Zipper Down from Eagles of Death Metal (released 10/2/15)

Zipper Down arrived from EODM today, and this crazy band's first album since 2008 is probably their silliest offering yet.  That's okay, for being silly and having a groovy good time while rocking out and making fun of themselves is precisely what the Eagles of Death Metal specialize in.  I thought their last album (Heart On) was a little less spirited than their previous outings, but though they may have cranked up the humor on Zipper Down, they're certainly not phoning it in.  It doesn't have quite the same punch as their first release (2004's totally stupendous Peace, Love, Death Metal) but it is a mean recording.  It has a lot of juice, and the boys are clearly having a good time tearing it up on tracks like "Oh Girl," Skin-Tight Boogie," and "The Reverend."  "Silverlake," the previously released jab at hipsters, is probably the most entertaining song from Zipper Down, but the textured revamp of the 1982 Duran Duran single "Save a Prayer" (from Rio) is seriously impressive.  Cheeky, high-octane, and full of swagger and style, Zipper Down is another super cool album from one hell of a super cool band.

Final Grade: B+

If this picture could make noise,
it would sound like an Eagles of Death Metal song.

Short Attention Span Review: The Big Hit (1998)

A comedy masquerading as an action film, The Big Hit is a goofy flick that surely isn't as good as I think it is.  The story concerns a band of dimwitted assassins and centers on Mark Wahlberg as Melvin Smiley.  That's right, the main character is a fearless killer who survives a series of increasingly ludicrous action scenes, and his name is Melvin Smiley.  That should tell you almost everything you need to know about The Big Hit.  Silly, totally irrelevant, and bolstered by a great cast, this is one of those oddball movies that you come to treasure while wondering how the hell they ever got produced in the first place.  That being said, if you have a taste for the absurd, you'll laugh your ass off while watching The Big Hit.  Lou Diamond Phillips steals the show as the villain, delivering what is probably his best performance.  Look, I like Lou, so I don't mean that as an insult.  I'm dead serious.  He is positively hilarious here, and it's a part that would have tripped most actors up.  He totally gets it, and he owns the movie.  Plug someone else in his role and I might not even like this one--he's that good.  In addition to the laughs, which come fast and furious, there's also an abundance of violence in the movie, though it's so flamboyant and ridiculous that it would be fair to say that The Big Hit comes across as a live-action cartoon.  Buildings blow up, bullets litter the floor, and people are killed, but it all seems fairly lighthearted.  That sounds weird, doesn't it?  I guess it is.  It's definitely unique, it's definitely not for everyone, and I'm probably crazy for liking it as much as I do.  These reviews are all about keeping it real, though, and here's the inside scoop on my relationship with The Big Hit: I'm pretty sure that I love it.

Final Grade: B+

True Story: Lou Diamond Phillips should have won
an Oscar for his work as Cisco in The Big Hit.

Short Attention Span Review: Bait (2012)

Bait is just your average "great white sharks terrorize shoppers at the grocery store" movie, and while that particular sub-genre is overpopulated, this one manages to stand out.  Okay, so just to be clear, I am kidding about there being more than one of these absurdities, but I'm not kidding about Bait being a movie about people being terrorized by great white sharks at the grocery store.  Despite this ludicrous premise and an opening that is 100% terrible, the movie somehow works.  First off, the opening is awful.  I'm still not quite sure why I didn't turn Bait off after that bullshit, but I'm glad I didn't.  The picture that follows is gleefully idiotic, but it is also ferociously entertaining.  And after that opening convinced me that the special effects would be inferior to the great white carnage I used to enjoy while playing Jaws on my NES as a child, the rest of the movie benefits from superior effects work.  {Clarification: the term "superior effects work" as used in the previous statement applies to the effects seen in the opening reel of Bait as opposed to special effects in general.}  So, how did the sharks wind up in the grocery store?  See, the store was flooded during a tsunami, and as is so often the case when tsunamis occur, a pair of large great whites wind up trapped in the flooded supermarket.  Now, in addition to the presence of a pair of bloodthirsty sharks, there are number of interesting characters involved in various situations that could yield entire movies of their own stuck in the flooded store.  Among them are a brokenhearted dude and his former flame (I shit you not, their romance fell apart after he failed to save her brother from a shark attack in that totally inept opening scene), a sympathetic robber and his sadistic accomplice, a cop summoned to arrest a shoplifter who just so happens to be his daughter, and so on and so forth.  Truthfully, Bait should sink like a stone under the weight of the absurd premise and all the ridiculous contrivances that spring up throughout its 93 minute running time.  Yet it somehow gets the job done.  It's fun to watch and you will actually wind up liking some of these ridiculous characters and pulling for them as they struggle to survive in these ridiculous circumstances.  Julian McMahon (a guy who should have become a legitimate star and instead pulled hard time on Charmed and received third billing in Bait) does a great job as the sympathetic robber and deserves a lot of the credit for grounding this ludicrous yarn.  Kimble Rendall deserves some praise for holding this thing together as a director, and given how it turned out, I'm almost willing to pardon him for that opening.  Russell Mulcahy, the guy who gave us Highlander and Razorback (What? I like Razorback) helped out with the script.  I'm feeling generous, so I'll even point out that the effects team that totally shit the bed in the first ten minutes of the movie held it down when it mattered most.  In the end, I'm not sure how it happened, but in this silly movie with a woeful beginning wound up being an entertaining ride that I'm going to recommend.  I might even give it a "B." 

Final Grade: B-

It's hard to determine if it's the realism or the subtlety that make Bait so entertaining.

Live Free or Die Hard

I hadn't watched Live Free or Die Hard until last night (despite the fact that Timothy Olyphant plays the heavy) because I had heard so many bad things about it.  It didn't help that the previews were ridiculous.  So, what's the verdict?  Well, let's be real: some of the action scenes are beyond absurd.  Seriously, this one may boast some of the silliest action scenes you will ever see.  Yet they worked, at least from a technical standpoint, and the whole thing was a lot of fun.  Timothy was cool, Justin Long was great, and Bruce Willis was Bruce Willis.

I'm not saying it was a great movie, but it was a good movie, and I had fun with it.

Spidey vs. Bats

Note: read prior to clicking the link

Kudos to the good people of SCREWATTACK.  What a cheerful bunch.  They've really brought something special to us, and I find that I must concur with most of their conclusions.  However, I fear that the outcome would be far more decisive.

vs.

You be the judge:

Spidey vs. Bats

Note: read after clicking the link

What?
It wasn't silly.  You mine the internet for little gems like that.  That was educational.
I think those gentlemen are doing fine work.