Short Attention Span Review - 21 Bridges (2019)

Short Attention Span Review - 21 Bridges (2019)

21 Bridges is a slick thriller that spends a few minutes introducing us to our main character and then plunges us into a violent manhunt that will run the course of the film.  Many have complained that it tips its hat too soon in some regards, but I think they may have missed the point.  21 Bridges is no mystery, even if it does have a few tricks up its sleeve.  No, this is a deft exercise in action cinema with a solid character study unfolding just beneath the surface.  In many ways, it reminded of a classic western--those pictures were seldom unpredictable, but they brought us joy by introducing us to tough heroes forced to grapple with tough choices when they weren't dodging bullets or gunning villains down.  Often, the most despicable villains did their best to steer clear of these showdowns, manipulating desperate men from the shadows.  21 Bridges offers Chadwick Bosman (who most of us know as Marvel's Black Panther) the chance to take the helm for such an affair, and he proves that he is a genuine star.  He is just as convincing when the script requires him to use his wits or search his soul as he is when the time comes to let the lead fly or engage in a top-shelf foot chase.  Bosman simply excels as Andre Davis, a good man trying very hard to do the right thing on one very difficult night.  Bosman is not the only superlative performer taking the stage in this crisp thrill ride--he is quite literally surrounded by gifted thespians like Sienna Miller and J.K. Simmons, and all of his co-stars strive to match his intensity.  Taylor Kitsch looms large as one extremely dangerous fugitive, but I am comfortable stating that there isn't anything that even remotely resembles a bad showing from anyone involved.  The production values are exceptional, and as such, 21 Bridges looks and sounds phenomenal.  I won't label it a modern masterpiece, but it is most assuredly a Grade A thriller buoyed by a stellar cast.

Final Grade: A

Director Brian Kirk makes good use of a well-rounded cast, but wisely centers the action on Chadwick Bosman, who is simply marvelous throughout.

Short Attention Span Review - The Prodigy (2019)

Short Attention Span Review - The Prodigy (2019)

Man, those creepy kids.  They get me every time.  I think they give a lot of us the willies, because the creepy kid sub-genre is always churning out new additions.  The problem with a lot of these flicks is that they often cover similar ground.  I think that's why I found the first half of The Prodigy so refreshing.  It sought to do something different, and it did so effectively.  Not only that, but it was subdued and spooky.  Had something of a classy horror vibe to it.  That's when the picture was at its best.  As it neared the end, it did a lot of things that we have seen before.  It did them well, and it was nice and dark--some of these developments were downright horrific, and the execution was sound.  Still, given that it began as a departure, I found the familiar beats in the closing reel to be a bit of a letdown.  In particular, the ending itself was basically a carbon copy of the conclusion to my favorite example of this sub-genre, a masterpiece in the horror genre at large that will go unnamed here because this note would be quite the spoiler otherwise.  That felt a bit lazy, and undermined a lot of the good faith this one built up for much of its runtime.  Still, it certainly held my interest, and there were some quality jolts in the mix.  The performances were compelling, the atmosphere was rich, and the technical merits were all top-notch.  The Prodigy is a well-made horror movie, and it certainly warrants some praise.  Having said that, if the finale could have been as inventive as the opening, this one may have emerged as a minor classic.

Final Grade: B-

The Prodigy is a pretty good example of the creepy kid sub-genre, which always manages to deliver a few chills.

Short Attention Span Review - Nightmare Cinema (2019)

Short Attention Span Review - Nightmare Cinema (2019)

