Short Attention Span Review: The Assignment (2016)

Short Attention Span Review: The Assignment (2016)

Walter Hill is one of my favorite directors.  Sometimes I think he may be my favorite, and at a bare minimum, he is safely in my top three alongside QT and John Carpenter.  So, while a goofy premise and lackluster reviews kept me from watching The Assignment until recently, I couldn't fathom Hill churning out a picture as lousy as this one was made out to be.  Upon review, I can say that this is no out and out travesty, but it isn't all that good either.  While the cast is on their game, with Sigourney Weaver leading the way while Michelle Rodriguez and Tony Shalhoub are both rock solid, and Hill's direction is slick as usual, The Assignment is a bit of a bore.  If it had been engineered to produce grindhouse thrills, I think it may have been a wicked good time at the movies, but the film suffers from an identity crisis that undermines it at every turn.  The Assignment surely has the necessary ingredients for an action yarn or a grimy thriller, but despite the relevant plot points and characters being in play, it fails to yield a single worthwhile action scene or any real thrills.  The key components seem ill-suited for a psychological thriller or (gasp!) a drama, but all too often that seemed to be what Hill was aiming for here.  It's a head-scratcher, and while it may not be a total mess, it is a flat and dull affair that wastes an awful lot of potential. 

Final Grade: D

Weaver does a fine job throughout and makes for a most curious villain, but the movie is too unfocused to match her performance.

Short Attention Span Review: In the Mouth of Madness (1994)

Short Attention Span Review: In the Mouth of Madness (1994)

John Carpenter is my favorite director and I have a powerful affection for his work, so there may be some bias at work here, but I think most horror fans would agree that In the Mouth of Madness is a real winner.  It's a decidedly strange horror film with a loose grip on reality, but it is anchored by genre stalwart Sam Neill in a grounded performance that ranks among his very best.  It's his steady presence that keeps us locked in even as the picture that starts as something of a detective yarn descends into cryptic Lovecraftian terror of the highest order.  I think it is safe to say that by the time it reaches a fabulous conclusion, what began as a fairly straightforward venture in terror has become one of the most erratic journeys into the macabre out there.  Carpenter may not have been at his peak here, but he was damn close, and one of his trademark scores gives In the Mouth of Madness a throbbing pulse.  Neill is the star and he is the movie's greatest strength, but he is ably supported by a fine cast that includes Jurgen Prochnow at his most nefarious, Julie Carmen at her most appealing (Spoiler Alert: by the end of this one we will see her at her most unappealing), and there's even a quality cameo featuring the great Charlton Heston.  The picture is all about unnerving the audience, but Carpenter sprinkles in a little humor along the way, and as is the case with most of this director's work, the pace never relents.  Finally, I will reiterate that I absolutely treasure the ending.  In closing, In the Mouth of Madness may not be one of my Top 5 John Carpenter Movies, but it's still a top-notch frightfest that I greatly enjoy.

Final Grade: A

Fellow Carpenter fans should also scope out my Top 5 Main Themes from John Carpenter Movies and my Short Attention Span Review for Prince of Darkness.

There's a lot to like about this mind-bending chiller, but Sam Neill's killer performance is easily its biggest asset.

Top 20 Horror Movies - #3) The Thing (1982)

One of the things that I'm doing this month as I celebrate Halloween here in the Land of Way is taking the time to rank my Top 20 Horror Movies and my Top 20 Horror Novels.

Note:
I want to be clear that I'm basing these choices on my own humble opinion.  I'm not trying to rank these movies in accordance with their place in pop culture, but I'm offering up my take on the best horror films that I have ever watched and enjoyed.  There are some familiar candidates that I consider to be great pictures that didn't make the cut because there wasn't room, and there are some films that are widely regarded as great pictures that didn't make the cut because I feel that they are overrated.  There are also a few instances where it was difficult to determine whether or not a movie belonged to the horror genre (I said "no" to Aliens but "yes" to Jaws), and it may also be worth noting that this is largely a modern list (as long as you're okay with my classification of modern as anything after 1960) that only features one lonely creature from the so-called "Classic Monsters" films produced by Universal Studios.

