Short Attention Span Review - Alita: Battle Angel (2019)

Short Attention Span Review - Alita: Battle Angel (2019)

Alita: Battle Angel is a quirky thrill ride, an energetic B movie with A-List special effects and delusions of grandeur.  When it focuses on those amazing effects or the equally dope action bits, it delivers the goods in a big way.  When it plays up the intrigue and the suspense of the premise, it fares almost as well.  However, for the most part, attempts to tug at our heartstrings either fall flat or prove outright cringeworthy.  It also suffers a bit because it is clearly intended to kickstart a franchise that appears unlikely to develop--and as such, it feels incomplete.  Oh, but those effects are something to behold, and Robert Rodriguez really slays it with each and every action sequence.  Every fight is an event, and there are some wild ideas in play where weapons and choreography are concerned.  The creativity is off the charts, and in terms of spectacle, Alita: Battle Angel is a film that goes big often, and comes up aces every time.  And to be fair, the actors show up to play, with Christolph Waltz and Jennifer Connelly bringing considerable gravity to the movie, while Mahershala Ali is more than competent in a part that really isn't worthy of his presence.  Star Rosa Salazar is pretty much perfect in a lead role that demands an awful lot, and there is a solid supporting cast to round things out.  It's all put together remarkably well; the emotional hiccups largely stem from a script that aims to cover too much ground and yet isn't allowed to come full circle as a matter of structure.  It's this combinition of feeling rushed at times and ultimately unfinished that handicaps the experience.  Still, for most of its runtime, Alita: Battle Angel is a delightful display of startling imagination and audacious carnage.

Final Grade: B

Alita: Battle Angel is a rip-roaring B movie that aims to do more, resulting in a rip-roaring  B movie with a few emotional hang-ups.

Short Attention Span Review - Passengers (2016)

Short Attention Span Review - Passengers (2016)

Passengers is a movie about many things, but it is primarily concerned with our need for companionship.  On a journey through space that will last something like 120 years, Chris Pratt's character wakes up prematurely with 90 years left to go.  His pod cannot be repaired, so he cannot go back to sleep and join the thousands of passengers who are blissfully unaware of his troubles.  Will he spend the rest of his life alone?  This difficult question becomes even tougher to grapple with when he discovers the writings of Jennifer Lawrence's character and essentially falls for her--this while she sleeps peacefully in her pod and he grapples with the strain of isolation.  Like most great speculative features, the movie hinges on the strength of this question: what would you do?  It's a powerful question, and Passengers presents it with impressive clarity.  It subsequently does a fine job of showing these characters build a life together under such extraordinary circumstances--and then, of course, Lawrence's character finds out what happened, and the movie asks a second profound question: what would you do if someone else pulled you into such a situation?  There is more at stake in Passengers, there is something amiss about the vessel these characters inhabit, which is why one of the pods malfunctioned to begin with.  Before the movie ends, these characters will have to work together to save themselves and all the other passengers.  There will be excitement and suspense, and the drama will be heightened as they struggle with impossible odds.  All of this is handled well; Passengers is a great-looking feature, and the direction, effects, and score are all dynamic.  In the end, however, it all really boils down to those questions and the work of Pratt and Lawrence, who do a fantastic job of exploring the material and bringing this stirring journey to life.

Final Grade: A

Pratt and Lawrence are asked to do an awful lot in what is essentially a two-person show, and each proves more than capable.

Short Attention Span Review: Ex Machina (2014)

Short Attention Span Review: Ex Machina (2014)

Though it doesn't feature a lot of action, Ex Machina is a thoroughly captivating science fiction thriller that had me glued to the screen from start to finish.  Existing as a modern take on Frankenstein by way of artificial intelligence, it posed a lot of interesting questions and played hardball with the answers.  Essentially a three man (well, two men and one woman) show, the picture kept me guessing until the final reel.  Domhnall Gleeson made for a perfect lead, and I never knew whether he should place his trust in the likable but imposing mad genuis played by Oscar Isaacs or his charismatic creation as portrayed by Alicia Vikander.  And every time I thought I had pegged one of those characters as being worthy of his allegience, the plot would serve and I would find myself puzzling over the eventual outcome once more.  Stylishly directed by Alex Garland (who also wrote the script) and boasting rad effects, I found Ex Machina to be one groovy mindfuck.