I could cry.  I was so hyped for this one, peeps.  I love anthologies.  I love Mickey Rourke.  I would rate Joe Dante among the very best directors out there, and Mick Garris is no slouch.  And there are other talents involved with this production who have a solid reputation within the horror genre and beyond.  And things started with a bang--I really, really enjoyed the first entry from Alejandro Brugues, an energetic romp that carved the slasher flick into entertaing slivers.  This unruly delight seemingly set the stage for exactly what I hoped Nightmare Cinema would be.  Man, we were off and rolling.  Dante's tale came next, and it started well enough, and didn't fail from an execution standpoint, though the conclusion was both lackluster and oh so tired and forced.  The third entry courtesy of Ryuhei Kitamura was a fucking mess; it seemed to be aiming for the same territory that the legendary bad movie The Visitor occupied, but it made that seminal catastraphe from 1979 seem coherent.  Lame, amateurish, ill-conceived, poorly plotted, and totally pedestrian--I was ready to bail, but I had to see if things would pick up.  The fourth tale was at least shot well by David Slade, and it held my interest, but it didn't offer much in the way of substance.  I appreciated the darkness and the precision that fueled this one, but as with Dante's work herein, it ended in such a way that it felt like yet another missed opportunity.  This brought me to the last story, directed by Garris, and it was okay, I guess, though it brought nothing new to the table and didn't offer much at all in the way of impact.  It was so-so at best.  Finally, the wraparound material (also directed by Garris) featuring Mickey Rourke as The Projectionist was shoddy at best and laughable at worst.  Rourke didn't even appear for a couple of segments, and while there was an idea there that could work in this context, it just felt like a lazy attempt to tie things together.  Nightmare Cinema is a loser, my friends, and it pains me to say that.  It's a loser where both anthologies and horror movies in general are concerned.  The first segment is a lot of fun, but it is the only piece of this lousy pie that is worthwhile.  What a bummer.

Final Grade: D-

Do Mickey a favor.  Watch The Wrestler instead.  

Short Attention Span Review - The Meg (2018)

Short Attention Span Review - The Meg (2018)

Ever since Jaws gave us the summer blockbuster, shark movies have been a thing.  And while most everyone recognizes Jaws as a legitimate masterpiece, none of these successors have come close to challenging for the crown despite the technological advances of the motion picture industry.  Lately, many films in this niche have embraced their second-tier ceiling and opted to pile on the cheese.  This effects-laden blockbuster straddles the line; the pitch (Jason Statham versus a dinosaur shark) sounds like pure schlock, but the script and execution aim for something more.  In retrospect, I wonder if the filmmakers would have been better served by embracing the zany nature of the piece and taking the plunge.  Here's why: as sound as the production values are, and as well as the picture is shot, things seem to work best when it is at its silliest.  And when it veers toward a more sincere approach, it can never quite overcome the ludicrous trappings of the production.  Even when an emphasis is placed on building or maintaining some degree of credibility, it still boils down to Jason Statham versus a dinosaur shark.  And Jason Statham spends a lot of the movie in the water, throwing down with a dinosaur shark.  I kept waiting for him to kick it.  Is The Meg entertaining?  It is, but it's not quite as entertaining as it should be.  It's way too silly to be taken serious, but the filmmakers treat it way too seriously to give the audience a silly good time.  That's the problem.  The good news is Jason Statham, who is all in, and does as well as anyone could have in a role that runs contrary to his greatest strengths* as a performer.  It's a big performance in a big movie--with an even bigger shark--and Statham nails it.

*Those kicks.

Final Grade: C+

The Meg is essentially Jason Statham versus a giant shark--and it is as good (and bad) as that premise would suggest.

Monster Jams: Tool - Fear Innoculum (released 8/30/2019)

Monster Jams:  Tool - Fear Innoculum (released 8/30/2019)

It's not easy to review an album like this, an experience that must be heard, but I will take a stab at it nonetheless.  Tool has always been a visionary act, an astounding collective fueled by imagination, artistry, and serious chops.  Thirteen years after their last release, they are back with Fear Innoculum, a deft masterpiece that proves to be well worth the wait--and undoubtedly houses hidden treasures that will emerge upon repeated listenings.  There is a depth to these songs that seems to dwarf most of what's out there, and there is a brazen thirst for exploration that remains as unified as it is bold.  The band embarks upon songs that feel like the sonic equivalent of epic journeys, and they do so with an ease that belies the innate grandeur of their musical dexterity.  The cuts here are fierce, haunting, playful, driving, ominous, absolutely beautiful, and, most importantly, fully immersive.  Despite running contrary to anything that the current landscape represents, these powerful contributions to the band's robust catalog are nothing if not accessible, this in spite of the scope and complexity on display.  Most tracks exceed ten minutes in length and cover a lot of territory, but there is a cohesion that never falters.  Expectations are repeatedly cast aside so that the music can explode in another direction or recede into a valley, where it may emerge as either a loving harmony or an aggressive attack.  This may sound rather exhausting, though it is truthfully anything but; there is no fatigue when dipping into this provocative pool, only excitement, and perhaps even joy.  I'm not sure exactly what I wanted from Fear Innoculum, but I know it will take some time to properly embrace what I got--and it's more than we deserved.

