Short Attention Span Review: Overlord (2018)

Short Attention Span Review: Overlord (2018)

Overlord is a bit generic in many ways, and it doesn't do anything particularly new or inventive, but it does a great many things very well.  First and foremost, the opening and closing reel are bombastic forays into nearly unheralded excitement coupled with a gore quotient that would make Sam Raimi blush.  In fact, there is also an outlandish energy present in these segments that Raimi could appreciate, though I'm not sure that he has every done anything this hardcore.  And while it is far from revolutionary, it did brighten my heart considerably given that I haven't seen this sort of bloody romp on the big screen in quite some time.  The filmmaking is superb, with the opening descent into chaos in particular sporting some inspired bits that are both perfectly realized and totally incredible.  Most importantly, while the picture is often an exercise in unbridled intensity and gruesome shenanigans, it also takes the time to build some strong characters.  Yes, they're types to a large extent, but they are given enough to do aside from enduring supernatural Nazi terror that we ultimately find them endearing.  Our heroes are likable for the most part, and easy enough to root for, and the villains are suitably despicable and intimidating.  The big standout here is Wyatt Russell, whose Ford is so committed to completing the mission that grim setbacks, overwhelming odds, and even demented experiments gone wrong never threaten his devotion.  He oozes both badass and coolness, and the character is damn near iconic.  On the whole, Overlord is a zany action/horror hybrid that never aims for sophistication or greatness.  No, it merely exists to entertain, and it never misses on that front, serving up a vivid rollercoaster ride with wild thrills and spooky atmosphere to spare.

Final Grade: B+

Wyatt Russell is on point as Ford, a first rate badass whose cool demeanor and unwavering toughness nearly lead the character into iconic territory. 

Short Attention Span Review: Halloween (2018)

Short Attention Span Review: Halloween (2018)

Like so many of my fellow fright fans, I have been eagerly awaiting this one.  While it is proving somewhat divisive, I will add my voice to the camp that is heaping praise on this nightmarish follow-up to John Carpenter's original classic.  It is not perfect, and it may not match the power of the first one, which was leaner, meaner, and far more unexpected upon arrival.  However, it is a tremendous addition to the franchise, easily qualifying as the best addition to the Halloween legacy; some may deem that slight praise, but I enjoy most of the movies in this series.  However, if necessary, I will go even further in my recommendation here, for I found this Halloween to be one of the best sequels I have ever encountered.  It is the rare second chapter that adds to the story rather than rehashing it, paving the way for a grand new vision of what transpired after Michael's gruesome homecoming back in 1978.  It does so in a bold manner, ignoring everything that came after the first picture and raising the stakes dramatically, taking the protagonist on a sensational journey through PTSD, determination, and alienation.  And in the end, it puts Laurie and those she holds most dear (even if they don't necessarily share this affection) to the ultimate test.  Throughout this grim odyssey, Jamie Lee Curtis fires on all cylinders, offering up what may just be her definitive performance--and further cementing her place in the hallowed hall of scream queens.  In fact, she may just own the top spot on that list thanks to this riveting showcase. One can only imagine how thrilled she must have been when she received this script, which is built upon a vision of Laurie Strode as a deeply troubled woman who becomes a force to be reckoned with by refusing to to be a victim.  Both the opening and the closing are supreme, with the grand finale standing as one of the better showdowns I have seen in such fare.  There are a few dry spots along the way, but there are also numerous clever set pieces rooted in suspense and terror, and at least one major surprise.  Curtis isn't the only one seeking to elevate this picture, as her co-stars also perform admirably, and Carpenter's updated score is positively massive.  Honestly, this is the finest treat I could have hoped to receive this October, and I encourage horror fans to catch this one in the cinema.  David Gordon Green has done a remarkable job with one of the genre's most chilling entities, and opportunities to take in a horror film of this stature on the big screen should not be missed.

Final Grade: A

Jamie Lee Curtis has never been better, and this Halloween is a worthy follow-up to the John Carpenter original that ignited a legacy of terror.

Powerful Pages: Maynard's House by Herman Raucher (1980)

Powerful Pages: Maynard's House by Herman Raucher (1980)

This book had quite an impact on me in my youth, but it had faded into the fog of memory.  With that in mind, I was eager to revisit it this year during the spooky season, but I did so with some trepidation.  All too often, art that wowed us in our formative years wilts under mature inspection.  I shouldn't have worried.  Herman Raucher's thoroughly unique haunted house tale seems even more significant upon deeper reflection, and I somehow doubt this impression will dwindle going forward.  The author has a gift for detail that shows up everywhere, painting a lovely picture of a foreboding setting, deftly fleshing out the characters, and thoroughly ensnaring the reader in a nuanced plot.  The story centers on a plucky Vietnam vet with a quick tongue and an impulsive need to leap headlong into challenging situations.  He has inherited a fallen comrade's meager home in the harshest recesses of New England.  There, this adrift fellow who desires nothing more than some sense of purpose finds himself in the midst of another war.  In fact, he finds himself fighting several battles on treacherous fronts, with a loss in any of these conflicts spelling certain doom for our stubborn hero.  Beyond the isolation of his new home, Austin Fletcher must contend with a serious case of PTSD*, a harrowing winter, and a desperate search for identity in a world where he can never find sanctuary.  Oh yeah, and the house is haunted by a vengeful witch, and there may or may not be a ferocious bear on the prowl.  Given the protagonist's weakening grasp on reality, much of the novel leaves the reader to determine whether or not the perils at hand are real or imagined.  Lest that sounds too quaint for my fellow horror fans, fear not, for the sense of dread is powerful, and in one of the most riveting passages I have ever encountered, Raucher plunges the reader into a nightmarish depiction of absolute evil guaranteed to unnerve even the hardiest of the hardy.  The ending is perhaps the strongest portion of an impressive work and a delightful read.  Some may find it too mercurial to rank among the best excursions into the macabre that literature has to offer us, but I'm obliged to give Maynard's House my highest recommendation.

*The author conveys the combat veteran's condition with alarming precision and incredible empathy, and this novel was written long before analysis had graduated from a simple understanding of so-called "shell shock" to the more detailed study and acceptance of Post-traumatic Stress Disorder we see today.

Final Grade: A+

Short Attention Span Review: The House by the Cemetery (1981)

Short Attention Span Review: House by the Cemetery (1981)

While commonly regarded as one of Italian gore maestro Lucio Fulci's best efforts, House by the Cemetery is likely his most-maligned fan favorite.  This criticism isn't unwarranted, as in many ways the picture is a bit of a mess.  The English dub is an abomination, mostly due to the horrible job they did with young Bob's dialogue, which is truly wretched.  Also, either the picture lost a lot in terms of editing and that sub-par dub, or the script was a mess.  The film is littered with plot holes and boasts some of the most questionable character logic you'll ever see.  This may work in its favor, however, as House by the Cemetery functions largely as a surreal nightmare.  It is also so derivative that it becomes its own unique absurdity, if such a thing is possible, riffing on a gruesome host of beloved horror tropes.  These elements include everything from haunted houses, mad scientists, ghouls, spooky kids, ghastly premonitions, housewives going mad, driven dads who may just be lunatics, to good old-fashioned slasher flicks.  On the positive side of the coin, the cinematography is astounding, the score is mesmerizing, and Fulci brings his trademark gory gloom and doom to a full boil.  He really finds his stride in the last reel, which is utterly horrific, and the director's undying love for downer endings gives this climax some added impact.  Reasonable viewers may well find themselves talking to the screen as things spiral out of control in that final reel.  I watched this one last night, and I said "Nope" a great many times and offered up some iteration of "Don't go in the basement!" at least a dozen times or more.  Unlike The Beyond, Zombi, or City of the Living Dead, Fulci doesn't quite nail the parting shot, which I'm not quite sure I can make heads or tails of.  The verdict is clear, however; House by the Cemetery falls well short of Lucio Fulci's best output, but probably warrants a spot in his Top 5.  It is more than a little problematic, but the creepy factor is high, and the final act is relentless and terrifying in equal measures.

