Saturday, August 31, 2019

Short Attention Span Review - Godzilla: King of the Monsters (2019)


Short Attention Span Review - Godzilla: King of the Monsters (2019)

As a lifelong fan of the big guy, I was stoked about this one, but I missed it during the theatrical run.  Last night, I atoned for that by viewing it with the fam in glorious 4K, with the volume cranked up.  Way up.  And while it didn't reinvent the wheel (or even try to, for that matter), I had a blast with this epic showdown.  I felt like this was a nice bridge between the new school and the old school, and it was awesome to see lots of giant monsters throwing down on this scale.  The story was solid without being special, but then plots have never been the strengths for such movies--and Godzilla: King of the Monsters had a lot more going for it in this department than a great many of its predecessors.  I actually found myself deep in my feels at a few points, most notably when Ken Watanabe had his big moment.  Incidentally, this bit gave way to the biggest thrill of the picture, and that sequence netted a hearty cheer from the Wayland household.  I also enjoyed the 2016 Godzilla, but Michael Dougherty kept his word, and delivered a bigger and better picture this time out.  Mothra was incredible.  Rodan was dope.  And King Ghidorah was badass--and Godzilla: King of the Monsters brings these titans together for several riveting clashes, with the wicked conclusion providing us with a truly kickass climax.  The way this film is tied to Kong: Skull Island worked nicely, and the stage has definitely been set for a clash between Godzilla and King Kong.  Who in their right mind wouldn't want to see that brought to life with modern technology and a killer budget?  So, yeah, Godzilla: King of the Monsters is a fun show; it's a relatively simple creature feature, and it will surely be written off as a lot of noise and special effects by the type of people who don't dig a lot of monster movies to begin with.  Screw them.

Final Grade: B+

Big, loud, and fun--just what we want from a giant monster movie.

Friday, August 30, 2019

Monster Jams: Tool - Fear Innoculum (released 8/30/2019)


Monster Jams:  Tool - Fear Innoculum (released 8/30/2019)

It's not easy to review an album like this, an experience that must be heard, but I will take a stab at it nonetheless.  Tool has always been a visionary act, an astounding collective fueled by imagination, artistry, and serious chops.  Thirteen years after their last release, they are back with Fear Innoculum, a deft masterpiece that proves to be well worth the wait--and undoubtedly houses hidden treasures that will emerge upon repeated listenings.  There is a depth to these songs that seems to dwarf most of what's out there, and there is a brazen thirst for exploration that remains as unified as it is bold.  The band embarks upon songs that feel like the sonic equivalent of epic journeys, and they do so with an ease that belies the innate grandeur of their musical dexterity.  The cuts here are fierce, haunting, playful, driving, ominous, absolutely beautiful, and, most importantly, fully immersive.  Despite running contrary to anything that the current landscape represents, these powerful contributions to the band's robust catalog are nothing if not accessible, this in spite of the scope and complexity on display.  Most tracks exceed ten minutes in length and cover a lot of territory, but there is a cohesion that never falters.  Expectations are repeatedly cast aside so that the music can explode in another direction or recede into a valley, where it may emerge as either a loving harmony or an aggressive attack.  This may sound rather exhausting, though it is truthfully anything but; there is no fatigue when dipping into this provocative pool, only excitement, and perhaps even joy.  I'm not sure exactly what I wanted from Fear Innoculum, but I know it will take some time to properly embrace what I got--and it's more than we deserved.

Final Grade: A+


Well. it took long enough, but Fear Innoculum is a delightful cabinet of curiosities for fans to cherish and explore.

Thursday, August 29, 2019

Comics Corner - Conan the Barbarian: Exodus #1



Comics Corner - Conan the Barbarian: Exodus #1

You're already aware that I took great pleasure in Conan's return to Marvel.  Today, this worthy pairing provided me with a completely fresh take on the rugged barbarian.  Gifted artist Esad Ribic is the man responsible for this book, handing the artwork and the story, and he brings something unique to each side of the coin.  The tale is painted, and there is an elegance and a realism to his approach that is a stark departure from the usual pulpy and lurid depictions of this iconic character.  The plot is unveiled entirely through these stunning images, as there is no text.  This does not handicap the comic given the power and insight Esad has applied to this undertaking with his tremendous talent.  A harrowing journey springs to life in these breathtaking pages, and we can practically feel the chill in our bones as our young Cimmerian struggles to survive in a harsh winter landscape.  Conan is both predator and prey in a stirring rendition of desperation and liberation.  Perhaps the most impressive thing about this title is the way it offers readers a fine departure and yet remains true to the character we know and love.  Conan the Barbarian: Exodus is an inventive pageturner that I really enjoyed, and I'm happy to use this platform to promote it.

Final Grade: A

Brought to lifein stunning fashion by beautiful paintings and an absence of text, Conan the Barbarian: Exodus is a true piece of art.

