Short Attention Span Review: Nightmare City (1980)

Short Attention Span Review: Nightmare City (1980)

Nightmare City is a rather glorious piece of shit.  There's a part of me (and it's not a small part) that wants to leave it at that.  That single statement would serve as a perfect review for this movie, yet I can't stifle the need to elaborate.  Nightmare City isn't just bad, it's very, very bad.  Okay, it's fucking horrible.  It is a perfect example of a cheap Italian horror movie, complete with an absurd script, weak acting, Z grade special effects, copious amounts of shoddy gore and pointless T&A, and characters who are largely defined by their need to make terrible decisions in moments of crisis.  The only thing missing is a laugh track.  But the whole thing is engineered (poorly) with such indisputable passion and vigor that it somehow rises above these shortcomings.  There are even a few areas where Nightmare City actually shines.  Umberto Lenzi directs this trash as well as trash can be directed, for one, and I do mean that as a compliment.  The score is both bonkers and sheer perfection; there could be no better score for this particular serving of cinematic garbage.  Finally, there's Hugo Stiglitz in the lead role.  Yes, dude is wooden as hell.  Yes, the script does him no favors.  Yes, he is legendary.  He seems like a mild-mannered reporter at first, but then the shit hits the fan, and our boy becomes a tough-talking, ass-kicking, and hard-drinking warrior of the apocalypse.  He kicks the shit out of zombies* (literally, his kick may not be all that impressive, but it sends several zombies flying), he throws axes, and he is comfortable mowing down undead ghouls with machine guns or hurling grenades at them.  He drinks whiskey and encourages his woman to stay strong and keep walking after he has firebombed their station wagon with a Molotov Cocktail*.  That's the kind of shit that happens in Nightmare City, peeps, and that's why we love movies like this.

*Okay, they're not actually zombies.  They're irradiated bloodsuckers who can run and wield weapons.

**This happens after the pair stop at a gas station and become surrounded while engaging in a philosophical debate about the pitfalls of modern society and the potential benefits of survival in a radioactive wasteland.  Yes, they should have fueled up and peeled out, but one of the writers went into message mode, so our boy Hugo just had to blow that fucking station wagon to bits and start stepping toward certain death.

Final Grade: B

It's not a special effects extravaganza, it's a straight up bullshit extravaganza.  And I loved it.  

Short Attention Span Review: Overlord (2018)

Short Attention Span Review: Overlord (2018)

Overlord is a bit generic in many ways, and it doesn't do anything particularly new or inventive, but it does a great many things very well.  First and foremost, the opening and closing reel are bombastic forays into nearly unheralded excitement coupled with a gore quotient that would make Sam Raimi blush.  In fact, there is also an outlandish energy present in these segments that Raimi could appreciate, though I'm not sure that he has every done anything this hardcore.  And while it is far from revolutionary, it did brighten my heart considerably given that I haven't seen this sort of bloody romp on the big screen in quite some time.  The filmmaking is superb, with the opening descent into chaos in particular sporting some inspired bits that are both perfectly realized and totally incredible.  Most importantly, while the picture is often an exercise in unbridled intensity and gruesome shenanigans, it also takes the time to build some strong characters.  Yes, they're types to a large extent, but they are given enough to do aside from enduring supernatural Nazi terror that we ultimately find them endearing.  Our heroes are likable for the most part, and easy enough to root for, and the villains are suitably despicable and intimidating.  The big standout here is Wyatt Russell, whose Ford is so committed to completing the mission that grim setbacks, overwhelming odds, and even demented experiments gone wrong never threaten his devotion.  He oozes both badass and coolness, and the character is damn near iconic.  On the whole, Overlord is a zany action/horror hybrid that never aims for sophistication or greatness.  No, it merely exists to entertain, and it never misses on that front, serving up a vivid rollercoaster ride with wild thrills and spooky atmosphere to spare.

Final Grade: B+

Wyatt Russell is on point as Ford, a first rate badass whose cool demeanor and unwavering toughness nearly lead the character into iconic territory. 

Powerful Pages - Star Wars: Death Troopers by Joe Schreiber

Powerful Pages - Star Wars: Death Troopers by Joe Schreiber (2009)

If the idea of a horror novel set within the Star Wars universe intrigues you, there is every reason to think that you would enjoy Death Troopers.  A grisly tale of hapless survivors being hunted by zombies on abandoned vessels in deep space, Schreiber does a good job of marrying two separate worlds together.  Yes, this is most definitely a zombie story, dripping with terror and boasting many of that sub-genre's favorite staples.  Yes, it is a Star Wars tale as well, capturing the feel of that universe and inserting two of the franchise's most beloved characters into the fray.  There are also nods to Alien and other sci-fi horror ventures, so the tale's biggest shortcoming may be it's derivative nature.  Schreiber is a fine writer, and while he doesn't paint any grand pictures with his words, he keeps things moving and proves quite adept at establishing mood and tension.  At the end of the day, one shouldn't expect Death Troopers to use the Star Wars brand and the various horror genre tropes it relies upon to springboard into some fantastic new realm.  It is awesome to experience a gruesome zombie shocker taking place in the same world where the Jedi and the Sith wage war, but as zombie tales go, this one adheres to the formula.  In a way, while most Star Wars ventures aim to be epic sagas overburdened with riches, Death Troopers is totally satisfied with operating on a lesser scale.  If this were a film, it would be a B movie, and while it wouldn't shatter the mold by any means, it would surely be a crowd-pleaser for those who appreciate the concept.