Final Grade: A

Kooky and captivating, Ex Machina is a quality sci-fi film shot with vigor.

Short Attention Span Review: Rogue One (2016)

Short Attention Span Review: Rogue One (2016)

Rogue One is a different sort of Star Wars movie, and while the somber tone and the valiant sacrifices that punctuate the closing reel may not sit well with some, it cannot be denied this is one hell of a movie.  While the typical Star Wars picture is whimsical and far more gentle, Rogue One opts for an emphasis on grit and the perils of war.  Personally, I found this to be a sound decision, and by the time the film drew to a close, I was more invested in the material than I had been with any Star Wars movie since Luke lost his hand and Han became decor.  I'm not afraid to declare that this is easily the second-best Star Wars movie ever produced, and time may see it come to rival even The Empire Strikes Back.  The entire cast is worthy of praise, and this is due to the script as much as the talent involved.  Not since the original trilogy hit the scene have we witnessed so many rich characters with such captivating stories come together in this universe, and that desperate climax only serves to magnify the strength of the performances and the plot.  The effects are at an all-time high, the scope is clearly epic, and the significance of this standalone tale to the events depicted in the original that started it all cannot be overstated.  I greatly enjoyed Rogue One, and I was also greatly moved by it.  It exists both as a thrilling blockbuster and a thorough meditation on what it means to live and die for a cause.  Bonus points: in a series that has always found a way to give us a lovable droid to cherish, Rogue One gives us a cantankerous droid with a gift for sarcasm, and in doing so they may have topped R2-D2 and BB-8.  Seriously.  Also, there are a handful of cameos, to include Peter Cushing reprising the role of Grand Moff Tarkin thanks to some technical wizardry, and while it's nice to glimpse some familiar faces, it is Darth Vader's more substantial appearance that will have fans jumping out of their seats.  Vader has never been so badass, and Star Wars has seldom (if ever) found such an even blend of thrills and introspection.  Rogue One isn't just the best Star Wars movie to come along in a while, it's a damn good movie in general. 

Final Grade: A+

He may not be on the screen for long in Rogue One, but Vader's rage gives us one of the most impressive Star Wars moments of all time.

Short Attention Span Review: Headshot (2016)

Short Attention Span Review: Headshot (2016)

Given the talent involved and the picture's Indonesian roots, it is only fair to compare Headshot to The Raid: Redemption and The Raid 2, and that is a bit unfortunate.  While it never reaches the heights that star Iko Uwais and director Gareth Evans soared to with those martial arts epics, the so-called "Mo Brothers" (Kimo Stamboel and Timo Tjahjanto) have put together one hell of an action picture.  Given their horror background, it should come as no surprise that this is a gory affair, but Headshot delivers on that promise in excess.  Seriously, the level of gore contained in this movie is more in line with Peter Jackson's early work than either The Raid: Redemption or The Raid 2--and those were some pretty damn bloody flicks in their own right.  Headshot is almost a bit cartoonish in its gleeful depiction of limbs being shattered and bodies being dismantled, but the gritty tone and the escalating tension are somehow able to keep the movie from becoming a parody of sorts.  As a horror junkie and a martial arts devotee, I thought it was awesome, and I have to give the Mo Brothers some serious props.  This film could have become redundant, but somehow they kept upping the ante.  The latter third of the movie sees Uwais graduate from manhandling various thugs to squaring off with better opponents in a series of insane duels that kept raising the bar.  Most importantly, this gruesome carnage was brought to life by a dynamic combination of spectacular choreography and wicked cinematography.  The plot is basic, yes, and there are no surprises in the mix, but that's typically the best course for a martial arts picture.  In this case, there was just enough of a story in play to give all the balls-to-the-wall beatdowns unfolding on the screen some resonance.  Ultimately, Headshot isn't a great film, but it is totally gnarly, and if his work with Gareth Evans hadn't already made this clear, it is now apparent that Iko Uwais is the best thing going in martial arts cinema today.  If you like punches and kicks or copious amounts of gore, you owe it to yourself to check out Headshot.

