her life while Vice Squad was shot in 1982.  Reportedly, Hubley encouraged director Gary A. Sherman to make good use of her distress during the film’s gripping finale, and it should be noted that she rises to the occasion and matches Hauser’s incredible ferocity during that violent struggle.

Walsh convinces Princess to wear a wire, and before long he has his man.  Ramrod vows to kill the double-crossing call girl, and of course it doesn’t take him long to escape police custody.  Then it’s up to the vice squad to keep Ramrod from getting his hands on Princess and making good on his promise, but this time the unit’s quarry clearly knows the neighborhood better than they do.  Ramrod doesn’t have a bankroll or any technological means to track his prey, but he does know the streets.  He also knows a lot of hoods and freaks, people who are either willing to help him find Princess or too scared not to.  As Ramrod lights up the night in a suicidal quest for vengeance, Walsh and his men do everything in their power to locate either the deranged pimp or the oblivious Princess, who doesn’t even realize Ramrod is loose again until it’s already too late.

Throughout, Hauser rages across the screen, investing everything in a part that could have been very familiar in another performer’s hands.  His zeal and his devotion make Ramrod a vibrant character who threatens to leap off the scream and come charging into your living room.  Though Wings has had a long and fruitful career, including a role in Michael Mann’s The Insider, this performance (as well as roles in films like Tough Guys Don’t Dance and A Soldier’s Story) makes one wonder whether or not he didn’t deserve better roles in better pictures than the B-rate cheapies he later became famous for.  He’s on fire here, and he is the probably the primary reason so many people hold this little powderkeg near and dear to the heir hearts.  He certainly offered a lot to the production, as in addition to his bravura performance, Hauser also performs the vocals for the picture’s theme song, Neon Slime, which is played over both the opening and closing credits.  In truth, his acting is far superior to his singing, but the song is interesting at the very least, and Hauser had cut a record, 1975’s Your Love Keeps Me Off the Streets, so he has some talent.

Vice Squad is a very entertaining piece that moves quickly.  This is largely due to director Gary A. Sherman, who cut much of the script that didn’t directly pertain to Ramrod’s pursuit of Princess in pre-production.  Sherman also spent a lot of time with actual policeman who worked in vice to prepare for the piece, as did star Gary Swanson.  In addtion to Vice Squad, Sherman directed Raw Meat and Dead & Buried, both of which are cult classics in their own right.  Though much of his later work came in television, Sherman’s early films are well-made outings with tight plots and rapid-fire pacing, leading one to ask the same questions of his career trajectory that we might ask of Hauser’s legacy.  

In closing, Vice Squad is definitely a winner, and Hauser, Sherman, Swanson, and Season Hubley all make the most of this seedy journey into Hollywood’s underbelly. I treasure this film, but as an avid fan of Wings Hauser that shouldn’t come as a surprise.  Those who are unfamiliar with this brazen performer may find themselves taking an interest in his work after watching this film, but in all honesty this is probably as good as it gets for the man named Wings.  If you haven’t seen Vice Squad, I strongly encourage you to do so, as this film is a great example of a true cult classic.  It is fun, frantic, and offers a nice alternative to many of the less audacious crime films available to fans of such pictures.

Author’s Note:

This picture also boasts one of the funniest scenes I have ever beheld, an absurd little gem that has absolutely nothing to do with the plot itself.  I call it “The Paperclips Scene,” and it centers on an illogical and altogether hilarious police station rant about missing paperclips courtesy of an angry cop who is never seen again in the film.  That bit certainly stands out, but Vice Squad is positively brimming with memorable bits of dialogue.  Perhaps no line has been quoted by fans of the piece so much as the infamous “$500 don’t get you no El Dorado.”  Check it out and you’ll understand, and if you don’t laugh during The Paperclips Scene, you might want to check for a pulse.

Vice Squad Trivia

Reportedly, the film is at least partially based on actual vice squad cases that originated in the film’s Hollywood setting.  Indeed, the screen credit for Kenneth Peters is allegedly a pseudonym for the LAPD detective who opened his files for the production.

A young Martin Scorsese was allegedly a big fan of the film, reportedly going so far as to advise Dawn Steel that in his opinion Vice Squad was the year’s finest film.  This exchange supposedly occurred at an official Paramount dinner function. 