Wednesday, August 28, 2019

Short Attention Span Review - Galaxy of Terror (1981)


Short Attention Span Review - Galaxy of Terror (1981)

Last week, I reviewed Forbidden World, a low-budget horror/sci-fi/action hybrid from cult cinema icon Roger Corman.  This week, I went back to the archives for another exercise in schlock from this producer with a passion for exploitation, Galaxy of Terror.  To call this zany outing a superior effort to Forbidden World would be a tremendous understatement, but that still doesn't make it a good movie.  The big difference is entertainment value, with this kooky affair delivering a lot fun for a couple of distinct reasons.  First, there is a lot of creativity involved, both in terms of plot and craftsmanship.  Secondly, Galaxy of Terror is batshit crazy.  A minute in, the picture goes off the rails.  In truth, it wasn't until the very end that the movie made any sense, and it's still a bit of a mess.  Fast-paced, gory as hell, and operating with a minimum of character development, this oddity's real saving grace is the cast.  Genre faves like Robert Englund, Sid Haig, and Grace Zabriskie are on board, with solid performers like Eddie Albert and Ray Walston leading the way.  They are menaced by an assortment of ghoulies, with the effects work that brings these oddities to life varying from shabby to . . . well, not too shabby, I guess.  The production design is far more impressive, but that should come as no surprise: that's where the one and only James Cameron cut his teeth.  I most certainly could have done without seeing Taaffe O'Connell getting raped by a giant maggot (you read that correctly), a scene good old Roger views as a shining accomplishment.  And there were definitely about five cartwheels too many in the big finale.  What can I say?  Galaxy of Terror is trash, good people, but it's also a good time at the movies for the right kind of crowd--namely, my kind of crowd.

Final Grade: C-

Wonky, silly, and cheap, Galaxy of Terror is nonetheless an entertaining B movie with a nifty cast and an abundance of gore.

Tuesday, August 27, 2019

Short Attention Span Review - Us (2019)


Short Attention Span Review - Us (2019)

In the early stages, I found much to enjoy about Us.  Jordan Peele's direction is a powerful strength, and I found the characters interesting and the performanves engaging.  As Peele laid the foundation for this picture, I felt that I was venturing into masterpiece territory.  He did wonders with the atmosphere, and the premise really had me.  The score was a major attribute, and the cinematography was flawless.  Unfortunately, the movie never really took off, and the more it stuttered and stumbled, the greater my frustration became.  By the end, I just wasn't feeling Us at all, and despite a wicked little flourish right before the credits rolled, I have to chalk this one up as a loss.  I deeply wish that the pacing would have been diffeent; the picture is maybe ten to twenty minutes too long, and works best in the second half of the runtime when it is committed to carnage.  Unfortunately, it would pick up steam only to abandon that momentum, often at the expense of character logic.  There were a couple of scenes where people sat around and talked when they should have been running or fighting for their lives.  In a way, I felt that the movie reached a point where it should have descended into chaos by virtue of the premise, but the filmmakers preferred something akin to an intellectual high ground.  I also wish there had been a bit more mystery.  As Peele focused more and more on unraveling the sinister aspects of Us and building a mythology to support the premise, the film grew less potent and engaging.  By the time all the cards had been shown, I felt the movie had basically collapsed--and filmmakers are not required to show all of their cards.  To summarize, I really enjoyed the way Us began, and I do believe that a genuine showstopper could have been erected upon that foundation, but I can't say that I enjoyed Us as a whole.

Final Grade: D+

Creepy imagery abounds in Us, but a lethargic pace and an overwrought plot drag the proceedings down.

Monday, August 26, 2019

Short Attention Span Review - Police Story (1985)


Short Attention Span Review - Police Story (1985)

Jackie Chan movies are certainly unique.  Police Story, one of his best features, is a fine example of the curious juxtaposition that Jackie enjoyed.  Police Story is equal parts slapstick, farce, and extreme violence.  It is incredibly physical, with Jackie throwing himself into both the comedic bits and the stupendous stunts with reckless aplomb.  In a way, the formula is deeply flawed, in that those who appreciate Jackie's silly antics the most probably cringe at those bone-crunching displays of martial arts mayhem--and vice-versa.  And the pictures these trademark areas of expertise yield are often uneven, as striking a balance with these disparate elements presents considerable difficulties.  Yet the reason for Jackie's enduring success is no mystery: he has incredible skills where both foolish shenanigans and dazzling action setpieces are concerned, and his passion for filmmaking is damn near unrivalled.  Police Story showcased the star at his peak, and thus produced a fair amount of chuckles and several amazing stunts.  In particular, the big finale is a true showstopper.  Set within a mall, this has to rate among Jackie's most spectacular exercises in choreagraphy, combining chases, clashes, and daring feats in an explosive demonstration of filmmaking bravado.  It's a bloodbath at times, with so much broken glass coming into play that the cast and crew allegedly dubbed the picture "Glass Story" during production.  While this is only one of the film's highlights, Police Story is worth watching for the rousing climax alone.  As a sum of its parts, it is a prototypical Jackie Chan vehicle, and that makes it an odd trip, but a trip well worth taking.

Final Grade: B+


The climax is all about gonzo stunts, stunning choreagraphy, and shattered glass.