Final Grade: B-

It's a bit of a mess, but it still works, and the scares come fast and furious as House by the Cemetery  nears its grim conclusion.

Short Attention Span Review: Rogue (2007)

Short Attention Span Review: Rogue (2007)

Yes, I have a weakness for both creature features and nature runs amok outings, so they had me at giant crocodile.  However, for every Alligator there are at least a dozen lackluster imitations.  So, despite the presence of director Greg McLean at the helm and genre favorite Radha Mitchell in a lead role, I was no more than cautiously optimistic when I first sat down to watch this 2007 production.  While it was no Jaws (I'm sorry, I know there will never be another Jaws, but like everyone else who pens such reviews, I'm required to say that of any picture in this vein), I can heartily recommend this nailbiter from down under.  Like many fine Australian featurs that precede it, Rogue makes great use of the stunning locales and the rugged mystique of the Outback.  It also makes great use of a sharp script and several fine performances, with the first act serving as both a showcase for stunning cinematography that makes great use of some splendid scenery and a compelling introduction to an assortment of characters.  Most are likable enough, though Sam Worthington shines in an early role as a complete tool who summons some major heroism when the going gets tough and the tough start getting devoured by a mammoth crocodile.  The second act is more about mounting tension and features some white-knuckle thrills, while the third and finale act is a bloody showdown between man and beast.  While that third act is wildly unrealistic but unquestionably entertaining, it's really the first two acts that lift Rogue toward the high water mark for such fare.  In the end, this is a crafty horror flick that aspires to be nothing more than a killer B movie--and sticks the landing.

Final Grade: B

Given that this comes from the director of Wolf Creek, it should come as no surprise that it packs a bit more suspense and tension than your average nature runs amok chiller.

Short Attention Span Review: The Predator (2018)

Short Attention Span Review: The Predator (2018)

I am probably the last guy on the planet you could sell a comedic reboot of this material to.  I treasure the first entry from 1987, and I think the sequel was a lesser film but a worthy follow-up nonetheless.  The later crossovers with those other extraterrestial fiends we all know and love so well were average at best, but I found them to be guilty pleasures.  Well, I liked the first one anyway.  All things considered, this is a franchise that I have strong feelings for, particularly when it comes to that original classic, a testament to manliness and gruesome thrills.  So, yeah, the very idea of a comedic reboot makes me cringe.  And yet . . . I guess it's a good thing I'm a big fan of Fred Dekker's filmography, with both Night of the Creeps and The Monster Squad registering as personal favorites.  Make no mistake, this quirky chiller/thriller has his fingerprints all over it.  He may be playing in Shane Black's sandbox (and Black's raunchy humor is on display throughout), but The Predator feels more like Dekker's take on the first two features.  As such, it is a lot of fun.  In addition to being chock full of laughs, it also has some heart, it's gory as all get out, and it has several rollicking action set pieces.  Now, many will not share my affection for Dekker's wit, and thus the shift in tone will drive them up the wall.  It is surely a departure, and not a minor one.  Yet it offers numerous callbacks to the first two outings and assembles a badass* team of its own.  In terms of casting, Black nailed it, with Boyd Holbrook showing serious promise as a leading man while Thomas Jane gives one of his most unique performances to date as a loose cannon with Tourette's syndrome.  The rest of the gang manages to deliver big on the humor front while also holding it down when it's time to throw down.  I'm relatively certain that this one sports the biggest body count of the series by a hefty margin.  The frequent forays into bloody mayhem that litter the screen with corpses should ensure that those who find the absurdist approach bothersome are able to wring some joy out of a viewing.  We're dealing with a different breed of predator, no doubt about it, but I had a blast with this wonky creature feature that bombards viewers with jokes, bullets, and body parts.

*Certifiable, but badass.

Final Grade: B

Boyd Holbrook, leading man? This movie shows that he can do the job.

Powerful Pages: Neomicon (2010-2011) and Providence (2015-2017) by Alan Moore and Jacen Burrows

Powerful Pages: Neonomicon (2010-2011) and Providence (2015-2017) by Alan Moore and Jacen Burrows:

I have read some strange shit, people, but nothing quite like this.  I'm combining these reviews because the two tales are essentially one epic piece of literature, with Providence acting as both prequel and sequel to its predecessor.  Either collection would be oddly incomplete without its counterpart, and those who sully themselves with either piece of this demented puzzle should put all the pieces together and gaze with terror upon the work as a whole.  Essentially, this is Alan Moore's take on Lovecraftian horror (Lovecraft himself even pops up in the proceedings) with stunning art courtesy of Jacen Burrows.  Aside from Watchmen and his legendary Swamp Thing run, this must be considered Moore's most compelling material to date, and it is entirely possible that his writing has never been better.  Yet it is also entirely true that he has never been this provocative, and both Neonomicon and Providence are extremely difficult reads.  I actually had a bit of a revelation while reading this.  It involves Moore's take on Lovecraftian horror.  As some might surmise given this dynamic artist's knack for expanding upon contemporary mythology, he actually redefines this sub-genre and takes it to new heights in the process.  He does so by taking it to repulsive lows, and therein lies the revelation.  Given that Lovecraft's beloved prose is rather dated and he approached his vile musings with a dry and methodical tone, I believe that most who seek to revisit the subject matter that so enthralled him do so without really appreciating the terror and deviance that punctuates his forbidden folklore.  As such, most Lovecraftian horror as we know it is a bit too quaint, a bit too intellectual, and entirely too detached from reality.  Moore has no interest in paying homage or pulling punches, and he allows his twisted tale of ancient evil and tortured vessels to play out in stunning fashion without distancing his readers from the grotesque dread or the carnal depravity that this unholy descent into madness and horror warrants.  I will confess that I repeatedly yearned to put this blood-curdling opus down.  I found both offerings to be deeply disturbing and equally woeful.  However, the writing was so powerful and the tale was so gripping that I had no choice but to see it through.  Like many tales that are hard to endure but perfectly realized, it is tough to provide a fair assessment.  If I give this an "A," I feel like I'm encouraging my readers to go snag a copy and dig in, and surely the craftmanship warrants as much, yet I'm inclined to spare you.  Much of the art that I highly recommend is entertaining above all else, and this is quality art at the opposite end of the spectrum.  It is a supreme piece of storytelling, indeed, but I'm not promising you a good time if you embark upon this journey.  No, quite the opposite.  Buckle up, peeps, those of you who try this one on for size may wind up emotionally scarred.  That is sincerity, not hyperbole, such is the power and the spellbinding horror of Neonomicon and Providence.