Though it has never been confirmed, many feel this 1982 film (concerning the dogged pursuit of a woman by a ruthless madmen over the course of a single night) may have been one of James Cameron’s influences when he sat down to write The Terminator, which was released in 1984.

As Detective Walsh, Gary Swanson utters the line “Go ahead, . . . make my day.”  A year later, Clint Eastwood would make the line famous as Dirty Harry Callahan in 1983’s Sudden Impact.

. . .

Note: Like many of my best non-fiction articles, this piece was originally published by RVA Magazine.  I'm pleased to share it with those of you who follow my blog, for I don't feel that there are enough people out there who appreciate the man known as Wings Hauser or this genuine cult classic. 

. . .

See also: Cult Classics from Dimension X - Sorcerer (1977)

Under the Dome (Quick Take)

I haven't blogged about this yet, but I'm really digging the Under the Dome series airing this summer on CBS.  I was a big fan of the book, so I was excited to hear that the project was being adapted for television.  Additionally, I'm enjoying the way that the show is using the source material as a guide and not a bible--much like AMC's The Walking Dead .  Much of what I read about in the book is represented, yet there are enough critical differences to give it a different trajectory.  Essentially, this means that even though I've read the book, I'm not really sure what's going to happen next at any point on the show.  I know that many King fans are greatly displeased about this, but I think it allows everyone to be surprised anew as the tale unfolds.

I wonder what the next book or comic to take a similar approach will be?

Anyway, if you're a fan of drama or suspense, or if you enjoy stories where people dealing with dire circumstances realize that their peers pose the greatest threat to them, you should be watching Under the Dome too.

Is the term "Redskins" a racist description of Indians?

You know what?  I'm not sure that the term "Redskin" is a racist term.  I know that is a common view, but I think it's also entirely possible that it is a common misconception.  I've always been fascinated with Indian history, and as far as I can tell, they originally coined the term.  Additionally, I think they used the term in a neutral fashion, much like we throw around the terms "white people" and "black people" to this day.  Many others used the term in a neutral fashion as well, and even in today's "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words are the worst thing that ever happened to anyone" climate, the use of the term in a neutral or positive fashion is still commonplace.

There is no real evidence that the term has anything to do with bloody scalps as many claim, and when the owner of the Boston Redskins established the name in 1933, he did so as a tribute to the coach,  William "Lone Star" Dietz.  There is a lot of controversy surrounding Dietz's background, but he claimed to be an Indian and the name was meant to be a tribute, not a slight. 

Are there examples that the term was used in a negative fashion over the years?  Sure, but I don't know if any common description of any group of people could ever exist in our world without similar examples of prejudice popping up.

It's a complex issue and  I could be totally wrong here, but there is ample room for various interpretations.  Having said that, I think anyone who thinks it's simple case of prejudice should dig a little deeper.  Here's one of many interesting takes on the topic for anyone who is curious about the origins of the name and the history of the term itself:  The Origin of Redskin c/o Bill Poser

At some point, I think we need to take more interest in intent than what those squeaky wheels who are always clamoring for attention tell us we should deem offensive.  I understand that the term has been used in a racist fashion and I understand many consider it an insult.  Yet I can't understand why we're so willing to define terms by the worst examples of how they are used, particularly when it would be so much more logical to weigh such language by the manner in which it is used and the effect the speaker is striving for.

Top 5 Party Songs

Top 5 Party Songs

True story: when I was regularly churning out Top 5 lists for RVA Magazine, I submitted this one only for Tony to refuse to publish it because he said it was a list of "soccer mom" songs.  I still think he's crazy--I don't believe that soccer moms jam to The Beastie Boys and Black Flag, but what do I know?  There are some cool soccer moms out there, and if they're rocking this stuff, more power to them. 

Anyway, what follows is a look at some terrific songs about the fine art of partying.  This one seems simple enough, so let’s ditch the commentary and get right to the songs.

1)    Fight For Your Right – The Beastie Boys

This one seemed like a no-brainer to me.  I think the first time I realized precisely what a party was (birthday affairs aside) and how much I wanted to go to one was when I saw the video for this song.  This was the album that defined the fourth grade for me, and while all the girls were swooning over New Kids on the Block, all the boys in my class were getting rowdy to Licensed to Ill, an album I treasure to this day.  The fact that I was listening to songs like Fight For Your Right almost non-stop probably explains a lot of my behavior that year, but it was all in fun.  Of course it was the video that really put this song (and The Beastie Boys themselves) on the map, and at that time it was easily my favorite video that didn’t feature David Lee Roth.  In truth, both the song and the video are simple attempts to appeal to the lowest common denominator, but one can hardly deny that sometimes there’s nothing better than slumming.  What better way to kick off your Saturday night jam than by enjoying one of the bawdiest songs ever?  Let the fight begin.