Thursday, August 22, 2019

Short Attention Span Review - Alita: Battle Angel (2019)


Short Attention Span Review - Alita: Battle Angel (2019)

Alita: Battle Angel is a quirky thrill ride, an energetic B movie with A-List special effects and delusions of grandeur.  When it focuses on those amazing effects or the equally dope action bits, it delivers the goods in a big way.  When it plays up the intrigue and the suspense of the premise, it fares almost as well.  However, for the most part, attempts to tug at our heartstrings either fall flat or prove outright cringeworthy.  It also suffers a bit because it is clearly intended to kickstart a franchise that appears unlikely to develop--and as such, it feels incomplete.  Oh, but those effects are something to behold, and Robert Rodriguez really slays it with each and every action sequence.  Every fight is an event, and there are some wild ideas in play where weapons and choreography are concerned.  The creativity is off the charts, and in terms of spectacle, Alita: Battle Angel is a film that goes big often, and comes up aces every time.  And to be fair, the actors show up to play, with Christolph Waltz and Jennifer Connelly bringing considerable gravity to the movie, while Mahershala Ali is more than competent in a part that really isn't worthy of his presence.  Star Rosa Salazar is pretty much perfect in a lead role that demands an awful lot, and there is a solid supporting cast to round things out.  It's all put together remarkably well; the emotional hiccups largely stem from a script that aims to cover too much ground and yet isn't allowed to come full circle as a matter of structure.  It's this combinition of feeling rushed at times and ultimately unfinished that handicaps the experience.  Still, for most of its runtime, Alita: Battle Angel is a delightful display of startling imagination and audacious carnage.

Final Grade: B


Alita: Battle Angel is a rip-roaring B movie that aims to do more, resulting in a rip-roaring  B movie with a few emotional hang-ups.

Wednesday, August 21, 2019

Powerful Pages - The Walking Dead by Robert Kirkman (2003 - 2019)


Powerful Pages - The Walking Dead by Robert Kirkman (2003 - 2019)

In a surprise move, writer Robert Kirkman brought his comic book powerhouse The Walking Dead to an end in July without any fanfare.  The end of the line for the written exploits of his beloved hero Rick Grimes came in issue 193.  That's quite a run for a series that truly came from out of nowhere, a title the creator himself acknowledges had little chance of surviving a dozen issues.  Instead, it became a major brand in and of itself, leading to a massive hit for AMC in the form of a television series.  That show has produced one spinoff already with others waiting in the wings, and there are feature films in the production line.  The property has also yielded novels, board games, and video games, as well as collectibles and apparel.  It is undoubtedly one of the most successful and culturally significant comic series of its time, and the franchise lives on despite the abrupt conclusion to the books that launched this phenomenon.


I am a fan of both the comics and the television show, though I have always favored the former--and I have always tried to make that clear.  Fans of the show, which has always had its ups and downs, need to understand that there is a vastly superior undistilled format of this story out there.  Now, I'm not going to argue that the comics haven't seen their fair share of ups and downs, no series can last that long without a few hiccups.  I will state, however, that the peaks have always been far higher while the valleys have rarely cut that deep.  In fact, I will hail Robert Kirkman's The Walking Dead as one of the finest stories ever penned, and those who cherish a grand opus in the horror genre will find few alternatives as big, bold, and insightful.  Truthfully, if I am searching for a signature work of similar breadth, only a few candidates come to mind.  While Stephen King's The Stand is a finer offering, I would rank this alongside Carrion Comfort by Dan Simmons.  Some might say that's high praise for a comic, but I rate Alan Moore's Watchmen among the best things ever written, and I view the format no differently than I view books, screenplays, essays, songs, or poems.  Okay, that's a lie: poems are always dead last where literature is concerned.


In addition to my love for the written word, I'll claim some expertise here as a horror fanatic who has some serious love for the zombie sub-genre.  And I'll ramp up the praise here by stating that I'm not sure that anyone other than dear departed George Romero himself has done as much for that niche.  Where zombie tales are concerned, I would rank only the original Dawn of the Dead above Kirkman's comics, and I see that as debatable.  It's not just that this series revitalized the zombie craze, it took it to even greater heights.  It did so by presenting an epic journey, the story of one man who forever changed the landscape of a searing apocalyptic vision.  Rick Grimes faced incredible odds.  He encountered devious villains.  He won fierce battles and suffered heartbreaking losses.  Unlike many protagonists, he also made devestating mistakes.  This character's story gave readers so much to enjoy, so much to mourn, so much to debate, and so much to savor.  I don't think the medium had ever seen anything like it, and I'm not sure we'll ever experience anything to rival this gargantuan undertaking again.


In taking us on this journey, Kirkman actually took us on numerous journeys, and many of these episodes would rate as epics on their own.  In the beginning, Rick struggled to find purchase in a terrible new world; zombies were the greatest threat in this grim environment, but there were other threats, to include his best friend.  Then came Hershel's farm, and that gave way to one of the richest and most celebrated arcs, the prison storyline.  Kirkman introduced us to the Governor during this chapter of The Walking Dead, and in facing this vile foe, our hero would lose damn near everything.  Then came Alexandria, and something that genuinely resembled hope.  Later we would meet Negan, one of the most hated baddies ever to grace the printed page.  Negan earned this status by virtue of maybe the biggest shock Kirkman ever assailed his devoted audience with, and major jolts have been one of the staples of The Walking Dead from the very beginning.  The Whisperers would soon join the fray, representing perhaps the creepiest fiends to appear in these pages.  The tale would reach its unexpected end in the Commonwealth, another gripping piece of this unforgettable puzzle.  There were other stories woven into this mammoth tapestry, introducing us to countless characters we would come to love or hate.  AMC has brough most of these players, places, and events to the small screen, often to tremendous effect.  And yet, aside from where Jon Bernthal's work as Shane is concerned, it has repeatedly fallen well short of the mark.


