Short Attention Span Review - Jungle Heat a.k.a. Dance of the Dwarfs (1983)

Short Attention Span Review - Jungle Heat a.k.a. Dance of the Dwarfs (1983)

This is one of the first movies that I ever saw, and it may be the first horror movie that I watched.  That honor belongs to either this cheap horror/thriller hybrid or The Boogens.  Recently, I snagged a copy of Jungle Heat on VHS and revisited it.  Despite some pronounced shortcomings that it can't quite overcome (namely, the budget--or lack thereof), Jungle Heat does enough well to deserve a little more love from the horror community.  For starters, I found Peter Fonda to be on point, and the fact that his flawed hero is both a struggling alcoholic and a real dick made the character more intriguing.  As a general rule, you don't want your leading man to be an asshole, but hey, if you go that route, at least you're doing something different.  Deborah Raffin is way too good for the picture, and does a fine job of stumbling into jeopardy and putting up with Fonda's shit.  Which is somewhat understandable, since his role requires him to rescue her whenever he isn't getting drunk or being a dickhead.  The mood is a definite win; Jungle Heat has a wonky vibe that slowly descends into serious dread during a bleak closing reel that feels more 70s than 80s.  The sound design also warrants praise--when we finally get to the creature element of this low rent creature feature, the little boogers may look lame as fuck, but they sound terrifying.  Those roars are seriously gnarly, and an otherwise mundane score ramps up as everything goes bad in that grim finale.  Of course, the script is uneven, the direction is lackluster, and the budget is a genuine embarrassment, so Jungle Heat often runs cold.  Still,  while it's frequently regarded as abysmal by those who remember it at all, I rate it passable at worst and pretty damn dope in brief splashes of creepy mayhem.

Final Grade: C

Peter Fonda is a total dick in this cheap horror flick that I may be somewhat biased toward--it was one of the first movies I recall seeing.

To revisit this childhood fave, I had to seek out a copy on VHS.  Kicking it old school, peeps.

Short Attention Span Review - Machete Kills (2013)

The first Machete from 2010 was a dark and gruesome nod to hardcore 80s action films, which were equal parts hardcore and ludicrous.  Need proof?  Take another look at Stallone in Cobra, a film which is damn near as silly as anything Robert Rodriguez could ever dream up.  Surprisingly, this sequel is more of a send-up of James Bond's sci-fi adventures--though the outer space intrigue is surely cross-pollinated with that 80s action vibe that the director is so fond of.  Bolder, far more obnoxious, and ten times as absurd as its predecessor, Machete Kills is an utterly ridiculous motion picture that nearly crumbles under the weight of all the insanity splattered across the screen.  Yet everyone involved is clearly having a blast, and viewers who don't expect anything more from Machete Kills than a goofy good time will surely be entertained.  Note: if you're expecting something more from Machete Kills, that's a you-problem, not a Machete Kills-problem.  I don't know where they found that Carlos Estevez guy, but he was awesome as the president, and Mel Gibson was a terrific villain.  The best part in the picture may have belonged to Demian Bichir as a schizophrenic who constantly veers from noble good guy to crazed villain as his various personalities rage across the scene.  Of course, Rodriguez has always been down with girl power, and Michelle Rodriguez and Amber Heard are both incredibly badass (and hot) in this action/sci-fi mash-up.  The score is fantastic, the laughs are frequent, and while the picture is totally bonkers, it somehow manages to keep the viewer interested while gleefully going overboard with cartoonish violence and loads of gore.  I loved Grindhouse, I dug Machete (was Fahey badass or what?), and Machete Kills was another fun flick from the modern master of grindhouse filmmaking. 

Final Grade: B

Bonus Points: There was a brief homage to The Road Warrior that made me stand up and applaud.

Everyone has a good time in Machete Kills.