Final Grade: B-

Short Attention Span Review: Knightriders (1981)

Short Attention Span Review: Knightriders (1981)

As a teen, I didn't know quite what to make of George Romero's Knightriders, a fascinating character study that stands as perhaps his most quixotic production.  That's saying something, for while he will always be best known for his gory shockers and his role as the man who put zombies on the map in a big way, he produced a few headscratchers (to include pictures like Martin and Season of the Witch) along the way.  I wanted more of the jousting atop roaring motorcycles and the daredevil flair that Tom Savini brought to the picture as Morgan.  I didn't quite get Billy as portrayed by Ed Harris, the king of the medieval troupe that has traded horses for motorcycles that Knightriders focuses on.  Billy isn't interested in stardom or money, and his devotion to a peculiar but noble set of ethics may even trump his concern for those who look to him for leadership.  In my youth, he seemed to be a bit of a lunatic whose zeal clearly surpassed his logic or compassion, and I may have yearned to see him dethroned--I note this despite the fact that the valiant yet suitably heartbreaking conclusion to the piece didn't sit well with me at the time.  Upon further review, I still enjoy Savini's quality performance and Morgan's perfectly reasonable yearning for gratification and publicity.  Yet Billy's inspired devotion and refusal to compromise in a world that grinds such valiance into dust now strikes me as a far more worthy centerpiece for the tale, and Ed Harris certainly nailed his first true leading role with the sort of magnificence that is worthy of a king.  I also found that ending to be absolutely perfect, and eerily reminiscent of the equally fitting climax that brought Vanishing Point to an end a decade before this film's release.  Lest I slight everyone else involved, there is little to complain about so far as the technical aspects and supporting cast are concerned.  Knightriders is far from a lavish production, but the cast is game, the stunts are lively, and the one and only George Romero does an exceptional job of bringing this unconventional saga to life in riveting fashion.


Final Grade: B

Savini is surprisingly good in one of his biggest parts, but Ed Harris shines, putting his formidable talent on full display long before he would become a legitimate star.

Short Attention Span Review: Train to Busan (2016)

Short Attention Span Review: Train to Busan (2016)

Wow!  I had heard good things about Train to Busan, so when I sat down to watch it I was expecting big things of this landmark zombie thriller from Korea.  These lofty expectations were appropriate--I can honestly say that I was totally blown away by this fast-paced rampage.  In what may or may not have been a nod to Romero, the picture was ripe with social commentary, and it was also host to some well-drawn characters with emotional arcs, but this never kept it from racing down the tracks.  Gory, exciting, intense, and moving, Train to Busan is easily one of the finest zombie movies that I have ever enjoyed, and that's one hell of a statement coming from yours truly.  Director Sang-ho Yeon did a marvelous job of keeping things popping while telling a story with an awful lot of heart to go along with all the blood and guts splattering the screen.  The cast performed flawlessly, and while there were a few cliches in the mix, everyone had a lot to do and I felt that each performer made the most of their opportunities to shine.  Leading man Yoo Gong nailed it, and young Soo-an Kim did a remarkable job in a demanding part with a lot of depth and nuance.   Yet it was Dong-seok Ma who stole the show, combining grit and warmth to tremendous effect.  Eui-sung Kim gave us a horror movie dickhead for the ages, and eagerly anticipating his demise greatly bolstered my viewing experience.  In closing, I found Train to Busan to be thoroughly effective on every level, and it is not only my favorite horror film from 2016, but I will reiterate that it has to be one of the best zombie films out there.

Final Grade: A+

While Train to Busan succeeds on many fronts, in the end it is the well-drawn characters who propel it to greatness.

Top 20 Horror Movies - #4) Dawn of the Dead (1978)

One of the things that I'm doing this month as I celebrate Halloween here in the Land of Way is taking the time to rank my Top 20 Horror Movies and my Top 20 Horror Novels.

Note:
I want to be clear that I'm basing these choices on my own humble opinion.  I'm not trying to rank these movies in accordance with their place in pop culture, but I'm offering up my take on the best horror films that I have ever watched and enjoyed.  There are some familiar candidates that I consider to be great pictures that didn't make the cut because there wasn't room, and there are some films that are widely regarded as great pictures that didn't make the cut because I feel that they are overrated.  There are also a few instances where it was difficult to determine whether or not a movie belonged to the horror genre (I said "no" to Aliens but "yes" to Jaws), and it may also be worth noting that this is largely a modern list (as long as you're okay with my classification of modern as anything after 1960) that only features one lonely creature from the so-called "Classic Monsters" films produced by Universal Studios.

Thus far, the list includes:

#20) The Fly (1986) 
#19) The Howling (1981)
#18) Night of the Living Dead (1968)
#17) Alien (1979) 
#16) Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)
#15) Suspiria (1977) 
#14) Phantasm (1979)
#13) Evil Dead 2 (1985)
#12) Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954) 
#11) The Descent (2005)
#10) Fright Night (1985)
#9) Halloween (1978)
#8) Return of the Living Dead (1985) 
#7) An American Werewolf in London (1981)
#6) Deep Red (1975)
#5) The Shining (1980) 

Two zombie movies have made the list thus far, and now it's time for the third and final entry from that particular sub-genre to rise from the dead.

Top 20 Horror Movies - #4) Dawn of the Dead (1978)

George Romero invented the zombie genre as we know it with Night of the Living Dead, and he perfected this ever-popular sub-genre with his insightful and provocative follow-up.  Seldom has social commentary been so entertaining, and few horror films offer as much in the way of a character study.  Some may complain about the lengthy running time, but Romero made great use of every minute.  Dawn of the Dead is never dull, and the bonds that we forge with the four leads only serve to enhance the emotional undercurrent running through this captivating yarn.  At times, the picture is grim and utterly terrifying, but it also contains moments that are downright hilarious.  Then there are several thrilling sequences that give way to gory mayhem on a massive scale.  Tom Savini's effects work is wicked cool, and Romero clearly got everything that he could get out of this riveting tale.  Ken Foree, Gaylen Ross, David Emge, and Scott H. Reiniger are totally invested in their roles, and each player has a nice arc that defines their character as this weary quartet struggles to survive a blood-soaked nightmare.  Dripping with gore, peppered with subversive humor, and exceptionally well-made, I think that declaring Dawn of the Dead to be the best zombie movie of all time is an easy decision.  Yes, I enjoy Return of the Living Dead a bit more, but there can be no doubt that Dawn of the Dead is a far richer movie.  

Fact: Dawn of the Dead is the best zombie movie of them all.

This is the face I make when someone asks me if I thought that the remake was better.

Top 20 Horror Movies - #18) Night of the Living Dead (1968)

One of the things that I'm doing this month as I celebrate Halloween here in the Land of Way is taking the time to rank my Top 20 Horror Movies and my Top 20 Horror Novels.