Like most readers, I am sad to see this story come to an end.  However, I cannot find fault with Kirkman's decision, and I found the last beat in this tale to be a powerful one.  The Walking Dead ended in much the same way that it began--the finale was equal parts unforseen and satisfying.  It came as a surprise, and it resonated because it worked on such a personal level.  In telling his tale and establishing Rick Grimes as a legend, I feel that Robert Kirkman has done something truly legendary.  I give this saga my highest recommendation, and I can't thank those involved enough for nearly two decades of stupendous zombie excitement.  Lest I forget, let me note here that while I think Kirkman's vision and talent are the primary ingredients in The Walking Dead's success, the artwork has always been a perfect match to his gruesome musings.  The initial run was brought to life by Tony Moore, who is also credited as the co-creator, and Charlie Adlard took over from there--though Moore still handled the covers until issue #25.  The stability represented therein, which is a true rarity in this industry, is yet another driving force behind the scope and the magnificence of this once-in-a-lifetime venture.  In summary, there are few works of art that have meant so much to me, and I am truly sorry to be writing what I hope is both a rave review and a fond farewell.

Final Grade: A+

Tuesday, August 20, 2019

Short Attention Span Review - Forbidden World (1982)


Short Attention Span Review - Forbidden World (1982)

I should have known better.  I really should have.  But the cover was so pulpy and colorful, and the packaging seemed to promise a good time at the movies courtesy of a cheeky horror flick.  And so I journeyed to Forbidden World.  I did not enjoy my stay there.  Look, I enjoy some low-budget affairs (heck, I consider myself a John "Bud" Cardos fan), but this film looked cheap, sounded cheap, and felt cheap.  It was a ripoff, but that doesn't necessarily doom a film in my book.  It was also more of a softcore extravaganza than a horror film or a science fiction film.  And you know what?  June Chadwick is very easy on the eyes.  But is there any such thing as a good softcore movie?  And, so help me, watching poor June and her equally enticing co-star Dawn Dunlap throw themselves at star Jesse Vint (no offense, but dude is a far cry from anything resembling a stud-muffin) proved harder to digest than the hokey effects.  So, you know, I'm sure some of the people involved tried.  Maybe they tried really hard.  But that doesn't change the fact that Forbidden World is a tacky clone based on a flimsy script, featuring some bad acting (this doesn't include dear June Chadwick going wild for Jesse Vint, which was frankly Oscar-worthy stuff), cheap sets, lousy effects, and even recycled footage.  The only thing this movie has going for it would be those hot chicks throwing down with some slightly below-average Joe with a laser pistol, and a heavy dose of gore.  And I kinda liked the score.  For some, that may be enough, but I thought it was trash.  Anyone out there looking to score a copy of Forbidden World on Blu-Ray?

Final Grade: D-


Okay, June Chadwick is sensational to look at, no doubt it, but that's just not enough to make a trip to this Forbidden World worthwhile.

Monday, August 19, 2019

Short Attention Span Review - Lonesome Dove (1989)


Short Attention Span Review - Lonesome Dove (1989)

There's a reason so many people make such a fuss about Lonesome Dove, a sprawling epic from 1989 that still holds a lot of appeal for those who enjoy a good western.  It is a quality adaptation of a powerful story, and it features two stars enjoying robust parts perfectly tailored to their strengths.  I'm not sure that either Robert Duvall or Tommy Lee Jones were ever given as much to do with a role, and even though this is a mini-series, that's still a bold statement given their legendary careers.  This is a different animal, though, a work of considerable depth that is ripe with triumph and tragedy, laughter and heartache, excitement and drama--Lonesome Dove offers up all these things and so much more.  It is an ensemble piece, and other players like Danny Glover, Diane Lane, and Robert Urich, among others, have quite an impact on the proceedings.  But it is Duvall and Jones who are front and center throughout, and each man does a splendid job of bringing his character to life, aided by a Grade A script and equally compelling direction.  Gritty, warm, cold as ice, riveting, unbelievably sad, and truly inspiring, this tale leaves no stone unturned and hits the mark at every turn.  It is a grand western with a great many things to say, and it is sure to move anyone and everyone who joins a pair of rugged former Texas Rangers on an unforgettable cattle drive.  Lonesome Dove is a must-watch for those who enjoy the genre, and I have no qualms endorsing it for those who don't typically appreciate such fare.  Like I noted earlier, Lonesome Dove is a different animal, certain to reward viewers for years to come, and I heartily recommend it to those who enjoy my blog.

Final Grade: A+


Robert Duvall and Tommy Lee Jones are simply magnificent in this epic miniseries from 1989.  Nope, they don't make them like they used to.

