Short Attention Span Review - Hell or High Water (2016)

Short Attention Span Review - Hell or High Water (2016)

Hell or High Water is a little slow, rather grim, genuinely interested in those areas where morality and integrity stand at odds with the foundations of society, and built on the bonds of family and loyalty.  The violence is realistic, the choices are dire, and the cost of living is high.  It's a movie that boasts many robberies and a couple of shootouts, but it offers much more in the way of drama than excitement because we care so deeply about the players.  This is due to an excellent script, some rich characters, and a wonderful cast that really grasps what the picture is all about and brings it to life with gut-wrenching authenticity.  We sense doom for some of these players from the moment the picture opens, and while we are propelled forward by the choices required of them, we never fully accept their fates, and are reluctant to see just how this uncompromising landscape will break them.  Jeff Bridges does an astounding job as a fair and likable lawman who is as human as he is larger than life--kinda sounds like a Jeff Bridges sort of role, doesn't it?  Gil Birmingham should not be overlooked as perhaps the most dignified person embroiled in this unforgiving saga.  Chris Pine and Ben Foster make the whole thing click on another level altogether as two very different siblings, with their work here draped in authenticity and crackling with purpose.  Pine is a bit reserved as the more introverted of the two, allowing Foster to light the screen up in one of his best performances to date.  Foster plays the most flawed and also the most generous of all these characters, and in a story like this, those who are willing to give of themselves are issued a bloody receipt for their efforts.  That's okay, though, because he plays the kind of man who is more than willing to man up and pay his dues, especially if his family is at stake.  Hell or High Water is another top-notch film from the mind of Taylor Sheridan, who also gave us 2017's unofficial best picture, Wind River.  Director David Mackenzie does a stellar job of bringing this deft combination of a modern western and an essay in noir to fruition, and I rate Hell or High Water as an absolute must-watch for those who like tough movies about hard choices.

Final Grade: A

Jeff Bridges remains an American treasure, but the work that Pine and Foster do here 

Short Attention Span Review: Suspiria (2018)

Short Attention Span Review: Suspiria (2018)

Someone I know heralded this remake/reboot of Dario Argento's most beloved motion picture as superior to the original.  He did go on to say that given how far it strays from the 1977 cult classic, this should have been crafted as something else altogether.  "If that were the case," he said with the utmost confidence, "We would all be hailing this as a genuine masterpiece."  Full disclosure: this guy is clearly an idiot.  Of course, some of you liked Hereditary, so maybe shitshows are en vogue these days.  I don't know.  But I do know this: the 2018 Suspiria is a monumental clusterfuck with only a few stunning flourishes to offer any enjoyment for those who suffer through this master class in turd burglary.  This is far too little for me to submit any sort of recommendation, for while there are a handful of pieces to the puzzle that sizzle, they are few and far between.  And they are buried in a plodding and nonsensical affair that tries so very hard to be grandiose and transformative that it renders itself overwrought and tedious.  In many ways, it's a joke, a really bad joke, like a dad joke that has died and gone to hell.  The director has no feel for the material, and the cast and crew are betrayed by a script that is a mess when it aims for intrigue and a bit of a bore when it strives for excitement, save a few instances that must have been accidental forays into entertainment.  Remember the score for the original Suspiria?  Of course you do, Goblin's dizzying array of energy and brilliance were among that startling shocker's greatest strengths.  This time out, we get a softer approach from Thom Yorke of Radiohead, and I think this take on the material could best be described as one basic bitch of a score.  I would categorize the whole thing as abysmal, but I don't want to insult any abysses.  Friends, let me put it to you like this: Luca Guadagnino's Suspiria is like a reboot of John Wick directed by Steven Soderbergh that runs nearly three hours long and only dishes out six minutes of action.  And there is an entirely pointless subplot that constantly drags the whole sorry affair even further into tedium wherein Keanu's titular surrogate pulls double duty in a second role as an old woman with feeble ties to the plot.  And we're not supposed to know it's the same performer in another role, but it is painfully obvious and only makes this particular ingredient and the recipe as a whole less appetizing.  And those who like the original John Wick and those who don't give a shit about John Wick alike can only wonder why they bothered to waste their time with this hypothetical piece of shit.  Though, in fairness, any hypothetical piece of shit is better than the 2018 Suspiria in my book, because I can't really waste 152 minutes of my life watching a hypothetical piece of shit, can I?

