Short Attention Span Review: Anaconda (1997)

Short Attention Span Review: Anaconda (1997)

Anaconda is a beautifully shot horror thriller that suffers from mediocre CGI effects and a plot that is laden with cliches, but the picture also comes equipped with an ace tucked away in its sleeve.  That ace is actor John Voight, whose wildly over-the-top performance consistently elevates the picture and makes it incredibly entertaining.  His send-up of Marlon Brando is far too ridiculous to be taken seriously, and yet it works flawlessly within the context of this motion picture.  Who knew that pairing a cheesy killer snake movie with a grossly exaggerated performance is actually a winning blueprint that serves up a plethora of thrills, chills, and chuckles?  Voight's Paul Serone sports a perpetual sneer, speaks in a mysterious accent, and ultimately winds up being about ten times as dangerous as the fearsome snake the picture is named after.  If it seems like I'm focusing this review almost entirely on Voight's histrionic efforts, that's because I feel that they probably should have called this one Paul Serone: The Movie.  Now, Jennifer Lopez and Ice Cube are okay, and Eric Stoltz is rock solid in a smaller role, but they are merely footnotes in this film.  I gave the cinematography of Bill Butler a nod for good reason, and I also think that Luis Llosa did a fine job with the direction--though he clearly fares better with the exciting aspects of the picture than he does with his attempts to ratchet up the suspense.  Shoddy effects aside, there is a lot to like about Anaconda, but it is Voight's show through and through.  Dude devours scenery and totally overshadows everyone* he shares the screen with, to include any giant snakes in the mix.  Is Anaconda a good movie?  Eh, probably not.  Is it fun to watch?  Absolutely, and that's largely due to the presence of one sneering madman who overloads the proceedings with menace and charisma.

*Eric Stoltz actually holds his own with Voight, but sadly his character is off screen for most of the movie.

Final Grade: C

As a film, Anaconda is average at best, but Jon Voight makes it must-see entertainment.

Top 20 Horror Novels - #16) The Snake by John Godey (from 1978)

Not only am I ranking my Top 20 Horror Movies for you this October, but I'm doing likewise with the scary books that I hold near and dear.  As with the movies that I'm discussing in that Top 20, I'm not attempting to rank these novels based on their place in pop culture, but rather their place in my heart.  Isn't that sweet?  Seriously, there are some fine books that didn't make the cut here because there just wasn't room, and there are definitely some well-regarded books that didn't make the cut because I don't really like them.  That also means there are some personal favorites of mine on this list that you may not have heard of.  If that's the case, I promise that I'll reward your trust with a gnarly tale if you give one of them a spin.  Finally, I may have shortchanged some of the titans in the genre (hey there, Stephen King) as I didn't want to overload this list with titles by the same author, though Uncle Stevie did manage to score three direct hits on my list.

The list thus far:

#20) Amok by George Fox (from 1980) 
#19) Manstopper by Douglas Borton (from 1988)
#18) Intensity by Dean Koontz (from 1995)
#17) The Terror by Dan Simmons (from 2007) 

Top 20 Horror Novels - #16) The Snake by John Godey (from 1978)

John Godey (the pen name used by Morton Freedgood) was a sound writer who excelled at at spinning intense yarns that were incredibly grounded.  The plausibility that he fostered was a tremendous asset, and that realism is certainly one of the highlights of this exciting book.  This is the second (but not the last) "nature runs amok" story to make my list, so my appreciation for that particular sub-genre may factor into my decision to include this one.  Regardless, it's a nifty book that I really enjoy.  Godey mostly worked within the realm of crime fiction, and he puts his knowledge in that arena to great use in The Snake, wherein a curious set of circumstances leads to a deadly black mamba finding a new home in Central Park.  This fearsome predator begins preying on the people of New York and panic ensues in this riveting tale that never becomes so sensational that it defies the author's dedication to realism.  That being said, it's never dull either; the pace is as brisk as the prose is clear.  The characters include a herpetologist who wants to save the snake, a weary cop who has never worked a case quite like this before, and a fearless reporter  who is looking for her next big scoop.  The setting being New York City, a religious sect that sees the snake as a physical incarnation of Satan himself also hits the scene, greatly complicating matters.  Light on terror but heavy on suspense, The Snake is a sound realization of a frightening premise.  It may not be a big hit with those who enjoy audacious fare, but those who appreciate a realistic approach to potent subject matter will greatly appreciate this lean chiller.

Short Attention Span Review: Frogs (1972)

Frogs is silly, but that probably doesn't need to be said.  It's a movie called Frogs, after all.  No one should expect high art from a film about killer amphibians.  Surprisingly, Ray Milland was available for this flick, and he's joined by actors like Sam Elliot and Adam Roarke in a campy spectacle that takes itself a bit too seriously to be as fun as it probably should have been.  It's still entertaining so long as you like cheese more than you like wine, but in spite of a ludicrous premise and some less-than-inspired writing, this isn't one of those "so bad it's good" laugh-riots that I frequently recommend.  No, it's kooky, but it's also a bit somber and some might even find Frogs to be rather dull.  I enjoyed it largely because I'm a sucker for stuff like this and I liked Sam Elliott's super-cool approach to playing the lead.  Milland might get top billing, but Sam's the hero.  He makes it look easy--dude is every bit as chill when he has to do battle with pissed off water moccasins as you or I would be while making a sandwich.  Though the title might lead you to expect an avalanche of frogs wreaking havoc, that's only a small slice of the pie.  Members of the cast also fall prey to spiders, snakes, lizards, turtles, and alligators along the way.  Apparently someone thought Frogs was a more inspiring title than Swamp Creatures on the Rampage.  The frogs do act as upper management while man suffers for his crimes against the environment and their ghastly croaking could easily be mistaken for the film's score.  Yes, it's another eco-friendly fright flick from the 70s (I love those!) as well as a man vs. nature throwdown (I love those too!), so the fact that I have a soft spot for this oddity should come as no surprise. 