Sunday, August 18, 2019

Short Attention Span Review - Passengers (2016)


Short Attention Span Review - Passengers (2016)

Passengers is a movie about many things, but it is primarily concerned with our need for companionship.  On a journey through space that will last something like 120 years, Chris Pratt's character wakes up prematurely with 90 years left to go.  His pod cannot be repaired, so he cannot go back to sleep and join the thousands of passengers who are blissfully unaware of his troubles.  Will he spend the rest of his life alone?  This difficult question becomes even tougher to grapple with when he discovers the writings of Jennifer Lawrence's character and essentially falls for her--this while she sleeps peacefully in her pod and he grapples with the strain of isolation.  Like most great speculative features, the movie hinges on the strength of this question: what would you do?  It's a powerful question, and Passengers presents it with impressive clarity.  It subsequently does a fine job of showing these characters build a life together under such extraordinary circumstances--and then, of course, Lawrence's character finds out what happened, and the movie asks a second profound question: what would you do if someone else pulled you into such a situation?  There is more at stake in Passengers, there is something amiss about the vessel these characters inhabit, which is why one of the pods malfunctioned to begin with.  Before the movie ends, these characters will have to work together to save themselves and all the other passengers.  There will be excitement and suspense, and the drama will be heightened as they struggle with impossible odds.  All of this is handled well; Passengers is a great-looking feature, and the direction, effects, and score are all dynamic.  In the end, however, it all really boils down to those questions and the work of Pratt and Lawrence, who do a fantastic job of exploring the material and bringing this stirring journey to life.

Final Grade: A

Pratt and Lawrence are asked to do an awful lot in what is essentially a two-person show, and each proves more than capable.

Friday, August 16, 2019

Fabulous Faves - Blade Runner (1982)


Fabulous Faves - Blade Runner (1982)

Blade Runner is a film that remains spellbinding better than thirty years after hitting the scene.  It remains a thorough yet quizzical offering that paints a complex picture, exploring some epic questions with pain-staking attention to detail.  Yet it leaves the viewer to ponder many of these questions, and that is what makes it so majestic.  It has so many strengths, to include visionary director Ridley Scott's most creative work, one of Harrison Ford's best performances, and mind-boggling special effects.  Yet I find this beloved film's most potent draw to be dear departed Rutger Hauer's stunning portrayal of one of the cinema's most compelling villains.  Hauer's Roy Batty is as tragic as he is fearsome, and the actor owned the role.  He brought subtlety and introspection to the table, and he also brought brute force and a fiendish zeal.  He was explosive and yet utterly relaxed; it is a completely natural showing that displays remarkable theatrics.  When Hauer recently passed and I paused to look back on his body of work, I couldn't stop thinking about his poignant demise in Blade Runner.  That sequence is truly sublime, and it is merely one of the many vibrant flourishes that make this 1982 production so profound.  All these years after being released, it continues to provide viewers with a fully realized escape into a stark and strangely hypnotic vision of a future that did not come to pass.  It boasts incredible drama, excitement, and stimulation that lasts until the final frame--and beyond.  Blade Runner remains a stunning achievement that surely ranks among the finest motion pictures ever made.

Final Grade: A+


Blade Runner is overflowing with riches, but if I were to single out any one element of this landmark science fiction production as being the most spectacular, I would point to Rutger Hauer's work as Roy Batty.  Roy is the primary antagonist, and he's also the heart and soul of the picture.  You don't often see that.

Short Attention Span Review - The Seven-Ups (1973)


Short Attention Span Review - The Seven-Ups (1973)

As a Jaws fanatic, it should come as no surprise that I'm a big fan of Roy Scheider, and the dude just positively killed it in the 70s.  Jaws is my favorite movie, Sorcerer is a scorcher, All That Jazz is sensational, and in addition to lead roles in those winners, Scheider co-starred in notable pictures like Marathon Man and The French Connection.  While The Seven-Ups isn't on par with those films, it is a capable thriller with a nifty plot and enough white-knuckle thrills to warrant a viewing.  Scheider is rock solid in the lead role, and this cops and robbers yarn moves at a brisk pace.  The biggest takeaway here, though, is a marvelous car chase.  I don't think I've ever seen this movie discussed when great car chases in cinema are debated, and it belongs in that conversation.  While it is a bit basic in many ways and doesn't approach greatness, The Seven-Ups is a solid venture that delivers a potent mix of thrills and intrigue.  Bonus points awarded for Richard Lynch's work as one of the primary villains and the ominous score from Don Ellis, whose efforts here would likely be more at home in a chiller.  I thought that dark score worked well here, ramping up the tension and underscoring the carnage.  In summary, while The Seven-Ups doesn't stack up to Roy's biggest features produced in the same decade, it is perfectly serviceable--it's a gritty thriller with a fine lead, enough suspense to keep the viewer invested, and one extra gnarly car chase.  Buckle up.

Final Grade: B+


I gave this one a B+ and not just a B because of that riveting car chase.