Final Grade: A+

Well. it took long enough, but Fear Innoculum is a delightful cabinet of curiosities for fans to cherish and explore.

Comics Corner - Conan the Barbarian: Exodus #1

Comics Corner - Conan the Barbarian: Exodus #1

You're already aware that I took great pleasure in Conan's return to Marvel.  Today, this worthy pairing provided me with a completely fresh take on the rugged barbarian.  Gifted artist Esad Ribic is the man responsible for this book, handing the artwork and the story, and he brings something unique to each side of the coin.  The tale is painted, and there is an elegance and a realism to his approach that is a stark departure from the usual pulpy and lurid depictions of this iconic character.  The plot is unveiled entirely through these stunning images, as there is no text.  This does not handicap the comic given the power and insight Esad has applied to this undertaking with his tremendous talent.  A harrowing journey springs to life in these breathtaking pages, and we can practically feel the chill in our bones as our young Cimmerian struggles to survive in a harsh winter landscape.  Conan is both predator and prey in a stirring rendition of desperation and liberation.  Perhaps the most impressive thing about this title is the way it offers readers a fine departure and yet remains true to the character we know and love.  Conan the Barbarian: Exodus is an inventive pageturner that I really enjoyed, and I'm happy to use this platform to promote it.

Final Grade: A

Brought to lifein stunning fashion by beautiful paintings and an absence of text, Conan the Barbarian: Exodus is a true piece of art.

Short Attention Span Review - Us (2019)

Short Attention Span Review - Us (2019)

In the early stages, I found much to enjoy about Us.  Jordan Peele's direction is a powerful strength, and I found the characters interesting and the performanves engaging.  As Peele laid the foundation for this picture, I felt that I was venturing into masterpiece territory.  He did wonders with the atmosphere, and the premise really had me.  The score was a major attribute, and the cinematography was flawless.  Unfortunately, the movie never really took off, and the more it stuttered and stumbled, the greater my frustration became.  By the end, I just wasn't feeling Us at all, and despite a wicked little flourish right before the credits rolled, I have to chalk this one up as a loss.  I deeply wish that the pacing would have been diffeent; the picture is maybe ten to twenty minutes too long, and works best in the second half of the runtime when it is committed to carnage.  Unfortunately, it would pick up steam only to abandon that momentum, often at the expense of character logic.  There were a couple of scenes where people sat around and talked when they should have been running or fighting for their lives.  In a way, I felt that the movie reached a point where it should have descended into chaos by virtue of the premise, but the filmmakers preferred something akin to an intellectual high ground.  I also wish there had been a bit more mystery.  As Peele focused more and more on unraveling the sinister aspects of Us and building a mythology to support the premise, the film grew less potent and engaging.  By the time all the cards had been shown, I felt the movie had basically collapsed--and filmmakers are not required to show all of their cards.  To summarize, I really enjoyed the way Us began, and I do believe that a genuine showstopper could have been erected upon that foundation, but I can't say that I enjoyed Us as a whole.

Final Grade: D+

Creepy imagery abounds in Us, but a lethargic pace and an overwrought plot drag the proceedings down.

Short Attention Span Review - Forbidden World (1982)

Short Attention Span Review - Forbidden World (1982)

I should have known better.  I really should have.  But the cover was so pulpy and colorful, and the packaging seemed to promise a good time at the movies courtesy of a cheeky horror flick.  And so I journeyed to Forbidden World.  I did not enjoy my stay there.  Look, I enjoy some low-budget affairs (heck, I consider myself a John "Bud" Cardos fan), but this film looked cheap, sounded cheap, and felt cheap.  It was a ripoff, but that doesn't necessarily doom a film in my book.  It was also more of a softcore extravaganza than a horror film or a science fiction film.  And you know what?  June Chadwick is very easy on the eyes.  But is there any such thing as a good softcore movie?  And, so help me, watching poor June and her equally enticing co-star Dawn Dunlap throw themselves at star Jesse Vint (no offense, but dude is a far cry from anything resembling a stud-muffin) proved harder to digest than the hokey effects.  So, you know, I'm sure some of the people involved tried.  Maybe they tried really hard.  But that doesn't change the fact that Forbidden World is a tacky clone based on a flimsy script, featuring some bad acting (this doesn't include dear June Chadwick going wild for Jesse Vint, which was frankly Oscar-worthy stuff), cheap sets, lousy effects, and even recycled footage.  The only thing this movie has going for it would be those hot chicks throwing down with some slightly below-average Joe with a laser pistol, and a heavy dose of gore.  And I kinda liked the score.  For some, that may be enough, but I thought it was trash.  Anyone out there looking to score a copy of Forbidden World on Blu-Ray?

