Powerful Pages - Mr. Majestyk by Elmore Leonard (1974)

Powerful Pages - Mr. Majestyk by Elmore Leonard (1974)

Man, I miss Elmore.  He had such a gift for telling gripping stories populated with vivid characters.  He did so by painting incredible pictures with as few brush strokes as possible.  Mr. Majestyk is a perfect example of his style, lean but provocative, fast-paced but detailed, a dramatic confrontation that is never dull and consistently defies expectations.  Majestyk himself is an ideal hero in the Leonard mold, a stoic type with a willingness to strike hard when given no alternative, as well as a deliberate man with a code he will not violate.  Frank Renda, the villain, is another classic Leonard creation, a nuanced tough guy who is both deeply flawed and wildly dangerous.  Majestyk is a melon farmer while Renda is a contract killer, and their little war is as entertaining as it is unlikely.  As with any of the author's works, the dialogue sizzles, and every word brings us closer to a reckoning.  While my efforts here may lead the uninitiated to imagine a cartoonish machismo extravaganza masquerading as a novel, that would be grossly inaccurate.  Yes, Elmore liked to spin yarns about tough guys caught up in even tougher situations, and he had a real knack for one-liners and unexpected laughs.  He also had an unbelievable feel for his medium coupled with a pretty sound grasp of human nature, thus his writing is also insightful and moving.  Don't confuse brief with shallow, and please understand that guns-blazing action and potent drama can occupy the same space.  And if you don't believe me, hell, go ahead and ask Mr. Majestyk.  It is a quick and enjoyable read, and I think it was one of Leonard's best.

Final Grade: A

Short Attention Span Review - Q: The Winged Serpent (1982)

Short Attention Span Review - Q: The Winged Serpent (1982)

Q works for a few reasons.  As many have pointed out before, the most significant boost comes from Michael Moriarty, who just acts his ass off.  In the midst of a campy horror movie with a flying monstrosity and killer cultists, Moriarty lets it all fly, and his performance is positively Oscar-worthy.  There is no way that previous statement won't come off as hyperbole, but it's totally true.  Moriarty does some Daniel Day-Lewis method shit and slays his role as a petty crook who is both a coward and a dreamer who won't shy away from a big play.  Another key to this cult classic's place in the hearts of horror fans is that while it does contain a flying serpent and those bloodthirsty cultists, that's not really what it's about.  It's mostly about the characters, to include Moriarty's ambitious thief, David Carradine's inquisitive detective (he's equal parts tough and thoughtful), and Candy Clark as Joan, the woman who loves Moriarty's Jimmy Quinn and also despises him.  Cohen's direction and witty script (there are some top-shelf lines in this one) are also winners, but that won't surprise anyone who digs his work.  The effects are sinister where the cultists are concerned and downright hokey where the titular terror is concerned.  This flying fiend is captured via stop motion a la Harryhausen, making this both a kooky frightfest and a love letter of sorts to the creature features of the 50s and 60s.  Q is a strange dish, and it surely registers as junk food, but it remains tasty after all these years.

Final Grade: B

Yes, it's a goofy monster movie, but the praise often heaped upon Moriarty's jazzy performance is wholly warranted.  He should have gotten an Oscar.  I'm dead fucking serious right now.

Short Attention Span Review: Venom (2018)

Short Attention Span Review: Venom (2018)