Final Grade: F for "Fuck this."

This clip from the film stands as a perfect metaphor for the joy I experienced while watching director  Luca Guadagnino's valiant effort to deeply insult anyone and everyone who enjoys the original.  Personally, I'm ready to throw hands.

Comics Corner - The Immortal Hulk (2018 - Present)

Comics Corner - The Immortal Hulk (2018 - Present)

One comic that has been garnering a lot of praise recently is Marvel's latest take on the Hulk, aptly titled The Immortal Hulk.  This is partly a fresh approach, but it also serves to turn back the clock to the days when everyone's favorite green behemoth first hit the scene.  Once upon a when, the Hulk was more of a monster that men feared who only became a hero when greater threats arose--sort of like Godzilla in the flicks where he gets to play the good guy.

Writer Al Ewing has certainly cast the Hulk as a creature to be feared in this stellar run, and he has conjured up some wicked threats to pit against the titular character.  Joe Bennett has done a gnarly job of translating Ewing's vision to the medium.  Combine their fiendish efforts, and this book somehow manages to give me the Hulk I crave while seemingly paying homage to the grotesque delights of John Carpenter's The Thing, or perhaps some of Sam Raimi's work when he's in "paint the screen red with blood" mode.  Then there's the icing on the cake: the covers from Alex Ross, who is always impeccable, but has taken things up a notch with these diabolical visions of everyone's favorite raging jade goliath.

With Marvel being known and loved the world over for its playful sense of humor, I feel that people probably underestimate what I and other fans mean when we refer to this as a horror comic featuring the Hulk.  It's not a typical Hulk book with him facing off against a few beasties with red eyes, it runs much, much darker than that.  The Hulk himself is a tortured creature, and he has been dismembered, corrupted, and even taken to hell in the fourteen issues of this title released to date.  He has faced off against some deeply malevolent foes, and the pages have dripped with sinister imagery.  Is it on the same level as Alan Moore's legendary take on Swamp Thing so far as plunging a beloved entity into the very depths of the macabre is concerned?  That's a good question.  Maybe it hasn't gone quite that far, but then again, maybe it has.

It hasn't been as surreal as Moore's work with DC's green force of nature, though it has paused to ask some very profound questions and there have been some metaphysics in play.  I like the way the supernatural elements have been portrayed in a straightforward manner--it's quite unique, somewhat akin to marrying high adventure to the sort of body horror that David Cronenberg is famous for.  Seriously, I'll stand by that.  I have always enjoyed the Hulk, but this direction caters directly to my sensibilities, and I will join the choir in hailing it as perhaps Marvel's finest offering in 2018 and 2019.

In short, if you dig comics, and you like the Hulk, you may well be intrigued.  If you dig horror and you like material with some serious oomph, you too may enjoy this title.  And if you dig the Hulk, you have love for comic books, and you're a horror fanatic like yours truly, this is looking like "can't miss" territory, isn't it?  While there are a lot of good books out there these days, and the last couple of years have been really kind to horror lovers (Elvira, Gravetrancers, Blackwood, Justice League Dark, and The Spider King are among my recent favorites), this is probably the title I look forward to most on my pull list these days.  The hype is real, my friends.  Long live The Immortal Hulk.

Final Grade: A

Short Attention Span Review - Dirty Mary Crazy Larry (1974)

Short Attention Span Review - Dirty Mary Crazy Larry (1974)