Tuesday, August 13, 2019

Everything Changed

Four weeks ago, I was on my way to work, you know, typical Monday stuff, and everything changed in a wicked instant. Everything. My life was totally upended in a fraction of a second amid the squeal of burning rubber and the thunderous bellow of impact. Now, this is no tragedy, good people, far from it, in fact. Did I catch a bad break? I guess so. I could have died. Heck, I probably should have died, and my future is suddenly wildly uncertain. And yes, I'm a hard-working father of five who basically lives paycheck to paycheck. This is America in 2019, after all, and where finances are concerned, I'm poor from poor. Go ahead and put those tissues away, though, because I swear to you that this is a happy story. You see, finances are insignificant in the grand scheme of things, and dollars and cents aside, I'm stinking rich. I may well be poor from poor, but I'm also loved from loved, and despite that which could have or should have happened, I'm still here. After spending right at a month in the hospital, I'm at home with my wonderful wife and my precious children. Okay, my recovery is far from over, the pain is intense, and no one really knows just what I'll be capable of when this journey is complete, but life is good. Like I said, everything changed a month ago, but I'm alive, and my family, my friends, and my community are rallying behind me. People I don't even know are rallying behind me.
That Monday morning that now somehow feels like it was both eons ago and yet mere moments ago at the same time didn't seem like anything special. I got up at 5:00 a.m., like always (read: WAY TOO EARLY), and I had just about completed my thirty-minute trek to work when an oncoming vehicle swerved into my lane. Why? Good question. There really isn't a good answer to that question, not on that road, but from where I sit, it really doesn't matter. It happened. I was doing about 55 in my trusty 2005 Suzuki Reno (best $1200 I ever spent), and I'm guessing the other guy was doing about the same. He wasn't driving a Reno, though. He sat behind the wheel of a Tahoe, and for those of you keeping score, the final from that little showdown reads like this: Tahoe 1, Reno 0. 
I can remember the impact, which was kinda like taking a stiff jab from King Kong, and then there's a little gap. After that black hole in my recollection, I came to and felt nothing but gratitude. I was alive! This seemed like a miracle to me, because while I couldn't recall anything but the very onset of the crash, I knew that I had survived a head-on collision with a much larger vehicle. The notion that my wife and kids might have awoken to a knock at the door and some horrendous news loomed large in my mind, and I was so thankful that I hadn't perished on impact. That's the first thing that I recall, an overwhelming sense of gratitude. 
The second thing to ping on my radar was pain, and good and plenty of it. I'm talking pain on a scale that I couldn't have imagined prior to the accident. This monumental suffering prompted a gruesome survey. I glanced about the vehicle first, actually thinking that it would be prudent to locate my phone and call my wife to tell her that my day had taken a bit of a swerve. The phone was nowhere to be found, and I remember thinking that the interior of the car looked like a Dali painting. Broken glass was everywhere. The Reno appeared to have taken a direct hit from a bazooka. My cd player was sideways. And there was blood all over the place. Blood was dripping from my face, And as I continued to process my surroundings, I looked over at my left arm. It appeared to be broken into three or four pieces, and it was bleeding freely. Okay, let's be clear, it was a gusher. 
Time for some truth, good people. When I saw my arm, two things happened. First, the mystery of the colossal pain was solved. Just looking at my arm crystallized everything--that destroyed limb was the beacon broadcasting all that agony at full volume. Secondly, a dreadful certainty sank in. I figured I was a goner, my friends. I was surely going to bleed out. I wasn't going to see my lovely wife or my amazing children again. This realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I don't recall any sort of fear where my life was concerned, no despair or remorse festered on a personal level-- at that moment, my own hopes and dreams didn't hold any value. All I could think about was my family. This would crush them. We are a family of seven, and we are a tight-knit bunch. Things were going to be so hard for my wife. My children were going to have to grapple with a glaring absence, and I could hardly bear to think about just how much this would devastate them. 
But I wasn't dead yet, and I figured God had already dealt me one miracle, so I quickly concluded that there could be no harm in hoping (and working) for another. The pain was severe enough that I could have lost myself in hysterics, and it may have been significant enough that I could have just closed my eyes and passed out. I had an idea that it would have been that simple. But I was thinking of my family, and yes, I was praying and thinking about miracles too. I decided to focus on my breathing. This is something my sensei (I have enjoyed the privilege of learning Tae Kwon Do from the incomparable Randy Misketch and his spectacular family for five years now) has promoted at length, and while a few of my peers have occasionally snickered at these exercises, I've always been a believer. So I inhaled strength and courage, and I exhaled fear and doubt. And I found my center, and I took control of the situation. 
An EMT with a radio in hand showed up at what remained of my door. This seemed odd, because I didn't feel like a lot of time had elapsed, and I hadn't heard any sirens wailing or caught sight of any flashing lights. I calmly directed him to some work clothes in the back of my misshapen Reno and used them to create a makeshift compress, which I pressed against my arm in a desperate bid to slow the bleeding. Maybe I had some success on this front; I don't know, it felt like a losing battle, particularly where my bicep was concerned. I still had the impression that I had broken my arm badly in a few places, and I figured I had also severed an artery. As it turns out, I was right about the artery. While I waged this battle, the EMT used his radio to make it clear that we were dealing with heavy bleeding and the need for a tourniquet and additional treatment was dire. I tried to get out of the car and found that my legs and my right arm seemed to be functional even though the Suzuki was basically wrapped around me. The door hadn't fared as well, though, and neither my mangled arm or the twisted vehicle would allow me to find another exit. I was trapped.