Final Grade: D-

Okay, June Chadwick is sensational to look at, no doubt it, but that's just not enough to make a trip to this Forbidden World worthwhile.

Short Attention Span Review - Triple Threat (2019)

Short Attention Span Review - Triple Threat (2019)

First off, let me acknowledge that as an action film, Triple Threat probably fails more than it succeeds.  The plot is riddled with so many holes that it is fairly nonsensical, the dialogue is atrocious, and a few poignant scenes are so sorely out of place that they veer toward purely unintentional comedy.  And, it should be noted, that as a kung-fu flick, it doesn't even approach the level of greatness that a venture with this cast could attain.  However, anyone who gets their kicks from this sort of fare will find plenty to enjoy nonetheless, because even a bad rock 'em sock 'em movie with these cats winds up being mediocre.  We've got Tony Jaa, Tiger Chen, Scott Adkins, and two of my all-time favorites, Iko Uwais and Michael Jai White, in the mix, after all.  And while director Jesse V. Johnson fumbles where the exposition (and pretty much everything aside from the action bits) is concerned, he does capture some excellent martial arts mayhem.  Unfortunately, some of the clashes are a bit too brief, and a few of these Grade A combatants never get to engage one another.  Yet the fights we do get are compelling match-ups, and all of the players get to show their stuff to devastating effect.  In particular, I loved seeing Uwais and White square off, and Adkins and Jaa also have a fantastic battle.  Chen also shines, doing a fine job in his work with MMA vet Michael Bisping, who proves rather adept at cinematic fisticuffs.  In truth, I think Adkins may steal the show, with his amazing talents establishing him as a stellar villain.  Dude is so versatile and smooth, he makes dizzying acrobatics look easy, and he can play an arrogant badass with the very best of them.  In a lot of ways, Triple Threat reminded me of one of those 90s martial arts movies I used to enjoy, pictures with guys like Gary Daniels, Don Wilson, and Billy Blanks taking on all comers.  The movies themselves were quite pedestrian, but the fight scenes made them worthwhile.  Triple Threat is far better than most of those, but it doesn't leave them in the dust the way it should.  Regardless, if you're a fan of this sort of show, or an admirer of any of the people involved, this is one you can't pass up.

Final Grade: A very fun C

As a movie, Triple Threat is prone to misfires.  As a martial arts bonanza, it falls well short of its potential, but still emerges as a rollicking showcase for the extraordinary talent involved.

Short Attention Span Review - Q: The Winged Serpent (1982)

Short Attention Span Review - Q: The Winged Serpent (1982)

Q works for a few reasons.  As many have pointed out before, the most significant boost comes from Michael Moriarty, who just acts his ass off.  In the midst of a campy horror movie with a flying monstrosity and killer cultists, Moriarty lets it all fly, and his performance is positively Oscar-worthy.  There is no way that previous statement won't come off as hyperbole, but it's totally true.  Moriarty does some Daniel Day-Lewis method shit and slays his role as a petty crook who is both a coward and a dreamer who won't shy away from a big play.  Another key to this cult classic's place in the hearts of horror fans is that while it does contain a flying serpent and those bloodthirsty cultists, that's not really what it's about.  It's mostly about the characters, to include Moriarty's ambitious thief, David Carradine's inquisitive detective (he's equal parts tough and thoughtful), and Candy Clark as Joan, the woman who loves Moriarty's Jimmy Quinn and also despises him.  Cohen's direction and witty script (there are some top-shelf lines in this one) are also winners, but that won't surprise anyone who digs his work.  The effects are sinister where the cultists are concerned and downright hokey where the titular terror is concerned.  This flying fiend is captured via stop motion a la Harryhausen, making this both a kooky frightfest and a love letter of sorts to the creature features of the 50s and 60s.  Q is a strange dish, and it surely registers as junk food, but it remains tasty after all these years.

Final Grade: B

Yes, it's a goofy monster movie, but the praise often heaped upon Moriarty's jazzy performance is wholly warranted.  He should have gotten an Oscar.  I'm dead fucking serious right now.