Because Tom Hardy, that's why.  What else could it be?  Venom is not a great movie, oh no, far from it, but it is way better than it has any right to be.  Why?  Please revisit that first line, good people.  It simply has to be Tom.  Tom is invested.  The script is an exercise in contrived mediocrity.  Tom is quirky.  The direction is so bland it makes vanilla seem like the most daring of flavors.  Tom is funny.  This is a movie about Venom with no real ties to Spider-Man whatsoever.  Tom is exciting.  Both the special effects and the choreography for this film could accurately be described as run-of-the-mill for the industry at large--and may even rate as subpar if compared to most films repping the current superhero craze.  Tom is unpredictable.  Venom is a by-the-numbers comic book adaptation that has more in common with Catwoman or Spawn than anything Marvel has produced in the last decade.  Despite my love for Tom, when you do the math here, it should add up to a lousy review, right?  Wrong.  Because Tom Hardy, that's why.  Venom should rate as an insult to webheads like me, but Tom's gonzo performance makes it a curious success.  There are moments when he seems to be channeling vintage Jim Carrey, I shit you not, and while I can't say that I agree with all of the choices he makes in this role, it is his schtick that makes this rabble worthwhile.  I'll also give props to the sound design where the symbiote's voice is concerned, and the only thing the filmmakers do that matches Hardy's zeal: centering this tale on the relationship between a strange man and a much stranger creature.  And the fact that heads are bitten off is never a turnoff for yours truly.

Final Grade: C+

It's a love story, really.  A love story about a boy who meets a parasite.
Like when Kurt met Courtney, only this time the parasite is from another planet.

Monster Jams: My Diligence - Sun Rose (Released 1/30/2019)

Monster Jams: My Diligence - Sun Rose (Released 1/30/2019)

Terrible name, gnarly Belgian band.  Some might bill this as stoner rock or some variety of progressive rock, but I'm not really sure where it fits.  I don't particularly care either--I'm not too keen on this whole label craze with what seems like a zillion different little niches where sub-genres of music are concerned.  In this case, I'm totally cool with filing My Diligence under rock and taking it from there.  These guys are aggressive, with driving riffs, a steady beat, and some serious cohesion keeping the sound exquisitely forceful and equally tight.  The vocals, however, are subdued if not lethargic by comparison, though the melodies are sweet and the grooves pair nicely with the band's emphasis on momentum.  The precision involved is ruthless, and even those who don't favor the sound should be able to acknowledge the talent involved in crafting this music.  The contrast on display yields a surprisingly smooth output that never veers off course while blancing catchy harmonies against a potent dose of adrenaline.  Maybe it's a weird marriage; it doesn't matter, what matters is that it works.  Standout tracks include "Resentful,""Backstabber," and "Lecter's Song."  I'm not sure that anything included in this release is truly explosive, but there are no misfires.  Sun Rose is a thirty-eight minute foray into a hypnotic sound that will not necessarily blow your mind, but it will take you to some unique places, and it will leave you wanting more.

Final Grade: B+

Short Attention Span Review: Paranoiac (1963)

Short Attention Span Review: Paranoiac (1963)

Typically, when we fright fans think about Hammer, we recall Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee duking it out in their classic takes on such notable horror staples as Dracula, Frankenstein, and the Mummy.  It is easy to forget that the studio also produced a number of remarkable features that run the gamut from eerie thrillers to subdued chillers.  Paranoiac is a 1963 picture directed by Freddie Francis, starring a young Oliver Reed at his unstable best.  Reed smirks, schemes, sweats, and twitches his way through this stunning black and white composition that stands somewhere between Psycho and a devilish whodunit.  The cinematography is crisp and compelling, the score is dark and somewhat insidious, and all of the characters aside from Janette Scott as Eleanor Ashby are harboring dark secrets that slowly come to light.  As the movie nears its dramatic conclusion, the shocks come fast and furious, and there are a few terrifying moments embedded in what is mostly a stark and calculating mystery.  Paranoiac is a fun film to revisit, and it remains suspenseful and ominous even in this modern era of dazzling effects and heightened immersion.  It is a throwback, yes, but it is a throwback to a time when there were no big scares courtesy of CGI delights, a time when filmmakers worked hard to terrify audiences with sinister plots and impeccable craftsmanship.  Such ventures often age well, and that is surely the case with this 1963 spookshow.

Final Grade: B+

Paranoiac is creepier than one might suspect--this mask design is pretty chilling for a 1963 thriller.