Note: like Watchmen, each issue of Providence boasts supplemental material beyond the standard comic pages employed to deliver the goods.  And, like Watchmen, readers must make time for this material as well.  It is integral to the story.


Final Grade: A+.  But I warned you.  Proceed with caution.  Or don't proceed at all.  Maybe read Watchmen instead.  I don't think anyone ever doubted their sanity as they worked their way through that testament to the grandeur of comics.

Dark, grim, and utterly deplorable, this sprawling saga is a diabolical journey that qualifies as perahps the single most demented selection of worthwhile fiction that I have ever encountered.

Short Attention Span Review: Ready Player One

Short Attention Span Review: Ready Player One (2017)

Ready Player One is such a treat for the eyes.  It's also maybe the biggest love letter to pop culture of the 80s and 90s that we've ever seen (sorry, Stranger Things), and it also gives both video games and gamer culture a lot of love.  With all that in mind, it's easy to overlook the two biggest reasons to make time for this whimsical thrill ride.  First, it's Spielberg at his very best, and in my humble opinion, it may be the most impressive motion picture he has directed since his heyday in the years this sci-fi marvel  holds in such high regard.  Secondly, it's a quality story that somehow manages to honor all the various forms of media at the forefront of the tale while underscoring how reality trumps fantasy.  The effects are absolutely stupendous, and all the pop culture icons that litter the screen are represented well.  Those of us who treasure the 80s and 90s will be awed by the multitude of easter eggs in the mix, and spotting these loving little shoutouts is almost as much as fun as enjoying the riches of the tale itself.  Some of the various love letters amount to much more than cameos, and the sequence where the characters enter a legendary horror film may be the highlight of the show.  Honestly, while this picture seems tailor-made for those of us who lived through the 80s and 90s or children whose parents have educated them well on the folklore of our youth, it is so vibrant and exciting that even those who don't grasp many of the references will be delighted.  Some may claim that it's more of an homage to pop culture or video games than it is an original story, but I think that's unfair.  It's a powerful tale (I thought it was roughly akin to Willy Wonka for this generation) that uses these elements to fabulous effect while clearly presenting viewers with a thrilling vision that enthralls and entertains in equal measures. 


Final Score: A

It's not just a love letter to video games and the pop culture of the 80s and 90s, it's also Grade A Spielberg.

Short Attention Span Review: The Last Wave (1977)

Short Attention Span Review: The Last Wave (1977)

A pragmatic lawyer suffering from strange dreams and eerie visions takes on a case involving aborigines and tribal murder.  Slowly but surely, he starts to believe that his dreams and visions may hint at an impending apocalypse.  Is he losing his mind or has he stumbled upon some horrible truth?  Richard Chamberlain stars in this deliberate but troubling venture from noted director Peter Weir.  Grounded and populated by believable characters and sound performances, The Last Wave also sports a spooky score and several gripping sequences wherein these dreams and visions intertwine with the main character's unfortunate reality.  One of this picutre's greatest strengths is its fierce independence, and yet this may also be a shortcoming.  While I applaud anything unique and difficult to classify, it's hard to succeed in the absence of an audience.  The Last Wave is a rich and intriguing film, but I'm not quite sure who it is designed for.  Horror fans will yearn for a bit more carnage, while drama fans are going to be bothered by the supernatural element and the occasional forays into demented imagery.  Having said that, the macabre aspects of the feature do benefit from the restraint and the subtlety on display, giving them greater significance and making the ultimate fate of the protagonist resonate with the viewer.  While it is slow at times and uneven at others, The Last Wave is also curious and compelling, and it surely benefits from Weir's potent artistry and Chamberlain's undeniable charisma.  If you're lookie for a subdued movie that bridges the gap between your favorite courtroom drama and The Twilight Zone, look no further.

Final Grade: B-

Ominous and captivating, The Last Wave is an unusual affair that is both measured and surprisingly unsettling.

Short Attention Span Review: Atomic Blonde (2017)

Short Attention Span Review: Atomic Blonde (2017)

Stylish, vibrant, and exciting as hell, Atomic Blonde is a top shelf thrill ride that features two incredible performances and some of the most vicious action sequences ever captured on film.  First off, Charlize Theron is great in every role she decides to tackle, so it can't be considered much of a surprise that she is such an incredible asset to this slick spy thriller.  In what has to be her most physical role to date, she proves to be one of the most dangerous cinema badasses we've yet to encounter, and Atomic Blonde boasts several quality showdowns and one brutal battle royal for the ages.  She is almost matched by James McAvoy, who gets to cut loose in one of his most outlandish roles.  In truth, this may be my favorite thing he has done, and I consider myself quite a fan of his work, so that's high praise.  He's so volatile and so entertaining, and he shows off some action chops as well, though the film clearly belongs to Charlize.  Director David Leitch makes great use of an 80s setting for this vintage spy caper and even greater use of a fabulous 80s soundtrack.  He rounds out his cast with heavyweights like John Goodman and Bill Skarsgard, and even gets a deft showing out of Til Schweiger.  Leitch also wisely allows Daniel Bernhardt to give the heavies a boost with his menacing persona and his martial arts prowess.  Given that Leitch has a background in stunts and made his mark directing some scenes for John Wick, it should come as no surprise that he handles the action with incredible finesse.  However, I feel like it is his apparent skill in other areas that makes Atomic Blonde such a captivating success.  Yes, the film features several high-octane action bits, but it is also a mesmerizing thriller with numerous twists and turns, and enough emotional heft to keep viewers fully invested in both the characters and the intrigue.  Add the great use of a pivotal period in global history and a massive soundtrack, and you have a killer flick that deserves far more acclaim than it has received to date.

Final Grade: A+

Let's face it, Charlize kills every role she takes on, so it should come as no surprise that she slays it in perhaps her most physical role to date as an ultimate badass in Atomic Blonde.

Short Attention Span Review: Mandy (2018)

Short Attention Span Review: Mandy (2018)

Mandy is a showstopper, no doubt about it.  It's also a tough watch on a few levels.  I would say that 75% of the movie-going public will hate it for one reason or another.  Many will not survive the deliberate and ominous first act.  Many will be unable to handle the hardcore violence that becomes more and more prominent as the film progresses.  Others won't like the trippy aspects of the show, and then there are those who won't be able to handle batshit crazy Nicolas Cage.  In all honesty, I found all of these elements to be strengths, with only the deliberate pacing of the first reel threatening to spoil my enjoyment.  I like a slow burn, but that opening pushes the concept to its very limits.  Thankfully, once things ramped up, I found myself in cult classic heaven--or I guess cult classic hell would be more like it in this case.  I'm also not opposed to trippy flicks when they work, and I think that Mandy remains coherent while also emerging as perhaps the trippiest picture I've ever enjoyed.  The violence is a welcome payoff after that subdued opening, and I was pleasantly surprised by the quality of the choreography on display.  All too often, filmmakers who take a deliberate approach to their craft have a hard time dishing out thrills when it's time to start cooking.  That was not the case here, and Panos Cosmatos surely honored his father's legacy with a handful of visceral confrontations and some badass imagery.  Finally, while the script and direction are both solid but flawed, the hype surrounding Nicolas Cage's performance in Mandy is absolutely warranted.  He never falters, offering up an authoritative and nuanced portrayal of a quest for vengeance like no other.  Cage has often been praised as an actor of talent, yet he has also garnered a reputation for going gleefully over-the-top and perhaps even sabotaging his work with a lack of restraint.  I have seen (and enjoyed) both flavors of Cage, but this may the first time that I've seen the two occupy the same space.  It is impossible to imagine anyone else playing this part, and even when the picture is moving a bit too slow or exploding into surreal territory that mercilessly stretches the very bounds of credibility--even as it relates to a gonzo horror film set in alternate universe--it is Cage's passion and skill that holds the viewer's attention.  No bullshit, I would nominate him for an Oscar if I could.  But I can't, and the Oscars are bullshit anyway.  Mandy, on the other hand, is totally legitimate.

