Powerful Pages - Pet Sematary by Stephen King (1983)

Powerful Pages - Pet Sematary by Stephen King (1983)

I started reading Stephen King novels when I was 8 years old.  When I started on this voyage, it seemed like I would never run out of books from the maestro to devour.  But, inevitably, at some point, I approached the finish line.  I put Pet Sematary aside because I always wanted to have one last vintage yarn from Uncle Stevie to dig into.  Decades passed.  And the time came.  I just had to give it a go.  First off, I'm sure glad that I finally took the plunge; Pet Sematary is a demented masterpiece, and it is as entertaining as it is unspeakable.  Secondly, this was probably a good one to set aside, for it is as dark and haunting as anything King has written.  It is maybe as dark and haunting as anything I've ever read, and that puts it right up there with The Exorcist* and Lord of the Flies**.  Pet Sematary is all kinds of heavy, and it puts the characters (a really likable family and a friendly neighbor of the highest degree) through all kinds of awful shit.  And the whole time, you sense the storm brewing, and somehow knowing that these people will suffer in abhorrent ways makes them that much more endearing.  I guess that makes Pet Sematary as much of a tragedy as it is a horror novel, and it does operate on a grand scale that it isn't altogether common within the genre.  King dares to grapple with some of the most difficult questions we all face in this life, and his answers here are as brutal as they are blunt.  At the same time, the prose is warm and inviting, and the book itself unwinds like a tale spun by that remarkable neighbor, good old Jud Crandall, a kindly soul with a gift for piquing our interest.  This story is intriguing from the onset, and as the stakes rise and the tension mounts, it becomes savagely addictive.  I turned pages and begged the main character to change course with considerable tenacity, though I knew to expect the very worse at every turn.  And toward that end, King delivered.  Oh man.  He delivered in spades.

*Surprise!  The scariest movie of all time sprang forth from a novel that is equally intense and frightening.  Indeed, the book has additional depth and takes the startling premise even further.

**Fuck William Golding.  Fuck Lord of the Flies.  Simon's death may be the most traumatic aspect of my high school education, and that little episode in my life had trauma to spare.  Also: fantastic book, hell of a writer.  Highly recommended!

Final Grade: A+

Short Attention Span Review - Underwater (2020)

Short Attention Span Review - Underwater (2020)

I'm a sucker for monster movies set in the depths of the ocean, and I readily admit that most of these films aren't very good.  With that in mind, it is safe to say that Underwater follows in their footsteps.  While better than Deepstar Six and pretty much on the same level as Leviathan, it falls well short of the high water mark for such fare, Deep Rising.  However, it does have many things going for it.  I really liked the design elements, to include the sets and the creepy-crawlies.  The frantic pace seemed like a good idea, particularly during a rousing opening.  After that, however, the movie got lost and floundered before finding its way back for an explosive conclusion with some potent emotional heft thrown in for good measure.  Though they were painted in the broadest of strokes, I did enjoy the characters, and the performances were far better than what we often see in such a run-of-the-mill creature feature.  I did find Kristen Stewart to be particularly effective, and she certainly gave it her all.  However, it did seem a bit odd that she had to spend so much of the picture running around in her underwear.  At one point, they noted that the temperature had risen ten degrees because of an incident, but at seven miles below the surface, I doubt that turns the ocean into a liquid sauna.  And they also pointed out that the dive suits they frequently lumbered around in were too tight to accommodate regular clothing,  but since wetsuits and form-fitting clothing are actual things, this too felt like a lame excuse.  Like, no bullshit, there are probably women in prison flicks where the ladies aren't exploited quite as much.  My biggest complaint would be what could have been a total lack of competency, though I think it was actually a desire to provide an immersive effect geared toward exploring claustrophobia and disorientation.  Translation: for much of the picture, I had no idea what was happening.  There were several key moments (to include two pivotal deaths) that will forever remain mysteries to me, despite what were no doubt highly expensive displays of Grade A shaky cam magic.  In the dark.  Key dialogue was muffled by heavy breathing and distorted transmissions.  Entire setpieces were lost to a fog of paranoia and jarring visuals, punctuated by quick glimpses of darkness and more darkness.  Maybe this sounded good in concept, but when a character you enjoy perishes and you have no idea what went down, it's a bit of a bummer.  When it happens more than once, it becomes flat out frustrating.  That's how I would ultimately describe Underwater: frustrating.  Everything necessary for a groovy chiller is on hand, but the ingredients are misused, and the resulting dish is a little bland, a little messy, and very forgettable despite a couple of exciting flourishes.

Final Grade: C-

Kristen Stewart is pictured here in more than just her undergarments.  She bares her soul in a fine lead performance that also requires her to bare everything else far too often.

My Favorite Horror Movies from 2019

Well, with all that happened, things were a little quieter on the blog front (and a whole hell of a lot of fronts, truth be told) than I would have liked last year.  So, I didn't get to share my thoughts with you guys on a lot of cool stuff that came down the pipeline.  With that in mind, I just wanted to take a moment here to list my favorite horror movies from a year that tried its best to kill me or tear my left arm off at the very least.  And failed, because, well, fuck that.

