Short Attention Span Review - Stone Cold (1991)

Short Attention Span Review - Stone Cold (1991)

Stone Cold is one of those action movies they used to make in the 80s and 90s that somehow straddled the line between sick thrillers and cringeworthy farces.  You know the type--movies like Cobra, Commando, and pretty much everything worthwhile Jean Claude Van Damme or Steven Seagal starred in during that time frame.  Stone Cold is a basic bitch, to be sure, with a cookie-cutter plot that never swerves when it can run down a familiar trope or throw a "twist" at the screen that we've seen no more than a thousand times in similar pictures.  At the forefront of all this predictable carnage is the Boz, making his motion picture debut.  You know what?  Dude wasn't half bad.  While he would go on to star in several far cheaper productions over the years, I always thought this one should have established him as a bigger star.  Alas.  However, he wasn't on par with the action movie heavyweights of the era, and he's not really the star attraction.  No, the reason this movie still works for me has nothing to do with the good side of the equation where the heroes and villains are concerned.  You see, Stone Cold features Lance Henriksen as "Chains," the sadistic leader of a violent biker gang looking to unleash hell with one of the most batshit crazy plans any villains real or imagined have ever concocted.  Like, totally batshit crazy.  So out there that I can't fathom what the endgame was--if this nonsense had worked, there would have been no escape for anyone involved.  It would have been outright war.  But it all makes for a lively third act, and Lance absolutely destroys it.  The picture comes alive in mystical ways every time he graces the screen, and the filmmakers wisely put him front and center often.  Bonus points: his right-hand man is played by William Forsythe, who damn near steals the show himself.  They say that a film is only as strong as its villain, and I'm here to say that this Henriksen/Forsythe pairing ranks among the best one-two punches we'ver ever been blessed with.  It doesn't hurt that the roles are audacious enough in their own right, giving both of these wicked cool thespians a lot to chew on.  And the action choreography is also a selling point--there are brawls, chases, shootouts, and explosions to spare, and Craig R. Baxley could light things up with the best of them.  Sue me, but I couldn't give two shits about a lot of big 90s films like Titanic or Forrest Gump, but I treasure Stone Cold.  That's how I'm wired, and if you like this blog, you probably enjoy this overlooked biker flick just as much as I do.

Final Grade: B+

Lance always puts on a good show, and he has played iconic parts in other bigger and better movies--but it is entirely possible that this was his strongest performance.

Short Attention Span Review: Man's Best Friend (1993)

Short Attention Span Review: Man's Best Friend (1993)

As guilty pleasures go, this is a big winner.  While it never aspires to be anything more than a B-rate horror flick that cross-pollinates the killer canine sub-genre with the Frankenstein mythos, Man's Best Friend never fails to entertain either.  There's a cool medley in play; the sci-fi and the horror elements complement one another well, and there's a surprising amount of humor and some genuine creativity in the mix to round things out.  The effects and the action are both top shelf stuff, the direction is crisp, and the score nicely accentuates the suspense and bloodshed unfolding on-screen.  Most importantly, it features Lance Henriksen at his apex, chewing up scenery like a mad dog himself, and upping the ante at every turn.  He probably spent a week or so on set at most, but he elevates the picture with his tenacity, turning what could have been a garden variety mad scientist into the sparkplug that keeps this baby firing on all cylinders from start to finish.  Ally Sheedy is also worth mentioning here, as she does a fine job in the lead role.  The script is both clever and bloodthirsty when it needs to be.  It's no classic, but Man's Best Friend still manages to stand out from the pack.

Final Grade: B

Go ahead.  Hit him with a rolled-up newspaper.  Call him a bad dog.  Remind him who's boss.  I double-dog-dare you.

Short Attention Span Review: Pumpkinhead (1988)

Pumpkinhead is a horror film that never really got its due.  I'm not sure that the property lends itself well to the notion of a series, so maybe it's not all that surprising that a pair of toothless sequels have probably hurt this curious monster movie's appeal.  Yet it has a fanbase; many genre aficionados treasure the fantastic creature effects c/o the legendary Stan Winston, who also directed the picture. Yes, Winston's direction wasn't quite on par with his effects wizardry, but that's not akin to saying that he mucked it up.  He did a good job as director and he was working with a nifty screenplay.  He was also given quite the assist in making a startling motion picture by his star, Lance Henriksen, who gives one of his best performances in Pumpkinhead.  Just in case there's someone reading this blog who isn't in the loop, let's tell it like it is: Lance Henriksen is awesome.  Saying that a movie features one of his best performances is a big deal coming from me.  I'm a huge fan of his work (I went to see Man's Best Friend on opening night and I quote Bishop almost as much as I quote Hicks or Hudson) and I truly appreciate the stellar job he did with this material.  I enjoy the gruesome story, but it is a bit predictable and the movie could have been rather forgettable in spite of the tremendous creature effects with a mundane performer at the wheel.  Lance elevates this one into a dark morality play that is frequently as dramatic as it is terrifying.  This fright flick is riveting from start to finish, and it doesn't waste a lot of time, packing a wealth of thrills and chills into a lean 86-minute runtime.  With Pumpkinhead, one of the best effects artists ever and one hell of an actor delivered a fierce creature feature with bite--and heart.

Final Grade: B

The effects are great, but Lance's performance is even better.