Note:
I want to be clear that I'm basing these choices on my own humble opinion.  I'm not trying to rank these movies in accordance with their place in pop culture, but I'm offering up my take on the best horror films that I have ever watched and enjoyed.  There are some familiar candidates that I consider to be great pictures that didn't make the cut because there wasn't room, and there are some films that are widely regarded as great pictures that didn't make the cut because I feel that they are overrated.  There are also a few instances where it was difficult to determine whether or not a movie belonged to the horror genre (I said "no" to Aliens but "yes" to Jaws), and it may also be worth noting that this is largely a modern list (as long as you're okay with my classification of modern as anything after 1960) that only features one lonely creature from the so-called "Classic Monsters" films produced by Universal Studios.

Thus far, the list includes:

#20) The Fly (1986) 
#19) The Howling (1981)

Now it's time to talk about my next selection, the zombie film that started it all.  Seriously, I'm not in the mood for any of that White Zombie shit.  I love me some Bela Lugosi, but George Romero gave us the zombie sub-genre as we know it today.

Top 20 Horror Movies - #18) Night of the Living Dead (1968)

This is one of two zombie movies from the legendary George Romero to make my list, and while Night of the Living Dead may not be his masterpiece, it remains eerie and effective all these years after its initial release.  Yes, we had seen zombies on the screen before, but never quite like this.  The shock and dismay that this bleak low-budget affair inspired gave birth to a sub-genre that has never been more popular that it is now, some 47 years after Night of the Living Dead hit the scene.  It remains potent because it was so raw, so stark, and because the man at the helm proved to be a genius.  The horror of the undead laying siege to a remote farmhouse where a few scrappy survivors have holed up also proved to be a terrific premise for exploring serious themes.  The very presence of Duane Jones in the lead role, not to mention his serious performance and the ultimate fate of his character--all of these things speak volumes about the period when the movie was made.  In fact, many of these notions still hold a great deal of relevance in this day and age.  Besides, despite the weight of these themes, the movie never suffers.  It is entirely possible that many viewers are oblivious to the commentary, for the picture quickly descends into a grim nightmare and it never fails to function as a gruesome chiller.   I'm a big fan of the zombie sub-genre (there are three* such pictures on my list, including this black and white gem, the best zombie film of them all, and Romero's epic improvement upon the formula he created) and this tense and relentless horror film is where the zombie as we know it was born.  Beyond that, it's a fantastic flick that surely warrants a spot on my list.

*Just so we're clear, deadites are NOT zombies.  

Board up the windows!  George Romero gave the zombie sub-genre life way back in 1968.

Short Attention Span Review: City of the Living Dead (1980)

Widely celebrated as a filmmaker who greatly enjoyed showering his audience with gore, Lucio Fulci was also incredibly talented when it came to establishing mood.  His movies also benefited from quality cinematography and unique plots.  City of the Living Dead is a great example of just what Fulci was capable of.  It is incredibly disgusting at times, so disgusting, in fact, that several sequences are truly difficult to watch.  It is also incredibly creepy, and the sinister mood deepens as the kooky story progresses.  Fulci seldom had the privilege of working with a stellar cast, but City of the Living Dead features Christopher George and Catriona MacColl as a mismatched pair of strangers who set out on a spooky trip to save the world.  They shine in this demented gem, and the supporting cast does a nifty job with the gruesome material as well.  Now, Fulci was always more interested in taking audiences on a ride than maintaining plausibility, so this blood-splattered oddity does include a few plot holes and some random crazy shit like teleporting zombies, people bleeding from their eyes and then puking out their intestines, and maggot showers.  The score is ominous, accentuating a number of tense moments that make all the brutal demises sprinkled throughout the picture that much more intense when they arrive.  City of the Living Dead isn't a great horror film, but it's very effective.  It's a strange zombie film with a bit of a Lovecraft vibe and a lot of energy.  It's not Fulci's best film, but it is one of his better offerings, and those who enjoy this sort of material should definitely take a little trip to the City of the Living Dead.  Just make sure to pack a barf-bag. 

Final Grade: C+

In City of the Living Dead, once the bleeding from the eyes begins,
watch out--things are about to get incredibly disgusting.

The Walking Dead - Season 5

Last night, AMC wrapped up the fifth season of The Walking Dead with a superb 90-minute finale.  In truth, it wasn't just the finale that rocked--this has been one of the best seasons of the smash hit television show yet.  Most importantly, the stage is set for another wild season.

I'm a fan of the comics and I greatly enjoyed the first two seasons, though I thought seasons three and four weren't quite as focused or riveting.  In fact, though the prison storyline is one of my favorite arcs that the comic book series has provided us with, I felt that the television version was fairly lackluster at times.  Heading into Season 5, I was hoping for the best and fearing the worst, and I'm thrilled to say that the optimistic end of that spectrum won out.

The show has a wonderful cast and this last season made great use of many of our favorites.  Rick was a badass who only got more and more badass as we worked our way toward the finale.  Carol was perhaps the biggest star of Season 5 and she had so many cool moments that were awesome to behold.  Daryl showed some range, Abraham finally got to do some cool shit, and Michonne just kept on being Michonne.  Hell, Eugene even found his inner Charlie Bronson at one point.  What's not to love? 

The group's ordeal in Terminus set the stage for a difficult trek to Alexandria, where group dynamics, shady motherfuckers, and power struggles greatly elevated the last few episodes of the season.  There were shocking deaths, there were some of the goriest bits we've seen on the program, and there was an abundance of action in the last few shows.  As much as I loved the first two seasons, it's entirely possible that this fifth season was just as good--if not better. 

Now, all I have to do is wait until October . . .