Thus far, the list includes:

#20) The Fly (1986) 
#19) The Howling (1981)
#18) Night of the Living Dead (1968)
#17) Alien (1979) 
#16) Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)
#15) Suspiria (1977) 
#14) Phantasm (1979)
#13) Evil Dead 2 (1985)
#12) Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954) 
#11) The Descent (2005)
#10) Fright Night (1985)
#9) Halloween (1978)
#8) Return of the Living Dead (1985) 
#7) An American Werewolf in London (1981)
#6) Deep Red (1975)
#5) The Shining (1980) 
#4) Dawn of the Dead (1978)

My favorite director strikes again!  That's right, John Carpenter's back in the mix with his best horror flick, a picture that was savaged by critics and labelled a failure after it struck out at the box office.
  

Top 20 Horror Movies - #3) The Thing (1982)

John Carpenter is directly responsible for so many awesome movies.  Many were major hits, but he has also produced his fair share of cult classics.  That's why it should probably come as no surprise that his best horror film was so poorly regarded upon its initial release.  Arriving hot on the heels of E.T., this grim and gory monster movie was too dark for mainstream success in 1982, but over time more and more people have warmed up to it.  Kurt Russell is the star, and though this part is far more somber than the roles he played in his other pairings with Carpenter, he delivers another riveting performance.  The effects courtesy of Rob Bottin are outrageous and the main theme from Ennio Morricone (this is the rare instance where Carpenter passed the baton on that front) is a truly magnificent symphony of doom.  The locations give the movie the stark realism that it needs to draw audiences into a tense and horrific struggle that leads to a bleak conclusion with apocalyptic implications.  Carpenter's shot selection is superb and his dynamic vision yields a fantastic vision of isolation and desperation unlike any other.  Technically a remake, this epic creature greatly improves upon The Thing From Another World, a nifty gem from 1951.  Despite the downer nature of the piece, it remains one of my favorite horror films to watch.  The movie I have at #1 on this list is so damn disturbing that I rarely view it, but The Thing is a great movie to revisit whenever you want to see Kurt Russell rock cinema's gnarliest beard in John Carpenter's mindbending trip to Antarctica.  It's an immersive experience that slowly draws the viewer into a paranoia-fueled nightmare where brave men battle a wretched invader from beyond the stars.  It's The Thing, the biggest and baddest monster movie of them all, and I'm thrilled to include it here.

According to John Carpenter, Rob Bottin got the job on the basis of his kooky storyboards.  Once they got on set, John asked him how he was going to pull all this crazy stuff off and Rob basically said, "Shit, man.  I don't know."  In the end, he delivered in a big way, and his effects are a big reason why fans continue to flip out over The Thing.

Obviously, I've got mad love for Carpenter, and I'm also a huge Kurt Russell fan, so I should note that their work together may represent the best that each of these supremely talented individuals had to offer.

Top 20 Horror Movies - #9) Halloween (1978)

One of the things that I'm doing this month as I celebrate Halloween here in the Land of Way is taking the time to rank my Top 20 Horror Movies and my Top 20 Horror Novels.

Note:
I want to be clear that I'm basing these choices on my own humble opinion.  I'm not trying to rank these movies in accordance with their place in pop culture, but I'm offering up my take on the best horror films that I have ever watched and enjoyed.  There are some familiar candidates that I consider to be great pictures that didn't make the cut because there wasn't room, and there are some films that are widely regarded as great pictures that didn't make the cut because I feel that they are overrated.  There are also a few instances where it was difficult to determine whether or not a movie belonged to the horror genre (I said "no" to Aliens but "yes" to Jaws), and it may also be worth noting that this is largely a modern list (as long as you're okay with my classification of modern as anything after 1960) that only features one lonely creature from the so-called "Classic Monsters" films produced by Universal Studios.

Thus far, the list includes:

#20) The Fly (1986) 
#19) The Howling (1981)
#18) Night of the Living Dead (1968)
#17) Alien (1979) 
#16) Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)
#15) Suspiria (1977) 
#14) Phantasm (1979)
#13) Evil Dead 2 (1985)
#12) Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954) 
#11) The Descent (2005)
#10) Fright Night (1985) 

My favorite director finally hits the scene with the perfect film for the spooky season, Halloween.   