Anyway, here are my faves from 2019:

#5) Crawl

Look, in so many ways, Crawl was ridiculous on a scale we seldom see outside of any situation where grown people try to prop up Donald Trump without confessing that they're only vouching for him because they hate Mexicans.  So, yeah, VERY ridiculous.  That's okay, though, because Crawl was equally entertaining.  Gruesome effects, a rip-roaring pace, nifty performances, and alligators* put this one at #5 on my list.

*I like movies with alligators in them.  Like Alligator, which is impossible to obtain on Blu-Ray for reasons I will never comprehend.  At least you can buy the out of print DVD or VHS for hundreds of dollars.
What's wrong with this world we live in?

#4) 3 from Hell

I dig Rob Zombie's movies, and I do not consider that to be a disclaimer.  This may not have been his strongest effort as a screenwriter, but it does represent his best work as a director.  And it's all kinds of gnarly.  Next!

#3) Doctor Sleep

Rock-solid, and surprisingly brutal.  Features perhaps my favorite villain of the year, and the performances are stellar across the board.  Only suffers because of the recasting where certain characters are concerned, which was both totally necessary and just as problematic for this analytical cat.  Still a killer time at the movies, though.

#2) It Chapter Two

Like most everyone else, my initial response was to view this as a very good fright flick that didn't have the same oomph as its predecessor.  A couple of rewatches have changed my mind.  I now see this as being on equal footing with the first one, and I think I may enjoy it a bit more.  Yes, I hit my head pretty hard in the crash, so take this for what it's worth, but I still recognize Hereditary as a massive pile of shit, so I think the old brain is firing on all cylinders.

#1) Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

Damn near perfect.  Hell, may be perfect.  A new classic for Halloween marathons everywhere, and a fine representation of so many of the things I love about this genre.  Creepy, fun, oozing atmosphere, and boasting entirely too many monstrous gags and effects of a top-shelf vintage, this delightful spookshow is both terrifying and wildly entertaining.  I freaking loved it.

.   .   .   .   .

So, feel free to agree or disagree, but don't try to convince this little duck that Hereditary was anything more than a turd of extraordinary magnitude.  We saw better character logic from Camp Counselors back in the 80s.

And no one has yet to offer any reasonable explanation for Gabriel Byrne bursting into flame.  Shit happened for no reason whatsoever aside from a desperate need to advance a shit plot.

Look, a crazy bitch gave our lead a candle and a parchment, and told her not to worry about what it said, just to go home, fire the candle up after midnight, and read the ancient spell.  Just because.  Well, maybe the need to advance that shit plot was to blame here too.  Anyway, SHE DID IT.  Without hesitation.  No bullshit.  I'm through here.

Except I'm not.  Still think the closing reel was like the ending of a possession film written and directed by Sacha Baron Cohen.  And for the purposes of this scenario, he wrote and directed the movie in his Borat persona.

I'm good now.  Let's see what 2020 has in store for us, good people of the internet!

Short Attention Span Review - Sweetheart (2019)

Short Attention Span Review - Sweetheart (2019)

Running a scant 82 minutes, Sweetheart plunges the viewer into a desperate situation in the opening shot, and steadily increases the stakes until a blistering finale.  A survival opus married to a creature feature, the production values are sound if not spectacular, and the script is razor-sharp.  Most importantly, as this is largely a one-woman show, star Kiersey Clemons reveals herself as a force to be reckoned with.  Vulnerable, plucky, determined, desperate, and ultimately quite the badass, Clemon brings her character to life in stunning fashion.  This is what elevates Sweetheart, as being lean and mean, and even a bit innovative, honestly doesn't amount to much without a spark.  Clemons lights a fire, and as a result, Blumhouse has provided horror fans with another winner.  Victim to a relatively quiet release, this is a picture that could emerge as quite the sleeper.  I, for one, would love to see multiple elements of this riveting thriller explored in greater detail, though I never felt anything less than satisfied with this script or the director J. D. Dillard's no-frills dedication to shipping the freight.  The creature design is a bit more of a success than the effects work, though there are numerous instances where the effects stand tall.  Yes, there are a few mishaps on that front as well, but a top-shelf monster movie is seldom without blemishes.  The setting is as beautiful as the action is frantic, and the score is most certainly an asset to this production.  It is possible, if not likely, that Sweetheart hasn't pinged on your radar yet, but just take this horror aficionado's word for it: this unheralded descent into survival horror is a wicked little jaunt with an awful lot of juice.

Final Grade: B+

Sweetheart is the very epitome of a lean, mean chiller.  And I'm cool with that.