Cult Classics from Dimension X: The Return of the Living Dead (1985)

I'm frequently asked to name my favorite zombie film, and despite my affection for Romero (and Dawn of the Dead in particular), my answer is always the same.  It's The Return of the Living Dead, the 1985 ode to punk rock and dead people who won't stay buried that never fails to thrill or amuse me.  Not only is this Dan O'Bannon feature my favorite zombie flick, but it's one of my favorite horror movies in general.  Hell, we can take that one step further, for it's truly one of my favorite movies from any genre.  It's a fast-paced nightmare loaded with black humor and wonderful dialogue, and it benefits from the presence of a talented cast highlighted by Clu Galager, James Karen, and Thom Mathews.  They make the most of the material and the twisted frightfest that ensues is a disgusting descent into madness and terror where no one's brain is safe.

Dan O'Bannon made a nice mark in the horror genre (Alien was his idea and he contributed to a number of horror films over the years) but directing The Return of the Living Dead was surely his finest hour.  The picture moves at a frantic pace, the characters are well-drawn and the performances are top-notch, the effects are massive, the score is killer, and the movie greatly benefits from a perfect ending.  What did he do wrong?  I can't think of anything.  O'Bannon gave us a wildly different take on the zombie sub-genre that can be seen as a bit of a trendsetter in a great many ways.  Long before fast zombies became so popular, the undead were racing around in this gory delight.  Additionally, the diverse and rebellious cast of characters and the lack of a clear-cut hero or heroine are both noteworthy and admirable.  Finally, the humorous aspect of the picture is probably the biggest reason that The Return of the Living Dead is so beloved by so many, and it generates a wealth of laughter despite the fact that it takes itself seriously.  It isn't hokey or silly, it just showcases gifted performers portraying characters who come apart at the seams and rant and snarl at one another as things get progressively worse.  The picture also has a gift for irony.  I think it's a shame that O'Bannon didn't direct more movies, but he knocked this one out of the park.

These punk rock kids just want to have a good time.  Don't we all?

The acting in The Return of the Living Dead is absolutely terrific.  There are so many memorable performances and so many cool characters that it would be hard to pick a favorite.  Thom Mathews and James Karen are fabulous as Freddie and Frank, and their antics never get old.  Clu Galager is on fire as Burt and his various rants are all highlights of the picture.  Miguel Nunez may steal the show as Spider, but there's also Don Calfa as Ernie, the kooky mortician who wears a sidearm and is surprisingly quick on the draw.  The way these characters (and many more) argue with one another, cutting lines short and yelling over top of each other, is riveting and gives the piece an authentic feel that is often lacking from movies where the staging is a bit more deliberate so far as the dialogue is concerned.  There are so many classic exchanges, so many great lines, and so many big moments.  The cool thing is the lack of a singular hero makes this a true ensemble piece, meaning there are plenty of worthwhile bits to go around.  It's a big cast that works very well together, and everyone gets their moment. 

The soundtrack rules!  It's definitely in my Top 10 so far as soundtracks go.

I am such a fan of the soundtrack for this movie that I've devoted an entire blog to it.  You can read it here.  For the purposes of this piece, I just want to acknowledge how important it is to the movie.  The notion of melding a zombie film with punk rock music (and a bunch of punk rock characters) was such a cool decision and it works so well.  Additionally, while many movies have cool soundtracks but fail to make the best use of the great tracks at their disposal, the music is essential to The Return of the Living Dead.  Several of the best scenes would suffer greatly if the songs that accompany them were removed.  It's hard to think of a movie with a better soundtrack that was used to greater effect, but if such a film exists, it's probably one of QT's flicks. 

In closing, I can't recommend this one enough.  I love horror films (you already knew that) and the zombie sub-genre in particular (you already knew that too), and I truly believe that this is the best of the bunch so far as brain-munching shenanigans are concerned.  There's so much to love and it's so damn fresh.  It is gruesome, tense, and frightening, and yet it can be absolutely hilarious at times.  The soundtrack rocks, the direction and the editing are stellar, and the cast is wonderful.  The Return of the Living Dead is the most entertaining and the zaniest film in a long line of horror classics that will not die, the cinema of the undead. 

The Return of The Living Dead Trivia

While it is widely believed that the presence of a pair of pals named Bert and Ernie is a gag, Dan O'Bannon has stated that he was actually oblivious to the existence of the beloved muppets with the same names who reside on Sesame Street.

Ernie (played by Don Calfa) is a nazi in hiding.  His use of German, his musical preferences, the photo of Eva Braun he keeps in his morgue, and even his choice of sidearm are among the clues to his secret identity sprinkled throughout the picture.

When Trash does her striptease, you're not actually seeing full frontal nudity.  Linnea Quigley wore a plastic application for that sequence that concealed her private parts.  

Clu Galager was a last-minute addition to the cast and he apparently wasn't all that easy to get along with.  According to various reports, he was prone to temper tantrums and violent outbursts on set.  There are even claims that the effects team secretly swapped a rubber pipe for the real one he was wielding at one point during the film because his peers were afraid that he would lose his cool while armed with a lead pipe.

While John Russo (co-writer of the original Night of the Living Dead) wrote a script entitled Return of the Living Dead and receives a story credit for this picture, it is believed that very little of his material was used.  O'Bannon thought Russo's script was too serious and too closely resembled Romero's work, so it was re-written as more of a satire.

Some of the cast members portraying zombies actually chowed down on raw calf brains during filming.

Has Rick Lost His Damn Mind?

Like many of you (probably all of you--you are reading this blog, after all) I am a big fan of AMC's The Walking Dead.  It's not the best show on television (that honor belongs to Justified), but it's damn close, and I think this has been one of the best seasons yet.  One of the reasons I'm enjoying this arc so much is the way that Rick is behaving, though many seem to think that he has lost his grip on reality.  Well, is that true?  Has Rick lost his damn mind?  Before I answer this question, I should probably note that I think the first two seasons of the show were vastly superior to the next two seasons for a couple of reasons, but mostly because I liked Shane.  Yes, he banged Rick's wife.  Yes, he was a bit of a dick.  Yet he figured out how to live in this sucky new world long before Rick did.  Shane wasn't batshit crasy--not at first, anyhow--he was simply ahead of his time.  Hell, as much as his obsession with Lori wound up pushing him over the brink, his mental collapse was likely also triggered by being the voice of reason that was continually ignored.  His big scene at the barn in Season 2 was one of the best moments the show has produced to date, and I think it was rather similar to Rick's little outburst last night.  The zombie apocalypse isn't a great setting for second chances or any overt acts concerning trust or lenience.  The golden rule doesn't hold the same worth in this environment.  In other words, Rick isn't losing his damn mind, he's looking out for his people, and he's starting to realize that it's better to be sure than to be nice.  Fall in line and you've got no worries.  Present a threat to the safety of the group and your ass is grass.  It's not polite and it's actually a bit ruthless, but considering how things went at the prison and Terminus, that's just the way it has to be.  In closing, I'm not just giving the dude a pass, I'm giving him a high five.  Rock on, Rick, and fuck you, Pete. 