Final Grade: B+

Cosmatos does some amazing things with his direction, but occassionally falters.  His star, however, is at the top of his game throughout.  Could this be Cage's finest hour?  That's certainly a possibility.

Short Attention Span Review - SPL: Kill Zone (2005)

Short Attention Span Review - SPL: Kill Zone (2005)

While it may be as overwrought and melodramatic as vintage John Woo, SPL: Kill Zone has earned its reputation.  A hard-boiled cops and robbers epic and a martial arts masterpiece, this one fires on all cylinders.  Yes, it gets a bit sappy here and there, and those looking for karate kicks and gunfights may grow impatient with the depth and and the occasional forays into soap opera territory.  However, once the fisticuffs begin and the lead starts to fly, all bets are off.  Many will watch this one for the first time eagerly anticipating the much-heralded finale wherein Donnie Yen and Sammo Hung lock horns, and there can be no doubt that this is a showdown for the ages.  However, the battle that precedes it, wherein Yen goes toe to toe with Wu Jing in an alley with each man wielding a weapon, is truly the showstopper here.  While the big finale doesn't disappoint, Donnie and Wu Jing give us one of the finest cinematic duels ever captured on film.  Fueled by lightning-fast exchanges and bloody devestation, this is both a close-quarters gem given the confines of the alley and a weapons exchange that would make the Shaw Brothers proud.  The plot is solid and the movie stands as something akin to Heat cross-pollinated with Enter the Dragon, with a heaping dose of noir permeating the proceedings.  SPOILER ALERT: Seriously, good people, the ending steers the flick into major downer territory--and I'm not saying the bad guys win here, peeps.  Read my lips: everyone loses.  In fact, everyone loses everything, with each character acting as the architect of his own downfall in some way.  It's heavy stuff, so prepare yourselves.  The adrenaline that the action generates will quickly give way to some serious heartache as the tale reaches its despair-ridden conclusion.  You have been warned.  The good news is that you will have a hell of a good time on your way to this dreadful destination.

Final Grade: B

While the big showdown between Yen and Hung doesn't disappoint, the alley fight scene where Yen and Wu Jing go at it is on another level altogether.

Short Attention Span Review: Tourist Trap (1979)

Short Attention Span Review: Tourist Trap (1979)

This is one of those older horror films with a woefully misleading PG rating.  Seriously, I have no idea what the MPAA was thinking.  It isn't all that gory, true, but it is bloody, and the movie is very dark and very intense, with at least one deeply traumatizing death scene.  It is also sadistic and incredibly creepy, and anyone who is bothered by mannequins should steer clear of this ghoulish sleeper from 1979.  The premise is kooky and there are a few flaws in the execution, but it is easy to forgive any shortcomings in light of the dreadful atmosphere and the eerie tone of Tourist Trap.  Chuck Connors did a fine job anchoring the piece, and he got a big assist from a young cast of unknowns that included the gorgeous Tanya Roberts and established Jocelyn Jones as a legitimate talent.  The direction from David Schmoeller and the effects work serve as the backbone of the ghastly affair, and the picture gets a boost from the malicious tone that keeps the viewer riveted for the duration of the show.  This is more in the vein of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre than a slasher flick, but the supernatural element really sets it apart.  All things considered, Tourist Trap is wildly unique and decidedly grim, and it is a shame that it doesn't enjoy the fanfare it rightfully deserves.  While it has a modest cult following, it is quite the low-budget powerhouse, generating big scares and growing stranger and more frightful with every minute that passes.  An unnerving script, fine direction, some quality performances, and a nerve-jangling descent into terror?  You know this one is a hit in my book.

Final Grade: B

Tourist Trap is a real oddity, and it is creepy as hell.  People who are unnerved by mannequins will be scarred for life after a single viewing.

Monster Jams: Clutch - Book of Bad Decisions (released 9/7/2018)

Monster Jams: Clutch - Book of Bad Decisions (released 9/7/2018)

Clutch has released a new album, the latest advance in their quest to transition into a rock and blues band with some jazz influences popping up in the mix as well.  There are still moments when they display the fire and gusto that made them a force to be reckoned with in their wild and woolly days, but the band has clearly embraced restraint and nuance to go along with advanced musicality at this stage of their evolution.  This may or may not be a bad thing; the album definitely rocks, and even if there are boundaries in place and less ferocity than old school fans may yearn for, your average rock fan is more apt to enjoy Book of Bad Decisions from start to finish.  For many, this new approach may be preferable--if your opinion of the band has been rising since they started taking fewer risks and toning down their intensity (say somewhere between the release of Robot Hive/Exodus in 2005 and From Beale St. to Oblivion in 2007), you may rate this among the band's best offerings.  If, on the other hand, you greet each release from these former stoner rock titans with some measure of hope that the guns blazing glory of Elephant Riders will rise from the ashes, you're bound to be disappointed.  I fall somewhere between these two categories.  I enjoy the new flavor, and I can't dispute the fact that this is a quality album (though it must be stated that it offers more material but less punch than their 2015 album, Psychic Warfare), but I wouldn't dare put it up there with releases like the previously-mentioned Elephant Riders, Blast  Tyrant, or Transnational Speedway League.  Is the band more precise?  Absolutely.  Are they still doing it their own way and making raucous noise?  Certainly.  Does it compare to that era when they offered up wild exploration and deftly intertwined metal, funk, and something akin to rage in the first half of their discography?  Man, I don't think it's even close.  Still, Book of Bad Decisions is a tight collection with several killer grooves, and Neil is still spitting about absurd shit even if he has mellowed out a bit.  "Hot Bottom Feeder" and the title track even flirt with the notion of serving as throwbacks to the band's furious past.  Other standout tracks include "Gimme the Keys," "In Walks Barbarella," and "H.B. is in Control."

Final Grade: B-

Burt Reynolds Salute - White Lightning (1973) and Gator (1976)

Today, film icon Burt Reynolds passed away.  Known for a tumultuous career with considerable peaks and valleys, there was a time when he ruled the box office with his country charm and mischevious antics.  While he will probably always be best known for comedic gems like The Longest Yard or Smokey and the Bandit, one can't overlook his more serious work in powerful films like his breakthrough role in Deliverance or his big comeback decades later in Boogie Nights.  Given that I hit the scene in 1978 and Burt's greatest success came during the late 70s and extended into the early 80s, he was no stranger in my household.  I grew up in the foothills of the Appalachian mountains, knee-deep in moonshine country, so two of his lesser-known pictures were particular favorites.  I still consider White Lightning (1973) and Gator (1976) to be his best work, even if the sequel is not nearly as potent.  In light of Burt's demise, I thought I would share my thoughts on these southern thrillers with you here.