Final Grade: C

Killer frogs?  Sam Elliott ain't go no time for that.

Short Attention Span Review: Escape from New York (1981)

Let's set the stage for this one.  Yes, John Carpenter is probably my favorite director.  Yes, I think Kurt Russell is an epic leading man, and if we're talking about one of those movies he made with Carpenter, forget about it.  With Escape from New York, Carpenter offered up a dark and witty smash hit and Russell sank his teeth into one of the coolest parts ever as rugged anti-hero Snake Plissken.  The movie is absurd, and it is quite amusing to see our distant past grossly misrepresented as the distant future (the film was shot in 1980 and set in 1997), but it's all in fun.  True story: I once referred to this picture as a cult classic in the presence of a couple of friends who acted like I had gone insane.  They seemed to think it was garbage.  This didn't change my opinion of the movie at all, but it did convince me that these particular buddies of mine didn't know shit about movies.  Seriously, what's missing?  We've got a great hero, an insane plot, a wicked setting, an imposing villain, and a bunch of unique supporting characters to keep things popping.  In Escape from New York, Manhattan has become a maximum security prison, surrounded by a massive wall and patrolled by helicopters that gun down anyone looking to escape.  This seems like a good idea right up until the president's plane crashes in this gruesome wasteland and a desperate rescue attempt ensues.  The only man for the job is Snake Plissken, a decorated veteran and a notorious criminal who everyone believes to be dead.  Carpenter slays it with sublime direction and another of his awesome scores.  Escape from New York is very silly, but it's also very suspenseful when it isn't borderline hilarious, and it oozes cool from start to finish.  Most importantly, it's Kurt Russell's show, and it is entirely possible that this was his finest hour.  Escape from New York is a fantastic motion picture that never fails to entertain, and I can't recommend it highly enough.

Former Disney star Kurt Russell hits the mark as the one and only Snake Plissken

Cult Classics from Dimension X: Sssssss (1973)

 Cult Classics from Dimension X: Sssssss (1973)

If a movie revolves around a demented scientist named Dr. Stoner, who is experimenting on his teenage assistant in an attempt to turn him into a snake, it may be a cult classic.  Bonus points are awarded if the mad scientist in question is doing this because he has strange views.  Essentially, he is trying to prepare his species for an impending apocalypse that he believes will destroy humanity but leave snakes unharmed.  Yet, despite the fact that our mad scientist is named Dr. Stoner and he comes armed with a kooky scheme, the reason that Sssssss actually works is the serious and deliberate nature of the piece.  The plot sounds like one of those cheesy horror flicks where the lousy effects and the unintended laughs are plentiful.  Now, there are lousy effects and unintended laughs on display here, but the picture is surprisingly grounded and far less sensational than one might expect.

This is what happens when you take a job for a dude named Dr. Stoner.

 The body count is pretty low and the acting is pretty damn good.  Strother Martin does a great job of bringing levity to a role that most anyone else would have gone overboard with.  His Dr. Stoner is a believable lunatic and not some cackling maniac, and he is very adept with the snakes.  He is totally convincing and this is essential as the film is centered on his bizarre experiments.  Dirk Benedict is a bit wooden as Dr. Stoner's ill-fated assistant, David, but he is also innocent and naive enough to bring genuine sympathy to the part.  Heather Menzies is given most of the big dramatic bits as Dr. Stoner's daughter, Kristina, and she proves thoroughly capable.  The rest of the cast is game and Reb Brown makes his film debut as a macho bully who makes an impact in a meager role.

The snakes are the star attraction here and there are plenty of them.  A variety of species grace the screen, to include cobras, a black mamba, a python, and various others.  The footage with the reptiles is impressive and next to Strother Martin's presence, said footage is the movie's biggest asset.  The effects work that we are treated to as Dr. Stoner works to transform David into a snake is far less impressive, but the acting and the script nearly compensate for these hokey visuals.

The snakes are the star of Sssssss and this guy gets top billing.

At the end of the day, Sssssss is far from a great film, and it may not even be a good one.  Yet it is far superior to the movie most would expect based on the title and the plot--and yes, the fact that we're dealing with a Dr. Stoner.  The acting is surprisingly worthwhile, and the wealth of footage with live snakes and the thoughtful approach that Bernard L. Kowalski took with his direction make for a surprisingly effective cult classic.  If you're a fan of horror films, snakes, and mad scientists, this Sssssss is for you.  Pick up your copy today, and when you do, tell them that Dr. Stoner sent you.

 Sssssss Trivia:

Allegedly, the only shots in the film featuring a fake snake are when Dr. Stoner grabs the king cobra and when the police shoot the king cobra at the end.  It has been stated numerous times that the actors interacted with real snakes (to include 5 king cobras), none of which were defanged, and all of which had full venom capabilities.  Whether this is accurate or not, the cast (Strother Martin in particular) is extremely comfortable with their reptilian co-stars.

In addition to the cast and crew working with live snakes, the mongoose/cobra battle in the closing reel is not a product of special effects.  The final outcome of this throwdown isn't shown, but it certainly appears as though the cobra is going down.  

The scene where Dirk Benedict and Heather Menzies go skinny-dipping featured nudity.  The leaves that conceal the talent's pink parts were added in post-production in a successful bid to avoid an R rating.