"Crazy?  Don't you dare call me crazy! 
I just figured this shit out three seasons before Rick did."

Short Attention Span Reviews: Shock Waves (1977)

 

I don't know why, but when it comes to cheesy horror movies I'm a modern era snob.  Try to introduce me to a low-budget horror movie from 2015 and odds are I won't care to view it.  Find me a low-budget horror movie from 1977 and I'll buy the popcorn.  Honestly, I think the old crap is a lot better than the new crap.  Yet that isn't always the case and films like Shock Waves stand as proof of that.  Now, I knew that Shock Waves was either going to be bad or "so bad that it's good" going in, but one of my fellow horror fanatics is really keen on this particular nazi zombie flick and that gave me high hopes.  He was wrong.  I was misled.  I'm sorry, Peter Cushing, but Shock Waves is a lousy movie.  Before we start discussing things that the movie didn't do well, let's talk about areas where Shock Waves managed to succeed.  Well, . . . that was a short list.  No, seriously, they cast Peter Cushing and the atmosphere was a bit charged at times, though that probably happened by accident.  The sets are cool, though the fact that the camera was apparently operated by an orangutan makes it hard to enjoy the locations.  I'm assuming the director was drunk because I want to give him the benefit of the doubt.  The editor must have gone missing long before he finished his work with the picture.  The score could only be deemed impressive if it had been provided by small children.  On a similar note, the effects could only be deemed impressive if they had been provided by small children wearing blindfolds.  If there was a movie about people having to sit down and watch Shock Waves, that movie would be far more frightening than Shock Waves.  Seriously, if you're thinking about watching Shock Waves, I implore you to take your copy of the movie and toss into the depths where it belongs.  In fact, I should have given it the Spinal Tap treatment.  Hell, it's not too late--here's my alternate review of Shock Waves: "Shit Waves."

Final Grade: F-

This is what will happen to you if you ignore my advice and watch Shock Waves.

Short Attention Span Review: Night of the Living Dead (1990)

As is so often the case, this remake is inferior to the original, but that doesn't mean that it isn't a worthwhile zombie flick.  In spite of what you may have heard about Tom Savini's version of the George Romero classic that started it all, I rather enjoy it.  It's not groundbreaking and it doesn't bring anything new and inventive to this particular sub-genre, but that's okay.  It is a solid update with nifty effects and a good cast.  The score works for me, the mood is suitably grim, and I do enjoy it a lot.  In a rare role as the hero of a horror flick, Tony Todd is absolutely terrific, and Patricia Tallman also shows a great deal of range with her performance.  Most importantly, I thought Tom Towles was a bit of a revelation as the dick.  Most good horror movies have a dick and this Night of the Living Dead has one of the most irritating dicks you'll ever encounter.  Ideally, you don't spend a lot of time with irritating dicks to begin with, but you know what I'm saying.  Towles seldom fails to piss me off with his performance, yet there are a handful of occasions (most notably his "options" speech) that greatly amuse me.  The fact that Tony Todd has to deal with this dude makes him as much of a hero as his zombie-bashing exploits in this picture.  Additionally, I think Tom Savinia did a good job as the director.  There are no major shortcomings to complain about and his Night of the Living Dead doesn't deserve the bad reviews some have given it.  Now, if I make a list of the best zombie movies ever (been there, done that: link) you won't find this 1990 effort on the list, but I'm still going to recommend it.  It is not as shocking as the original and it isn't as wild or creative as many of the zombie movies that Romero's 1968 surprise hit has spawned, but it is an entertaining and well-made horror movie.

Final Grade: C+

Drinking Game: take a shot every time you want to punch this guy in the mouth.

Short Attention Span Review: Mutant (1984)

 

I'm pretty sure that Mutant (a.k.a. Night Shadows) is a bad movie.  It may even be a terrible movie.  I'm also going to give it a decent grade here because I believe that it is very entertaining.  Honestly, it may actually be a good movie--fairly good anyway.  Forgive me, sometimes it's hard to tell with these schlocky horror flicks.  I am sure of this: if it is good, it's not very good, and if it is bad, it's of the "so bad that it's good" variety.  The leads are Wings Hauser and Bo Hopkins, so that definitely earns the picture some credit in my book.  I'm a big fan of Wings and I feel that his B-movie legacy is the stuff of legend.  He has also appeared in some major films, to include his amazing performance in Vice Squad, a personal favorite of mine.  Bo Hopkins was a charismatic and likable performer who always did a great job of playing Bo Hopkins.  Not surprisingly, he plays Bo Hopkins well in Mutant.  Together, Wings and Bo hold this creative shocker together despite some flaws, most of which pertain to the lackluster creature effects and make-up.  Yet there are some decent scares and the plot sprinkles a few surprises in the mix to keep us on our toes throughout.  There are a host of maniacal hillbillies that our heroes must deal with when they aren't on the run from a new breed of zombie/vampire/mutant/I'm-not-really-sure-exactly-what-the-hell-these-things-are.  These shambling mystery monsters are the result of the reckless disposal of volatile waste, making Mutant another of those "Man fucks with the ecosystem, man gets eaten" stories they taught us about in high school.  Only man doesn't get eaten this time out--it's a twist!  These things that resemble sick people wearing Alice Cooper make-up have slits on their palms that ooze acidic slime.  If they touch you and get this perilous slime on you, you get to join the club.  Hey, it's different, and it ramps up the tension considerably during the rollicking finale.  With zombies, you can fight them off so long as they don't sink their teeth into you, but with these things you're toast if they manage to touch you.  The direction from John "Bud" Cardos (the man responsible for Kingdom of the Spiders) is solid and the film zips along.  For whatever reason, I'm actually really fond of Mutant, and while some will surely view it as a failure, I'm definitely going to give it a passing grade.

