Short Attention Span Review: RoboCop (1987)

Earlier today I posted a review of the new RoboCop (I gave it a C) that you can read below.  It only seemed logical to follow that up with a look at the original 1987 smash hit from visionary director Paul Verhoeven.  Rest assured, good people, this one gets an A+.  RoboCop is one of the best sci-fi/action mash-ups ever to grace the screen and I can't think of anything that it doesn't do well.  Peter Weller leads an amazing cast that boasts wonderful performances from Nancy Allen, Ronny Cox, Kurtwood Smith, and Miguel Ferrer.  Many of these talents offered up what was likely their best work in this excessively violent and riveting shoot 'em up with a lot of heart.  It also benefits from a wealth of black humor and tremendous effects work.  The story is engaging and provocative in equal measures and heightens the impact of all the bloody mayhem unfolding onscreen.  Basil Poledouris provides the piece with what may be his second-best score (I'm hoping that no one reading this needs to be told what his finest score was) and the production team nailed every aspect of bringing this wild and visionary tale to life.  I'm frequently amazed that this was such a major success, but that gives me hope for mankind.  Apparently, there are lot of people out there who dig dark humor, gratuitous voilence, and buckets of gore.  RoboCop is a true one-of-a-kind and it remains just as potent and daring now as it was then.  Perhaps that's the biggest reason that I was so unimpressed with the reboot--RoboCop didn't need a paint job, and there was surely no need for a PG-13 RoboCop Lite.  If you're in the mood for a badass movie about a badass cybernetic policeman cleaning up the mean streets of Detroit, look to 1987.

Final Grade: A+

The original RoboCop is a special effects masterpiece.
If you don't believe me, just ask this guy.

Mommas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Crybabies

Surprise, surprise--the Cowboys faithful are crying.  First off, let's be clear--that ball is moving a lot and Dez clearly lost control of it when he went to the ground.  It isn't a catch.  If you don't like the rule, you can bitch about the rule all you like.  However, the NFL has been rocking with that rule for a while now.  Based on the rule, the refs made the right call--for once, so far as your beloved Cowboys are concerned.  When I saw the play live, I said the ball was moving and it wasn't a catch before the Packers challenged the play.  After seeing the replays, I had no doubt that they were going to reverse the ruling on the field.  The rule is what it is.  That wasn't a catch.  Let's move on.

Secondly, last week the officials actually did butcher a call--a couple of them, in fact, and they've admitted as much.  Yet all we heard from these Cowboys fans was that one bad call doesn't change the outcome of a game.  I guess a couple doesn't either.  Regardless, if that was your case a week ago, why all the moaning and groaning now?  I argued last week that one lousy call can totally change the outcome of a game, so that was your argument, not mine.  However, if you were on that bus when your team benefited from the call, I'm not letting you get off when the pendulum swings the other way. 

Green Bay Must Shut Skip Bayless Up

I hate the Cowboys.  I'm a lifelong Seahawks fan who lives in North Carolina, so to be completely honest I don't have a lot of love for any of those mass-market teams.  However, the Dallas Cowboys and all their "America's team" nonsense are particularly bothersome to me.  I'm pretty sure that I hate them.  The refs served last week's playoff contest between Dallas and Detroit up to the Cowboys on a silver platter, and that doesn't make me like them any more.

Plus, now I have to listen to a fresh batch of garbage about the "great" Tony Romo from the Dallas faithful, most of whom hated this guy prior to this season.  Seriously, people are talking about this dude like he's some living legend because he finally put together a good season, and he's still 2-6 in win-or-go-home games--after the officials gave him a freebie at Detroit's expense last weekend!  He's the best QB around, that's what some of the talking heads and a lot of the dimwitted fans are saying, and I'm sitting here wondering what it is that they're smoking.  Why is he so great all of a sudden?  Because he has a really good QBR?  What trophy are they giving out for that?  Dude is mediocre at best.  Okay, he has nifty stats.  Nifty stats are a dime a dozen for mediocre quarterbacks in this passing era.  Get real.  Winners win--and that includes the month of December and beyond.  Romo is looking to cover some new ground this weekend, and the ground he has covered isn't exactly legendary.  Save the coronation for someone who gets to hoist a trophy in a few weeks.   

I hate the Cowboys and I'm pulling for Green Bay this weekend.  I would be pulling for Green Bay anyway against Dallas, but now I have extra reason to root for the home team.  Yes, I'm a fan of ESPN's First Take.  Yes, like any of you who are also fans of the program and aren't bathing daily in Tony Romo Kool-Aid, Skip Bayless is driving me positively insane.  He must be stopped.  If I hear another inflated speech about the glory that is Tony "I have never even sniffed a Super Bowl victory" Romo and the Dallas Cowboys, my head may just explode.  If I have to listen to another ridiculous monologue about a so-called team of destiny that hasn't enjoyed a meaningful post-season run since cellphones were roughly the same size as bricks, I may toss my television out the window.  I need a Green Bay win for my sanity.  I need a Green Bay win for Stephen A. Smith, who has to endure this senseless blather at close range.  I need the Packers to win on the behalf of America, a country that has many sports teams and certainly isn't involved in an exclusive relationship with an incredibly popular and frequently-discussed franchise that hasn't really accomplished anything of significance since they put more than two bars on NFL helmets.

Fantasy Football Squad

I definitely made some strange picks this year, but I'm feeling my squad.  We do Team QBs and the QB position and the Defense/Special Teams score more points than in many leagues.  We're also a PPR league, and there are 12 clubs.  I picked at the 5 spot and here's what I landed:

Team QB - Detroit

RB - Steven Jackson

WR - Danny Amendola
WR - Antonio Brown

TE - Greg Olsen

Flex (RB, WR, or TE) - C.J. Spiller

Def/Special Teams - Seattle

K - Blair Walsh

Bench:
James Jones
Justin Blackmon
Daryl Richardson
Sidney Rice
Isaiah Pead
Brandon Pettigrew
KC TQB

I definitely wagered on what I expect in 2013, and I'm eager to see if I can cash in. The Lions will still be the Lions, but they'll sling it around, and I love my depth at RB. I'm really big on Jackson in Atlanta, I love Spiller, and both should finish the season with a lot of receptions.  Additionally, I know Jeff Fisher is going to run the ball in St. Louis, it's just a matter of where the carries go.  If my WRs stay healthy, I'm looking really good on the PPR end of the spectrum, and I have the best defense out there. I'm solid at TE, and I guess that sums it up.
That's my take, anyway.