Top 20 Horror Movies - #9) Halloween (1978)

Simple but highly effective, John Carpenter's Halloween is a fantastic film that remains at the forefront of the slasher sub-genre.  This smash hit produced on a shoestring budget heralded the emergence of one of the genre's most celebrated directors and also signified the arrival of Jamie Lee Curtis, scream queen extraordinaire.  In addition to putting a spotlight on Carpenter's talent as a director and Jamie Lee's acting chops, Halloween gave us the perfect boogeyman in Michael Myers and laid the groundwork for one of the genre's most frightening franchises.  Donald Pleasance is also in the mix, and he shines in one of his signature roles as Dr. Loomis, the determined but panic-stricken shrink who couldn't keep Michael locked away and is thereby determined to shoot him dead.  Good luck with that.  The mood and the atmosphere are incredible; in addition to creating a wealth of suspense and dread with ample foreshadowing that makes the most of Michael's unnerving presence, Halloween also perfectly captures the essence of the spooky season.  The kills are shocking, the tension is almost unbearable at times, and I think this film benefits from one of the best endings the genre has produced.  It may not be all that complex and the deliberate pace and the lack of gore may disappoint some horror fans, but Halloween does everything right.  It's a classic film from a gifted director and it should be mandatory viewing for any respectable horror fan as the end of October draws nigh.

Carpenter scored big with this tense chiller that put Jamie Lee Curtis on the map.

How did it all go so wrong?  Little Mikey seemed like such a nice kid.

Top 20 Horror Novels - #13) Vampire$ by John Steakley (from 1990)

Not only am I ranking my Top 20 Horror Movies for you this October, but I'm doing likewise with the scary books that I hold near and dear.  As with the movies that I'm discussing in that Top 20, I'm not attempting to rank these novels based on their place in pop culture, but rather their place in my heart.  Isn't that sweet?  Seriously, there are some fine books that didn't make the cut here because there just wasn't room, and there are definitely some well-regarded books that didn't make the cut because I don't really like them.  That also means there are some personal favorites of mine on this list that you may not have heard of.  If that's the case, I promise that I'll reward your trust with a gnarly tale if you give one of them a spin.  Finally, I may have shortchanged some of the titans in the genre (hey there, Stephen King) as I didn't want to overload this list with titles by the same author, though Uncle Stevie did manage to score three direct hits on my list.

The list thus far:

#20) Amok by George Fox (from 1980) 
#19) Manstopper by Douglas Borton (from 1988)
#18) Intensity by Dean Koontz (from 1995)
#17) The Terror by Dan Simmons (from 2007) 
#16) The Snake by John Godey (from 1978)
#15) Son of the Endless Night by John Farris (from 1985)
#14) Rockinghorse by William W. Johnstone (from 1986) 

Top 20 Horror Novels - #13) Vampire$ by John Steakley (from 1990)

 First off, I should acknowledge that this book was the basis for John Carpenter's Vampires, one of my favorite director's lesser films.  The movie was entertaining (a lesser John Carpenter film is still a worthwhile spookshow), but it was a far cry from this cinema titan's finest efforts.  I also want to point out that there is very, very little in the way of similarities between the book and the movie.  Honestly, they took the main character (Jack Crow, a wise-cracking anti-hero) and the idea of professional vampire hunters working for the Catholic church, and they proceeded to tell their own story.  Despite its shortcomings, I like the picture, but if is woefully inferior to this tense and exciting book that delivers a lot of terror and a number of thrills.  While the vampire mythos remains popular, vampires that are genuinely scary are certainly a rarity these days.  All too often, they've been presented as heroes of some sort or laughable caricatures in the Bela Lugosi mold.  In 1990, author John Steakley managed to give these creatures of the night some serious bite, and while legions of lovestruck females still have "Team Edward" tee-shirts hidden away somewhere, no one would want to humor the prospect of going on a hunt with Team Crow.  Though the vampire slaying business is booming in Vampire$, it is depicted as a job fit only for the truly deranged.  Thus Jack Crow is aided by a rowdy band of likable lunatics, and their frantic efforts to wage war with the undead are the backbone of this grim tale that manages to generate a few sly laughs along the way as the characters we come to love are slowly but surely destroyed by the crusade they have undertaken.  There is a section in the middle of Vampire$ where a subplot that borders on erotica nearly takes all the life out of the novel, but it is sandwiched between a wealth of carnage that is guaranteed to keep readers invested in the tale.  One can only wonder how awesome a faithful adaptation of this one would play out on the big screen, but at least we will always have this wicked book to sink our fangs into.