2)    American Band – Grand Funk Railroad

There are two reasons I’ve spent a lot of time in various bands: first, because I love music, and secondly, because I always hoped to annihilate a hotel room one day.  Okay, maybe that’s not entirely true, but anyone who has heard American Band (which is –hopefully—everyone who enjoys rock) must admit that it sounds like fun.  What could be more entertaining than inviting some lovely ladies to your room after a big show and tearing the place down in the name of patriotism?  Things only improve if the hotel detective is “out of sight.”  Seriously, the song is a blast and Grand Funk Railroad has never sounded better.  I’m a big fan of The Guess Who, and while I’m fond of saying that Canadian act actually destroyed hotel rooms while GFR sang about it, that doesn’t change the fact that this song kicks ass.  Look for someone to find something to swing from or jump off of when you drop this song, particularly if it’s after midnight and the mood is festive.

3)    Celebration – Kool & the Gang

Put a bunch of people in a room, serve them drinks, and play this song.  Anyone who isn’t in a good mood after that little exercise probably hates to party.  There is something so joyous about this track that it is positively infectious.  Add this to the long list of songs that can immediately improve my mood under most circumstances, and also feel free to consider it one of my favorite party jams.  Once again, this is something I grew up listening to, and thus far my party mix is heavy on familiar favorites that have endured the test of time.  So far we have a song to fist pump to while chugging beers, a song that inspires mindless destruction of personal property, and now a song that will encourage your guests to dance.  Everybody’s having a good time, right?

4)    1999 – Prince

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I partied hard in 1999.  If you weren’t careful, you might have wound up with Old James in the house back then, and if you were to play this song I’m positive that guy would have done something foolish.  Also, maybe it’s nostalgia, but this song seems more appropriate to me now than it did before and during the year of the title.  Let’s be clear about something else, few artists have Prince’s ability to cut a track that will heat up your party.  Prince is amazing, and while I enjoy his soulful side, he’s at his best when he’s having a funky good time.  His 1982 album 1999 remains one of his finest efforts, and on it he provided a magnificent title track. Considering his profound body of work, this song might not rank among Prince’s finest offerings, but it is one of his best party jams. 

5)    TV Party – Black Flag

After 1999, this is the second song from 1982 to make the list.  Oddly enough, this punk classic is very similar to Fight For Your Right in many ways.  It too is a satirical ode to bad behavior, and it is also backed by a tongue-in-cheek video that elevated the song’s status.  In true punk fashion, TV Party wasn’t a smash hit, but rather a raucous jam that those in the know readily embraced while the rest of the world was down with New Wave or some such shit.  Combine this song with a six-pack of cheap beer and something substantially less than intellectually stimulating on television (wrestling would be good) and everyone should be singing along before long.  “We’ve got nothing better to do than watch TV and have a couple of brews!”  Added bonus: playing this song at your next party is somewhat akin to inviting Henry Rollins over, and that’s never a bad idea.

Hip-Hop, where are you?  I know you guys feel slighted.  And how exactly did I do a list of my Top 5 party songs without any disco finding its way into the mix?  Stunning.  Also, I’m definitely doing the time warp again, but there is something about that old time rock and roll, isn’t there?  I really wanted some outlaw country in the mix, and (Jimmy’s patented shame via transparency) Sheryl Crow’s All I Wanna Do is an old poolhall favorite of mine.  What’s a blogger to do?

I think I’ll throw a party. 

The Scoop on Trailer Park Trash & Vampires (plus an excerpt)

What's my novel about?  Well, it goes something like this:

War erupts between the living and the dead in this unholy romp pitting a ragtag band of misfits against a new breed of vampire. These creatures of the night aren't dapper fiends seducing lovestruck damsels, they are soulless monsters that thrive on carnage and prey on the innocent. Sex, drugs, and violence reign supreme in this gruesome struggle where nothing is sacred and everyone is fair game.
Sink your teeth into Trailer Park Trash & Vampires, a depraved plunge into pure mayhem laced with dark humor and drenched in blood.