I may have mentioned before that I'm a big fan of the film sub-genre I refer to as "Movies on Wheels," and if so, I surely mentioned that while I still like pictures in this vein, older flicks like Vanishing Point, White Line Fever, and this 1974 surprise hit rule the roost.  Why?  Well, because back in the good old days, there was no CGI to thank for such white-knuckle escapades.  Nope, there were real stunt drivers crashing real cars, and the cheap thrills born of that authenticity is impossible to duplicate with even the best modern effects that Hollywood has to offer.  However, there's much more to Dirty Mary Crazy Larry than the vehicular exploits, to include a great cast, a flamboyant but gritty script, and masterful direction from John Hough.  There's also a darkness at the heart of this rip-roaring jaunt down the asphalt that gives it some serious punch.  Yes, it's an entertaining film, and Peter Fonda simply oozes cool as the hotshot driver at the center of the piece, but he's also a real dick.  The movie succeeds because of Fonda's charisma and the character's nerve and skill behind the wheel.  Ultimately, however, all of the players suffer because this captivating figure is more than a little unhinged, and he steers everyone around him down a dangerous path.  The wicked ending that still gives viewers jolts doesn't come off as a cheap trick because it is totally warranted even if it does come out of nowhere.  Crazy Larry himself was practically begging for such a conclusion from the second he put his foot on the gas.  Fonda is joined by Adam Roarke, Susan George, and Vic Morrow, with an uncredited Roddy McDowall aiding the proceedings as well.  All save McDowall play intriguing but flawed parts, and while their story is entertaining as hell, the film's true impact stems from the fact that these are lost souls on destructive paths, and not the nobler and ultimately courageous types that most films concern themselves with.  No, these are bad people racing down tricky roads; some are addicted to adrenaline, some are just desperate for a score, and some wield a badge but truly serve their own need for authority.  Even those who are simply along for the ride can't claim innocence, and Dirty Mary Crazy Larry keeps us on the edge of our seats for 90 minutes and then gives all of the characters just what they deserve.  The stunt work is among the best you'll ever see, the lines* are zingers, and Hough did something daring and ultimately quite remarkable with this unlikely thriller that defies expectations at every turn.

*Exhibit A:

Larry:  Yeah, yeah.  So we got off to a bad start.  Well, ya know what it means when somebody like me gets off to a bad start?  Not a goddamn thing.

Exhibit B:

Larry:  You know what a man would do right now if he were smart?

Deke: What?

Larry:  I don't know.

The car stuff is among the best you'll ever see, but it's the grim vibe and the director's prowess that make Dirty Mary Crazy Larry so memorable.

Final Grade: A

Short Attention Span Review - Castle Freak (1995)

Short Attention Span Review - Castle Freak (1995)

Like many of my fellow fright fans, I spent Friday night enjoying The Last Drive-In courtesy of the good folks at Shudder* and Joe Bob Briggs**.  Not only did I have entirely too much fun with this resurrection of one of the horror staples of my youth, but I also watched Castle Freak for the first time as a result of its inclusion in a nifty double feature (the first film was C.H.U.D., a familiar favorite that I like a lot, even though Joe Bob was clearly not a fan).  Now, I may have mentioned my disdain for Full Moon before.  I know, I know, that's a Holy Grail of sorts for some of you horror lovers out there, but the studio never really did a lot for me.  With that in mind, I'm pretty sure that I never even noticed that Castle Freak was a Stuart Gordon film with Jeffrey Combs and Barbara Crampton in the lead roles.  After Seedpeople, I avoided Full Moon productions like the plague.  Regardless, that was a mistake, and I'm glad that Joe Bob remedied this situation for me.  Castle Freak is a creepy picture, lean and incredibly mean, with fine performances, quality direction, and a beastie that really made my skin crawl.  Despite the presence of Combs in the lead and Gordon in the director's chair, there was no humor in play, and Castle Freak painted a nasty picture in gruesome detail.  Like most Full Moon features, the budget wasn't an asset, but in this case, a crafty screenplay and terrific work from the cast and crew enabled the film to rise above any limitations.  In truth, while a tale of this variety could never find as much love with a larger audience, I think it sits as a worthy companion piece to either Re-Animator or From Beyond, and it was far more unnerving than either of those beloved oddities from the same diabolical entertainers.  The effects were gnarly, and Jonathan Fuller positively slayed it as Giorgi, who is both a creature to be pitied and the stuff of nightmares.  This isn't one of those fun horror movies where you snicker and lay odds on which dumb teenager will be next on the chopping block, this is a frightening spectacle where everyone involved worked very hard to scare the hell out of the audience.  I rate it as a success, and I'm going to join Joe Bob in hailing it as a superior effort that warrants more attention from the horror community.

*For any horror fan who has yet to subscribe, Shudder is an absolute steal.

**I mean, he's no Elvira, but Joe Bob is great at what he does--and his recent work for Shudder has found him at the very height of his game.  You may not agree with everything he says, but it's a lot more fun to watch one of these pictures with him, and even diehard genre fans like yours truly will gather a few nuggets along the way.

Final Grade: B+

The cast as a whole performs admirably, but it is quite possible that Jonathan Fuller's work as the titular creature is  the key to Castle Freak's success.