Burt Reynolds Salute - White Lightning (1973)

White Lighting is a revenge thriller with some serious deep south flair, and it all hinges on a layered performance from Reynolds.  He plays "Gator" McClusky, a hotshot moonshine runner who is cooling his heels in the joint when his little brother is murdered by a sadistic sheriff.  Set on vengeance, Gator mounts a reckless escape attempt that ultimately fails.  Without any other means of getting revenge at his disposal, he decides to turn informant for the feds and shake down the corrupt lawman responsible for his brother's death.  This gives the film more weight than one might expect from this genre, as there isn't much of anything so reviled in the film's setting as a federal informant, regardless of his intentions.  Making matters worse, Sheriff J.C. Connors (Ned Beatty) is no pattycake, and if Gator intends to take this cold-blooded killer with a badge down, he has his work cut out for him.  The picture is moody and deliberate at times, but it also sports a lot of rip-roaring thrills, with some five star car chases highlighting the excitement.  There's also room for a couple of brawls, and Reynolds gets to show his comedic side as well as his action chops, so there are some big laughs in play as well.  There are even some heavy dramatic beats, and Reynolds never falters in the lead role.  Director Joseph Sargent does a splendid job, and he makes great use of his budget and the gothic trappings of the film's setting.  This one is part drive-in flick and part film noir, and Burt was at the peak of his powers, elevating the proceedings at every turn.  Beatty was also doing great work at this point, and here they are assisted by stellar players like Diane Ladd, Bo Hopkins, Matt Clark, and R.G. Armstrong along the way.  This is a picture that I like to revisit, and I am always struck by its depth; it is incredibly dark at times, and it also bursting with warmth in places, mostly due to Burt's unmistakable charisma.  It is never dull, and it remains incredibly unique all these years later.  Some would label White Lightning a sleeper hit, but I have never hailed it as anything less than an American classic.  Thank you, Burt.

Final Grade: A+

Yes, he was famous for his "aw shucks" demeanor and that sly grin, but White Lightning was one of many vessels that also benefited from his considerable range and his simmering intensity.  

Burt Reynolds Salute - Gator (1976)

Reynolds made his directorial debut with this sequel, a lighter and lesser affair that still offers up boatloads of fun.  Honestly, the best decision Reynolds made when making this lean romp was casting Jerry Reed as the heavy.  As Bama, Reed plays a sleazy villain who is really just trying to be a good friend.  During a lifetime of crime, he has grown so corrupt that he doesn't realize just how revolting some aspects of his lifestyle are.  He thinks he is helping Gator out by ingratiating his old buddy into his sordid lifestyle, and it is this bizarre relationship and Reed's red-hot performance that steal the show--and stealing the show in a Burt Reynolds picture couldn't have been an easy task, much less with Burt in the director's chair!  Oh, and before I go any further, it has to be said that Reed's title song is 100% badass and it helps to start the film on a major high note.  Yes, Gator is a retread in a lot of ways, and it is streamlined for maximum entertainment value, robbing it of its predecessor's depth.  Of course, it still manages to put some compelling material on screen, and even if Reed is given a richer part and nails it, Burt is also on fire.  Most importantly, even if the movie stumbles here and there, and feels more than a little derivative, it damn near atones for all of its sins during a rousing conclusion.  The big finale consists of a nifty cat-and-mouse sequence at a motel followed by an epic brawl where Reynolds and Reed throw down on the beach.  Gator isn't on the same level as White Lightning, but it is a rousing picture that serves as a nice continuation for the title character.

Final Grade: C+

While vastly inferior to White Lightning, Gator benefits from a dynamic relationship between Burt's wily hero and Jerry Reed's sleazy villain.

Short Attention Span Review: Lost Souls (2000)

Short Attention Span Review: Lost Souls (2000)

I guess I need to start with some disclaimers here, as I'm clearly in the minority when it comes to this poorly regarded biblical horror feature from 2000.  Yes, I may have quite a Winona Ryder jones.  Always have, always will.  Yes, biblical horror creeps me out, but that doesn't mean that everything in this particular sub-genre gets a pass.  In fact, while I often seek such fare out, few pictures in this realm impress me, though the standouts (The Exorcist, duh, and Angel Heart, which remains terribly underrated) rank very high on my list*.  For instance, Stigmata was released a year prior to Lost Souls and garnered much better reviews, and I thought it was quite the turd.  Lost Souls does have its flaws, to include an abrupt conclusion that many deem anti-climatic.  It is hard to dispute that notion, but at the same time, I think the ending is both appropriate and fulfilling.  The big gun where my affection for Lost Souls is concerned is pretty simple: it genuinely creeps me out.  And yes, I find Winona to be superb in the lead role.  Ben Chaplin does a good job as well, and I thought Janusz Kaminski showed incredible promise as a director.  The exorcism scenes are particularly creative and deliver some serious jolts, and atmosphere is one of the picture's biggest strengths.  Lost Souls is very lean for this type of film, and when you combine this with a raw and gritty feel, it distinguishes this one from some of the more deliberate and polished genre pictures of its era.  It arrived at a time when cheeky and self-aware horror movies were all the rage, and I often wonder if that is why it received such a dismal response.  Of course, it is also entirely possible that I'm overstating matters and I'm walking the narrow path in this review because Lost Souls isn't that good of a movie.  I won't hail it as a classic, but in my humble opinion, it is a thrilling venture that will scare the hell out of you.  That's often my criteria for a thumb's up, so I'm going out on a limb here and proclaiming this much-maligned flick to be worth your time in spite of what you've heard.

*In fact, The Exorcist occupies the top spot on my list.  See my Top 20 Horror Movies piece from 2015 here.

Final Grade: B

Winona brings some major intensity to her role and makes for a great lead.

Powerful Pages: Presumed Innocent (1986) & Innocent (2010) by Scott Turow

Powerful Pages: Presumed Innocent (1986) & Innocent (2010) by Scott Turrow

First off, I'm combining these reviews because both are worthwhile endeavors, and anyone who reads the first one must make time for the sequel.  Secondly, I want to note that I'm not big on legal thrillers, even when the quality of the prose is endearing.  However, like many, I found these dramatic thrillers from Scott Turrow to be thoroughly engrossing.  This is primarily because his work is as clear and inviting as damn near anything I have read, and because he uses his expertise as a lawyer to ground the work in reality and provide readers with quite an education without ever resorting to info dumps or dull passages burdened with too much exposition.  The people are always at the center of Turrow's novels, and these complex characters are always intriguing to such an extent that readers will have a difficult time putting either of these titles down.  Turrow gets us to invest in these people without giving us clear-cut heroes and villains.  Things are rarely that simple when it comes to justice and the rule of law, and the average human being isn't so easy to characterize either.  Both Presumed Innocent and Innocent revolve around devious crimes, and both ensnare us by challenging us on two distinct levels.  Firstly, we yearn to discover who is guilty of the crime, and at the same time we are just as interested in the legal maneuvers and various power plays that will determine the outcome of the trials that ensue.  In both cases, Turrow manages to maintain that suspense until the end of the tale, and both outcomes are equal parts shocking and fulfilling.  Upping the ante, Turrow manages all the incredible things I have described above with his work while also endowing his thrillers with some profound insight into humanity as we know it--and once again, he is able to do this without sacrificing any intrigue or impact along the way.  I marvel at what he has accomplished here, and it is very easy for me to strongly recommend Presumed Innocent and Innocent to anyone who enjoys a good read of any sort.  You will not be disappointed.