. . . . .

When I set out to write this book, I had two goals in mind.  First, I wanted to do something new and different with vampires, and given the popularity of this sub-genre, that was a tall order.  However, I think I succeeded.  My vampires aren't bothered by crosses or garlic, they don't turn into bats, they don't sleep in coffins, and they may not dig the sun, but they can endure it.  They don't even have fangs.  By placing them in a trailer park and showing these fiendish creatures struggling to survive in our modern world, I think I was able to present a different side of these terrors, and I actually feel that their vulnerability makes them even more unpredictable and dangerous.

Secondly, I wanted to have a huge climax.  Who doesn't?  Seriously, nothing is more disappointing than a gripping tale with a lackluster finish, and I wanted to offer up an explosive conclusion in TPT&V.  The end result was a saga that simmers, slowly building momentum until boiling over in a bloody battle that encompasses the last third of the book.

Currently, the book has a 5 star rating on Amazon courtesy of 15 reviews.  Here are a few choice excerpts from those reviews:

"If you are looking for the glitzy hollywood-pretty vampires, which politely and quietly feed and sip upon the high society of Europe, and then delicately wipe their lips with a lacey wet-nap and break for tea and biscuits to discuss Faulkner --- look elsewhere."

-Mal Rorrer

"What Mr. Wayland has done here is to portray vampires the way I believe they should be portrayed, violent and animalistic. These vampires don't sparkle in the sunlight, they rip your throat out and laugh about it as you bleed to death.  The human characters in this story are no less entertaining that their inhuman counter parts. The collection of outcasts thrown together in this trailer park are all unique in their own way and each of them contributes something to the story (even if it's nothing more than acting as a vampire happy meal.)"

-Brandon Bowles

"Mr. Wayland has done away with the aristocratic bloodsuckers of Eastern Europe and replaced them with gritty, primal, and at times surprisingly human monsters. The author not only reinvents the vampire genre, but also creates characters that are powerful and easily related to. Readers will quickly forge bonds with the blue collar residents of Little Drop and their satanic assailants. Black humor abounds in this highly imaginative and blood-soaked romp through Anywhere, USA. If you are tired of the same old one-dimensional rehashed horror clichés then I strongly suggest you pick up a copy of this book."

-Erin Sprinkle

"Think Pulp Fiction meets the Evil Dead Trilogy.  There's plenty of action, insanity, and, of course, sex to keep any hot-blooded reader (vampire or human) hooked."

-William Brust

Additionally, I always envisioned releasing TPT&V as an illustrated novel, and I was able to partner with Chris Visions, an amazing talent, toward that end.  Here's one of the spectacular pieces of grisly artwork he provided for this edition:

Lastly, I didn't think this blog would be complete without an excerpt, so here's one of my favorite sequences from the novel.  This is the second chapter from the big finale, Part Four: Come Hell to Earth.  Here, our hero, Lennie Prescott, a drunk who was once a hell of a basketball player, is under attack.  Vlad, the oldest and most powerful of my vampires, has declared war on the people of Ryker's Trailer Park, and he's looking to kick his campaign off by taking Lennie's head.  Lennie has other ideas . . .

chapter 2: war

1

                                                                                                        

Lennie Prescott found himself dancing with the devil in the eye of the hurricane.   

The rain was pounding down in swirling sheets, stirred by the gusting winds.  The nightmare ride that had started back when the strangers took the trailer on Lot 9 had reached a fearsome crescendo.

      The big vampire was after him and it was on as it had never been on before.  Prescott was moving before his mind actually acknowledged the need to flee.  The big vampire was bearing down on him and Lennie was running, his sore muscles answering the call of duty.

     This then would be either his finest hour or his last.  God knew he was going to try, but if he was a betting man-

     But it was better not to think of such things, it was better to move.  It was better to take hold of the doorknob and thrust the door open, slamming it behind him as he rushed into the camper.  Don’t stop!  Prescott wouldn’t allow himself any time to take pride in the seconds he had earned.  Pride meant death and he knew it. 

     Anything other than allegiance to the battle would result in failure. Lennie grabbed the couch, the ugly piece of shit couch that no one could ever like, and the adrenaline coursing through him boosted his strength.  He was able to thrust the ravaged piece of furniture against the door, wedging it shut with a single monstrous shove.