Final Grade: C

I'm pretty sure that I've hung out with this crowd at a party before.

Short Attention Span Review: The Return of the Living Dead (Soundtrack) - 1985

 
I frequently express my affection for Return of the Living Dead, a vastly underrated picture that is not only my favorite zombie flick, but one of my favorite horror films in general.  Hell, it's one of my favorite movies.  One of the things I like most about this outlandish gem is the incredible soundtrack.  The movie itself is very punk, so while it might seem bizarre on the surface, a soundtrack with songs from The Cramps, The Damned, Tall Boys, and The Flesheaters meshes well with the zombie carnage that ensues in the film.  Not only that, but most of the selections are awesome songs.  The movie's anthem, "Partytime," comes courtesy of 45 Grave, and it would probably be the highlight of this gnarly album if not for the song The Cramps brought to the party: "Surfin' Dead."  I dig the whole album and I do believe that it was integral to the movie's success.  I'll use this space to recommend the movie to any poor soul hasn't seen it, but my primary objective is to show the soundtrack some love.  It rocks--correction: it punk rocks.  Show your ears some love and give it a listen if you haven't already.

Short Attention Span Review: Dead Heat (1988)

Last night, I watched Dead Heat for the first time in a while.  This silly zombie/buddy cop feature has always been one of my personal favorites, and I'm pleased to report that it is aging well.  The effects still rock and the nifty mix of laughs and thrills continues to work.  Of course, the best thing about the movie are the actors in the lead roles.  Treat Williams and Joe Piscopo, two more-than-capable performers who never truly got their due, work extremely well together here.  Neither part represents an easy gig, but both men are spot-on, nailing both the action bits and the comedy.  The movie races along, running a brisk 86 minutes, and the ending is a nice touch.  Seriously, it's hard to go out on a positive note after you've killed all of your main characters, but that's precisely what happens here.  If you have never seen Dead Heat and you dig zombies or buddy cop pictures, do check this one out.

Final Grade: A-

The Walking Dead: Season 5, Episode 1 - "No Sanctuary"

I'm not going to do a full-fledged review here because it would be impossible to do so without killing you guys with spoilers, but let's just say that this premiere really tied off a lot of plot lines that were set in motion last year.  Not only that, but the payoffs were delivered in style.  We saw things looking as bad as they possibly could, then we saw a lot of ass-kicking, and finally things got nice and tender in a conclusion that probably had most everyone who follows the show reaching for their Kleenex.  And it was all good.  Sometimes the show falls flat when it's time to deliver a killer action scene, sometimes the gore has looked a bit cheesy in recent seasons, and they've frequently bungled emotional payoffs, but that was never the case with "No Sanctuary."  The tension was incredible, the action was well-choreographed and sufficiently bloody, the gore was impressive, and the heartstring-plucking we were served up this time out was probably the best hearstring-plucking we've seen on the show.
Honestly, I think I'm in love again.  I thought the first two seasons of the show really elevated the material.  I was seriously stoked when they moved toward the prison storyline, which is my favorite arc from the comics to date, and unfortunately seasons three and four left me feeling a little empty deep down inside.  With the onset of season five, AMC has once again elevated the source material, and for the first time since Rick killed his best friend (who was probably the best thing about the show in some strange, twisted way), I am once again fully invested in the television show.  So, yeah, "No Sanctuary" was everything we were hoping for.  If you're a fan and you haven't seen it yet, avoid shit like this.  I'm probably the only person who is going to say much about that premiere without spoiling the whole thing.  I've probably said too much, but it was so awesome that I know many reviewers are going to lay all the cards on the table, face-up, and I assure you that you would rather see it for yourself.

It was grand, it was epic--it was one hell of a premiere.  The Walking Dead is back in a big way, and I'm hoping they can keep things rolling. 

The Walking Dead - My Take on the Season Finale (Hell, Let's Call it My Take on the Whole Damn Series)

Yes, I've been too damn busy to keep the blog up and running, and yes, The Walking Dead was a big part of my blog, and the fact that I fell out of love with the show probably played into my silence here as well.  Fortunately, I'm back in action, and like many of you I watched last night's big season finale.  So, let's talk about the show.

First off, this season was better than last season.  In my humble opinion, last season was a miserable waste of some truly epic material, so that's not exactly lofty praise.  In truth, the finale was a perfect way to punctuate Season 4.  Why?  Because like the season it closed out, there were moments when it was absolutely perfect, and there were also lots of moments where it was clumsy as hell. 

Yes, AMC nearly redeemed itself for bungling the prison storyline last year by closing that portion of the show out in style in the mid-season finale.  Once our cast of characters was split up, I was actually looking forward to seeing how the show handled their efforts to survive and find one another.  And there were times when that really paid off, particularly when the focus was on Rick and Carl.  And there were times when it was nothing short of awful.  That episode with Daryl and Elizabeth where he couldn't hold his liquor was terrible, maybe the worst episode of this show we've seen, and it was better than a lot of the Glenn and Maggie stuff that followed.  There were moments taken straight from the comics (well, for the most part--generally anything that is plucked straight from the source material has to be watered-down sufficiently before it can be aired on television) and (as always) there were moments that had fans of the comic scratching their heads.  Sometimes I think they do silly little tweaks just to piss people off.

In the end, this season was solid television, though the show will probably never reach the heights it soared to in the first two seasons again.  It was a hell of a lot better than last season, and it ends at a point that could result in a very satisfying fifth season.  Of course, the first time I saw the prison, I thought the show was about to pull out all the stops and become an instant classic, and they pissed all over that opportunity.  Regardless, Andrew Lincoln is superb, and it has been a long time since Rick got his Rick on, but the conclusion of last night's season finale has me hopeful that the show will allow him to return to form as the show continues. 