Final Grades

Presumed Innocent: A+
Innocent: A

Monster Jams: Ultraphonix - Original Human Music (released 8/3/2018)

Monster Jams: Ultraphonix - Original Human Music (released 8/3/2018)

A killer surprise, Ultraphonix's Original Human Music is a stellar album that may be the best rock album to hit my radar in 2018.  Heavy on variety, the album offers up some dope rock that leans toward metal, some funky jams, a soulful ballad or two, and frequent splashes of jazz and blues to keep things popping.  It never misses, and as so-called "supergroups" go, singer Corey Graves (Living Colour), guitarist George Lynch (Dokken), bassist Pancho Tomaselli (War, Philm), and drummer Chris Moore (Cry Wolf, Damage, DeathRiders), deftly intertwine their respective talents to produce something new and distinct.  While their efforts do conjure their greatest strengths, the end result isn't a nod to any of the performer's bands and certainly seeks to cover new ground.  This is a key element of the album's success, and it is impressive that the band is able to take an experimental approach to much of the material without sacrificing intensity or cohesion in the process.  Everyone has brought their A game, and everyone has their moment to shine, though Graves occassionally dominates the proceedings with his range and passion.  Though he may not enjoy the same fanfare as Lynch, Tomaselli surely holds his own on bass, and while George shreds all over the place in blistering displays of talent and vision, Pancho provides Ultraphonix with a lively heartbeat and several deft flourishes of his own.  Moore's work here is a bit more deliberate and less showy, but his steady hand is a key element of the band's ability to cover so much territory without getting lost in the wilderness.  Standout tracks include "Walk Run Crawl," "Free," "Wasteland," and "Take a Stand," but you won't find a bad cut on this gnarly recording.  Highly recommended!

Final Grade: A+

Killer Comics: Justice League Dark #1 (2018)

Killer Comics: Justice League Dark #1 (2018)

DC has just hit us with a new Justice League Dark line-up and a fresh series, and this group and the book they inhabit are both well served by a gruesome first issue that fires on all cylinders.  Some might view it as being heavy on the text, but James Tynion IV does a stirring job with his words, giving this book a distinct feel.  It shows some self-awareness, weaves in a few good laughs, and deftly introduces us to the team while delivering a few quality jolts along the way.  As first issues for team books go, I'm not sure that we could hope for much more.  The pencils by Alvaro Martinez Bueno are simply amazing, with reach designs and a wealth of detail leaping off the page in a series of well-choreographed panels that keep the story moving in spite of all the exposition (which is prominent without getting in the way, another big win for this creative team).  Genre mainstays like Zatanna and Swamp Thing (love the new look) are front and center, while we get a few cameos, a few surprise additions (Detective Chimp and Man-Bat, both of whom are granted new depth and utilized to maximum effect) and one superstar outlier, Wonder Woman.  The stakes are high and while the overall pitch (magic is dying) may seem familiar to comic book aficionados who have enjoyed Marvel's recent work with Doctor Strange, Justice League Dark seems to be taking the concept in a different and more frightening direction.  If you're looking for a new title to latch onto and you enjoy either horror comics or any of the characters involved (they had me at Swamp Thing), this feels like a book that you need to add to your reading list ASAP.

Final Grade: A

Short Attention Span Review: Count Yorga, Vampire (1970)

Short Attention Span Review:  Count Yorga, Vampire (1970)

Count Yorga, Vampire is an underrated vampire flick from 1970 that succeeds for the same reasons that it isn't more noteworthy.  It is a bit of a medley, and while this makes it unique for a sub-genre where there is most definitely a mold, it also means that it is a bit too loose in some respects.  First off, you have Count Yorga as played by Robert Quarry, who is a typical suave vamp with a royal demeanor until it's time to feed.  Then he becomes quite a beast, and Quarry does a fine job of embodying both aspects of this fanged fiend.  Then you have the setting, which is very, very 70s, with an emphasis on loose cats looking for a good time and spreading the love.  Finally, you have the tone of the picture, which often veers toward the sort of raw footage approach that would make Tobe Hooper's The Texas Chainsaw Massacre feel so real a mere four years later.  While it doesn't reach that level of terror, the yield is also positive here, and at times Count Yorga, Vampire feels less like a Dracula clone and more like a gritty slasher flick, with the sort of intensity and bloodlust that makes such fare so vivid.  Finally, you have an emphasis on the sensual side of vampire folklore, though it never feels like softcore and again veers toward slasher flick territory.  While these various pieces may feel like a bizarre combo, I think that Count Yorga, Vampire works more often than not in spite of some serious flaws in character logic and some acting and cinematography that is, well, less than stellar.  In my opinion, it is still worth watching for Quarry's performance alone, and those seeking a vampire story that has some of that classic feel while also presenting the folklore with a primal side and a bit of a mean streak won't find many better options.  Finally, while it is telegraphed, the ending has some serious bite, and definitely stands as a fine example of the darkness and the sense of despair that so often defined 70s cinema.

Final Grade:  C+

For my money, Robert Quarry's work as Count Yorga ranks right up there with the likes of Christopher Lee, Chris Sarandon, and even Bela Lugosi--though Gary Oldman will always be king of this particular mountain.

Short Attention Span Review: The Car (1977)

Short Attention Span Review: The Car (1977)

The Car is a surreal horror film with a simple pitch that seemed destined to fail.  Honestly, I'm not sure how they got the picture financed.  It's basically Jaws in the desert with a mysterious black car filling in for a great white shark.  Where did it come from?  No one knows.  Is anyone behind the wheel?  No one knows.  Why is it preying on the unfortunate residents of the dull and dusty town of Santa Ynez?  You guessed it: no one knows.  Can this malevolent menace on four wheels be stopped?  James Brolin intends to find out.  Brolin was always a serviceable leading man, and I think The Car is one of his better efforts.  His grounded take on the determined sheriff in the eye of the storm is pivotal given the ridiculous nature of the picture.  He's not alone in this regard, as the cast as whole performs admirably, with Kathleen Lloyd deserving special praise while Ronny Cox also shines in a rare sympathetic role.  The effects are also worthwhile, and as it becomes clear the titular automobile is a supernatural vessel of death and destruction, The Car produces several stirring setpieces.  It's impressive how exciting and even how frightening portions of this picture are.  While I simply cannot fathom a vehicle constructed from these parts arriving on the scene as anything resembling a masterpiece, I must applaud director Elliot Silverstein and everyone involved for getting this weird horror flock to run as well as it does.  Masterpiece?  Surely not.  Cult classic?  Yes, it is certainly worthy of that status, and whether you enjoy it as much as I did or not, you'll likely be impressed with how well this unconventional premise is brought to life.

Final Grade: B+

Seldom has a single image done such a fine job of summarizing a motion picture.  This is The Car in a nutshell.