Final Grade: B-

While it is inferior to both The Raid and its sequel despite the presence of Iko Uwais in the lead role, Headshot does provide viewers with a wealth of bone-crunching action to enjoy--and it cements Uwais as the baddest martial artist working in movies today.

Short Attention Span Review: The Five Deadly Venoms (1978)

Short Attention Span Review: The Five Deadly Venoms (1978)

Two utterly magnificent things happened in 1978: I was born and Chang Cheh gave us The Five Deadly Venoms, which may just be the coolest martial arts film of all time.  Bruce Lee's catalog aside, this is undoubtedly the definitive karate flick, and it will also appeal to fans of the horror genre--and perhaps even fans of superhero movies.  The Shaw Brothers gave us an abundance of kung fu gems marked by great sets and even better choreography, and I think most fans will agree that The Five Deadly Venoms was their best offering.  Additionally, no one was better suited to helm these bodacious flicks than Chang Cheh, and this is surely his finest hour.  This is also the film that gave us the Venom Mob (Shen Chiang, Chien Sun, Phillip Chung-Fung Kwok, Meng Lo, Pai Wei, and Feng Lu), and while each of these considerable talents would shine in other pictures, the whole gang would never join forces again in a single picture--and I think this one may represent each performer's best work with the exception of Shen Chiang.  He is the lead here and he's absolutely terrific, but I rank his work in Crippled Avengers a little higher.  The groovy plot revolves around a master who has trained the fearsome Venoms of the title in five distinct styles, each of which comes equipped with something akin to a super power.  These warriors are the Toad, the Lizard, the Centipede, the Scorpion, and the Snake.  They train under this master (Dick Wei) in masks, and thus their identities are kept a secret.  Later, the master trains a new student, Yang Tieh (Shen Chiang), and while he is not a master of any of the five styles, he understands a little of each.  As the master nears his end, he begins to fear that his five original pupils may be too dangerous for this world, so he sends young Yang Tieh to try and figure out who the Venoms are, determine if they are good men or bad men, and eliminate any who are using their skills for nefarious purposes.  This sets the stage for a supremely badass film brimming with secret identities, desperate alliances, epic brawls, and a nifty twist or two to keep everyone on their toes.  Of course, the highlights of the movie are the bloody showdowns, but there's also an abundance of gore on display and I love the sinister mood that permeates the piece.  Finally, The Five Deadly Venoms concludes with a five star showdown where all bets are off, and this amazing setpiece showcasing all of the characters who have yet to perish is easily the most stupendous final reel in the history of martial arts cinema outside of Enter the Dragon.

Final Grade: A+

Bruce Lee's catalog aside, The Five Deadly Venoms is the ultimate karate flick.  As such, it is the best offering from the Shaw Brothers, who gave us a wealth of kung fu treachery to enjoy.

Short Attention Span Review: Anaconda (1997)

Short Attention Span Review: Anaconda (1997)

Anaconda is a beautifully shot horror thriller that suffers from mediocre CGI effects and a plot that is laden with cliches, but the picture also comes equipped with an ace tucked away in its sleeve.  That ace is actor John Voight, whose wildly over-the-top performance consistently elevates the picture and makes it incredibly entertaining.  His send-up of Marlon Brando is far too ridiculous to be taken seriously, and yet it works flawlessly within the context of this motion picture.  Who knew that pairing a cheesy killer snake movie with a grossly exaggerated performance is actually a winning blueprint that serves up a plethora of thrills, chills, and chuckles?  Voight's Paul Serone sports a perpetual sneer, speaks in a mysterious accent, and ultimately winds up being about ten times as dangerous as the fearsome snake the picture is named after.  If it seems like I'm focusing this review almost entirely on Voight's histrionic efforts, that's because I feel that they probably should have called this one Paul Serone: The Movie.  Now, Jennifer Lopez and Ice Cube are okay, and Eric Stoltz is rock solid in a smaller role, but they are merely footnotes in this film.  I gave the cinematography of Bill Butler a nod for good reason, and I also think that Luis Llosa did a fine job with the direction--though he clearly fares better with the exciting aspects of the picture than he does with his attempts to ratchet up the suspense.  Shoddy effects aside, there is a lot to like about Anaconda, but it is Voight's show through and through.  Dude devours scenery and totally overshadows everyone* he shares the screen with, to include any giant snakes in the mix.  Is Anaconda a good movie?  Eh, probably not.  Is it fun to watch?  Absolutely, and that's largely due to the presence of one sneering madman who overloads the proceedings with menace and charisma.