Short Attention Span Review: Prince of Darkness (1987)

Prince of Darkness is one of horror maestro John Carpenter's most underrated fright flicks, which is a bit surprising to me as I feel that it is easily his most terrifying movie.  It isn't a big budget affair, but that doesn't lessen the impact of this nightmarish battle between good and evil.  The cast is game, the effects are solid, and the plot is gripping.  The movie slowly unfolds, steadily growing in intensity on the way to a hellish crescendo, and the final frame is one of Carpenter's finest moments.  The picture may not boast as many jump scares as the legendary director's biggest hits do, and the sinister nature of Prince of Darkness doesn't really allow for much in the way of his trademark wit, but this one does do everything possible to get under your skin.  In that regard, it is incredibly successful, and there are a number of scenes that will stick with you long after you're done watching it.  The nightmare sequences are particularly noteworthy, striking a surreal tone that is brimming with dread and terror.  The score is another gem from this superb director and composer, and it's nothing if not appropriate for the material.  It's a bit subdued and it builds slowly, drawing the viewer into a stark web of terror--just like the film itself.  Donald Pleasence hams it up a bit as a weary priest, but he's terrific as always and his boisterous performance is a welcome presence in this grim affair.  Jameson Parker does a fine job as the lead, and while he doesn't necessarily light up the screen, it certainly seems as though he warranted more attention from the industry.  Alice Cooper is on hand for a nice part that's really more of a cameo, and Dennis Dun (who killed it as Wang in Carpenter's beloved cult classic Big Trouble in Little China) is also a joy to watch in Prince of Darkness.  There's a scene where he loses his shit that stands as one of my favorite Carpenter moments, and I'm a bit of a Carpenter devotee*.  If you somehow missed this one, don't fret, you're not alone.  However, if you're a fan of the spooky stuff, you owe it to yourself to check it out.  It's not my favorite John Carpenter film, but it's a damn fine motion picture that will scare the hell out of you.

Final Grade: A+

*But you already knew that.  If you didn't, you must have missed these blogs:
Top 5 John Carpenter Films
Top 5 Main Themes from John Carpenter Films

Prince of Darkness isn't my favorite John Carpenter movie,
but it is his most frightening motion picture.

Top 5 Main Themes from John Carpenter Movies

It's no secret here that I'm a fan of John Carpenter.  He could be my favorite director, though I can never fully determine whether I would put him atop my list over Walter Hill and QT.  Regardless, I treasure his work and I've frequently raved about Carpenter's scores, most of which he composed himself.  I decided to take a look at his filmography and rank my Top 5 Main Themes from his pictures.  I'm not calling it my Top 5 John Carpenter Main Themes because one of my favorites is from The Thing, and that particularly nightmarish bit of music was composed by the impeccable Ennio Morricone and not Carpenter himself.  Of course, that is the only piece of music on this list that Carpenter isn't responsible for.

Top 5 Main Themes from John Carpenter Movies

 5) Assault on Precinct 13 (1976)
Like many Carpenter efforts, this theme seems a bit simple in that it is only comprised of a few layers, but the way these elements are layered together and the effect that they combine to create are anything but simple.  Bonus points: Carpenter claims that budgetary concerns dictated that this theme (and in fact, the entire score for Assault on Precinct 13) be composed in a single day.
Assault on Precinct 13 theme on YouTube

 4) Big Trouble in Little China (1986)Much like the movie itself, this theme is cheeky and full of energy.  If there's one theme on my list that others may swap out for another Carpenter gem, this is probably it, but I love it.  I offer up my sincerest apologies to the Escape from New York theme.
Big Trouble in Little China theme on YouTube

 3) The Fog (1980)
Eerie and intense, this is the epitome of a horror movie theme.  I'm inclined to think that it may in fact be Carpenter's creepiest composition.  It's so haunting, so melodic, . . . so damn awesome.
The Fog theme on YouTube

 2) The Thing (1982)
An ominous masterpiece that reeks of doubt and doom, the theme for The Thing builds the perfect mood for the movie.  In truth, this sounds more like Carpenter's work than Morricone, but Ennio was at the wheel and contrary to some reports, Carpenter didn't tell him what to do.  They didn't even speak the same language.
The Thing theme on YouTube

1) Halloween (1978)
Intense, iconic, and still imitated, the main theme for Halloween has to be viewed as one of the best themes of all time.  Sure, there are richer pieces of music to be found throughout the motion picture landscape, deft and nuanced works of art with a higher pedigree.  Yet this riveting theme is right up there with the very best of them in terms of impact and popularity for a reason.  It's pitch-perfect. 
Halloween theme on YouTube

El Rey Network, I Think I Love You

It's official: I have fallen for the El Rey Network.  Seriously, I'm starting to think that Robert Rodriguez dreamed this station up just for me.  Giallo flicks, spaghetti westerns, and kung fu treachery--hot damn!  Seriously, check out Thursday's theme:

What's not to love?  Now, some of you may not dig kung fu flicks as much as I do.  I don't know what the hell's wrong with you, but it's true--some people don't really care if honkies from the CIA interrupt their kung fu.  The rest of us dig Thursdays on El Rey.  In truth, if you like cool movies, this channel has you covered whether you dig kung fu or not.  Cult classics are the norm and there are gory horror flicks like City of the Living Dead running when Mad Max isn't ripping down the asphalt in The Road Warrior.  Hey look, it's Taxi Driver!  Like I wondered at the start of the paragraph, what's not to love?