Then there were sirens, and I heard an angry old woman shouting about reckless driving. She sounded like she was ready to fight, and I was glad that she was on my side and not vice-versa. A tourniquet was applied to my arm while I was still trapped in what remained of my Reno, which was further dismantled in short order as emergency personnel hustled to remove the door and then the roof. This happened very quickly, and my view was limited; I had been covered with a sheet to shield me from all the broken glass. In spite of this, I would pick little specks out of my hair for weeks. Before I knew it, I was being loaded on a stretcher by several strong hands. 
Another tourniquet was quickly applied in the ambulance as we raced down the highway. No one told me to stay awake like they do in the movies, but it seemed like the right thing to do. So, I kept on inhaling strength and courage and exhaling fear and doubt when I wasn't too busy praying. The pain had grown stronger, but my resolve seemed to be increasing as well. I remained calm, I stayed alert, and I obeyed every command promptly and answered every question posed with great clarity--and maybe a bit more detail than was necessary. I talked to avoid thinking about the pain or wondering how badly my favorite left arm had been damaged. My EMTs were skilled and dedicated, and this gave me hope, but the pain continued to roar as I continued to bleed--and the ride to the hospital seemed to take forever.
Finally, we hit the ground running (or, in my case, being wheeled into the hospital on a stretcher by people who were running) at New Hanover Regional Medical Center. I got passed around a bit, still lucid, praying, breathing in strength and courage and exhaling fear and doubt, answering questions as needed and chatting amicably (I can't remember any of them, but I did try a few jokes) when there were no questions, though such shortages proved rare. Then I found myself being prepared for surgery. No one had been able to get through to my wife, so I was alone, but I felt optimistic--I had done all I could do, and I had made it this far. Then I overheard one of my surgeons addressing an aide with a desperate plea: "Is there anyone we can reach? It's critical that his loved ones get a chance to see him before surgery." That didn't sound so good. Another prayer went up. Another gulp of strength and courage got sucked in. Honestly, I still felt optimistic, and I was still hurting something fierce. I figured we might as well roll the dice and see if this second miracle would take. I hoped to wake up with two arms and my wife at my side, and I couldn't stand much more pain. I went under the knife with gratitude. There's that word again. For a guy whose life was in doubt, I was finding gratitude at every turn. I think it was my faith, and maybe the fact that I grew up on a dirt road.
Some say the struggle is real. I say that it runs through my veins. I went under.
The second miracle landed. Surgeons saved my arm and my life. I came through feeling blessed, so very blessed. They gave me a breakdown of the damage, and I didn't even care, my spirits continued to soar. The tally included one ravaged left arm, a badly broken nose, a fractured orbital bone, and a broken kneecap--and an awful lot of lacerations and scrapes, most of which were relatively minor. Straight up, I felt like celebrating. Yes, the road to recovery would be long and difficult. Yes, the pain was ferocious. Yes, there was still so damn much to fret over, to include the dangers of infection and the possibility that my arm might still be lost, and the knowledge that I may not be able to use it even if I kept it throughout all that lay ahead. But I was alive. My wife and kids didn't have to endure that knock at the door and all that came with it. I felt so incredibly thankful. 
Speaking of my wife, who works nights and has her phone set to avoid alerts until 8 a.m., she finally got that phone call while I was undergoing my first surgery. I would undergo five more surgeries during my three weeks at NHRMC. Since there was very little she could be told during that first call aside from the fact that I was in surgery, she drove to the hospital scared out of her mind. She has been by my side ever since, and in the last week, her duties have increased dramatically due to my being discharged from the hospital. In addition to managing my meds and working diligently to keep me as clean and as comfortable as possible, she mans my IV. She does pin care for me twice a day (I left the hospital with a stabilizing rod in my arm), and that is no easy feat. Thankfully for me, she is a strong and amazing woman, and she feels like God has used this experience to call upon her. She is beginning the journey toward being a nurse. So I'm in good hands, good people. My wife is a treasure, and I could never deserve her, but that's old news. I can't imagine trying to weather this storm without her.
The early stages were really hairy. Every trip to the bathroom felt like a round with Drago. Sleep lurked safely beyond my grasp, and a guy who lives paycheck to paycheck with a family of seven to fend for found himself on the shelf, wondering if he would be able to resume his job whenever this unexpected journey comes to an end. The prognosis was grim. The damage my left arm had been subjected to and the required treatment were both more in line with what physicians would see and recommend for a victim of a shark attack. No, my bones had not been broken or dislocated, but I had lost all that skin and tissue, to include all of my ligaments in my elbow, and the joint itself was completely exposed, drastically increasing my risk of infection. Still, I couldn't help but recall that hellacious impact, and the devastation it had wrought upon my beloved little Reno. I felt lucky. I could look at my wife and children and think about that knock at the door we avoided, and my heart would swell with gratitude. I did my best to share my appreciation with all the terrific doctors, nurses, and aides who tended to me in my time of need, offering them all the praise and thanks I could give voice to. It really seemed to touch many of them, and I was proud to do my best to lift up these hard-working people who have devoted themselves to helping others. And I kept at it with the jokes. A few of them hit the mark.
During my stay in the hospital, I would learn that I had been far luckier than I realized. While my ability* to emerge mostly intact from a vehicle that looked like it had been stepped on by Godzilla remained largely unexplained, there was a reason help had arrived at the scene with such haste. It would also explain why I saw an EMT before I heard any sirens or beheld any flashing lights. My accident had happened within a hundred yards or of the rescue squad and fire department in Riegelwood. They actually heard the wreck, and they came running. Without that particular break (and that is a monumental break, wouldn't you agree?), there is little doubt that I wouldn't have made it out of the car. I got another good break in that our hometown hospital is nothing short of phenomenal, with ortho ranking among their specialties. The surgeon who performed my pivotal first operation did a superb job, getting me off to a great start. 