I try to divorce myself from the comics when I watch the program, and I can't do that, and it certainly has an impact on my ability to enjoy the show.  Calling the television series inferior to the comic series is kind of like saying the new Conan the Barbarian movie wasn't quite as good as the old one.  It's not even close, and it never will be, unless maybe AMC sells the rights to HBO at some point, but that ain't happening, folks.  Additionally, I try to distance myself from those first two seasons when the show was white-hot.  They obviously had a bigger budget to work with in those days, and the show hasn't been able to elevate any of the characters they have introduced since in the same way they were able to elevate Shane. 

So, in the end, we've had two amazing seasons, one truly disappointing season, and one mixed bag where there were incredible moments partnered with a lot of drivel.  I realize the show needs the Glenn and Maggie soap opera, but they handle it so poorly, and the further they stray from suspense and terror, the worse the end result typically winds up being.  AMC is adept at generating tension and providing their audience with a rich atmosphere.  The cast for this show is amazing, and the effects team is great at what they do.  Unfortunately, the action is frequently mishandled and the soap opera elements are poorly executed and often feel totally out of place.  The potential is still there, and unlike the conclusion of Season 4, when I truly felt like I was watching this show get flushed down the toilet, I'm actually somewhat excited for Season 5. 

It will never be the comics, and it will never be what it was once, but The Walking Dead is the best thing going on television so far as the horror genre is concerned.  I'm ready for more and the wait for Season 5 will be a long one.

The Walking Dead: Season 4, Episode 2 (Infected)

WARNING: This is as much of a RECAP as it is a REVIEW, so here there be SPOILERS!  You have been warned.

I've been very hard on The Walking Dead at times, but only because I thought the show was truly top-notch during the first two seasons and I positively treasure the source material.  Season 3 was lackluster, and the Season 4 premiere was good but not great.  With that in mind, I'm glad I get to rave about it again, because I thought this week's episode was a fantastic outing that really boosted my expectations for Season 4.  There was suspense, terror, action, and drama, and most importantly, Rick started acting like Rick again.  Praise Jesus!  I know the dude has been through a lot, but he is the centerpiece of the program, and the show faltered when he lost his way.

Early on, we learn that someone is feeding the zombies surrounding the prison rats, and that's definitely not cool.  We get a tender moment with Tyreese and his girl.  Tyreese serenades her with Cole Porter's "I've Got You Under My Skin" but that isn't good enough to get her to spend the night with him.  She departs, unknowingly leading zombie Patrick (the kid who died in the shower at the end of the premiere last week) back to her cell block.  We think he's going to make a meal out of her, but he hears a sound and eats this dude in a nearby cell instead.  This was gory, and gory is good. 

Early the next morning, Michonne is getting ready to go out again and Rick and Carl are getting ready to do some farming.  Carl wants his gun back, Rick changes the subject.  Then we hear gunshots and the shit really hits the fan.  Michonne turns back and has some difficulty getting back in the prison.  She winds up twisting her ankle, but Carl snags a rifle and he and Maggie come to the rescue. 

Meanwhile, it's an ugly scene in the prison.  Rick and Daryl lead the charge, taking down walkers and trying to herd survivors to safety.  There's a tough scene with Carol and this dude with two young daughters who was bitten during the attack.  He asks Carol to take care of his daughters and she agrees.  The oldest of the two girls says they should be the ones to finish their father off after he passes, but she can't do it so Carol scrambles dude's brains with a knife.  That's motherhood in the land of The Walking Dead.  There's another tough scene where Rick and Daryl go around finishing off anyone who is set to turn.  It's not an easy job, but someone has to do it.

Rick, Daryl, Hershel, Bob, and some new doc discuss what's going on and decide that everyone who was in the cell block needs to be quarantined.  After examining Patrick's corpse, they believe they're dealing with a deadly flu strain and they don't want it to spread.  Tyrees'es girl is coughing, which worries the team.  They advise her to go with the others who are being quarantined (on death row, no less) and she mentions that David has been coughing too.  So they both get to be quarantined.  Tough times at the prison.  Carol and the girls have a little chat by the fence, with Carol basically telling the older daughter she has to toughen up or she's not going to make it.  The older girl doesn't seem too receptive, mostly because she's upset that a walker named "Nick" has been killed.  She says he was "special" and we have to wonder if she was the one who was feeding the walkers.  Maybe she's just batshit crazy.  Time will tell.

Shortly thereafter, Rick is digging a grave when Daryl thanks him for helping out.  Rick says he wasn't that helpful without his gun.  Daryl disagrees.  "When the shit hits, you're standing there with the shovel," he says.  That's when Maggie hits the scene, screaming that the walkers are taking down the fence.  Sure enough, a growing cluster of walkers is threatening to bring the fence down.  Sasha spies a pile of rats on the ground and realizes that someone has been feeding the walkers at this spot, but there's little time to dwell on that.  The fence is coming down.  Rick tells Daryl to go get the truck.

Back in the prison, there's a tender scene with Beth and Michonne.  Beth asks Michonne to hold baby Judith, and Michonne says "No!" in a sharp tone, yet she relents and takes the crying baby.  She begins to cry too, and though it's never stated, we sense that Michonne was once a mother.

Back at the fence, Rick and Daryl come up behind the cluster of walkers in the truck.  Rick has all the piglets from his little farm.  He takes one, slices it open, and tosses it to the ground.  Walkers converge on the fallen pig.  They repeat this a couple of times, and here's another tough job for Rick and Daryl.  Andrew Lincoln was off the charts in this scene.  While Rick and Daryl draw the walkers away, Glenn and Sasha use beams to reinforce the fence.

We get a scene with Carol and Carl, where she asks him again not to tell his dad about the knife-fighting lessons she's giving the kids during story time.  We get a scene with Carol and the girls she has taken under her wing, Lizzie and Mika.  Carol tells Lizzie, the older of the two, that she's not upset about this walker named Nick, she's really upset about her father.  Carol puts a flower in Lizzie's hair and gives the girl a knife for protection.  This was kind of creepy.  That girl doesn't need a knife, she needs help.  Maybe she'll get it now that Carol is going to be taking care of her, but I've got a bad feeling about that girl.