*Eric Stoltz actually holds his own with Voight, but sadly his character is off screen for most of the movie.

Final Grade: C

As a film, Anaconda is average at best, but Jon Voight makes it must-see entertainment.

Short Attention Span Review: Masked Avengers (1981)

Short Attention Span Review: Masked Avengers (1981)

This one has all the necessary ingredients for a classic Shaw Brothers exercise in Kung Fu Treachery: Chang Cheh in the director's chair, key members of the Venom Mob in the cast, a sinister mood, and an abundance of gore.  Of course, it should go without saying that Masked Avengers is also enhanced by the colorful costumes and sets and the breathtaking choreography that make the Shaw Brothers library so worthwhile for connoisseurs like yours truly.  I would rank this among their more frightening offerings, and I think that the fact that the masked killers terrorizing the countryside in Masked Avengers are armed with tridents gives this one an advantage.  While Shaw Brothers movies are revered for their fight scenes, to include big brawls with multiple cast members and stellar weapons choreography, the use of tridents makes Masked Avengers rather unique.  The picture hits several familiar beats for fans of Chang Cheh's work, to include secret identities, deadly alliances, and characters whose motives remain murky until they finally pick a side in the grand finale.  Speaking of which, the big showdown that marks the conclusion of Masked Avengers has to rank among the studio's very best.  It's a real showstopper, and those who enjoy such fare will definitely be thrilled by this sadistic climax pitting terrifying villains against valiant heroes in a bloody battle that is thrilling and creative in equal measures. 

Final Grade: B+

Venom Mob + Chang Cheh + Gore + Superb Choreagraphy = Grade A Kung Fu Treachery

If you enjoy these pictures as much as I do, check out my reviews of other top shelf martial arts flicks from the Shaw Brothers:

Short Attention Span Review: Blood Brothers (1973)

Short Attention Span Review: Five Shaolin Masters (1974)

Short Attention Span Review: Crippled Avengers (1978)

Note: I didn't realize until I was digging up these links that I've apparently never reviewed the one Shaw Brothers classic that rules them all: The Five Deadly Venoms.  I promise my faithful readers that I will remedy this situation shortly.

Short Attention Span Review: The Fighter (2010)

Short Attention Span Review: The Fighter (2010)

First off, the thing with rating boxing movies is the depth of the field.  If you set out to make a great volleyball film, the world is yours.  If you set out to go toe to toe with Rocky or Raging Bull, . . . well, things could get ugly.  Thankfully, while The Fighter is vastly inferior to the great boxing flicks of yesteryear, it mostly stands as a drama with a landmark performance anchoring it.  Unfortunately, those great boxing flicks of yesteryear may have been more reliant on boxing, but they were also heavy on the drama, and with The Fighter that landmark performance doesn't belong to the leading man.  The end result is a bit off as a result, though the movie is surely entertaining and crafty.  The soundtrack is great and the dysfunctional family that the story revolves around offer up a steady stream of memorable moments.  The entire cast is game, and de facto star Mark Wahlberg is solid as "Irish" Mickey Ward.  This humble underdog's rise to fame is the backbone for David O'Russell's fast-paced chronicle of the pugilist brothers who put Lowell, Massachusetts on the map.  The other brother in this equation is Dicky Eklund, played to sheer perfection here by Christian Bale.  Yes, Ward is the up-and-comer whose quest for glory is on center stage, but it is Eklund the drug-addicted has-been who makes The Fighter worth watching.  Bale disappears into his role (as he frequently does) and his startlingly authentic portrayal of Eklund is tragic, wildly entertaining, and ultimately incredibly uplifting.  Wahlberg never falters in a less interesting role, but while watching The Fighter I couldn't help but think that it would have soared far higher if it was centered on Bale's Dicky Eklund instead.  As for the boxing bits--well, they're not bad, but we've seen far better.  In the end, we're supposed to be thoroughly impressed when Mickey's hand is finally raised, but Dicky's antics and his gut-wrenching battle with addiction are far more gripping.