Short Attention Span Review: Flash Gordon (1980)

Short Attention Span Review: Flash Gordon (1980)

I don't think I can be objective here, but maybe I don't need to be.  I don't really know, to be completely honest with you  You see, I'm not sure that there is a greater paradox in the realm of the motion picture than Flash Gordon. It is entirely possible that this is a "so bad it's good" sort of movie.  There are definitely a few bits at the very least that would have wound up on the cutting room floor if the powers that be were looking to create a genuine classic with this brazen affair.  However, there is also a sense of majesty paired with some splendid entertainment value that elevates this colorful and quixotic gem.  In terms of sheer enjoyment, it is hard to top, and despite some clunky performances and a few goofy moments courtesy of the FX or the plotting, it does many things amazingly well.  The color palette is a true splendor, and the score is a genuine masterpiece courtesy of Queen, bolstered by a main theme that is nothing short of sheer perfection.  The excitement is non-stop, and the stakes are incredibly high.  The heroes are lovable and the villains are despicable, and anyone who doesn't smile while they partake of this feast for the senses is dead inside.  And yet there are those wooden performances and those moments where you can't quite tell if the filmmakers are going for camp or simply missing the mark by a mile. It is cheeky.  It is downright silly.  And somewhere, deep down inside, your inner critic is bound to feel that the material is beneath you.  But then it soars and despite your misgivings, you find yourself being blown away by all the energy and grandeur, and somehow the sappy plot gets under your skin.  Then you're actually moved by this barrage of sight and sound that is a lot like a puppy: awkward, a little smelly, and 100% lovable.  It's Flash Gordon.  It could be terrible.  It could be the greatest sci-fi adventure of all time.  You're free to make your own call, but as for me, . . . well, it's the first movie I really remember seeing, at a drive-in no less.  I have loved it for as long as I have loved the movies.  Yes, it's true--I like Flash as much as Mark Wahlberg and Ted do.  Maybe more.

Final Grade: A

It may be of the "so bad it's good" variety.  It may be totally legendary.  I'm honestly not sure which is the right answer, but  given our history I'm going to give Flash Gordon the benefit of the doubt here.

Short Attention Span Review: The People Under the Stairs (1991)

Short Attention Span Review: The People Under the Stairs (1991)

Wes Craven was one of the biggest voices in horror for those of us fortunate enough to be fright fans in the 80s and 90s, and he kept on trucking until his demise in 2015.  The People Under the Stairs is his ode to that creepy house in the neighborhood that everyone speaks of in hushed tones, and it is one of his most energetic and offbeat pictures.  There are so many strange things happening in this particular house of horrors that the ghastly people under the stairs for whom the tale is named are merely bit players in a gleefully gory chiller.  It takes about ten minutes for Craven to establish the scenario and the next ninety minutes are devoted to some of the most outlandish and grisly carnage he ever captured on film.  While the supernatural elements that graced most of his spooky movies are absent from this shocker, it is no less frightening and perverse, and may even be a bit freakier than his typical fare.  This is largely due to our main heavies, a devious pair of sinister outcasts played to the hilt by Everett McGill and Wendy Robie.  Initially this demented couple register as more than a little quirky, but as the story progresses they go from kooky to sinister, and in the third act they graduate to vile, vicious, and unmistakably evil.  They do so with guns blazing, but neither performer crosses the thin line into parody, and they are the chief architects of this film's unique legacy.  However, young star Brandon Quintin Adams is also a great find, and both A.J. Langer and Sean Whalen aid him into providing the protagonists of this frightfest with a lot of heart, innocence, and courage.  These heroic adolescents are a far cry from the horny teenagers who so often occupied those roles in horror flicks from this era, and that is another big victory for The People Under the Stairs.  Maybe it runs just a bit too long, and maybe the ending goes off the rails a little here and there, but there can be no doubt that this is a wild ride from one of the genre's brightest minds.  Any horror fan should enjoy a trip to this house where strange terrors lurk behind every corner, but do leave your expectations at the door.  Craven surely broke new ground when he crafted this bloodthirsty oddity with a heart of gold.

Final Grade: B

As it turns out, the titular people under the stairs aren't the biggest threats in Wes Craven's subversive house of horrors.

Top 5 Chuck Norris Movies

Top 5 Chuck Norris Movies

 I was born in 1978, but my memory wasn't firing on all cylinders as a babe, so that pretty much makes me a child of the 80s.  As such, and given that I may be a bit of a martial arts fanatic, it should come as no surprise that I'm a big fan of the one and only Chuck Norris.  With that in mind, I decided to resurrect my Top 5 theme that has produced so many enjoyable pieces over the years and rank my favorite films starring everyone's favorite asskicker who has yet to take his asskicking talents to another plane of existence.  First off, though, I should note that I am restricting this piece to films that Chuck received top billing in.  The best film he ever appeared in was obviously Return of the Dragon, and his showdown with Bruce Lee during that picture's climax is also his best throwdown--but it won't be featured here.  Sadly, his second best throwdown came in a picture where he did receive top billing, but The Octagon is kind of a mess and it didn't make my list either.  Regardless, that's enough about movies that didn't make the cut; let's start at the bottom and work our way to the top.

 #5) Firewalker (1986)

Okay, so admittedly Firewalker is a little hit and miss, but it makes up for what it lacks in special effects or polish in sheer entertainment.  Norris does a bit of a send-up of his typical super badass persona here, and while his Max Donigan is a solid fighter, he isn't much of a marksman and it is certainly safe to say that he's not the sharpest tool in the shed.  Chuck hams it up throughout this action adventure that frequently veers toward parody when it isn't paying homage to films like Raiders of the Lost Ark.  While it can't be said that Norris has a gift for comedy, it is fair to say that his charisma and a decent script generate several laughs.  Louis Gossett, Jr. was in his prime here, and it is entirely possible that he steals the show in his role as Leo Porter.  Porter is a little savvier, a much better shot, and he's not exactly a pushover when it comes to fisticuffs.  Norris and Gossett have solid chemistry and their bickering-laden friendship is one of Firewalker's biggest strengths.  Sonny Landham is also rather imposing as the heavy, and Melody Anderson does a fine job of offsetting all the macho antics on display with a little beauty and grace--and she might bring more to the proceedings in the way of comedy than any of her co-stars.  In the end, those looking for kung fu treachery may be a bit disappointed, but those who enjoy a goofy adventure yarn that goes for an equal measure of excitement and chuckles will have a lot of fun with this poor man's treasure hunt.  I also think that the finale is worthwhile and I have no qualms about starting this list off with a Norris picture many of his fans may not be nearly as enamored with.

Final Grade: B-

He's no Steve Martin, but Norris and the rest of the cast have a lot of fun with their roles in Firewalker.

#4) The Delta Force (1986)

Early on, in a move that distinguishes it from standard Chuck Norris action films, The Delta Force takes a serious approach to the carnage on display.  This is likely due to the parallels between the terrorist attack depicted in the movie and the actual hijacking of TWA Flight 847 a year prior to the film's release.  The restraint is perhaps most evident in Robert Forster's cold and calculating performance as the villainous Abdul, though it also presents itself when the standard disaster film trappings (to include the presence of one George Kennedy in the cast) are never allowed to become overly sensational or melodramatic.  Having said that, things change once Lee Marvin hits the scene, expertly playing a grizzled leader of men with a certain blonde-haired and battle-hardened human dynamo at his disposal.  That's when the The Delta Force becomes standard action fare with an emphasis on good old American heroism and big ass explosions.  The execution is top-notch; this is a slick production and Menahem Golan's direction is perfectly acceptable for a rousing shoot 'em up.  This would prove to be Lee Marvin's final performance, and it is fitting that he went out playing the sort of tough guy role that he was famous for.  Truthfully, the first half of this ode to beating up terrorists is riveting and tense while the second half is more of an idealized love letter to patriotic vengeance punctuated by a trademark Alan Silvestri score.  Still, The Delta Force showcases an action icon in his prime alongside a cinema great and hits all the notes that it sets out to hit.  The cast is loaded with familiar faces and while the picture would have benefited from a shorter run time, it's still a rip-roaring kick in the pants that showcases Chuck at his very best.  