     But Vlad wasn’t coming through the door.  The vampire dove through the kitchen window, rising up amidst the shattered glass with a grace that would have seemed more at home in a ballet as the camper rocked violently.

    “Motherfucker,” Lennie said.  The beast was no more than six feet away.

     Vlad brushed himself off gleefully and offered the teacher a big smile.  “Howdy, neighbor.” 

     For an instant, Lennie thought he was going to faint.  His legs went rubbery and he wavered on his feet.  A single thought kept him alert: Toby. 

It was going down and Toby was defenseless.  Well, maybe not defenseless, as sharp as he was, he probably had a better chance of getting through this than Lennie did.  But he was outmatched.  They were all outmatched if they went at it alone.

      All these thoughts raced through his mind in no more than a second and then it was just like before, he was moving before he had decided to take action.

     The vampire started laughing.

     Lennie moved the couch just enough to open the door and dashed outside, pulling the door shut carefully and letting up at the last moment so that the locking mechanism didn’t catch as Vlad lunged after him.  The storm was picking up and the moisture on the ground made it hard to keep his footing, but he battled for traction. 

Prescott waited a beat and kicked the door open on the oncoming vampire, catching him high on the forehead with the aluminum frame.  Vlad stumbled backward, spitting curses. 

It was familiar, this motion without thought, this inspired drive that came from being called upon in the heat of battle.  His life was in jeopardy and part of him was petrified, but part of him was thrilled to be a keg in the machine once more.  There had been games when he felt like this, contests where the heated competition had triggered moments where his primitive nature took hold and his body and spirit merged, excluding his mind from the proceedings. 

It was as though Lennie’s intellect became an observer in such situations.

A jagged bolt of lightning arced across the sky as the vampire leapt outside with a fearsome roar.  Lennie made a U-turn and used his momentum to pitch himself toward the broken kitchen window.  He knew such a leap wouldn’t be nearly as easy for him as it was for the beast, but he thought it was possible. 

He was cut on his forearms and his belly as he went through and he slammed down on the tile floor awkwardly, but by some miracle, he came to his feet quickly, his momentum carrying him across the room.  He crashed into the tiny kitchen table he kept against the wall and sent the chairs clattering to the floor.  Without hesitating, Lennie bounded into the living room, shoving the couch forward, using it to barricade the door a second time.

“Oh, for Pete’s sake,” Vlad groaned.  He ignored the window this time and patiently made his way around the camper, looking for a back door but finding only a tiny ventilation shaft. 

Lennie went to the gas stove and turned all the eyes on “HIGH,” pinching off the pilot lights with his thumb and index finger.  He ripped open drawers until he found a lighter and put it in his pocket.  He could smell the gas in the air and it made him think of the family cookouts he had enjoyed as a youngster.

His mind had yet to catch up with his body.

Well, there you have it, the inside scoop on my baby, TPT&V.  If you enjoyed this, I promise you that you'll have a great time with the book.  I strongly believe that fiction should exist solely to entertain, and no one will be bored with this novel.  Thanks for taking the time to read this blog, and I hope to see you at the trailer park!

Click either of the following links to buy the version you prefer:

6 x 9 Paperback - $8.99

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Warning: Explicit Content

Evil Dead (remake)

When I heard there was an Evil Dead remake in the works, I was skeptical at best.  When I found out that there would be no Ash in the picture, I couldn't imagine it working.  Even after the theatrical release, I wasn't interested--despite my good friend Tony D's assurances that it was an awesome reboot.  I shouldn't have doubted him.

The Evil Dead remake may represent the most fun I've had with a horror film in years.  It was a gory thrill ride that was disturbing, repulsive, dark, demented, and 100% entertaining.  The direction was spot-on, the acting was on-point, the effects were glorious, and the sense of impending doom was a perfect recreation of the sinister tone and the grisly atmosphere of Raimi's original.  In fact, I think it's fair to say that, Ash or no Ash, this remake topped the original.  To be fair, the makers of this film had Sam and Bruce in their corner, and they had the original and every other meaningful horror film from the last 30 years to reflect on.  Yet many remakes of films with similar legacies fall flat, and I thought this was a smashing success.

Finally, I think the lack of Ash was appropriate.  After all, who else could play that role?  It's a part for the The Chin, and a part for The Chin alone.  If you're looking for a good time drenched in blood, look no further than the Evil Dead remake, a rip-roaring massacre that is incredibly well-made.