Carl tells his dad about Carol's knife-fighting class, but encourages his dad not to tell the parents or prevent Carol from continuing with the lessons.  Rick agrees and gives Carl his gun back.  He also puts his gun back on, and that's when we really start to believe that Rick's back.  I guess he needed his little break--it was well-deserved, but it lasted too long and the show really lost some serious momentum as Rick grappled with his situation.  The group needs a leader and the show needs a stronger Rick at the forefront, so this is good news all around.

Tyreese is going to visit his girl in quarantine, but all he finds is a trail of blood.  He follows it outside and finds the remains of both his girl and David.  They have been burnt to death.  Zombies don't kill people like that, so we've got more trouble at the prison.  That's how the episode ends, and as you can tell, a lot transpired in Infected.

It was a strong episode, and it differently raises a number of interesting questions.  It also seems to place Rick back in the driver's seat where he belongs, and that prison is starting to feel more and more like a deathtrap.  For the first time in a while, I'm really excited to see where all of this going.  Maybe I'm overselling, but when you consider the horror and action that we saw in this episode, as well as the drama and character development, I think the end result was a really good episode that generated a lot of intrigue.  The season premiere was pretty good, the second episode was really good, and I'm eager to see what next week's show will bring. 

The Walking Dead: Season 4, Episode 1 (30 Days Without An Accident)

Warning: this is as much of a recap as it is a review, so here there be SPOILERS.  You have been warned.

 The new season of The Walking Dead kicked off last night with a nifty pilot.  Before I get too excited, I'm going to remind myself that Season 3 also got off to a great start and did a wonderful job of building toward a truly lackluster finale that made the entire season seem like a grand waste of time.  Yet there was a lot of promise on display in 30 Days Without An Accident, and there's too much talent involved in this show for another botched season, right?  I think so, though it should be noted that while this was a nice pilot, it didn't have the same magic as the material in the first two seasons.  Maybe I still miss Shane, but I've lamented enough.  Let's recap, folks!

So, the opening served to show us that things are honky-dory at the prison.  Rick's a farmer, the new guests dig Daryl (seriously, who doesn't?--although I can't be the only one wondering how he has managed to stash a stylist away somewhere during the zombie apocalypse), and Beth Greene has a boyfriend!  Unfortunately, said boyfriend's introduction had me thinking he wasn't going to make it long and he didn't even survive the pilot.  Some members of the group were gearing up for a supply run and Glenn didn't want Maggie to go.  It's good to know that the Glen/Maggie soap opera is still in full-swing.

Michonne hit the scene on horseback, bearing comics for Carl and a razor for Rick, who doesn't need a shave any more than I do.  Michonne notes that she didn't find "him" and I imagine that the "him" she's referring to is the lame-ass AMC Governor (who would last about ten seconds in a fight with the comic book version of his character) who will definitely show up at some point this season.  Anyway, Rick heads out to check some traps and Michonne joins up with the group going out for supplies so she can hang with Daryl.  I assume that everyone who signed up for that gig really just wanted to hang with Daryl.

In the woods, Rick meets a creepy girl that we instantly recognize as a threat while checking the traps.  She tells him some sob story about bringing food back to her husband (this sob story raises obvious questions Rick doesn't bother to ask) and asks if he has a group nearby.  He admits that he does and she asks if she and her man could join up.  Rick says that she'll have take him to the dude and he'll ask them three questions (kind of like the guy on the bridge in Monty Python and the Holy Grail) to determine whether or not they're in.

The group looking for supplies hits up some kind of superstore.  Glenn is among their ranks, and we realize he didn't want Maggie along because she may be pregnant.  This new guy on the show, Bob, a former medic who has recently joined the camp, stops to salivate over some booze.  He picks up a bottle, nearly takes it, and then slams it back down.  He does this with enough force to topple the entire shelving unit, which pins him to the ground.  Bob's worth to the group is obviously debatable.  Zombies that are chilling on the rooftop along with a crashed helicopter hear the shelving unit collapse and make their way toward the center of the roof, which is apparently made of paper mache.  Within seconds, it's raining walkers in the superstore and we finally get an action scene.

While the supply run group battle the undead, Rick and the creepy lady continue their trek through the woods.  They talk as they go, and nothing she says makes her seem less creepy or more trustworthy.  This is a situation Shane would have done a much better job with, but I digress.  The supply run group wins the battle, but Beth Greene's boyfriend Bob doesn't make it.  I'm guessing that no one else liked the dude, because no one bothered to put him out of his misery while he suffered a pretty brutal demise.  Anyway, this was a gruesome action scene that was pretty damn exciting, though I didn't like seeing two chicks slice up walkers with swords.  That's Michonne's bag. 

Creepy girl finally leads Rick to her campsite and promptly tries to kill him.  Her husband (what's left of him, at least) has been reduced to the contents of a sack that moves and she reveals that she was going to feed Rick to him before stabbing herself.  As she's dying, she asks Rick what the 3 questions were.  They were: How many walkers have you killed?  How many people have you killed? Why?

Rick makes his way back to the prison.  So do the people who went on the supply run.  As the episode winds down, we see Michonne studying a map, focusing on Macon.  Maybe that's where the lame-ass AMC Governor is.  Rick and Hershel talk about the creepy girl and her woeful demise.  Daryl and Beth share an awkward hug that would probably make Carol jealous.  Newcomer Patrick, a goofy teen, stumbles into the shower and collapses.  The camera pans around a bit and then returns to this unlucky fellow, who has died and re-awakened as a walker. 

That's how the pilot ends.  All things considered, it was entertaining, and there are definitely some new wrinkles.  I liked the action and gore and it will be interesting to see where all of the new developments lead.  I'm really tired of Rick being a dope, but that's apparently his character now.  I don't think the quality of the program is on par with the first two seasons, and it has always been vastly inferior to the comic series, but this could be a strong season.  Surely it will be better than Season 3, and truth be told, we're only one week in.  Maybe AMC will really dazzle me and Season 4 will wind up being just as compelling as either of the first two seasons.

Agree?  Disagree?  Don't be afraid to chime in.