Final Grade: B-

Yes, there is some restraint shown in portions of The Delta Force, but not in the "Chuck Norris driving a motorcycle outfitted with a rocket launcher" portion.

 #3) Missing in Action 2: The Beginning (1985)

You had me at "Chuck Norris gets captured in Vietnam and has to lead a daring escape from a brutal prison camp."  True story: if that premise holds any appeal for you, you're going to have a great time with the best* film in the Missing in Action series.  Colonel James Braddock is a trademark Norris role, and our man Chuck was clearly as adept at playing this kind of determined tough guy with an unbreakable spirit as he was at dishing out flying side kicks.  This sequel/prequel sets the stage for a gung-ho finale by putting our war-ravaged hero and his fellow survivors through pure hell for much of the picture.  The infamous rat scene (I'm not going to spoil this tasty bit for you if you haven't seen it) is not only one of this film's highlights, but also stands as the very epitome of a classic Chuck Norris moment.  Soon-Tek Oh is sheer perfection as the heartless Colonel Yin, and his vicious tyrant may be the most loathsome villain Chuck ever squared off against.  Several of Chuck's co-stars also shine in this one, with Steven Williams in particular giving the film some serious punch as Nester.  A despicable traitor for 99% of his screen time, Nester makes quite an emotional exit when he ultimately redeems himself by sacrificing his life for the men he turned on.  For a kickass action flick, there's actually a lot of emotion on display during the closing reel, and fans of this type of yarn are guaranteed to get fired up watching Braddock beat the shit out of Yin while dedicating his various kicks and punches to his fallen comrades.  While it owes far more to red-blooded 80s action cinema than anything resembling a realistic take on the P.O.W. experience, Missing in Action 2: The Beginning is a riveting flick with Chuck anchoring a worthy cast and delivering the goods.     

Final Grade: B+

*To be fair, the first entry in this series is sub-par and the third one is nothing short of terrible. 

Chuck leads a band of weary survivors as they suffer greatly before mounting an escape and kicking some serious ass in Missing in Action 2: The Beginning.

#2) Silent Rage (1982) 

What do you get when you blend a horror movie with a Chuck Norris action saga?  Well, Silent Rage is surely a mixed bag, but it must be said that it is a highly entertaining mixed bag.  As such, it does many things extremely well and it does many things just as poorly.  Thankfully, it starts and finishes with grand flourishes, and this makes the movie's shortcomings easier to digest.  In the interest of full disclosure, I will note that some of these shortcomings do venture into the realm of unintentional comedy; the romantic subplot is a genuine disaster, and the Stephen Furst stuff* is damn near unbearable.  However, the horror bits are both the backbone and the best parts of Silent Rage.  In addition to some quality suspense and a handful of nifty jolts, the slasher aspect of the picture yields several wicked action scenes pitting our man Chuck against a murderous madman who cannot be killed.  Of course, there's also a totally needless subplot pitting Chuck against a biker gang that leads to a big brawl but ultimately seems out of place.  Like I said earlier, it's a mixed bag.  After a rock solid opening sequence that both establishes the villain and the hero of the picture and seemingly removes the villain from the equation, the movie flounders until psycho killer John Kirby (played by Brian Libby) rises from the dead.  His resurrection comes as the result of a forbidden experiment gone awry and turns Kirby into an unstoppable madman whose wounds heal instantly.  This frightening killer with an insatiable bloodlust proceeds to wreak havoc and there's a significant portion of Silent Rage where Kirby stalks Ron Silver (in a rare sympathetic role) and his wife.  This section of the movie is incredibly intense and boasts the film's biggest scare.  There's also a bit of cat-and-mouse shortly thereafter in a hospital that is equally riveting, and the big finale is very satisfying.  The final shot is a standard genre trick, but it is executed to perfection and ends the film on a horrific note--and I'm cool with that.  If the movie were more focused on delivering on its premise and less interested in forcing romance and comedy into the mix, Silent Rage might have emerged as a minor classic.  As it is, it still stands as one of Chuck's very best, and I do rate this one as my favorite movie in his catalog given my horror jones and the strength of the parts of the movie that click.

Final Grade: B+

*As Charlie the dopey deputy, Stephen Furst bombs in a big way.  His efforts at providing comedic relief fall flat and the very presence of his character is easily the movie's biggest shortcoming.  I can't be the only one who shakes my head at the way Chuck Norris constantly assures this poor excuse for a human being that he has what it takes to be a good lawman.  Making matters worse, the end result of this exercise in poor judgment is a gruesome demise for Charlie that subsequently requires Chuck to tenderly cradle the big dumbass in his arms for a tearful goodbye.  If you can imagine that scene being anything less than an affront to acting, you have a fabulous imagination and you should definitely start your own blog. 

Chuck Norris may be the film's big selling point, but the tense and
frightening aspects of Silent Rage are the picture's biggest strengths.

 #1) Lone Wolf McQuade (1982)

Lone Wolf McQuade owes as much to spaghetti westerns as it does to karate movies, and with Chuck in the driver's seat this proves to be a match made in heaven.  The picture takes 80s action movies madness to such extremes that it is positively surreal at times, and nowhere is this more obvious than during the opening sequence.  Seriously, the approach Chuck takes to corralling a band of Mexican desperadoes in the opening reel is 100% style and 0% plausibility, but it works to perfection, setting the stage for an operatic battle between good and evil painted in vivid strokes.  Chuck was perfectly suited for the part of Texas Ranger J.J. McQuade, a determined lawman who approaches his job more like a man on a crusade than a policeman on a payroll.  The villain he must contend with is a bold kingpin with a gift for martial arts, and David Carridine was perfectly suited for this role.  McQuade is a man of grit and determination while Carradine's Rawley Wilkes is a sadistic vessel of pride and contempt.  Here is another match made in heaven, and every interaction between these two titans pops in a big way, leading up to a stellar showdown.  The score by Francesco De Masi is pure magic; while the on-screen action is already larger-than-life and bursting with color, the proceedings take on truly epic proportions when partnered with De Masi's spectacular themes.  Additionally, Lone Wolf McQuade contains the Chuck Norris scene to end all Chuck Norris scenes.  Picture this: McQuade, battered and unconscious, is tossed into his truck and the vehicle is buried beneath the desert sand.  McQuade awakens, pops the tab on a beer, takes a big chug before dousing himself with the rest, and then he lets loose with a defiant roar and drives that mother right out of the ground.  It's so damn silly and so very Chuck Norris that you can't help but love it.  Lone Wolf McQuade is a slick exercise in machismo and style that I would rank as both the best Chuck Norris film out there and one of the best 80s action movies of them all.

Final Grade: A-

Chuck Norris and David Carradine square off in a grand finale that is only one of the many epic moments in Lone Wolf McQuade.