So now, this fortunate and grateful dude is back home. My arm has that pesky stabilizing rod in it, and I'm wearing a giant immobilizing brace on my knee. I'm still on an IV as we work to avoid infection, and my wife does pin care on the stabilizing rod twice a day. I have one wound vac** change per week at home with a nurse's assistance, and I do the same thing once per week at the doctor's office. I am working toward a skin graft, but at present, I don't have enough skin at the wound site (my elbow) to support a graft. How long until we get there? Like many things, that is still up in the air. Could be four weeks, could be four months. Could be longer. Once we do the graft, provided the graft takes, we'll allow that time enough to heal, and then we'll do another surgery, and the doctors will repair my elbow. Yes, the joint is intact, but it won't function minus all those ligaments that I lost. Infection is still my biggest threat, and while we've come so far, a single bad break could send us back to square one. 
Once that repair takes place, I can throw myself into physical therapy, which will surely represent a battle, though I assure you all that I'm up to the challenge. Provided there are no setbacks along the way, what should I expect from my arm? Again, my future is uncertain. One thing is clear: a full recovery is not in the cards. Beyond that, some physicians have stated that I'll get pretty damn close to a full recovery while others have cautioned that I might not be able to do much at all with my arm. My job as an NDT technician requires me to perform vigorous inspections on welds in hard to reach places. It's a dangerous gig, with much of the work taking place at considerable heights. We do a lot of work in confined spaces. There's a lot of climbing involved, and there's a lot of crawling. There are volatile chemicals, radiation, and a host of other risk factors to contend with, great and small. It's physically demanding. It requires brains. It requires caution, diligence, and the ability to conquer your fears, as well as the ability to interpret and organize data, to engineer solutions and record our findings. It's quirky, truth be told, and for some reason, I dig it. And I won't be able to do it unless my left arm is at 75% or better in terms of function. My kids love softball and baseball, and I cherish pitching and catching with them. We enjoy those excellent Se Jong Tae Kwon Do classes together as a family. My life as I know it is hanging in the balance, good people.
But that's okay. I'm lucky to be here, and I'm optimistic. I think I'm going to get 75% or more out of this arm--and if I don't, I'll be okay. I still have so many reasons for gratitude that it would be pointless to try and list them all. However, some praise is most assuredly warranted here. I would start with my God, who has surrounded me with love and support. I would then point to the family I treasure and the friends who have my back like a jacket. Our church family at Pine Valley Baptist Church truly rocks, and the same could be said for both our martial arts family and our softball family. I need to dish out some props to my company and all of my exceptional co-workers. And I would not proceed here without alluding to my community at large and even all of those strangers who have thrown their weight behind me. We have a fundraiser that is going strong, we've been showered with donations, meals, and gifts. People have watched our children and helped us transport them to practice or church. Friends have moved furniture for us and tended to our lawn. We have been awed and humbled by the assistance we have received. Last but surely not least, I would single out my wife. She's my best friend, and she's the best person I have ever known.
Kristen has helped me every step of the way, and we're taking things one day at a time, rising to every challenge, embracing every success, and accepting any setbacks with grace. God is with us, and so are you, and we're going to win this one. 
You can support our fundraiser on Facebook here. Every donation helps, and even a simple share is greatly appreciated. Your prayers and thoughts are welcome; I am a man of faith, and even if I wasn't, it would be hard to discredit the power of prayer in light of my experience. My journey is far from over. My future remains uncertain, but I am blessed, and I continue to find gratitude at every turn. Honestly, I'm compelled to do another round of thank yous. I thank God again for allowing me to make it this far, and I thank him for giving me hope that the recovery I'm working toward will be our next miracle. I want to thank my wife for being nothing short of amazing. I could spend all day thanking her for being my wife, and it would not be enough. I want to thank my children for being the wind beneath my wings and the joy that dances within my merry soul. I want to thank my family and friends for supporting us and lifting us up in amazing ways. I want to thank our church family once more for being there whenever and wherever we need them, and showering us with love. I want to thank our Tae Kwon Do family and our softball family for helping us as much as they possibly can, and going above and beyond any and all reasonable expectations in their support. I would also thank the community at large once more, to include all those lovely folks I don't personally know from near and far who have joined themselves to our cause--these giving souls should be noted again for the aid and encouragement they have directed our way. I thank the skilled people at New Hanover for getting me this fair, and I stand ready for whatever tomorrow may bring with the knowledge that I am blessed and loved far more than I could have imagined before Monday, July 15.
That's when I nearly died, but more importantly, that's when everything changed for me, because that's when I learned the true meaning of gratitude. Thank you all so very much, and God bless.
*Those who know me well understand that I take my fitness seriously. I lead an active life, and my job is strenuous. Being in shape is very important to me. Several physicians have advised me that my conditioning likely played a key role in my initial survival. Leading up to the crash, I was a bit fanatical about ramping up my workouts, often to my wonderful wife's chagrin. A few people had taken note of this, and I had responded that I didn't know what fight I was training for, but I fully intended to be ready. Well, I guess that's just another good break, as it turns out, and there's no longer any mystery about my opponent.
**A wound vac is a machine that pumps fluid out of an open wound. With my elbow, it was useful in the early stages as a means to avoid infection. At present, it is more beneficial because it stimulates skin growth, so it's helping me as I work toward that skin graft.