Marvel's Secret Wars (2015) - Issue #6

Marvel's 2015 version of the Secret Wars is so amazing that I may just stop reading comics.  Okay, so maybe it's not that bad, or maybe it is that bad, but that statement is still an exercise in hyperbole.  There are lots of cool comics out there and I have a lot of love for this particular form of storytelling.  I just want to be clear here, and if need be I'll remind everyone reading this that I'm a huge fan of comics with most of my favorite titles coming c/o Marvel.  Yet the simple truth remains: this Secret Wars is a steaming pile of shit.  We've been treated to a lot of exposition (like, I can totally picture Alan Moore reading these books and saying, "Wow, that is a LOT of exposition.") and thus far all the action has been missing in action.  Most importantly, the characters we know and love have been missing in action.  You may have glimpsed Captain America or Iron Man (or Spider-Man, or pretty much anyone aside from Dr. Doom) on the covers or the promotional materials for this mega-crossover, but they aren't doing anything within the pages of this series.  No one is doing much of anything in these books aside from talking, honestly, and I'm pretty much fed up with it.  The last issue ended with what appeared to be the onset of a magnificent battle, leading me to think that this issue might kick a little ass, but then it began with the words "Three Weeks Later" and we are treated to the aftermath of that magnificent battle instead.  Seriously.  From there, we got (what else?) more exposition.  If this was a soap opera, it would be relatively inexpensive to produce (the costumes might not be cheap, but there would be no need for any stunts or special effects) and it might just be a masterpiece.  In terms of comic book crossovers, this is probably the biggest dud of them all--and it's called Secret Wars.  It's bullshit.  In fact, that's the best way to put it.  Let's pretend that I didn't write any of this stuff explaining my position.  Let's pretend that this is the actual review:

Marvel's Secret Wars (2015) - Issue #6

It's bullshit. 

Final Grade: F

Issue #1 - Final Grade: D- - read the review  here.
Issue #2 - Final Grade: B - read the review here.
Issue #3 - Final Grade: C - read the review here. 
Issue #4 - Final Grade: A+ - read the review here.
Issue #5 - Final Grade: F - read the review here.