Short Attention Span Review - The Kindred (1987)

Short Attention Span Review - The Kindred (1987)

I plucked one from the archives today.  The Kindred is a late 80s monster movie that I may have rented a few too many times during my unruly youth.  It is rather gooey, and while I can't rightfully say that it is very good, it is a fun little monster movie.  Like many such affairs that go big often, it lands a few solid punches when it isn't getting knocked on its slimy ass.  Translation: there are some bits that work well and some gnarly effects, and there are also some sequences that fall flat and some effects that miss the mark.  By a lot.  The cast is game, with a young Amanda Pays standing out here and there while Rod Steiger slums it up.  To his credit, while many performers of his caliber would shift into neutral while slumming, Steiger actually seems pretty into it.  And the poor boy does take his lumps in the closing reel, so that is rather commendable.  Our lead (David Allen Brooks as John Hollins) doesn't exactly light up the screen, but he doesn't fall flat either.  Peter Frechette seems a little fierier in a lesser role, and this may be why he suddenly rises to the forefront in the closing reel.  The atmosphere is nice and sinister, the premise is just kooky enough to keep us involved, and an average monster movie is always better than even the greatest love stories captured on film.  That's how I see the world, anyhow.  So, yeah, this is just an average monster movie, nothing more, nothing less, but it was nice to take a stroll down memory lane.  Yes, good people of the internet, I enjoyed revisiting these crazy kids and their grotesque vaguely humanoid siblings.  And if you dig creature features too, you could do far worse.

Final Grade: C

The Kindred is a gooey mess, but it's a lot more entertaining than Gone with the Wind or Titanic.  True story.

Short Attention Span Review - The Psychic (1977)

Short Attention Span Review - The Psychic (1977)

I greatly enjoy Lucio Fulci's gruesome outings, landmark horror films where no eye is safe and the camera lingers lovingly on gaping wounds.  Much to my surprise, this 1977 effort is a wonderful example of Giallo, and while there are a couple of typical Fulci staples in play, it is far more subdued and . . . well, . . . sensible than much of his work.  To be perfectly clear, I think it ranks among the best of this rich subgenre for much of its runtime, and it boasts a particularly vivid and intriguing opening.  Jennifer O'Neill is a perfect choice for the heroine, and she carries the show from start to finish without missing a note.  Everything about this one is a winner, to include an excellent score and some particularly striking cinematography courtesy of the wonderful Sergio Salvati.  While someone looking for another grand gross-out from a man who made many of the best might find this far too tame for their liking, it is a wonderful surprise for those of us who also treasure these dastardly mysteries.  As always with such pictures, the emphasis on style and mood over substance and the desire for earth-shattering twists often results in a plot that is too convoluted for its own good.  Yet it never leans as far toward the absurd as many of its counterparts, and Fulci fans may be quite forgiving of any lapses in logic.  After all, Lucio liked shock and awe a lot more than plausibility, and this one never goes nearly as gonzo as legendary shockers like his The Beyond or City of the Living Dead.  I am going to highly recommend The Psychic (also known as Sette Note in Nero, or Seven Notes in Black) for those who dig Giallo as well as any Fulci fan, with those who want to see a different approach from this demented titan in particular.  You know what?  I'm going to take this a little farther and recommend The Psychic to anyone who digs the macabre at all.  I thought it was really damn good, and Fulci and O'Neill both worked hard to make this one twisted trip worth taking.

Final Grade: A

Jennifer O'Neill is sensational in this high quality giallo from a director better known for his gory shenanigans.

20/20

What's up, good people of the internet?
I imagine many of you are also putting your resolutions into play.  Like me, your 2019 may have been a bumpy ride, and maybe your life saw dramatic changes.  Hey, maybe your world got shaken up a bit, and you've had a lot of time to ponder the future.  That's my 2019 too, if so, and I'm ready to get to work in 2020 in more ways than one.
While I have a number of resolutions, I am also teeing off a project of sorts, and I am going to be discussing it here.  My blog is certainly part of it, so it makes sense.  If anyone decides to take a similar approach to the new year, I would love to hear about it, and we can surely have each other's back.  If I've learned anything from my 2019, it's that a support network is a precious commodity, and every bit of encouragement helps more than one could imagine.
So, here's what I'm doing.  I'm calling it 20/20, and it's pretty straightforward.  Where my writing is concerned, I have 20 goals that I'm looking to nail in '20.  Some are truly outrageous in scope, while others are honestly rather mundane.  All are surely steps in the right direction if I want my passion to become more than a glorified hobby.
I'll be breaking down my goals with you here and tracking my progress.  Blogging more frequently is one of the items on the list, so there's that too.  And all of these items could help me cross off the first thing on the list, my lifelong dream, and a longshot to end all longshots in this modern era when there may well be more writers than readers.  Yes, dear peeps, I really want this to be the year I see a book of mine land with a publisher.  And I have a candidate, and I have a lot of goals that could only help me where this is concerned.
And I'm hoping that my 2020 will represent the recovery to end all recoveries as I put my accident behind me and run down some dreams.
So, yeah, that's what's going on with your boy.  Happy New Year, my friends.  Let's celebrate for 365 days if we can . . .