So what's happening on El Rey aside from all the groovy movies?  Well, there's Lucha Underground, for starters.  I dig the wrasslin' and let me assure you, you've never seen wrasslin' like this.  The environment, the atmosphere, the moves--Lucha Underground is a wicked ride.  If you don't like wrasslin' you may actually dig this, and lifelong fans of suplexes and DDTs may just lose their minds watching this shit.  It's insane.

Of course, there's more.  I really dig watching Rodriguez sit down with other directors and talk shop on The Director's Chair.  You know that I had a blast watching John Carpenter dish on his biggest hits and share his thoughts on the film industry in general, and the two episodes devoted to QT were equally compelling.  There are other programs and even the ads and promos are nifty given that they have a distinct grindhouse feel. 

I just discovered El Rey a few weeks ago, so I know that I'm late to the party, but I'm quickly becoming this channel's biggest fan.  Do yourself a favor and tune in!

Short Attention Span Review: Escape from New York (1981)

Let's set the stage for this one.  Yes, John Carpenter is probably my favorite director.  Yes, I think Kurt Russell is an epic leading man, and if we're talking about one of those movies he made with Carpenter, forget about it.  With Escape from New York, Carpenter offered up a dark and witty smash hit and Russell sank his teeth into one of the coolest parts ever as rugged anti-hero Snake Plissken.  The movie is absurd, and it is quite amusing to see our distant past grossly misrepresented as the distant future (the film was shot in 1980 and set in 1997), but it's all in fun.  True story: I once referred to this picture as a cult classic in the presence of a couple of friends who acted like I had gone insane.  They seemed to think it was garbage.  This didn't change my opinion of the movie at all, but it did convince me that these particular buddies of mine didn't know shit about movies.  Seriously, what's missing?  We've got a great hero, an insane plot, a wicked setting, an imposing villain, and a bunch of unique supporting characters to keep things popping.  In Escape from New York, Manhattan has become a maximum security prison, surrounded by a massive wall and patrolled by helicopters that gun down anyone looking to escape.  This seems like a good idea right up until the president's plane crashes in this gruesome wasteland and a desperate rescue attempt ensues.  The only man for the job is Snake Plissken, a decorated veteran and a notorious criminal who everyone believes to be dead.  Carpenter slays it with sublime direction and another of his awesome scores.  Escape from New York is very silly, but it's also very suspenseful when it isn't borderline hilarious, and it oozes cool from start to finish.  Most importantly, it's Kurt Russell's show, and it is entirely possible that this was his finest hour.  Escape from New York is a fantastic motion picture that never fails to entertain, and I can't recommend it highly enough.

Former Disney star Kurt Russell hits the mark as the one and only Snake Plissken

The Halloween Theme

For those who know me, my love for John Carpenter's work is no secret.  For those who are just getting to know me, well, what else can I say?  I'm a huge fan of Carpenter, and many of his films would surely rank among my favorites.  One of the most impressive aspects of Carpenter's legacy is his ability to score a picture, and most of his classics come with a classic theme attached.  That is certainly true of one of his finest films, the timeless Halloween, and that theme is a true masterpiece.

So, I'm sitting upstairs, perched behind the computer.  I'm writing, but you already knew that.  The blinds are open and I have a wonderful view of a meadow where horses roam.  It's a nice day, and to be completely honest there isn't much more that a writer could ask for.  I have my iTunes on, as always, and I have it set to shuffle.  All is well.  For whatever reason, iTunes seems to have a thing for funk today, and that's fine by me. 

Then iTunes throws a swerve my way.  That's right: Halloween hits.  Suddenly, I can't help but look out the window to see if Michael is crossing the meadow.  And I realize that I'm making a serious Dr. Loomis face that would make Donald Pleasance proud.  You could have shot that scene and printed it for the next Halloween picture.  Seriously.

I find it amusing that a piece of music is so potent that it could transform a beautiful view of a nice day into a tense portrait of unseen menace.  Yeah, a tense portrait of unseen menace.  That's positively absurd, but I'm pretty sure that John Saul would use it. 

Anyhow, sharing is caring, or so they say.