Short Attention Span Review: Nightmare City (1980)

Short Attention Span Review: Nightmare City (1980)

Nightmare City is a rather glorious piece of shit.  There's a part of me (and it's not a small part) that wants to leave it at that.  That single statement would serve as a perfect review for this movie, yet I can't stifle the need to elaborate.  Nightmare City isn't just bad, it's very, very bad.  Okay, it's fucking horrible.  It is a perfect example of a cheap Italian horror movie, complete with an absurd script, weak acting, Z grade special effects, copious amounts of shoddy gore and pointless T&A, and characters who are largely defined by their need to make terrible decisions in moments of crisis.  The only thing missing is a laugh track.  But the whole thing is engineered (poorly) with such indisputable passion and vigor that it somehow rises above these shortcomings.  There are even a few areas where Nightmare City actually shines.  Umberto Lenzi directs this trash as well as trash can be directed, for one, and I do mean that as a compliment.  The score is both bonkers and sheer perfection; there could be no better score for this particular serving of cinematic garbage.  Finally, there's Hugo Stiglitz in the lead role.  Yes, dude is wooden as hell.  Yes, the script does him no favors.  Yes, he is legendary.  He seems like a mild-mannered reporter at first, but then the shit hits the fan, and our boy becomes a tough-talking, ass-kicking, and hard-drinking warrior of the apocalypse.  He kicks the shit out of zombies* (literally, his kick may not be all that impressive, but it sends several zombies flying), he throws axes, and he is comfortable mowing down undead ghouls with machine guns or hurling grenades at them.  He drinks whiskey and encourages his woman to stay strong and keep walking after he has firebombed their station wagon with a Molotov Cocktail*.  That's the kind of shit that happens in Nightmare City, peeps, and that's why we love movies like this.

*Okay, they're not actually zombies.  They're irradiated bloodsuckers who can run and wield weapons.

**This happens after the pair stop at a gas station and become surrounded while engaging in a philosophical debate about the pitfalls of modern society and the potential benefits of survival in a radioactive wasteland.  Yes, they should have fueled up and peeled out, but one of the writers went into message mode, so our boy Hugo just had to blow that fucking station wagon to bits and start stepping toward certain death.

Final Grade: B

It's not a special effects extravaganza, it's a straight up bullshit extravaganza.  And I loved it.  

Powerful Pages: The Tommyknockers by Stephen King (1987)

Powerful Pages: The Tommyknockers by Stephen King (1987)

I often hear The Tommyknockers labeled a lesser outing from Stephen King, and I've never heard anyone recommend it.  Even the author himself has derided the novel as bloated, essentially surmising that it ran twice as long as it should have because he was too coked up to take his foot off the gas.  And yet, writing a book is a lot like casting a spell, and a reader can tolerate a lot of excess if they are sufficiently captivated.  While I will not argue that the book takes a while to get going and sags (a lot) in the middle, I must confess that I'm going to rate it far higher than most of my peers.  In fact, I really enjoyed The Tommyknockers, warts and all.  I attribute this to two pivotal elements of this massive tome.  First, I had a lot of fun with the main character.  Deeply flawed and viciously self-destructive, Jim Gardner may have been the unlikeliest of unlikely heroes.  However, he also had some charm at his disposal, and his reckless passions were described well enough to be understood if not endorsed.  Dude was funny too, with his unraveling at a disastrous dinner party in the somewhat tedious first act practically jumping off the page.  This sequence instantly netted a place as one of my favorite passages from King.  And when the chips were down, it was both easy to root for the guy and easy to believe that he might just come through in spite of all his shortcomings.  The second aspect of The Tommyknockers that I greatly appreciated was the ending, which delivered in a big way.  I am a big fan of King, but as many will agree, he is not necessarily known for sticking the landing.  The last act of The Tommyknockers was smoking hot, deftly combining action on a grand scale, unspeakable horror, and a pronounced emotional wallop.  Is The Tommyknockers worthy of a spot in King's top ten?  Surely not, but it is far from one of his lesser efforts.  I rate it as a quality read courtesy of this generation's most beloved writer, and I strongly encourage anyone who has a tough time with the beginning to hang on for that wicked climax.

Final Grade: A