Final Grade: B-

Mark Wahlberg may get top billing, but this is Christian Bale's show from start to finish.

Short Attention Span Review: Stranger Things (2016)

Short Attention Span Review: Stranger Things (2015)

Netflix's latest killer series borrows heavily from the cinematic landscape of the 80s (and the 80s themselves, as the series is set in 1983 and a powerful nostalgia vibe is one of its biggest selling points), but it remains fresh and viable nonetheless.  This is surely somewhat due to the wide variety of genres and titles that it pays homage to and partly due to a plethora of original flourishes, but either way the recycling on display in this riveting series is rather charming and never feels derivative.  There are great performances to spare and while some viewers have lamented the effects, I found them to be just as impressive.  The score is invigorating and the pacing is on point--this is an ideal program for binge-watching as the story progresses quickly and each episode ends with a cliffhanger that will have you itching to cue up the next chapter.  The less you know about the plot going in the better, but suffice it to say that a little midwest town becomes the setting for a wild yarn that includes a terrifying creature, shady government officials and their top secret lab, gateways to other dimensions, and even super powers.  The events unfold in the wake of a young boy's disappearance, and his tough but bewildered mother will join forces with a determined lawman with a tragic past to try and get to the bottom of the sinister goings-on.  Their biggest allies will be a band of teenage misfits who love Dungeons & Dragons and science, and their search for answers is packed with chills, thrills, and loving nods to the 80s.  The characters have so much depth and such tremendous arcs that I frequently felt like I was reading a book while watching this one, and there was just so much talent on display throughout.  It's hard to imagine any fan of things that go bump in the night failing to fall head over heels for the wholly engaging and highly entertaining Stranger Things. 

Final Grade: A+

Stranger Things is positively brimming with wonderful performances, but the strongest comes courtesy of Winona Ryder.  The long lost starlet is sheer perfection here as a crazed mother who will do anything to save her child from a diabolical supernatural menace.

Short Attention Span Review: Devil Fish (1984)

This week I've been reviewing some quality Italian horror films for those of you who dig my blog.  I've provided my take on one of the late Lucio Fulci's better films, City of the Living Dead.  I also gave you my thoughts on my favorite chiller from Dario Argento, Deep Red.  Well, today we're taking a look at another Italian horror film, but I can't really vouch for the quality of this Lamberto Bava movie from 1984.  In fact, I think it's safe to say that Devil Fish is a terrible movie.  No, it's worse than that.  Calling it terrible is an insult to all of the movies out there that are merely terrible, and not so awful that it is downright embarrassing.  Yet, I have some affection for this turd, and here's why: it is absolutely one of those "so bad that it's good" pictures.  Scary?  Shit.  Hilarious?  Absolutely.  It is entirely possible that Devil Fish represents a high-water mark for unintentional comedy.  There are special effects that are so pitiful that one might wonder if the filmmakers let their children design and operate the creature.  There are death scenes that are so poorly acted that you may wonder how anyone on set was able to keep a straight face during filming.  You won't be able to keep a straight face while watching, I can promise you that.  The direction is woeful, the score sounds like the work of inept musicians playing broken instruments, and the script is idiotic at its best and dumber than Dumb & Dumber at its worst.  As a result, the laughs are frequent, and I am being 100% sincere when I say that Devil Fish is funnier than a lot of comedies that I've watched.  Like many films of this sort, it probably wears out its welcome long before its over, but if you turn it off at any point, it's not like you have to worry that you're missing a cool part.  There are no cool parts.  Lamberto Bava is the son of notable director Mario Bava, a terrific filmmaker whose worst feature film was surely about 100 times as good as this atrocity.  Lamberto would go on to direct Demons (a personal favorite of mine), so he was capable of making a good flick.  With that in mind, it's hard to say what went wrong with Devil Fish.  Actually, it's pretty easy, I guess, as obviously EVERYTHING went wrong with Devil Fish.  It's a blatant attempt to produce a Jaws ripoff on a shoestring budget with a lousy script, a lousy cast, lousy effects, and a lousy score.  The end result is a lousy movie that only finds redemption by virtue of failing so badly that it winds up being amusing.

 Final Grade: F+

"Do as I say or I'll make you watch Devil Fish again!"